It Was Easier Making Plans by Phone

Updated on July 06, 2013
E.S. asks from Hackettstown, NJ
9 answers

Seriously! I made plans via e-mail to meet a friend today. She then told me that she was meeting someone else 2 hours later, can we meet earlier, etc. I asked her if the visit would be too rushed would she want to do another day instead. I didn't hear back so I called her this morning. She answered sleepily and said she was out until 2 a.m. and thought I wanted to reschedule because I asked if I wanted to do another day.

Needless to say we didn't get together and I was disappointed. I blame this on myself as I should have been calling her all along. I believe that making plans via e-mail or text leaves the door open to be wishy-washy or back out. I'm tired of it. She now wants to meet tomorrow and I just don't believe her anymore. She sent me several e-mails. My question is: WHY NOT CALL!!!????

ETA: What if I wasn't online to get the e-mails???? Then we both miss out!

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So What Happened?

Here we go again with First World Problems! LOL

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answers from Austin on

I know, but really, this is a "First World Problem".
People have always flaked out on plans, even before phones were invented.

I was complaining last week because an elevator, I have to use all of the time, was "too slow"..

I had to laugh at myself. In the old days, I would have been carrying 50 lbs of fruit up and down 5 flights of stairs!

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Miami on

Please don't make this harder on her OR you. Email her back and say you'll come.

Really, don't play this mind game with yourself, not "believing her". Sometimes we need to give our friends a pass. You may have people tell you to drop her as a friend. But can you afford to do that? Do you have so many friends that you can just drop them because of differences in opinions of how you two communicate?

Email her back and meet. Don't fuss at her. Enjoy your visit.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Emails seem to be the way you and she are used to communicating. You are going to have to stop and call her when she texts you. I didn't have a smart phone and had a friend who would text me every little bit with questions where I would have had to take over 5 minutes of pressing the numbers on my phone. So I would call her back each and every time she texted me. She would get frustrated and ask me why I didn't just text her back. I told her it took too long and a phone call would just take less time.

When I did get a smart phone it was pretty easy to start responding to her texts. It was pretty darn handy to be able to pull out my phone to "double check" what our plans were and if she was late or missed it. Then I had it in her text message what she had agreed to. This way I could call her on the carpet and tell her she let me down. I was where I was supposed to be and at the right time. She either was very late or just forgot.

It was handy to have the messages to refer back to at times like that.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Tulsa on

You initially made plans to meet via email and now you're complaining because she is doing the same thing? If she has sent several emails wanting to meet and you want her to call, why don't you just call her to confirm? She's sent several emails and you just don't believe her. If she didn't really want to meet up, I doubt she would have sent several emails. I would have stopped at one if I was just trying to be polite, but didn't really want to meet.

I actually prefer not to make plans by phone call. Usually because whenever I do, I usually have overbooked myself. Plus, if you do it by email, then you have the date and time to refer back to. It doesn't make me wishy-washy when making plans. It's personal preference.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Oh honey I'm old enough to tell you that some people have ALWAYS been flaky, whether by letter, phone, Facebook or email, doesn't matter!
I for one hate talking on the phone, always have (well, except when I was a teenager) so I prefer email and texting. I find it less intrusive, but that's just me. Of course most of the people I know have smart phones now so email's a pretty effective way to communicate. For friends I know that DON'T have a smart phone, I text, or call.
I would just see where this goes. If she continues to be flaky or makes it difficult to get together then maybe she's just not that into you and you should just stop pursuing it, you know?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

You made plans by email. It seems completely reasonable and expected, that she keep contacting you by email. People usually contact in their preferred method first. I always take the lead and contact back, in whatever way someone contacts me first. Most people I know personally, do the same. She didn't call, because you didn't call. You suggested another day, so she was probably going to email you back, to plan for another day. I
suggest calling or texting first next time, so maybe she will respond in that manner.

I've known a lot of flaky people in my life. The wishy-washy flakes never contact several times in ANY way, to find time to hang out.Maybe, they will contact back once or show up late, or whatever. They don't act like your friend, who genuinely seems to have had difficulty getting things together.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Personally I hate making plans by e-mail and texts unless it's for a large group where everyone can voice ideas, opinions, etc.

A basic rule to follow... if it can't be decided on in 3 messages pick up the phone.



answers from New York on

To the person who said not to play a mind game, I do not think it is a mind so much as human nature. When someone acts self absorbed (the person who was out til 2 am and didn't respond in a timely manner), it is normal for more reliable person to have trepedation when dealing with that person again.

I suggest, whenever you initiate plans, call. And as soon as you receive an email regarding plans, call. I think you should state how you feel about not liking nonverbal communication to those you are face to face with. Some may remember and actually call you. You do not need to respond through the same means. You contact people the way you feel most comfortable, regardless of how they contact you.



answers from Portland on

And this is why I refuse to text... nearly always, the matter would be resolved quickly with a phone call instead of wondering 'did they get my message?' I have some family members who more or less ignore those methods of communication if they aren't convenient for them at the moment-- and then forget them. A phone call works so much better. I don't mind planning via email, but if it's getting too close to the wire and I don't have a firm answer about something, I call. I prefer to make plans over one conversation instead of the 'wait and see' that comes with email.

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