Is This Appropriate for a 14 Yr Old?

Updated on May 15, 2019
M.F. asks from Kissimmee, FL
16 answers

I need urgent help with deciding whether or not that this dress is appropriate for my 14 year old daughter's 8th grade semi formal dance. She wants this dress, but is it too formfitting to you?? She says it would be comfortable for her and it abides with the dress code.Should I say yes to the dress? I have a link to the website with the dress https://www.fashionnova.com/products/take-me-on-a-dinner-...

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

To me NOOOOO that is not appropriate for a 14 year old to wear. Let's leave a little to the imagination of the hormonal boys that will be there.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

No, I do not recommend her wearing this dress at her age. I do understand that some girls will wear a dress like this, but you asked for other parents' opinions, so I vote no.

2 moms found this helpful

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J.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

I would not click on any link but looked it up by going to the site myself.

It's just not a dress that looks like a normal 14 year-old dress. And, to counter another poster below, it has absolutely nothing to do with being a prude. The fact of the matter is that this is just not a dress made for a 14 year-old. Period. It's made for a grown woman who wants to show her curves (nothing wrong with that given the right setting, but certainly not for the office!).

Last night, we attended our youngest's 8th grade promotion ceremony. No cap and gown, so you could see what all of the students were wearing. There was one girl who wore a sequined, sparkling, black and silver skin-tight dress that barely covered her bottom and six inch heels.

She's a beautiful girl and certainly carried it off, but it was so over-the-top inappropriate for a middle school ceremony. She looked like she was dressed for a nightclub, which is perfectly fine, if you are a woman of an appropriate age to go to a nightclub. It has nothing to do with body-shaming, but rather, how we teach our kids what's appropriate in different settings.

Sorry if people think I'm judge-y for this, but I think how we teach our children to present themselves to the world is a very important life skill because the outside world DOES judge in just about every aspect of our lives, particularly in the professional and work world.

Just my opinion, because you asked. I would not go for this look for my 14 year-old.
After seeing 550 8th graders last night, probably half of them girls, I can tell you there are so many pretty looks out there to choose from that aren't the kinds you'll find on the website in your link.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I think it's too mature of a look for that age. Semi-formal for younger teens is above-the-knee and semi-fitted. Our 9th grade class just had its freshman dinner dance and almost all of the dresses were fitted on top with a skirt that flared out. Cute and sweet. A few girls went for short and tight but they were the exception. For a middle school event, I would have her pick a dress from a collection designed for junior sizes and modeled by a teenage girl, not someone who looks like Cardi B or Kim Kardashian.

At the recent dance, I saw a lot of dresses that looked similar to this: http://delias-live.brandedonline.com/store/apparel/dresse...

4 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

M.

Welcome to mamapedia - sorry - but I won't click on your link. However - I will open a separate tab (which I did) and find out if the link is okay - by typing it in myself.

If you are talking about a white off the shoulder dress? no. Unless she wants boys to see every aspect of her body. It's not appropriate.

4 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

um, not clicking on your sketchy link, but i feel bad for your daughter if you need people you don't know to tell you how to dress your teenager.

by the time she's 14 you and your husband should have a parenting philosophy long worked out, and that includes how revealing clothing is handled.

khairete
S.

3 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Denver on

That's a resounding NO from me. I didn't click the link either, but opened the website. The dresses are not appropriate for an 8th grade girl. The entire website is not appropriate for an 8th grade girl.

You should be considering more than whether your daughter says she'd be comfortable in a particular dress, and more than adhering to a dress code.

What do you want for your daughter? What are you teaching her? How bold are you when setting boundaries for your young daughter?

The other less-important concern is that when ordering a dress from a website such as this, often the product that the consumer receives is not what is advertised.

Take your daughter to a nice mall or shopping center and get her a dress that is cute and appropriate.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from New York on

Welcome to Mamapedia.

If this dress is causing you so much uncertainty to the point that you feel you have to ask strangers online...the answer is probably, say no to the dress!

One main thing in judging "appropriateness" is how it looks on your daughter, on her body shape. Not how it looks on an internet photo model.

3 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Asking us is kind of irrelevant.
Print out the dress picture, show it to the school and ask them if it works with their dress code for their dance.
The school decides these things - get their opinion on it and then it's settled one way or the other.
If the school says no - she can be mad at them instead of you.
I've never heard of any school that would say yes to any dress if it looks painted on and skin tight.
Some of them won't allow sleeveless either.

I'm not clicking on the link so I can't see what it's like.
I'm not a fan of young girls (or anyone) looking like street walkers.
They should try for a sweet look without coming across as trashy.
I think more of a tea length bridesmaid kind of dress rather than anything slinky.

This is just a preview of the coming battle over prom dress in a few years.
Establish some guidelines now so they are already in place come prom time.
Also - these dresses can be expensive - she should be working odd jobs for neighbors (baby sitting, walking dogs, raking leaves, etc) to help pay a portion of the cost of dress/shoes/purse/etc.

3 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Sorry, M., but none of us will click on a link you post. We have too many people doing that who expose us to viruses and so forth.

Call the school and find out what the dress code is. See what the dress looks like on your daughter, not just on a website or in a catalog. We have no idea what her figure is like and what "message" a form fitting dress will convey - even if we checked the link, which we will not do.

I think, if you're uncomfortable, you need to listen to your gut instinct, but I think you can discuss it with other parents and get a sense of what others are doing. That doesn't mean you need to succumb to peer pressure, though - just that it's wise to put your finger on the pulse of the community. I think parenting is about striking a balance between our daughters trying to look like mature women and our desire to still see them as little girls.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

The dress is about 3 sizes too small for the model IMHO. The dress isn’t revealing at all except it is off the shoulders but it’s still modest looking. Just make sure your daughter orders the correct size dress. I know my daughter being 5’6” 110 lbs would have looked nothing like the model wearing that dress.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I won't click on your link (sorry, you're new to the site), but I did click on JB's link because she's a member who has been on here a long time and I trust her.

Her dress is what I see around her at semi formal dances for that age group - so I totally agree with her. I hope that helps.

What I have done is

a) ask a teacher that I know well (one of my kid's for their class) - and if you don't know the teacher personally, just email one and they will tell you. Often they have photos from the year before if in doubt of a group shot they could even email you if they want to be helpful - trust me, they get questions like this.
b) go on a website or instagram/twitter or something for the school or other parents who have done this the year before. Get an idea from there.

I hope that's helpful.

But I definitely see what JB suggests or even more casual. A friend of mine (not from around here but quite a large city) - her daughter wore a very casual dress (just her personality) - it was lovely, and tasteful, but all the girls wore very casual shoes - even with the nice dresses. Some wore cool sneaks, some even wore birkenstocks. It was funny. It's not all glitz and glam at this age. They just wanted to have fun and to dance.

ETA:

I did what others said they did - I searched it up by going to the site. Is this legit - does your daughter really shop at this store?

As for the dress .. I suppose there are kids who wear that kind of thing. I personally don't think of it as a semi formal dress. It's certainly not what kids here wear. On the model, it looks really tight and form fitted. I have no idea what it would look like on your daughter. It's really hard to say.

I just know here, it wouldn't fit in, if that helps.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I viewed the site on my own. The styles are for young women 21 and above.

Your daughter is just beginning to a young woman. Her figure is starting to get curves and such. Tight fitting clothing right now is not a good idea. Explain to your daughter that there is a time and place for all clothing. Do go to the local dress stores and try things on to find something that is appropriate.

Dressing older than you are when you are younger takes away the real joy of wearing clothing and it becomes boring. Ask your daughter what kind of signal she wants to put out to the world? Is she ready to party and have fun or is she just a young girl attending a function at school and dressing appropriately? She can buy the clothes when she is working and paying for them out of her pocket book.

Good luck on the changing and growing from tween to young woman. Now is the time that you two should be able to discuss things and not go to war over your decision. I vote no and go to local store. Also what kind of makeup does she wear -- little or a lot?

Good luck

the other S.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Are all of her naughty bits covered? If so, it's fine.

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N.C.

answers from San Diego on

It does cover a lot of skin. This is a really hard dress style to wear. It either works or won’t. My concern is you will order it and it won’t fit right. Especially in white. White is very hard in dresses as you don’t know the quality of fabric. Its tight on the model because but should be fine for your daughter. Might actually be too much fabric in front.

E.A.

answers from Erie on

I think it's a nice dress and appropriate for a young woman her age. But I agree that it won't look good on every body type. I couldn't wear it, I'm tall and shaped like a boy, not curvy like the model. There certainly are some prudish women on this site.

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