Is There a Room Cleaning Disability?

It's not a matter of knowing how, it may be a matter of too much stuff.

One thought though ---- I grew up in a very clean house ---- I was the unhappiest place I have even been. The house was always clean, windows washed inside and out, at least once a week sometimes twice, vacuumed daily, floors scrubed twice a week --you get the idea. The house was always 'company ready' -- however per my dad's rules company was not allowed. We also lived isolated no next door neighbors, no pets, no friends.

Yes, my parents were nut cases.

My house while decently clean will never be super clean and it quite often a bit cluttered. But there is always fresh coffee and people are welcome here.

She's only 6... I didn't expect my kids to clean or keep their rooms clean on their own at that age. I'd just keep helping her and also not worry to much if it's messy. It's her room... My sister was always super messy too btw and now as an adult her house is quite neat. Some people want to be organized even as kids and some don't. I wouldn't worry about it but again think 6 is still really young.

She is only 6. She will get there... Don't make this the huge battle.

My daughter is 19 and moved out into her own condo August 2013 to go to college. She is just 20 minutes away.

Most of the time while living at home, her door was closed and she only cleaned up before friends came over because they ridiculed her for it. She had the entire upstairs, about 1500SF to herself. Especially her room, bathroom and the extra bedroom she used was the messiest.

I was scared out of my mind to go visit her about 2 weeks after she moved into her condo. I almost had a heart attack when I did visit her and still do to this day because there is not 1 piece of dust anywhere and nothing is out of place. She makes me look bad, LOL

I don't know the sudden change other than the condo is "hers" and she is very proud of it.

Something good can come out of it!!!

Our daughter always had a very messy room. If you asked her find something she knew exactly where it was.

She also was extremely bright, courteous, and helpful. Did her homework, did 100's hours of volunteering (still does) every year. But messy, messy.

It helped if I would sit in her room and give her directions. We played fun music.. I would sit on her bed.

"Place all of the books on your book shelf." I did not care if they were on their sides or standing up.

"Put all of your dirty clothes in the hamper,"

"Put all of your shoes on the shoe shelf"

"Put all of the Barbie stuff in your Barbie Rolling cart.. "

You get the idea.

I always had 2 trash bags. One for things to throw away and 1 for the things she was ready to donate. I would hold these bags and ask, is this trash or donate?

I finally learned that a closed door, seemed to help. Her friends did not mind her room being messy and she was not embarrassed by them seeing it. Not everyone cares about a clean , organized room. It is just not THEIR priority, but it does not make them bad people.

FYI, she is now 23 and keeps a pretty ship shape room.

I am a super organized and clean person and as a long time, full time, SAHM you would think I had passed along my talents and skills to my kids, right?
Nope.
Two of my kids are total slobs and couldn't care less.
One actually LIKES a neat and tidy space (yay!) and yet she is my most difficult child in every other area. Go figure.
My only rule these days is absolutely NO FOOD in the bedrooms, beyond that I just close their doors and ignore it, as much as I can :-(
-mom of three teens

She is 6.
She does not have a disability.
She is 6.
She has the attention span of a 6 year old - therefore she is easily drawn off task. This is normal.
It is not reasonable to expect a 6 year old to clean like an adult or to even understand the vague command to "clean your room".
At 6 she can help you to clean her room. This is how you teach a 6 year old. You don't "try for years" to get a 6 year old to clean her room. So, you started, what, when she 3? No wonder the child just tunes that cleaning command out.
She is 6.

Yes, and I'm hoping for a cure for my 19 and 16 yr olds. :)

Yes. And it seems to plague kids up into their teens.
There is no cure. No payments from the government to offset you mental pain and anguish (I've checked).
And no amount of talking, reasoning, bribing, coercing, water boarding or grounding will entice them to clean.

My 11 year old is like that.

My 16 yr old and my 13 yr old are super-beyond-imagination tidy and clean. Spotless rooms, a place for everything and everything in its place. The 11yr old?! Like a tornado hit her room right after the hurricane blew through. Unbelievably messy. We've gone through her space and there is, in fact, a place for EVERYTHING. She just can't seem to get everything in its place. I never had to train the older two - they're just naturally tidy (lucky me!). I've actually given up on my youngest at this point. No amount of anything works. I figure 66.67% of my children keep perfect rooms, so that's good enough for me.

So on any given day, her room is a total mess and I ask her to keep the door closed. I do require her to clean it up when it's time to vacuum and dust her room. So once a week, it IS tidy. But no less than 4 hours later, it's like another bomb went off in there.

She excels in other ways, but this ain't one of them.

ETA, for what it's worth, I was more like my 11yr old as a child. As an adult, I am extremely tidy and organized. So there's hope for my daughter, and yours, yet!

Oh, I'm laughing! I was just like that. It's amazing that I lived to grow up.

Here are some thoughts - just off the top of my head (I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be):

Some people, it goes without saying, have more of a bent for cleaning and organizing than others. Some are natural "neat freaks" - and others are natural "messy freaks." I've heard messiness linked to creativity, and I think it's a marvelous thing to consider, but I don't know if it's really true! All I know is that, back in the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I would seriously start putting toys away and ended up playing with them instead; I'd start to put books away and end up reading one (well, it was right there); I'd put away art supplies and get an idea I just had to try out with paper and paints. I had paper dolls and I just HAD to put them in their proper families before they could go on the shelf, and you know how that ended. I have always had a perfectionistic tendency, and I've had to get out of that mental attitude.

However... I'm reading over your post for the third time, and I'm thinking there is also a war going on. You're pushing, pushing, pushing the clean-up detail, and she's pushing, pushing, pushing right back at you. Even at my age, which I won't tell you, when somebody nags at me or yells at me I automatically move slower, not faster. Life is too short. Can you call a truce for a bit?

Of course your daughter needs to learn to keep things neat and clean! It's just something everybody has to learn. But it won't get that much worse if you both take a week off from the war; for one week, you don't nag and she doesn't dig her heels in.

During that week, she can think about the fact that she *must* learn to keep things clean, whether she likes it or not. It's just a fact of life. All her friends are learning the same thing at their homes. During that week, you can think about whether she could start learning it in another room first.

Some time during that week (don't tell your girl you're going to do this), go into her room alone, squat down or sit down on the floor until you're roughly her height, pretend you're her, and look around at the room. If it looks overwhelming to you, that's the way it looks to her. Six may be the oldest she has ever been, but it still is pretty young, after all.

Let's imagine that she can start learning to clean up a room by helping you (more or less) wash the dishes and put the food away after dinner. You can talk, casually, about how good it is to put the food away because you always know where to find it again. You can talk about liking clean dishes because eating off dirty ones is blech. (Let her experiment on that idea if she wants to.) No pressure. No lectures. No responsibility on her part beyond being Mama's helper. Just conversation. And while you're conversing, look for the GOOD things she does and praise her for them. Don't overdo it, but say it out loud. Your daughter might listen, because it isn't her room. It's neutral territory, so to speak.

Maybe after a week you'll both be fresher and less upset, and able to talk about what might be done to a room to help make a little girl take care of it. I knew a mother and son years ago who packed up everything of his in boxes and moved it all out of his room for a few days - everything that wasn't an absolute necessity! He knew where it all was, but it wasn't in his room. It was as if those things didn't exist. I remember him saying it was like camping. After a few days, he knew what else he wanted most - a few more clothes that he needed, his favorite toy, and a book he hadn't finished. So he moved those things back in, but that was all. Bit by bit, they added things back to his room until he said, "This is it." They kept the other things in boxes (including his bedroom TV, because he didn't ask for it!) until he decided that he could pass a lot of those things on to someone else. That's a whole lot of work and a whole lot of rethinking, but it worked well in this case. Both of you could try thinking outside the box for other such ideas.

One time you could let your daughter clean YOUR room! She might have some fun with that. Or let her do a part of your room - like rearranging your shoes or a dresser drawer.

Nervy Girl's story suggestion is a really good one! "The Won't-Pick-Up-Toys Cure" is a very cute story and you'll find it in the first MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE book by Betty McDonald. (My granddaughters and I love Mrs. P-W.)

The suggestions that the room-cleaning be broken down into bite-sized, detailed segments may be very good ones. Does the bed need to be made? Well, how do you make a bed? Break it down step by step. Ask her to test your steps and see if they're good ones - because bed-making is harder for short arms than for long ones. How do you put books on a bookshelf? What are all the motions?

There's nothing wrong with saying, "After you pick up your clothes, you can ride your bike," or some such thing. Grownups have to do their jobs before they can have their fun, too, so they learn to do those jobs as quickly and as well as they can to get to the other things.

Once your daughter is at a point at which she knows all the motions, would she like working against a timer? Some kids enjoy seeing how much they can accomplish in three minutes.

As you both work together on this, let her know that it's something she will be learning for years, and it's something you've been learning for years, too. You weren't born knowing how to keep a room neat (were you?). You learned - do you have any messy-mama stories? - and she can, too, over time. Again, look for the good things she does.

These are just ideas to think about to help her learn how to do the job without you two having to be at war about it. You won't be doing less work yourself, but you'll be training her in how really to do the tasks, and in another few years she might be able to take much more responsibility herself.

Our 8 year old is alot like that, and in our case, I am convinced it is about power. She either wants us to clean it with her or she wants us to clean it for her and she gets to keep reading her book. So that type of stubborn temperament might be one possible part of the equation.

As another part, it is possible that your daughter feels overwhelmed by the chaos and doesn't know where to start (especially when she is given the ultimatum that she can't invite a friend over until she cleans the room), so she feels like the only thing she can do is give up. You might want to let her invite someone over and then work WITH her to break down 'cleaning up' into manageable steps, or just pick some tasks for her to complete rather than requiring her to get everything done without setting up priorities of what might need to come first. Maybe once she has the friend coming over in an hour or whatever, cleaning might become an incentive so they can play comfortably in her room, find things, etc.

Finally, Fuzzy suggested some good logical consequences--only clothes in the laundry hamper will go into the machine, things which get broken due to being left out don't get replaced. The main thing is that room- cleaning needs to be taken out of the power struggle arena. Good luck!

All I know is all four of my kids were total slobs, couldn't clean anything for anything. The two that are adults keep their homes spotless and even clean my house when they are over.

If it is a disability apparently age cures it.

Simple problem: you are more invested in her having a clean room than she is.

You gave her the ultimatum: won't clean your room? No friends over, period.

Now, there's nothing else to do but to stick with it. Stick with the ultimatum, AND don't talk about it to her. At all. You've made your position clear and you will stay in the drivers seat so long as you don't sabotage yourself by bringing it up. It's easier to feel righteous and dig your heels in when you are arguing with mom, you want to be right and save face. However, if you don't say *anything* about it, eventually she'll want to have someone over and then you say "you know the drill, if you want to have a friend over, your room needs to be relatively picked up."

For what it's worth, this is a real-life reduction of a Mrs Piggle-Wiggle story about a boy who never cleaned his room. Mrs Piggle Wiggle realized that the only way the boy would do it was if he bought into it, which first meant that he would have to be bothered or inconvenienced by the mess-- only this would motivate him to clean it up. Silly though it sounds, I have a little boy very much like your girl and I have to still help him organize the task itself and give some moral support; we adults understand how to break "clean this room" down into disparate tasks, but kids don't, so they still need our support.

So, when she does ask, let her know you are available to give her some help (break down the bigger task into smaller ones), find a couple things to do in her room that you really don't mind helping with, and give her lots of encouragement. You might even have a nice treat waiting at the end, just so it's remembered by her more as something pleasant, less onerous. Remember, too, that you don't have to go for spotless, you DO aim for 'usable'. ;)

yes. i suffer from it too. my bedroom is currently neater than it's ever been in my life, but only out of consideration for my neat husband. even when the rest of the house sparkles, my room just seems to exist in disarray.
nothing wrong with insisting on some degree of order from her, but you might consider that both your lives will be more peaceful if you can adjust your parameters to accommodate her 'disability.' lower the bar for your minimum standards, but don't allow her to sink below them.
khairete
S.

As a child I was not bothered by my messy room. However, to my mother it was an end of the world situation and caused more yelling and harsh discipline from her than I can shake a stick at. The good news is I am a clean person now.

For my stepdaughter I try to ease her burden by keeping the bare minimum in her room so it is easy to keep clean. Basic furniture and a few age appropriate, non-shared toys which her younger brothers don't need access to. The shared playroom contains all other toys and the crafts. Each night the whole bunch of us cleans the playroom. As for laundry that is my one line in the sand. I wash; she folds and puts away. If it is not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. If she runs out of clean clothes, too bad.

Just remember nagging never fixed anything and at your daughter’s age I believe she needs more direct guidance (micromanagement if you will) in how to clean. Good luck.

I didn't make mine clean her room. I told her that laundry not in the laundry room would not get washed, and when she started bringing me a week's worth of school uniforms at 10 pm on Sunday, I put her in charge of doing her own laundry, and told her that if she had no clean school uniforms, it was not my problem, and I didn't want to hear about it.
I told her that anything left on the floor that got stepped on and broken, chewed up by the dog, puked on by the cat, or otherwise ruined because it wasn't properly put away would not be replaced out of my pocket.
And I closed the door to her room when she wasn't home so that I didn't have to look at it.

She is 6 years old. She is still VERY young. She doesn't understand how to keep her room clean and you can't expect her to make it perfect every day. My son is 6 years old and I have a hard time with his room because it's small and he doesn't have a lot of storage space. I recently went to target and got him some shelves and a large container to put his toys and books away. It looks a thousand times better now BUT every night I have to help him clean up his legos and cars and blocks and whatever else is out. I can get mad at him or I can keep helping him so he learns how to do it. I don't do it all for him, but I do go in and show him (everyday) where to put things. My son gets really overwhelmed and literally can't clean his room when it's really messy. He doesn't even know how to start. If I go in there and tell him "put all your cars in their bin" and things like that, then it does much better

.... maybe to her it is clean and neat.
And it is her room with things in it. Normal.
So then, after she "cleans" she then plays with other things or reads another book etc. Which to me, is fine.
I mean, even for an adult, after they clean and neaten up a kitchen or family room... they then are using other things in the room and taking it out. Again. That is the cycle of cleaning. Things gets used again or taken out and put back. Over and over.
To a young child, their concept of clean and neat, is different. And the concept of what is clean and neatened, is different even amongst other adults.
There is no one single correct way, of what is... clean or neat. I see that among my own friends, too. No biggie.

And kids so young like this, are not experts at "organizing."
Not even some adults are. Many adults can't even organize their own kitchen or desk. But if they try their best, well that is enough for me.
I have 2 kids, and although they do neaten up their areas on their own... they both have different, ways of doing it. Which is fine to me. It is not my way.... but their way per their ages and its fine. I let them do it their way... because, that is how they learn. And each year they via normal development and maturity, gets better at it. I do give them tips, and they have containers/bins/baskets for certain things. Fine.

Versus, I have been to this one family's home, and you would NOT even know, they have kids. Why? Because, the house is like a library museum. IF the kids want to play with something, they have to ask the Mom first. Then, if she says yes, they can go to this one closet... and take out ONE thing from it. THEN, when she feels they should stop and put away, they have to go and put it back in the closet. Her kids, really are not self-reliant and they really lack a sense of exploration and imaginative play. Even my daughter noticed that. It was odd and sad. The kids, just sit there otherwise. Just sit there. Because, they can't explore or play or have a sense of self-direction. They cannot... ever do anything or play anything spontaneously like kids usually are. This was a play date too. And the Mom just had this "rule" about how things are placed in her home and when and when not. This is an extreme. But it was really odd.
The kids had no sense of play.

Some people are real neat freaks. Some aren't. Some are in between. Many shades of what clean and neat is.
But with kids, PER their ages... it is not always the same as how we adults think it should be.

Yes, I think there is. Both of my teenage boys still have it. They are both so great in other areas that I let that one slide. However, I always tell them their wives are going to hate me :)~

My daughter is 15 and one thing I have learned is that there are various interpretations of the word "clean". When I want her room cleaned by my standards, I just take her phone and tell her she can have it back when her room looks like a sample house. It is amazing what she is capable of accomplishing in 15 minutes when she is motivated.😊

we have a four year old, our apartment looks like the rec room at toys are us..dont despair..frankie and i do a quick toy pick right before her nap and another quick toy pick up right before bed..as long as no food or sippy cups etc are left out,,no big deal K. h.

Please don't give up on her, or you'll end up in the situation my grandma had with my mom who "has an aversion to cleaning." My mom STILL doesn't clean and it really sucked living in such a house.

Keep modeling it; cleaning side by side; enforcing; giving consequences, etc.

Many of us lack the ability to organize chaos without help. Just keep working on it with her.

Some people are just messy.

Honestly I would remove the items from her room permanently.

Some parents cram their child's room with "stuff" which is unnecessary.

Maybe she is overwhelmed.

Really normal for the age. My grandson, now 8, has just in the last year or so begun to take pleasure in having his room neat. It can still become chaotic during play, but he's now doing most picking up himself, by choice. Before this development, he usually needed specific directions, and a helping adult to keep him on task. Otherwise, the job seemed too big and discouraging, and the toys had so much more appeal.

I think some of it is her age. My daughter is the same way. I do expect things to be cleaned up three times a day, and she is good about it with reminders. But I do have to remind her, and remind her, and remind her, or she will just end up playing. I find it helps to ask when she wants to do something else. In fact, the best method of discipline in my house is to use the "when x, then y." Use natural motivators to achieve what you want.

Also, I have two areas where she can dump things. They are "out of sight." I then clean these out every few months.

I had to link all electronic use to my kids rooms. They don't get to watch tv or play any video games unless their rooms are at least presentable.

I had to work on my oldest with this issue and she's great at keeping her room clean now at age 10. When she was six, I thought I had a hoarder on my hands! She seemed like she had the same "cleaning disability" until I worked with her on it. First I organized her whole room, so she had a fresh start. Then I talked to her about how clean and nice it felt and about keeping it like that. We set routines to have her do each morning and night to help keep it clean. Then I also started making sure she picked up and had a clean room before allowing her to do fun things, for example I'd simply state, "After you pick up the clothes on your floor, we'll go outside and ride our bikes". So, she started realizing that it's expected that she needs to keep the room picked up in order to do the next event. Helps a ton.

Now many years later, she almost always does her routine without me telling her. It's not hard if I make sure it's done before story time at night and before she leaves for school in the morning.

In the beginning we did a lot of picking up together and made cleaning fun if she was being negative about it. I repeat Flylady's motto to her often, "make it fun and it get's done". I stayed in her room and showed her how she can make it fun. Beat the clock, clean to music, sing and dance while picking up, basketball stuffed animal toss, etc.

My oldest is 8 and she still needs quite a bit of oversight. Left to her own devices for a few days her room is DESTROYED. It's basically up to me (and it shouldn't be, I wasn't on task enough about it when she was at the more developmentally programmable habit-forming ages) to remind her to clean it EVERY DAY when the mess is small. And I have to stay tuned in, I can't just walk away and expect her to tidy it up. She should, but like your daughter, the task is a boring drag, so she bucks the issue as much as possible. I have to feed her the cleaning steps one at a time, even though she knows them. 1) Make the bed. 2) Clear EVERYTHING off the floor, books, clothes and toys and put them on the bed so the whole room is clean except for the bed. 3) Put everything on the bed away one thing at a time.

When I peek back in on her, of COURSE she is playing with something or whatever so I coax her into the next step a couple of times. I get stern. I threaten. And she finally does it. What works BEST is when there is a special event happening she doesn't want to miss. Most Friday nights she likes to go to a YMCA party with her little best friend. I'll say, "You can go if your room is clean" and in a flash of lightening: It's done with no guidance form me (so she CAN do it).

Also I use the "OK, I See you're not doing it so I'll do it" line and I go get a large garbage bag and then she runs in to protect all her possessions by cleaning the room because I'll take them and donate them and she knows it. I have followed through with discipline in all other areas of life, so she does believe my threats.

At 8 I'm very disappointed in myself that it takes threats etc. My fault. She should comply when asked to clean it in a civilized way. When my parents (stricter than I am) told me to clean my room, I cleaned it dammit. But no parent is perfect.

Yours in only 6 though, so it's the same thing only completely common. Every parent I know is battling the tornado rooms. Americans have way too much stuff. Myself included. I've purged and I've organized, but still there is always stuff.

You can't expect her to put away each book and toy as she uses it. Really unless she was born with OCD she would not do that. But you CAN have her clean for 10 minutes with a timer or something a couple times or once per day. And you have to enforce that she does it. And if a few days go by and you're too busy to be on top of it: Yes, the room will be an ungodly war zone. And it will be more work to clean. And you'll have a harder job guiding her through it. Normal.

I think, for some kids, "clean your room" is way too vague. Some of them just can't sequence well, so they do one or two tasks and then get distracted. You might try putting photos of the proper items on the shelves or storage bins, rather than just word labels. Some kids are really visual and it helps to see a picture (photo, downloaded pic from internet, sketch, anything) rather than the word "books" or "legos". Also, the whole task can seem overwhelming anyway. When they start on something, they discover a book or toy that was missing in the disarray, so they sit down with it.

Look in her classroom to see what equipment they use to organize things - book racks, dividers on shelves that help books stay vertical, over-the-door shoe bags with lots of clear pockets for small stuff, activity "stations" that group similar toys/supplies in one area, and so on. Those give you ideas. Sometimes kids do better when things are very similar in class and at home.

Also set priorities - how clean does something have to be? And why not make daily organization part of her life instead of a massive job after things are out of control but before friends can come over? If Monday is "put away clean laundry day" and Tuesday is "bookshelf day" and Wednesday is "stuffed animal day", it's easier!

That sounds pretty age appropriate -- not like a disability at all. A child surrounded by all her favorite toys is going to really, really, really want to play with said toys. Asking her to resist this temptation, for a (relatively) long time, with no supervision to back it up -- that's hard for a 6-year-old. Especially if she doesn't have the rhythm of cleaning down yet.

With my son, who's 7, I either have to be in the room with him, talking him through the process, or I have to break it down into discrete tasks: First put all the legos in the lego bin. Then put all the dirty clothes in the hamper. Etc.

I hear ya, sister. I'm in the same boat!

ETA: From time to time I have my daughter(10 yrs old) watch an episode of Hoarders. It freaks her out and motivates her to get rid of stuff and tidy up. I recently filled three trash bags of stuff she never plays with and donated it. Less stuff, less mess. She still has no idea.

I have a friend who's getting ready to move, so she HAS to have the house clean for showings. She took away all of her toys except a bucketful. Every night that bucket needs to have the toys back in it. In your case, you could implement this and have her "earn" back more toys by keeping what she's got clean for a certain number of days.

I would have done anything as a kid to keep my books, so my mom would threaten to take them away if I didn't get my room cleaned. You need to find something to motivate your kid!

Hi, Mama:

You have a 6 year old? Your child is stressed out by your reactions to "years to get her to clean it [room]--tried different tactics."

Children reactions to stress depends upon how secure their world was prior to the stressful event, the nature of the event, and their ability to understand exactly what has happened. Usually, many children of similar ages have these common reactions:
1) Concentration difficulties
2) Behavioral changes--the quiet become frantic; the energetic become lethargic
3) Physical ailments--headaches, stomachaches, and dizziness
4) Lowered impulse control
5) Increased dependence
6) Decreased trust in adults
7) Fantasies about happy ending to situation
and
8) Use of play, art, music, or dance to express emotions instead of words.

To find solutions to these stress situations:
Check out the National Organization for Victim Assistance.

Good luck.
D.

This might seem extreme, but consider getting rid of most things and only having a handful of things in there at anyone time. The number to be determined by how much she can put away, and how much mess you can tolerate. I think you can arrive at a happy medium.

For what it's worth, my MIL insisted that her boys learn to cook clean darn and fix things at a young age. My other, couldn't stand not seeing it done to her standards and gave us kids a free pass till we were in our early teens. Both of us can manage just fine now, but didn't sort out our rhythms till we were on our own, and are still working on finding the balance that is right for both of us in our combined home.

Point being, if she can't clean at 6, she's not a lost cause.

Best,
F. B.

Not to worry. My daughter was a slob as a child/teen. I stopped requiring that her room be as neat as the rest of the house. My only requirement was that the room be safe with no rotting food or safety hazards. Now as an adult with 4 kids she keeps her crowded apartment neater than I do my house.

It has surprised me. When she was at home I focused on keeping everything neat. Now she focuses on staying neat while I've relaxed big time. I suggest that there is a place in between that is more realistic. which is really more important? A consistently clean room by our standards or a good relationship with our children? When we nag we lose. I'm for teaching when we can allow the child to have a say in what's comfortable for them. When we become emotionally involved with how they clean their room we are setting both of us for frustration and even anger.

I suggest that at six she needs to have you present guiding her. She is not mature enough to carry out a multiple set of steps involved in meeting your standards. A clean room has a different meaning for her than for you. And her brain is not developed enough to keep the picture of what you expect in the forefront. She lives in the moment. She is easily distracted. Breaking up the task into smaller increments is important while teaching.

It's just not important to her or any other six year old for that matter if she does one thing I consider it a success.

I think it's an age thing and I think some people think things are fine the way they are. My daughter is messy too. I help her clean her room as a way of teaching her how to do it. I make a game of it which I call the cleaning game. I will tell her that the room has to be clean by a certain time or she's something she thinks is yucky like a banana. She hates bananas and doesn't want to be one so she will clean her room before time is up. Make cleaning fun and it will go faster and with less argument. Good luck!!!!

When I have my almost 6 y/o clean his room I go up there with him and stay with him and help. I give him tasks like "put all your stuffed animals in their tub" and when that is done I give him another task such as "now, put all your costumes away in their tub". Once we pick up everything together I do the dusting and vacuuming.
This works well for us and as he gets older his tasks are getting more difficult and lately I have been telling him 1 or 2 things to do and will walk out and leave him to do it and come back in a few minutes.

It's her personality. Pure and simple.

BUT, just because it's her personality doesn't mean that she can't do it. Time for a room makeover, Mama.

You need to cut her room down to bare bones. If she can't stand books up the book shelves, no more books in her room. You need to put only ONE WEEK'S worth of clothes in her closet. The toys need to be pulled out of her room and put in boxes and put away.

You will need to take away TV privileges, computer privileges, anything fun in the house. The only thing she gets to do is on paper and reading a book that you give her.

When she gets tired of a stripped down room, no TV, no electronics, no playdates ANYWHERE, THEN she will straighten up. Only start parsing out a few things at a time.

You said that you've taken everything out of her room. But you didn't let it last long.

Honestly, I'd do this NOW. If you don't, you'll have some really awful times with her as a teen.

There are different kinds of minds. I trulyu believe there are some people who are jsut neat. They were never trained - but cluttle bothers them and they *need* things to be neat. A place for everything and everything in it's place. The other end of the spectrum are people like me. I really like it when things are neat - I just am incapable of keeping it that way. My kids and I all deal with ADD - we're just so very easily distracted (squirrel!)

But I think there are alot of people somewhere in between. Kids need to be taught how to do things. they didn't learn how to tie their shoes on their own did they?

BReak it down into small bites and do it along side with her - encouraging her as you go along:
- "OK - first we're going to pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper - OK honey get those socks by your bed, what about the pajama shirt ont he chair?"
- "Now that the clothes are in the hamper lets pick up the books and get them on the shelf." Have her hand them to you and then tell her how to put them ont he shelf standing up - hand them to her one by one.
- "well we got the dirty clothes and the books cleaned up - where do these toys go? Let's put away the doll and her clothes first" - encourage her as she goes along, great job, it's looking so nice, I knew you could do this, etc. Go to the next type of toys, etc.

You get the picture. When it's done congratulate her for a job well done.

I already told my 14 year old son that this afternoon I'll be teaching him how to clean the bathroom. (his sister began it at age 12). I'll make a check list - (and copies) and we'll go through it item by item. I'll be encouraging him all the way. Eventually he can do the checklist on his own.

Sounds like a normal 6 year old. Most of them need more help than we think they do. She needs to pick up the stuff in her room each night.

First of all, take everything out. Make bins of her stuff and put them in shelves somewhere that she doesn't have access.

Take out about 6 things then store the rest. Every Saturday take the 6 things and put them in a bin and let her pick 6 more items. It could be 10 or 5, we do 6 with kiddo with ADHD.

Too much stuff is completely overwhelming for kiddos.

Minimize her room and help her pick it up each evening. Plan a time that you can go in there and spend 15 minutes. That's all the time it should take if you stay on top of it.

In from school, change into play clothes?, you go check after half hour to make sure the clothes got in the hamper. If not she comes back in and picks them up and they are where they go. Then after dinner before bath time her room is done. So all dirty clothes are in hamper and all toys are put up before a relaxing bath gets her in the mood to go to sleep.