Is My Toddler Showing Jealousy After 2 Months?

My two year old did the same thing. My doctor told me that is normal because they realize that the baby is sticking around. At first is is fun then they realize the baby is here to stay. However, it does pass. My daughter loves the babies now and has very few problems.

They are called the terrible twos for a reason. That may be all this is, it may not make it easier but that is being a parent. Good luck and relax about it

I'm in a similar situation to yours - my son is almost 3 and my daughter is 6 weeks old. However, my son has had jealousy issues from day 1. He loves his sister and doesn't act out against her, but he does want me to hold him and he asks me to carry him sometimes. And, we are also only having 2 kids so I understand about really wanting to enjoy time with my daughter while she is a baby.
But your last sentence really struck me -- the part about the baby being neglected because your toddler needs 100%attention. One of the books I read about sibling rivalry and coping with jealousy over a new sibling is that toddlers cannot understand why we answer the baby's cries immediately, but will let them be frustrated or crying while we tend to the baby. It makes them want to be a baby again so that they will be as important to us as the baby is. The advice in the book was to let the baby cry for a minute or so if you are involved with helping your toddler. That way they know their needs are as important as the baby's needs. I've done it a couple of times, and it's hard to let the baby cry, but my son is beginning to understand that he is as important as his sister. If she is crying I try to finish up what I am doing with him and then explain to him that I need to go see what his sister needs. Since he hates to hear her cry he's usually ok with it.
Have you tried to more actively involve your toddler in play with the baby? I know how difficult that can be (especially since a 6 week old doesn't really "play" yet and my 3 year old is very active and gets really excited around his sister) but I have noticed a big difference in behaviour when I work at getting them involved together. It also gives me a chance to emphasize his role as "big brother" and give positive reinforcement. You don't need to neglect your baby to give your toddler attention; it just requires that you be more creative in how you provide attention to the baby.
When you are out and she wants to be held/carried, think about: are you close to nap time? has she been walking far? (remember that 2 year old legs are much shorter than yours so she takes a lot more steps) is the situation traumatic for her? Does she just need to stop and take a rest? Could you pause and comfort her (get down on her level and talk to her) rather than carry her? We were out recently and I couldn't understand why my son was being so bad until my mom (who was with me) reminded me of how busy his day had been and that he'd missed naptime.
Hope this advice helps! Good luck to you.

I went through this too. All I can tell you is that your 2 year old is the one that needs the attention more than your 3 month old. Your baby will have all the time you can possibly imagine, once yoiu spend time with your two year old. The baby doesn't understand being left out or not getting enough of mom's attention but the two year old does. Just a thought and best of luck to you.

Ugh, I think it must just be the age, as much as I hate to say that! I have an almost three year old, and she has done this whiny/clingy thing for the last few months. I used to work fulltime and she was in daycare and she NEVER was like that. She turned two, I lost my job (so I started staying home with her) and you would think since she is with me ALL the time, she wouldn't be clingy like that, right? Boy, was I wrong on that one! She will whine and cling at the strangest times, the other day it was in the middle of WalMart for no reason at all, I was in the middle of grocery shopping, something we had done together a million times! I absolutely love her to pieces, but there are many times that when she whines out "I want YOU, Mommy" for the tenth time in an hour (when I am sitting right beside her...sigh) I want to just scream! The behavior is not usually around any specific times that I can pinpoint; not naptime or meal times or anything; very similar to your situation. She is the only one in our house, (not even any pets!) so it isn't a jealousy thing with her. I will be glad when this "stage" is long gone...I can totally sympathize with what you are dealing with and hope it is over for you very quickly too!

Your toddler wants you to know how much she needs you so sometimes just have a special day withjust you and her i mean you dont need to go anywere just relax and tell her how much you love her and maybe settle down for a nap together good luck

You won't be neglecting your baby if you put her down so you can hold your toddler for a few minutes. Most likely that is all the time she will need at a time and she'll want to go play again. My 4 1/2 year old still will turn it into a game by saying, pretend that I'm a baby, and he'll pretend he's learning how to walk so we can clap for him like we do for the one year old. Then he's happy and goes back to being a 4 year old. :)

Some of it is just the fact that your DD is 2, and Deb K is right the 3's are much more trying!

We have 7, 4 of them are teens and the other three are 6, 4 and 22 months. One of the things I learned with all of them but mainly with the younger ones is this...

You have to allow the baby to come second at times, it is very hard but by answering your 2 year old first, it shows her that the baby has to wait also. This is VERY important at this age, they need to know that they are just as important as the baby, if you make her wait all the time then she is always coming in second. If 2-3 times a day you come to her first a lot of it resolve itself in time.

Get a double stroller, or one of thoses ones that have the toddler seat in back, so that when you are out you can put the baby down to meet the needs of your toddler.

My oldest daughter, 2nd child out of 4, became very angry and jealous when her sister and brother were born. She ruled the roost before them and really struggled with not getting all of the attention anymore. Some kids just need more attention than others. My oldest son has always been quite passive and when my daughter came along, he just went with it. Now that we have 4, I have to make sure they all get individual attention throughout the day. Even if it's 5 or 10 mins. of listening, reading together or just having fun. I would suggest spending time with her when your baby is napping, helping her feel loved and important. Let your toddler know how much you love her and play, read, etc. with her.

S.,
It could be that your daughter is showing signs of jealousy, but it could also be that she's just being a 2 year old. I only have one child, but my daughter turned 2 in April and one of my day care kids is 2 also. Both girls and my 2 year old God-son have gone through the 'I want to be held all the time' phase. They both have become more clingy and even more whiny. And of course, the tantrums have started. Perhaps it's just a phase that she is going through. While it's good to check in with yourself every now and then and make sure you're giving her enough attention, I wouldn't stress over it too much. More likely than not, it's not anything you're doing. Good Luck and God Bless!

I have two girls sounds like close in age as yours and I have to tell you my baby had acid reflux and milk allergies so she required a lot of attention and my 2 year old would act out. Even after we got everything figured out she was still acting out. The older one was an angel until the baby came but I honestly think it's the age! When the younger one grew up and we didn't have a baby for her to be jealous of she still acted out. It was the worst from 2 and a half to 3 and a half. It helped the older one to be asked to do things to help with the baby and then they felt like they were involved but there is only so much a 2 year old can do, I would let her help because it seems like girls naturally want to nurture people and maybe that would calm her frusterations.

this is completely normal. this has happened to me and every other friend i have. baby number one was so used to all the attention and then after a few months when they realize baby number two ins't going anywhere, they tend to get frustrated and clingy. the only real great rememdy is to wait it out and schedule times to give your full attention to your toddler, like when baby is down for a nap or even when you're nursing if you're able to read ur oldest a book (can be tricky though!) your toddler just needs a little reassurance right now. it will probably pass pretty soon. just be patient. good luck

I think that if you are concerned about jealousy the thing that you should do is set special big girl time aside for your toddler. Maybe during one of the newborns naps you could have special time planned with the toddler that shows her that mommy thinks that she is as important as baby. You could teach about baby and that babies need mommies attention and help her understand with a baby doll how to care for baby. Another idea is to have daddy/daughter dates on the weekend. I know someone that would get a sitter once a week that would take care of the newborn and spend time with the toddler so that the toddler got special time. I don't know if I could do that but I think that each kid needs special time no matter the age.

The best advice I ever received on having two kids is to never blame anything on the baby. If you can't hold your toddler because you are feeding or holding the baby, don't tell him you can't do it because of your current action. Find another, yet truthful, reason why you can't hold him. If you have to leave the park because the baby needs to eat or needs a nap, don't tell your toddler that you have to leave so the baby can eat, just tell her that it's time to go. Whenever you tell your toddler that she can't have or do something because of the baby she gets the message loud and clear: she could get what she wants if the baby weren't there. I tried this with my older daughter and we didn't have jealousy until the baby was six months old. At that time I realized I had started to use the baby in my reasons for why she couldn't get what she requested. As soon as I stopped the jealousy stopped.

S.,
just have to echo here...I only have one child, and right now this is where she is at as well. She gets scared in situations she normally has never had issues with, she needs more mommy time--etc. etc. I was worried it was because her daddy had been in Iraq and just came home and our foreign exchange daughter left--reading your post was comforting in the sense that I realized that while the outside surroundings affect our kids, there are some aspects of being a toddler that are universal...and annoying mom happens to be one of them :) seriously though, I think it happens to be an age of starting to know more about the world around them, that it changes and the one constant in their lives is mom, so it is natural to cling to that constant. So I take a deep breath with you--and thank you for your post because it has given me some peace of mind that I needed as well.

it's not about how equally you are treating your children, it's about her age. fits are normal. wanting to be held is normal. i have an almost 3 yr old who knows that it's hard for me to have him on my lap or carry him because i'm pregnant, but it doesn't stop him from wanting to be close to me and throwing fits at times about it, even when i think i've given him lots of attention that day. when my kids were that age, we didn't go anywhere without a stroller. my oldest was either in the stroller or helping me push it. when my second child was too heavy to carry and had to be in the stroller, the oldest was upset that he didn't get to sit in it, so we got a double stroller. it was a lifesaver at times. as far as the fits at home, stick to your rules (like sitting in her own chair at the table, but let it be close to your chair). set up a time every day that she gets to do something of her choice with you during the baby's nap. she will look forward to it and may even be more helpful in anticipation of getting her time with you. when she wants to be held but you just can't do it, find a way that she can be physically close to you and remind her of her special time of day with you. good luck and remember that she will get older and develop more understanding and patience.

Can I say there is no such thing as terrible twos, it is a myth, but it starts around the second birthday and between and heading to three can be the real problem!! :)
It is normal for jealousy to pop up at different times. My kids are 4 and 7 and I still see it on occassion.
Bring out pictures of your 2 year old at the 3 mos age mark, remind her that babies require a lot because they cannot talk, walk or help themselves. Remind her you had to do the same with her when she was that age.
My daughter was so great with her baby brother until after he started crawling because I had to be eagle eyes and keep tabs on him constantly. It was tough but we got through it and you will too.
Make sure when the baby naps you take special time with your oldest, reassure her and even ask her to help with things, like getting diapers and so on.
There is no magic cure, just takes some time, understanding and lot's of love. Your two year old is still young and it is hard to figure out why you aren't right there for her all the time.
Do yourself a favor though and don't be afraid of time outs or discipline if she acts up too badly, believe me the second one will mimic the oldest behaviors big time earlier on! :) The sooner you try and let your oldest what is unacceptable the easier it will be as from experience and hearing what my friends say, girls are harder at 3 by far then 2!

THis has happended to me as well. My two and a half year old loves her baby sister (show is 6 weeks) and has since the day she was born. She is so gentle and cute with her. However, the last two weeks she has decided she no longer wants to go to the potty, she uses her binki during the day now and throws a fit at the drop of a hat. I have spoken with other friends that have had children and they all say it is regression and she is competing for my attention. I am doing my best to be patient and give her as much attention as I can, also explaining why the baby needs more of my attention than her. She often tells me she is a baby. My friends say it will pass and to just be patient. Good luck to you!

Dear S. L. I seen my children react different when I brought my third child home. My girl was jealous right from the beginning but it seemed my boy did not seem to care but later on he started to act up. As far as spreading your love around its hard to because you love each of your children just the same but each child may react to that love differently so all you can do is your best and try not to let it bother you.
I hope this will help Chery J.

The jealousy thing happened with my boys, also. I'd try to set up some times where you can be with your older child exclusively and the younger one too. The older one will really apreciate that time with you. If you can imagine, the older one has been suplanted. You can also enlist the help of the older one to help with diaper changes etc.
Sib rivalry will happen and you just deal with it....
Lots of luck and love for your family, A.

it might help if you get your toddler to help you with the baby