Is It Too Soon to Leave Baby?

Updated on February 25, 2018
J.M. asks from Waterbury, CT
26 answers

I am currently pregnant and due in early May. My dad is getting married in Mexico in Early July. He has originally planned it for April but changed it when I found out I was expecting so that my husband and I could attend (I did tell him not to change it). My baby could come any time in May meaning my baby could be no older than 6 weeks when this comes up. If we decided to go it would be for 3 nights and 4 days and he would be staying with my inlaws. We would be traveling from CT to Mexico (4 hour plane ride overseas). I truly feel deep down this is way too early to leave my baby for this long and this far. The resort has a 3 night minimum. I also intend on breastfeeding making it very hard to even enjoy this vacation and plan for pumping. It is very pricy as well. I don’t want to comit to this and lose money if I decide I don’t want to go. Basically, I really don’t feel right going and leaving my baby and neither does my husband but we feel so guilty for not going and don’t want to disappoint them. Any advise either way on how I should handle this?? Thanks!

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answers from New York on

I would get a comfortable baby carrier and just wear my baby take them along to the wedding and Keep them close to me the whole vacation. Or not go.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

I would go and take baby. And since breastfeeding, all you need is diapers and clothes! LOL, easy peasy. I wouldn't leave baby at the young if it were me.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Washington DC on

baby will be fine. if you're leaving her with someone competent and loving, and you've got plenty of milk pumped, and a few shirts that have your smell on 'em, i promise you that your baby will not be negatively impacted.

that doesn't necessarily apply to YOU, though. it was nice of your dad to reschedule, but if he were really sensitive to your situation he could have checked with you first, couldn't he?

cuz it really sounds as if neither you or your husband want to go.

guilt is a useless sort of emotion almost all the time. in this situation it's especially toxic. you can beat yourself over the head with guilt no matter which decision you make, so 'feeling guilty' really shouldn't factor in either.

the bottom line that i see is twofold- it's an expensive jaunt for an event you're not particularly invested in, and you really just don't want to go.

your dad is an adult. you can tell him the truth in a courteous fashion. it's too much money and distance to do a simple overnighter, and you're not comfortable being away from your baby for that long. boom. it's not that your baby will be sad or hurt by it, but there's nothing wrong with parents not wanting to be separated from their brand new baby for a reason that's not hugely compelling. there's nothing to feel guilty about.

promise your dad and his wife a nice long visit at a place of everyone's agreement later on in the year. with baby.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I think you have to be comfortable - either leaving the baby with your in-laws (not everyone would be) or bringing baby with you (with a nanny, etc. as Wild Woman suggests below) - but if you're not comfortable with either of these options - then it's a 'no - sorry, we can't attend'.

It has to work for you and your family. That's what happens when you have your own family. You come first. We've had to say no to destination weddings. It doesn't always work out for our family. They understood.

I traveled within the country with my first, at 6 weeks, after a c-section and I was breastfeeding. It's doable but it wasn't very relaxing and he caught a cold. So I get it - and that wasn't at a resort/wedding. This was to see a relative who doted on my son.

I also know my brother and SIL left their infants with my mom when they traveled for work and it went just fine. My SIL was breastfeeding and she pumped. They had no other choice.

You and your husband clearly don't want to go. From personal experience, any time you make decisions out of fear of disappointing someone, then it's not the right decision for you.

So if you were my friend, I'd suggest declining. Or at the very least, if you accept the invite, get cancellation insurance in case you change your mind once baby arrives.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

If it were me, I would not go.

I would just tell my family that the baby is too young to travel that far and too young to be away from his mother that long.

I would be firm, but loving, and ensure that they understand my decision is final.

I would not let anyone try to "guilt" me into changing my mind.

Reasonable people will understand and respect your decision. For those being unreasonable? They'd just have to deal with it.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

I couldn't leave my child at that age nor could I travel with him.
It was MONTHS before I got anything that could be called real sleep.
I needed to have my pediatrician close at hand - there were frequent well,baby checkups that first year.
Getting established with breastfeeding wasn't easy.
Your emotions are going to be all over the place anyway with all the hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation.
Don't shoulder any guilty feelings for your dads wedding - his plans and yours just converged in a way that made them incompatible.

I'd send my regrets, decline the invitation and not spend any money on the destination wedding.
Your dad is embarking on his new married life - but you are embarking on YOUR new family life with a brand new baby.
After the newly weds come back from their honeymoon, you can take them out for a nice dinner when your child is 6 months old and more ready for a baby sitter.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

My very first question is this - why can't you take the baby with you?
I traveled during both my maternity leaves, including a 6-hour cross country fight at 8 weeks, and 6 hour road trip at 8 weeks (different babies). I took the infant on both of those trips and it was no problem. The plane was particularly easy - I just put him in my snugli front carrier for the plane ride, and brought a light blanket so I could nurse discretely on the plane (I nursed many times on planes with no problem - I would just get a window seat and put my husband in the middle so I had a little privacy).

I also had to go on a cross country work trip for 48 hours when one of my babies was 4 months old. I went without him and was completely miserable. I had to keep stepping away to pump and still I was miserable and leaking, plus the hassle of storing all the milk and bringing it back with me (I couldn't bring myself to pump and dump).

So, I vote absolutely NO to travelling without the baby until she/he is at least 6 months old. I would only consider it if I can take the baby with me.

ETA: I didn't consider the passport issue when I advised to bring the baby. I have no idea about the logistics of getting a passport for a baby that young. If it's not possible, I think you should send your regrets.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia, J..

Your dad moved his wedding for you.
Why not take your baby with you and hire a nanny there?
If you can't afford to go? Then tell your dad you can't afford to go.

Don't let guilt make your decision. Be an adult and make the decision.

You have options. You can bring a manual pump with you, pump excessively before you leave so that your in-laws have milk. Or you can bring the baby with you.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

I would not go. If the baby was 6 months maybe, but at 6 weeks no way. I am sure the baby will be fine either way, but as a mother I just would not feel okay with it so early, I was barely done healing myself physically at that point even.

One of my friends who got married out of country arranged for it to be live steamed so guests who could not travel could still share in the special day, maybe something like that would be an option?

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I would just explain to your dad that are so grateful he changed the date but you just can't come. If you don't listen to your instinct on this, you will be miserable.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

You can go with baby you can leave baby behind. You can decide to give it a miss. My suggestion is whatever you choose stick to and proceed without doubt or guilt.

Congratulations to you on your baby to be and to dad for his upcoming wedding

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Personally I wouldn't go. You're not going to have a good time anyway. You will be anxious and worried, hormonal, possibly still bleeding (can last up to six weeks) and leaking milk, maybe even becoming engorged.
If you REALLY want to be there take your baby with you. It will be easier because you'll be more comfortable. Traveling with a nursing infant is a LOT easier than traveling with a toddler.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Ok..I’m still stuck on your dad rescheduling....who thought you and your husband would be ready to travel out of the country at this time?

My first child I was nervous and sleep deprived. My husband and I attempted to go to a craft fair 5 minutes away for an hour with very competent my in laws watching him and all we did is count the seconds until we could return.
My third we had a home emergency and had to be out of the house. My husband made 2 day reservations at a water park when she was 12 days old. I had a c-section with her.

She just slept all the time....She did fine. I did fine.

But not sure about leaving the country for you or baby.

Lots of things can happen, and it might have been presumptuous of you and your dad to think you would be ready to travel.

I would give dad a heads up that you may not be going and maybe have a nice reception/dinner for him and his new wife when he gets back.

When you have a destination wedding, you are picking location over guest attendance.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Considering that pregnancies don't always strictly go by the timeline, your baby could come early or late. That makes it hard to plan for such a lengthy and international trip. That's Point #1 in my opinion.

Point #2 is that you can't predict whether your baby will be a poor sleeper, or have digestive problems, or ear infections or any of the dozens of things that can impact a newborn's comfort. Hopefully your baby will be really healthy, but that's hard to count on, when you're buying plane tickets and making hotel reservations.

The #3 Point is that if you bring the baby, he or she will need a passport, and you can't apply by mail for a first-time child under the age of 16. So that means you'd have to travel to a passport acceptance facility with the baby (and both parents), and apply for the passport. Assuming the baby is born, let's say, May 10, you probably wouldn't bring the baby to a passport facility (with the birth certificate), until at the very least the end of May. That gives you only June to get the passport, and the normal acceptance time is 6 or 8 weeks. You'd have to pay considerably extra in fees to expedite the passport, and still that can take 3 or 4 weeks. That's cutting it pretty close.

Point #4 is you still will only be barely 6 weeks post-partum. That's a hard time for a lot of new moms. You're tired, you may have health issues, emotional times, etc.

So, it seems like it would be really difficult to obtain a passport and make travel plans with such a young baby. And it sounds like both you and your husband don't feel right leaving the baby.

I hope your dad would understand, and be gracious. Most people understand that if they're planning a destination wedding, some guests just won't be able to come. Plan a nice visit with the grandchild a little later on, after you've gotten to know your baby and have recovered from the birth.

And congratulations, to you and your husband, and to your dad, too!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

When you choose a destination wedding you should expect that most people won't be able to attend because of the hassle and expense. Personally I wouldn't take a young baby because I'd be worried about germ exposure. And I wouldn't leave my newborn for 4 days and pump because that wouldn't be relaxing at all.I'd be worried about the baby the entire time.

So contact your Dad and let him know that you well send your best wished to his wedding but will be staying home to recover after giving birth to his new grandchild. I wouldn't feel guilty because its his choice to get married in Mexico.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I don't understand why the baby isn't going? Doesn't your family want to meet this new addition? You could have your baby with you for pretty much everything except the ceremony and the reception, maybe a dinner or two.

I would think the baby would be very well taken care of by a family friend or even a hotel staff for the short times you'd be away from it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

It sounds like an awful lot of money and stress just to make someone else happy :( Honestly, I can't imagine asking one of my kids to leave my grandchild literally weeks after birth to travel to another country just to see me get married (I am guessing this isn't his first wedding - still special, but come on). And I don't see that taking the baby is an option - not sure you could even get a passport that fast?

I'd bow out. I've done 3 night/4 day quickie trips to Mexico (our plane ride is about 3.5 hrs non-stop) and I won't even do those anymore. I spend more time traveling (it feels like) on those trips, than I do on the actual vacation. Between needing to get to the airport earlier for out of country flight, the immigration lines on both ends . . . it is almost a full day of travel just getting there and back. No need to start off motherhood completely exhausted!

If dad doesn't understand about leaving the baby, you would think at a minimum his new wife would - assuming she has children. Plan something special for them when they get back, stay home, and enjoy your new baby when he arrives.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Toledo on

Personally, I don't think i would want to leave my baby that early. But I also wouldn't want to miss the wedding.

Do you think one of your in-laws would be willing to travel with you? If you had someone with you (one of your in-laws or a nanny), you could still breast feed your baby, at least part of the time, I still have some time with baby.

I think I would rather have someone traveling with me, helping me out, than simply leave baby behind.

Still, if you choose to leave baby with your in-laws, baby is going to be just fine.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

If you go just bring the baby. The baby will be fine. We moved from Alaska to New Mexico when our daughter was 2 months old and had to take 3 flights. We traveled to visit relative when our son was 3 months old. If you bring the baby you can chill in the shade and breastfeed and enjoy the relaxing scenery. Go for the wedding and then leave early to have the perfect excuse to not stay long. This is what I would do. I love beach getaways and I would bring the baby with me. However, it sounds to me like you don't want to go. If you truly do not want to go and spend this money just tell your dad sorry, you cannot make it and you wish you could be there and you love him. Then send a nice gift.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I didn't read all of your responses, but I agree that 6 weeks is pretty young to leave the baby, especially if you're breastfeeding.
It would be one thing if it was for a night. But 3 nights AND traveling over seas? I personally know I would not do it.
I understand that you are in a hard spot here and don't want to disappoint your Dad. But do not get pressured in to something you are clearly not ok with. This is your baby. You want to soak in every moment you can. Most likely if you did go, you would not enjoy yourself and stress out. I would hope your Dad will understand. A destination wedding is a lot to ask of anyone, and in your case it's just not realistic.
I would tell your Dad now, as much as you would love to be there you can just cannot imagine leaving your new baby for 3 nights, and being so far away. Tell them you'd love to celebrate somehow when they get home, but this trip just simply does not work for you and your family. Hopefully he understands. If he doesn't, hopefully he gets over it soon :) But I would let him know ASAP, get it off your chest so you can quit worrying about it , and focus on your new baby coming!
And I also agree with another poster below who mentions that physically, 6 weeks is pretty early for YOU to be traveling!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Be honest. Simply say that you will not leave a nursing infant. I would consider going with the baby but there is no way to tell now if the baby will have the disposition to travel. One of my daughters traveled beautifully as an infant. She was happy anywhere. The other was unsettled and did not adapt well to changes of any kind.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry. Your father will be really upset. But I just wouldn't do it. I cannot imagine flying on a plane 6 weeks post-partem. Yikes.

If you do go, you'll have to have a legal letter drawn up of some sort that allows the inlaws to take your baby to the doctor or hospital if something happens. And what will you do if your baby ends up in the hospital? You'll have to drop everything and get to the airport and get a flight home. THAT'S expensive.

Tell your father that you can Skype so that you can be part of the action. If he cares about you and his grandbaby, he will understand. If he thinks you just don't like him getting married, oh well...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Erie on

I couldn't have left my babies when they were that young, except for a quick trip to the store. It will affect your breastfeeding, at 6 weeks you are still establishing a routine and need to feed on demand. Pumping while on vacation to keep up your supply and prevent mastitis SUCKS, and there's a good chance you could still end up with mastitis if you don't pump every two hours. Is there a reason you can't bring baby with you? Also to consider, at 6 weeks I was still in no shape to travel that far for that long, maybe a weekend trip to my in laws where I could rest when I wanted, but nothing more than that. Now, I may be wrong. You may heal more quickly and feel up to going, but that's still a long time to be away from a breast fed baby that young, you'd need to pump a lot to have enough to leave your in-laws for that trip. And are they really up to the task of feeding round the clock? My advice, take the baby or don't go.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on


Mothers feel very protective. I suggest that as long as your baby is 4-6 weeks old going would be Ok if you would want to go if you didn't have your baby and if you feel up to going. You won't know how you will feel until after baby is born and you have recovered some. If It's a vaginal birth. A cesearian birth is a whole other picture.

I would definitely take the baby. Bonding is very important and a disruption in that process can cause difficulties.

I suggest you talk with your doctor or pediatric nurse to get their opinion and reasons for the opinion.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

That is way too soon to leave a baby you are nursing for that long. You said you would have to pump while you are gone but have you even thought about how much you would have to pump before you go so that your in-laws will have enough milk for the baby while you are gone. You may not be able to produce enough for them to use even if you start pumping extra from day one literally. If you can not take the baby with you I think you should stay home but that's just my opinion.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I would go to the wedding and bring the baby. If your dad doesn't want the baby at the wedding, then invite your in-laws or a friend to join you and they can watch the baby during the wedding. You can leave for a few hours to celebrate your dad and then head back to nurse (maybe you could pre-pump one bottle so you could stay a little longer at the wedding).

I honestly don't think you will enjoy the trip at all if you leave your baby at home. I think you will worry too much to really have a good time.

Other options, if you decide you really want to go to the wedding and bringing the baby absolutely isn't an option:
1. Stay at a different resort without a three night minimum so your trip is shorter
2. Go by yourself so at least your husband is still home with the baby

I think you could get an expedited passport for the baby, so I wouldn't let that hold you back. Hopefully you can make it work to be there to celebrate with your dad.

1 mom found this helpful
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