Is It Reasonable to Break-up B/c of Living Situation? (BTW: I'm Pregnant!)

I.,
Well I know that you have the right to privacy and if he can't sever the apron strings from mommy, daddy and sister, then it will be his loss even bigger eventually. If he doesn't want to contribute $300. now, he will have to pay much more for an infant, with daycare and everything else when you are not together. He will have to pay all the child support that is needed. So he will really lose out. He has to make a big decision. If you are not important enough to him, then that is once again his problem.

You are right -- never move in w/ mother in law!

See how he likes paying child support. And why isn't his sister paying for the house she and the mother live in?

Seriously if he isn't willing, but is perfectly able to pay $300 to be w/ his child, he isn't worth keeping and you will need to go after him for child support.

This is a hard one! But I think a no go for living with his family. You will already be stressed enough when the baby comes. If you get into that situation it will be hard to get out of. If you take a stand maybe he will come around.
Good luck!

It sounds like you've been independent. Don't be too quick to give that up. Enjoy your space and privacy. If you don't NEED his money, don't make it the issue that breaks you up. I wouldn't make big changes or decisions during your pregnancy. Your situation may be untraditional, but it doesn't make it wrong. I'd be fostering a relationship with his family, but making no moves to move in with them. Enjoy your pregnancy with your boyfriend. If you are both independent, you can work out your living and financial arrangements when things aren't so emotional.

If he doesn't get your point of view now, he's not likely to. If he's going to move in to your home, that decision will come from him. He may feel like it's less manly to live in your parents home than to put "his family" under "his roof". My experience has shown me that you can't force someone to do what you want, no matter how right or justified you are.

As far as breaking up being reasonable, only you know what's best for you, but recognize that your hormones are going to be going nuts for awhile. It's not about giving in vs. getting your own way, it's about following your instincts about what feels right for you. I'd be up front about how you feel, in a rational calm way. And open to things changing in the future. The only thing you know for sure is that you are preparing to be a mom. Relationships are so personal, and generalized advice doesn't fit every situation.

Stay strong. Be happy.

It's very "reasonable"! While it's wonderful of him to provide for his "first" family, you and this child are to be a new family, and you should come first in every way. You're seeing the "writing on the wall" that this is going to be how your entire marriage is, get out now! Or, wait a long time to get married, and wait for him to get his priorities straight.

Always follow your heart (and instinct). You sound like a strong, together young woman. You have lots of time to find the perfect partner. It's so worth waiting for! (Take it from someone married to the wrong man for 18 years. Just yesterday I was talking with a close friend who has been married 28 years, and we both wondered why we stay! You get very stuck. But you sound smart - wait to marry till you know it's "right"!

Once you make a decision, it will be the right one. You've asked for input and looked at all the angles. Good for you!

And, by the way, no one should have to live with their mate's family, while trying to adjust to a new husband/baby, etc. The two of you would need the freedom and privacy to create a real family. Wait till you find the right guy! You're baby will be fine, please don't marry for the rest of your life, just for the child. It doesn't work, believe me. The most important thing you can give that child is a mother that is intelligent and stands up for what is just and right!

Good luck! And congratulations on your first pregnancy. Enjoy it, and the newborn to come!

Wow. What a ridiculous situation. You have your own house, you don't live with anyone, and your BF is asking you to move home with his mother. He has the option to come live just the two of you, and he wants you to move in with his mommy.

A 3 generation househould is a very complex arrangement. I've seen it a bunch in other countries, but there is always one common factor; The oldest generation is in control. I personally would be completely unwilling to place myself in the control of strangers, much less the raising of my child in their hands.

I believe the situation MIGHT be different if they were actually your inlaws, and that you'd known them for years, and that you knew them well enough that they wouldn;t be overstepping boundaries. (Then again, knowing them for years might just make it so that you'd know the situ would be intolerable.) But that's NOT the situation. Neither are you 15, homeless, or without family of your own.

Stick to your guns.

If this man is unwiling to make a household with you...then he was probably fun in bed and a good friend...but not someone you want to be a partner with. He's not showing any sign of commitment, he's shoving his responsibilities (at the lowest end, JOYS if he was actually excited about you and the baby) off on his mother. If he can't even put himself in your shoes long enough to see ANY of this from your point of view...can't even compromise a widget...can't even do the "and then what?" thing about looking into the future...do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with him? Sounds like you'd be raising two children.

Please read the 10 Stupid THings Women Do by Dr Laura. He didn't have the decency to marry you BEFORE you got pregnant and did not ask you you yet. Please consider that his character is less than sterling and consider what kind of a father he would make. Please consider the child above EVERYTHING else. Have you considered adoption? Do you want to raise the child alone, because that appears to be what will happen. THe child deserves a loving home with two RESPONSIBLE loving MARRIED parents. Maybe I am old fashioned, but I please consider the best option for your child.

Hi I., you didn't mention your age, if this man is worth being with, then he should be wanting you two to get married and have a place of your own and raise your family. This is one of the problems that many young girls/woman find themselves in when they get pregnant before they are married, a lot of men treat woman differently when pregnant and not married, than they do their pregnant wives. There's a respect that is missing. If you do break up you have to think about how unfair this is to this unborn child, your child will be the victim of a broken family before he/she is even born. In the future sweetie, marriage first is always better. J.

Oh dear I.,

Your husband is an inconsiderate, double-standardist, selfish person. I am so sorry, but you are pregnant and he needs to step up or quit. Honey, you need love, protection, and HIM tending to YOU, not the other way around. This is perposterous. Why in the world did he move his family in YOUR home together, and why in the world isnt he with YOU in your previous responsibilities you promised just til the end of the year. YOU ARE PREGNANT.
I want to tell you a long story made short---

My boyfriend of nearly 7 yrs, after a tumuluous and unfaithful relationship(on his part), up and moved away in 2 days out of the blue and devastated me. After 5 months of communicating on the phone he finally committed and asked my then 2 yr old daughter to come and be a family with him in LA. Upon moving there, two weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I had been right before we moved but didnt know. I was only 2 weeks along at that time.
He was excited and accepting at first and then at 4 mos all the sudden, he and his mean, nasty sister decided I had tricked him. They knew this wasnt true but he backed out of the family thing when I had dropped EVERYTHING, sold everything and moved in with him. He ended up throwing us out on the street one morning in an angry rage, and we were literally homeless for months, in shelters and temporary jobs and hotels even. I went into labor in a motel. My twelve yr old suffered immmensely and to this day it did the most dammage to her. I kick myself for not leaving him WAY before it got bad. I hurt my daughter so much and she's angry at me for it. I didnt hurt the unborn child because she never knew him. She is now 4, and a beautiful girl, and I wouldnt change it for the world. I am thankful I have never talked to him since. I dont ever want to see his face again. To DO THIS TO A CHILD(my first), and HIS UNBORN CHILD was horrendous and absurd.

I., DONT let your husband hurt you anymore, and certainly dont let him already start hurting yours and his unborn child, and HE ALREADY IS by the stress he is putting on you, let alone not living with you to help you pregnant. He is already putting himself, and his family before you and his own flesh and blood unborn.
Open your eyes. Protect yourself and your baby.

Wendy

You have alot of wonderful responses. But here is my own opinion. You are not married, just boyfriend and girlfriend. There is no need for you guys to jump in and live together. You were living apart before right? Why jump into moiving in together just cause of the baby. Same thing about getting married don't jump into that either. So I say stay where you are. You don't want to move in with in-laws!!! As long as he is still around for the baby and helping you out one way or another, you both will see how and where this relationship is going. You didn't say how long you guys were together before you got pregnant, but what ever it is take your time about living together. Believe me it is a whole different life when you move in with your partner. Good luck with your situation, stand your ground. Congrats on your new baby on the way!!

Does he realize that he is having a baby and that IS an additiaonal expense anyway? Basically he is going to be paying (at least) that no matter what he dicides to do thourgh child raising expenses/support. First I would never move into that situation unless there was no other alternative (which you have, thankfully). Next if you really honestly do not see a future with him I would end it and get an attorney so that he can get himself prepared to pay for child support. Definitely get it set up legally through the court so you have something to protect yourself. Don't try to settle it yourself with him because from what he sounds like he will try to screw you. Finally, enjoy your sweet little baby that is on the way. I hope it all works out for you!

To me, from what you said you wouldn't be breaking up because of a living situation but because of a communication and respect issue. It sounds like he's choosing not to acknowledge that your opinion has any validity (because, let's face it, it's not that hard to "get" where you're coming from), and that doesn't bode well for any relationship.

What you are proposing is not only reasonable but completely logical. Given the situation you described it makes perfect sense for him to move in with you. Why the heck would you want to move in to a house full of people and give up your peace and privacy unless it was necessary (meaning you had nowhere to live). Unfortunately this sounds like it's not about where he lives at all. He may be letting you know that he is just not that into you and becoming a family man. Or he may be freaked out right now. Men can become really weird before the birth of their first child.
Don't let that be an excuse you give him. He needs to step up to the plate and do what makes sense for you all as a new family.
Bottom line... If he's willing to break-up and be an absent father rather than leave his mommy, you've got a problem.

In just reading the title to your question, my answer is yes. It is reasonable to break up if that is what you feel you need to do. While I do think that you need to think about your baby, a baby should not be the deciding factor to stay in a relationship. A child will not thrieve with unhappy parents.

It seems that this issue is about more than just money. Money is the surface issue to disagree about but there is much more to it. One of the other respondants had a list of questions you should ask yourself and I agree with her. This is a good time to examine your relationship, whether or not you two share the same values and goals and how you both feel about spending and saving money. Have you even discussed your views on how to bring up children. All of these things on their own can be pretty big deal breakers. It's better to find out now.

First of all, good for you for thinking logically at such an emotional time in your life! If it were me, I would stand my ground and stay where I am. I have lived with roommates both pregnant and with small children and I would have much preferred to be alone. Not to mention the fact that if you live with his mom and sister you will NEVER get a moments peace in regards to your parenting skills. Besides, you have an obligation to the deal you worked out with your folks. You can still both parent this child from different places. It's a hard decision but take the pressure off yourself and stand your ground! DO NOT feel GUILTY about any of this! And do not do anything that you are not totally 100% happy with! You are providing a home for your baby either way, so you may as well be happy with it. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" It's true, just ask my kids ;)

~V.

Tell him fine, you two can just break up and that you expect him to pay for childcare. File for it. He's too immature to be a father if he's making an issue out of this. Why on Earth would a grown woman move into the in-law's house, especially when pregnant, if she didn't have to. Btw, child support will be more than $300... no offense, he also sounds a bit stupid... hello, kids cost money. $300 is nothing. What about diapers, wipies, etc etc.

Don't cut him out of your life, but living with your in laws so that they can tell you everything that you're doing wrong. NO WAY! You guys don't need to live together, but he does need to provide for his child. When this baby comes it will cost you around $100 a week or more. Maybe less if you are breastfeeding plus you are going to have to take time off from recovering from giving birth to his baby. Start paper work for child support; it's not about you and him it's about this baby. The child comes first all the time. $300 a month is nothing do you know how much he'll have to pay if you take it to court.

Having a baby changes a man so wait but don't commit because of this child. To many people end up so unhappy because they want a family. You need to be happy and so does your baby.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend is foreign born. Many cultures believe multi-generational living arrangemsnts fine. Most American prefer nuclear families. When we were first married, my husband, who it polynesian, always suggested I have someone stay with me while he was out of town. I like being my myself and that's something it took him quite a while to understand. He's even gotten to the point where he doesn't want his family members to visit for too long, much less live with us. Your boyfriend's culture may be a factor in his position.

Don't move in with his family regarless of the reason. You sound too independent to live with your in-laws and keep your sanity. Good luck. Raising your child by yourself is much better for both you and your child than being in a needlessly uncomfortable living situation.

It;s not worth not having a dad for you lovely new baby! Think for the long run. You may move in today and he will realize that the living situation is not the best for him or for you. Then.... things will change. I just had a baby and, let me tell you, YOU NEED DADDY!!! When you have your child, you will need your boyfriend/husband and so will your little one.

No way would I move in with my boyfriend's parents and sister. You are going to need your own space with that baby. Especially if you are used to being on your own. Only you know if it is reasonable to break up with him or not, but I would hold your ground over NOT moving in to his place. You are about to have a baby together and that baby deserves to be in a happy home with his/her mom and dad. You won't be happy living with a bunch of other grown-ups after being independent so long.

That said, he doea OWN the home he has, so that makes it sticky.

Good luck, I'll be interested to see what others say.

What matters most now is your child having a mom and dad together under one roof. I agree with Julie's comments. Get married, move in, and take over the cleaning duties. Breaking up will only cause a lifetime of problems for your son. A baby is going to cost a lot of money and living under one roof will allow that money to go directly to the child.

DO NOT GIVE IN AND MOVE IN....You are RIGHT... he is sooooo wrong! Does he think he's living in the middle ages or dark ages that the WHOLE familly lives together? He's not putting you and your child first. Please be strong, I can only imagine how much this must be hurting you. But you sound like a strong independent woman.

NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
NO IN-LAWS!!!
You are not wrong, he is just clueless as to what is to come and that he needs to allow the three of you to be your own family unit.
My husband, due to financial hardship, moved me and our 2 young sons (1 and 2 years old) in with his mother and sister. It could be worse, I suppose, but it's still awful. We are made to feel that we are inferior parents, DAILY!!! It bothers him much less than it bothers me because it's his family, I assume, but if you can avoid any portion of the hell that could be ahead, DO SKIP IT!!!
Maybe he'll come around. Give him time. Most men are retards with some exceptions, of course. I'd say give him time to discover what this new life truly holds with a baby, and see if he can't wrap his head around what you're saying.
I personally believe that you're right in that you and baby are better off with just each other, if a houseful of people is your only other choice.
Hang in there and I wish you the very best of luck and joy with your new baby!

Stand your ground, stay in your house, be able to take care of yourself and your baby on your own and maybe talk with a a lawyer...I don't want to alarm you, but he doesn't sound like a real mature guy or one that loves you like a man should love the mother of his children.

I know you've got the cart a little before the house, but I also firmly believe in a date and a diamond first before you live together...been screwed in the past and sticking to that rule after that helps you weed out a few.

Good luck.
-M

I fully understand where you are coming from. Living with other people can be difficult and with in-laws even more so. The more people together, the more compromises have to be made.
You could seek counseling with the whole group to see if things could be worked out with a neutral party so that each felt heard. From there you could make a stand based on more information.
Years ago I made very clear to my husband and my mother-in-law my terms for having her live with us. Within a month I was very unhappy. No one was listening to what I needed and she moved in without any intention of doing as asked, but had verbally agreed to it. I blew when this became evident in her words and behavior. I had only met her one time prior to agreeing to her living with us so I had no idea what I was getting into.
Be cautious, be fair, be honest and go with your gut. Higher stress levels are not healthy for you, your child or your relationship especially if they become long term.

It really sounds to me that your boyfriend is not American. What you are asking is reasonable for American sensibilities and expectations, but he may be coming from a completely different place. If you weren't pregnant I'd say break up, but since you are, let me just tell you from experience, you are going to need all the help you can get with a newborn. I don't suggest doing this on your own. But if he can't accommodate you on this rather important matter, what other needs of yours is he going to neglect?

Why are you asking to give you money? Is it that necessary?
Just ask him to buy groceries

I would not make any life altering decisions (ie, break ups) while preggo. Emotions run wild when you are preggo. He has a point if it is an additional expense you need all the money you can get when a baby comes along. However I do understand the privacy issue. The problem is, it is your choice if you want to stay there and he has the right not to want to inccur another expense. He may need to help his family out as well, maybe that is an issue. Either way, if you can afford to stay there and choose to do that for comfort reasons, you can't expect him to feel the same way. He is probably comfortable with his family. Breaking up over being stubborn seems silly to me, but that is just my opinion. Good luck to you.

Hi I.,

If i were in your situation, I would not move in to his house. You have a lot of changes happening to your body and in your life right now. If you love him, stay with him. But keep your living situation the same. If you have a comfortable home and it is kept how clean you need/ want it, stay where you are. You do not need to add the burden of cleaning up after others who may not care as much about their home as you do. You also don't need others telling you or judging you for how you prefer to live and raise your baby. If you have the means to support your baby on your own and if it comes to that, then it sounds like you will be fine. You have a nice living circumstance so I would not change that, at this point.

You know, another option that wasnt' mentioned was, why can't he move in with you and have his mother and sister pay rent to him. That would be a nice savings for him, then he could afford to "pay" money to support your household. He could still "own" his home, just not live in it with his mom and sister. Then he could live in the house with you and the baby. But, if that is not what he wants to do, then I wouldn't push the issue. Continue with your life. Be happy, enjoy your pregnancy and the thrill of bringing a beautiful baby in to this world. Do not force or give him an ultimatum, you don't want to force him to choose between his mom and sister and you. Stay living where you are. Have your baby. Hopefully, he will "wake up" and realize that you and the baby are "his" new family.

Best of luck and congrats on your new baby! I loved feeling the life moving inside me when i was pregnant.
T.

In my own opinion, yes! Privacy and Comfort is priceless, on top of that, you're expecting your first baby, he should be more considerate. He is not ready.. I will not be guilty.

Goodluck,

I.

I don't have any answers for you, just some questions.

My first question for you would be, what would you do if you weren't pregnant?

Do you love your boyfriend? Dear Abby (or was it Ann Landers always said you should ask.....) Would you be better off with him or without him?
and then you should ask if your child would be better off with him or without him.

If you were married and already living with him and his mother and sister needed a place to live would you have allowed them to move in with the both of you?

Would you boyfriend live with you if you paid the living expenses? You already live in the house, perhaps you can afford it without his help.

My last question would be does your boyfriend love you?

When you are pregnant you hormones are all over the place and it might not be the best time to make decisions....but you certainly have a lot to think about and decide. I hope you make the right decision, whatever that may be, for both yourself and your child.
Linda

Don't live with in-laws.
Both of you need to learn to give and take before you go further in this relationship. Marriage??
Debating money is futile, you can get child support.
Do you really want to be with this man? My philosophy is, that if you speak of divorce (or breaking up) it will eventually happen. There will be hard times ahead, having a baby is wonderful and challenging! You have to both grow up and think about this baby.
If you do decide to stay together, stop doing things backwards. Have conversations first and make decisions-not forced to make decisions.
I hope this helps, or gives you something to think about.
Best of luck and congratulations with the baby!

Hi I.,

I completely understand what you are talking about. My husband and I had to live with other family members for a while and it was inconvenient and very stressful so I can certainly sympathize with you. Now since this guy is just your boyfriend and not your husband I would ask myself if this relationship was going to develop into a marriage and would you run the risk of losing a father to your child if you two split up.

I can understand his view point but at the same time he didn't really consult you when he moved his family in so to expect you to want to live with his parents and sister is a little unrealistic. I would NEVER live with my sister in law just based on how crazy she is and is very unclean. We would fight every day literally. I don't know if you two discussed how long they would be living there but if there's no time frame then that spells disaster because a house full of grown ups just doesn't work after a year or so.

If you decide to leave you have to understand that you run the risk of not having a father to raise your child and if you are ok with that then do what you feel is most important. I had a lot of issues with my husband before we got married and I choose to stick with him through all of that for the sake of the child we had together and it worked out in our favor but if I had it to do all over again then I would have set more boundaries for myself and so it's ok if you set a boundary and stick to it. He will either respect you or he will move on but at the end of the day you will know that you stuck to what you believed and the best outcome for you and your child will prevail. Good luck.

Hi, I.,

I know what it is like to live with "unofficial in-laws" as the family of my first fiance, now ex-fiance, asked me to "foster" their 17-year-old son when I was 23. My relationship with my then-fiance disintegrated as my relationship with my fiance's rebellious adolescent brother deteriorated. That being said, not all living arrangements like yours and my first with a significant other turn sour. I know some people who are glad that their in-laws live with them or next to them. My husband and I lived with my parents for nine months (before the birth of our first healthy offspring), and my husband seems to think that it was a good experience.

From what you've written, I can't say that I feel that this issue is a matter of right or wrong. It seems more an issue of flexibility of all the involved parties. How flexible are you? How flexible is your boyfriend? How flexible is your boyfriend's family?

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'll just ask a few questions. Ideally, they will help you make a wise choice for all involved:

1. Before the issue of where to live came up, what were your and your boyfriend's plans for your future (as a couple or as individuals)?

2. Is there a reason, beside your boyfriend's desire to minimize cash outflow, for your boyfriend to encourage you to live in his house?

3. How do your boyfriend's relatives feel about you and your child living in your boyfriend's house? It seems reasonable to consider their wishes and needs, too.

4. You said, "I don't want to have to live with anyone." What exactly does that mean to you? Do you dislike the idea of living with your in-laws only because you consider them messier than you or for additional reasons?

5. You said, "I can't give in." Why? Are you trying to get your boyfriend to prove his love or commitment to you by insisting that he move into your house?

6. How much do your parents want you to stay in their property? How willing are your parents to rent it to someone else or leave it vacant if you decide not to live there?

7. What could you do with that $300/month that you would consider beneficial to your new family or enjoyable? How financially prepared are you, without the financial help of your boyfriend, to take care of your new family?

8. How much time do you feel you have to make a decision about where to live? If you moved into your boyfriend's house and then after say six months decided that you would be better off living where you are living now, could you move back into your parents' property?

Before I had kids, I, too, felt more comfortable in an organized, clean home and took pains to keep my home organized and clean. Two kids later, I am more relaxed about housekeeping. I'd love to have a perpetually organized, clean home, but I'll take sleep over a completely organized, clean home if forced to choose, which I usually am!

By the way, I know how it feels to be told indirectly that my well-being (physical, in my case) is not worth $5 or even $2 (in a recent case with my husband).

Good luck in deciding.

Lynne E

If he loves you, he should marry you and the three of you should live as a family together in a home. Money should not be the issue at all, unless it is a serious financial burden. HOw complicated and sad. I pray that he will put his primary responsibilities first and please wait to sleep with someone until you're married. I am not judging or condemning, it just makes life so much less messy. And then you know they really love you.

If you absolutely know that you simply cannot be happy living with other people, or living with his relatives, that's that. There's nothing else to discuss, and the choice is already made.

Here's some additional things you might want to think about:

You have a right to feel whatever you feel, but so does your boyfriend. If he said to you, "I think I'm right to stand my ground and make this decision for myself," would you feel that he was being stubborn? Do you feel that the choice should be yours alone because you're having the baby, or because you're afraid that your needs won't be met or you'll "lose yourself" otherwise? Being half of a couple, or part of a family, means that everyone's feelings are equally important and need to be considered.

One thing that should be a consideration is home ownership. He owns his home; you do not. Why should your family live in the house neither of you owns? Why should he leave a house he bought to live in what's essentially a rental?

You say he should be willing to do what makes you happy. Shouldn't you also be willing to do what makes him happy?

If he's not willing to move for you and the baby that's is not good. He should be making you comfortable and happy. Since your pregnant he really should be taking care of you. If he is not willing to do this for you that's selfish on his part. You should NOT leave your home and have to move in with him AND his family. He needs to be thinking of you and his baby not just his needs. I know this because I had lived with a guy for years before and he only met his needs and did not care or want to take care of me. I would have never put up with this now. I did not realize I should have been treated better. I settled for my relationship with him because I did not know any different. Please know that you deserve to be treated good. He should care about what is important to you and want to do things that make you happy. Any questions you can ask me.
Sue

If your boyfriend is so insesitive to your fielings you would be right to leave it will be rough raising a child on your own so think what is best for you and dont look back good luck A. we are just celebrating oour 60 th A. no.hills

I.,
Unless absolutely necessary, I would not choose live with my in-laws so I think you are right to stick to your guns. You need your own space and place, especially now that you will have a child. Good luck!

I.,

If it were me, there is no way in hell I'd move in with him, his mom and his sister, especially if they are pigs. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he moves in with you if he eventually tries to move everyone else in too. He sounds like real piece of work. I think you should consult an attorney, get a custody arrangement and child support worked out. I can't see him bringing you anything but pain. He won't move in with you because it would be an additional expense? He sounds like a really selfish piece of work. If he is really that selfish, he's going to be really fun to deal with after you have a baby with him.

I wish you nothing but luck,

T.

I know you've already received a lot of responses, but don't feel guilty for not having been married before having a baby. I had a baby, lived with his father for 7 years, broke up. I vowed to get married before having another baby, and I did. I got married, got pregnant, and it hasn't been any easier. Many people say, "If he really loves you, he'll marry you." I truly believed he loved me, then when my baby daughter was just four months I found out he was cheating on me. Now does he love me or not? He married me, but then he cheated. I know this wasn't your question, but don't get yourself into a situation that isn't comfortable for you. YOU are important and YOU got to take care of YOU before anyone else. If you don't take care of YOU, YOU won't be able to care for the baby. Stay where YOU are comfortable. Don't listen to people who say you should've got married, because marriage isn't the answer and it just complicates things. Stay where you are and if he wants to be in the picture, he will. Leave the door open for him to have a realtionship with his baby. Good luck and I hope I made sense to you.