Is It Just Me? (Vent Post)

Hello

I hope you are feeling a little better. I had the same problem with my boyfriend. When I first went back to work after my son was born, I would come home tired and would still have to cook, do the laundry, give my son a bath and make sure he was put to bed. After awhile I would get so upset that I would just stop, I would go on strike, I wouldn't cook or pick up after him. Then we would fight because the house would be a mess, I would tell him that I needed help and he would tell me that his job was more stressful then mine. I finally had it. I left him. When I was gone he realized that he just placed all the household duties on me without even thinking about it. He said that he use to do all the household duties when he lived by himself (because nobody else would do them) and realized that when I moved in that he just stopped. To make a long story short, we got back together and he totally helps me out the household duties and with my son, I even went back to school. We have schedules that really helps us out, for instance two days a week he does the laundry and takes the baby a bath while I cook dinner and other days he cooks dinner (which is not that good but at least it helps) while I spend time with my son or catch up on my homework. We still do have our arguments here and there but, I think he realized when I was gone how much I would do. I am not telling you to leave your husband, just giving you an option that helped me. I hope this helps.

yea, I had this sort of situation too. Basically what I have done is told my husband how I feel...including being looked DOWN upon!!! That I didn't appreciate it. I work and belive in what I do as a mom, wife, and a career woman. I also said that it is not a hard thing to ask him to help out with coming up with idea/suggestions about this situation. He needs to be open to the fact that WE BOTH WORK!!!

Good luck. I really hope everything works out. My advice is just to be open and honest with him and hopefully you two have a good enough relationship that you will be able to listen and respond to eachother.

Wow, i feel for you. Your Hubby needs to get up and be a PARTICIPATING parent, not just a 'parent' by title. AND be a PARTICIPATING spouse too. This is not the 'womens' job... taking care of a household and your child's school transportation and schedule and all the responsibilities, which is the job of BOTH Parents and Spouses. Does your husband realize that he is an 'absent' parent and spouse... because he does not participate in his family's responsibilities??? He just 'lives' at his house, and comes and goes. You must be so frustrated. Hugs to you. Does your husband realize that YOU work too, and if you keep asking you Boss for favors to change your schedule etc., it can adversely affect your status at your job? (Unless you have a super nice boss). And, it's HIS mother that watches HIS child, and from whom YOU have to ask to use her car?? Where is your Husband in all this, it's HIS Mother after all. Well.. maybe counseling is in order for him, and you. His perception of you and what you do, and what HIS responsibilities are in all this... is in need of big improvements. He has to acknowledge that. Which i know is probably asking for a lot. Your Husband does not seem to communicate, unless it's to serve him. Tell him it's NOT fair, your are BOTH supposed to be PARTNERS, and a TEAM. Tell him he is a HUSBAND and a FATHER, and he needs to know what that is. He is also supposed to be a ROLE model for your child, which his current behavior is not helping. Sometimes, a person won't 'change' unless the other person stops being their 'door-mat.' CHOOSE not to be a door-mat. Stand up for yourself. You are a working parent as well. This is not the dark ages and Hubby has to wake up and take part in his family responsibilities. Working and having a pay-check does not exempt a Parent or Spouse from their other responsibilities. He is an ADULT... and it seems he's shirking his ADULT responsibilities at home, using YOU as an excuse. No, you are NOT unreasonable by any means... you are simply dealing with HIM, who is NOT being reasonable nor fair. HE needs to come up with answers too... on how to deal with HIS family needs. Tell him, are you a room-mate UN-related to us... or are you a FAMILY man who is PART of the family???? Because he acts like he's not part of the solution. Just a bystander. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is so aggravating to see any un-fairness anywhere in this situation. You seem to be the only one who is raising your family and scrambling around. You don't have to "accomodate" his every whim or demand... you are not a door-mat and he has to grow up. He has his own Mom... you are his Wife. He has to learn how to be a Husband AND a Dad. YOU do more important work and MORE work than him apparently... you take care of the entire household, your Child, AND Him, and the other neccessities for you family, and trying not to embarrass him over his behavior by being a 'peace-maker' in the family and toward HIS mother. Him, he works and comes home, and everything is done FOR him.. and he can't even say 'please' or 'thank you.'
Good luck and take care... I'm sure you will get a lot of support here... many great women with great ideas. Good you wrote in to get advice for yourself. All the best! If anything.. print all your responses you get and SHOW it to him if you have to.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Well, men don't change. So if this is how he's always treated you, it's not likely to be any different any time soon. Try to work out whatever works BEST FOR YOU = and go with it. Marriage is hard, even more so when children are involved. If it means quitting and staying home with your son - then maybe you should. Or perhaps if your boss in your current job is not willing (or able) to allow you the flexibility you need, then perhaps search for something new. Your Mother-in-Law should not be required to fill in as a day care provider, as well as give you her car. What happens if she needs to take the kids somewhere???? I did not want to go back to work after having my baby last year, and I found something I can do from home. It hasn't replaced my previous income (yet), but it helps with the bills, and my sanity. If you want more info, send me an email.
K.
Kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

This honestly sounds more like a communication problem between you and your husband, more than a balancing of schedules. I understand finical issues and how moving and jobs can create more stress in an already stressful situation, but I think that you and your husband may have some underlying issues. First talk to your boss and see what you can do with your schedule. Then make it a priority to schedule you and your husband some communication time (this should be an "A" priority at this point for you.)

At lot of times during the most stress full times we forget that our partner is our best friend. And it is VERY important to talk to our partner as we do our best friend. Open up, cry tell him how you feel and that you miss being his partner. If you allow things to continue as is you will both fall out of love with each other and then you'll be heading for divorce.

Life comes at you fast and it is ever changing, it is who we interact with on a daily basis (and HOW we interact with THEM) that allow us the strength to pull through the hard times and feel good about the challenges tomorrow brings!

I wish you & your husband a happier tomorrow!!!!!

For goodness sakes kiss the man remind him you love him and talk to him again!!
Men have to be reminded that women are frail and cannot handle (or deligate) all the daily stresses (even if thats not exactly true :) Remind him that you are woman and he is man!!

Women have NEVER been doormats, I think some of us have just forgotten how to use our feminine charm to persuade our husbands to do what we want them too (the trickest part is getting them to think it was all their idea, when you do this you truely are masterful wife)!

Love each other daily and you will make it through even the hardest of times. Forget who you are (and why you love him) and you may as well sign divorce papers now.

is being a full-time mom an option?

A.

If you would like to make some additional money and still be at home...give me a call! I would love to talk to you!

S.

http://www.workathomeunited.com/betterforyou
http://www.livetotalwellness.com/betterforyou