Is It Common for 1 Year Olds to Have a Ton (And I Mean a Ton) of Meltdowns?

Updated on January 11, 2012
✩.!. asks from Boulder, CO
19 answers

My 1 year old seems like she will be my spirited child. She has a mind of her own and wants everything to be her way and she wants what she wants when she wants it. She has since she was about 9 mos old thrown full on meltdown fits with rolling over kicking of the feet, screaming, throwing herself backwards (if she is being held) and yelling with hitting. She is exactly 14 mos today. If she doesn't like what we have for dinner she throws it on the floor or squishes it on her tray or her hair. I take the plate away and she throws another fit. I do not give in to her meltdowns and fits and neither do other adults watching her.

Is this common at 1? I know for sure my older 2 never did this. She probably has 2 or 3 meltdowns like this every hour - almost all day long. She takes to two 1 hour naps and goes to bed at 8 pm. She is loved, held, and taken care of - but I would definitely not say she is spoiled.

Any suggestion on how to help her? She seems so young to be like this?

Thanks

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C.P.

answers from Columbia on

Let me guess...she's HIGHLY intelligent and gets very frustrated that she cannot seem to communicate effectively.

At this age, the inability to communicate is the number one reason for meltdowns...followed closely by tiredness.

Just keep on doing what you're doing, stay consistent and never give in. She'll eventually realize that her tantrums will get nowhere and with time her communication skills will improve.

best of luck!

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S.L.

answers from New York on

I recommend the book, the Happiest Toddler on the Block by H. Karp to help you understand what is in the child's mind when having these meltdowns, and to guide you in giving her the words she needs to begin using her words more

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H.1.

answers from Des Moines on

This is only a suggestion, but I would try to get her more sleep. She may just need more than your other children did at her age. My son at that age definately needed to be in bed by 6:45 pm (slept 12 hours) and a couple of 1.5 hour naps or he was a complete bear. I would try earlier bedtimes to see if it helps.

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M.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Is it common, probably. Is it normal, probably not. After reading your post and your SWH, I feel that you probably are doing a lot right in this situation. It sounds like you are very balanced and that this particular child is one of those difficult children that will give you a run for your money. One of my children was more prone to overreacting to things. We eventually found out that she is sensitive to gluten. Once we took all wheat/gluten things out of her diet, she became a totally different child. It astonished me to see the night/day effect of gluten on her. You might try making a journal of her diet, then take out wheat and see. Also, dairy or soy can be a culprit.

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M.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think 2-3 meltdowns every hour is a bit too much. Is she like this all day for the past 5 months? Is she never happy. relaxed and playful? I am thinking there is something else going on with maybe her health, her diet or sleep pattern etc.

If my son throws tantrums or does all that you have described(yes he does all of it but not all the time like your daughter) , it's because he is either way too tired , very sleepy, very hungry OR if he is coming down with something. Everytime he cries for no reason, throws food, hits and is very irritable , I worry he is sick and most of the time I am right. If not , he is better after he eats well or takes a good nap.

Did you talk to her pediatrician about her behaviour? Toddlers are very strong willed and want us to give them what they want, when they want , how they want it etc etc. But from your post I get a feeling there is definitely something else bothering your daughter - maybe teething, maybe some tummy issues( check her diet), her ears hurt - your doctor would know better!

It's so difficult when kids throw tantrums for everyting. One more thing that works with my son is - ignoring his tantrum. If he is lying on the ground kicking his feet for something really silly, I don't pick him up immediately. if he is in a safe place I walk away and get busy doing something else. He will notice that I am still there but not paying attention to him. Most of the time he will cry for a bit and decide to call off the tantrum , come to M. on his own asking M. to read a book, play with a toy etc. Sometimes I do pick him up after a minute or two , but I would have distracted his attention to something else. Once he has realized I am not paying attention to his tantrum , he is willing to do something else.

Since your daughter is already so used to getting attention from you , she might not give in so easily. You can try this when she is in her high chair or crib or someplace where she can't hurt herself while you are not looking.Also, definitely mention this to her doctor to be sure there is nothing else going on.

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J.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Sounds excessive - have you talked to her doctor? Maybe she is dealing with a medical issue. Hang in there!

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B.G.

answers from Champaign on

How often does she eat/drink? I only ask because the toddlers I know who do this do so when they're hungry. We always joke, "Feed the monster!"

My son goes to daycare, and they have a morning snack. On days that he goes to Speech, he misses that snack so I give him a granola bar. One morning I forgot. Not good! The daycare called me and asked me if he was ok or not feeling good, because he seemed to be getting upset easily. I felt so bad. My husband and I realized later that day what the problem was. The next day we told his teachers what we thought the problem was, and they laughed because he did great at lunch and the rest of the day.

Just a thought :-)

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A.L.

answers from Dothan on

Have you tried just to simply ignore her??? Walk away, do laundry, do the dishes, start vacumning anything that will show her that her behavior means NOTHING??? Make sure you can keep a sneaky eye on her so that, heaven forbid she would hurt herself you can be there, but otherwise the, 'oh, another tantrum, ho-hum, now what was I doing?'

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

It is not common or okay for any child to have frequent meltdowns let alone meltdowns. Tantrums and emotional meltdowns are VERY different and I think you should have it checked out.

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi
Let me start by saying this behavior is not uncommon but to enable me to provide you with tools to help her I I would like to clarify a few things. Has this behavior been going on for 5 months consistently? If so has the behavior increased, decreased or stayed the same? Are the triggers always when she doesnt get her way or doesnt like something? What do the adults actually do when she behaves this way? Are ther any triggers you can think of that occured prior to her tantrums, did she see someone else behave like this? Does your two year old have tantrums?

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Sam, is she talking? It is h*** o* toddlers when they don't have the words to say about how they feel. And yes, she sure does sound spirited.

I would continue to do what you are doing. I would remove her from the table and not allow the meltdowns to continue while you all eat. Do you have a pack & play? Have it in another room and put her in it while you eat. After a few minutes, give her one more chance to come in and eat with the family. If she does it again with the food, no more chances, and back in the pack & play she goes.

This is an important time to help your daughter realize that she cannot make you a short order cook. Don't give her anything else to eat - if you pull out different food, she will continue this and just fight you more.

While you are handling this, help her with her language skills. Give her lots of words. Also try to teach her to say "Help me". ('ep me is how you say it to her.) When a child can tell you somehow that something isn't working, that they need help, it helps them be much less frustrated.

She is very young to be talking, so don't expect talking yet, but let her know that words are important. Daycares say "Use your words" to children to help them learn to verbalize their feelings. I think that would help your daughter.

Speaking of the pack & play, I would use it for every meltdown and have it in a room where she will not see you while she does this. If you are a captive audience, she has a reason to do this. (So no more watching, per your SWH.) If you walk away, first of all, she doesn't know where you are, so her crying is getting her nowhere. Second, you know she is safe. Third, she is too young to keep her in a timeout place.

Two or 3 meltdowns every hour all day long is a lot. I think I would really get 100% consistent on what you do with her. As she starts to figure out that her approach is not working, and you are working with her on language in between the tantrums, I hope she will start thinking twice about it. When you see that she is trying to "decide" if she is going to have one, get down on your knees and look her directly in the eye and say "Use your words. What is the matter?" Or say something like "It's time to clean up the toys - let's sing our clean up song". Maybe that way you can circumvent the tantrum. Once you are able to do that SOME, it's just a matter of time when she will be able to communicate with you enough to circumvent more of them, and she'll get through this phase.

If she has these tantrums when you are out of the house, you have to be willing to drop everything and get her out to the car and strap her in her carseat, and stand outside of the car. This is her pack & play, and she has to have this consequence. Make sure she is fed and rested before going on errands, take a toy or book with her to hold in a store, and NEVER let her have something that she wants so badly that she will have a tantrum over.

When she is older, the book "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmes" will be helpful.

Just keep being 100% consistent with her and don't give her attention (negative or positive) when she does this. You'll get through this!

Smiles!
Dawn

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K.A.

answers from New York on

Sounds like my son. He is now turning 3 and still throws major tantrum meltdowns constantly. He is very strong willed. Some things that have helped us is.
1) We give him choices whenever we can. Giving him choices helps him feel more in control of situations which leads to lesser melt downs
2) When hes throwing a meltdown and nothing seems to calm him down, we put him in his room and he cannot come back out until hes calmed down.
3) When hes acting destructive (throwing things, kicking the wall, ect) I hold him in my lap and count to ten. At ten, I let go, if he continues, he gets to sit with me again for another 10 seconds until hes chilled out.
4) If its dark outside and hes throwing meltdowns, I turn off all the lights and we sit in the dark. He doesnt like to be in the dark because he cant see his toys, so he calms down real fast. When the tantrum stops, we turn the light back on.

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

Just curious how well she eats? My youngest is like this, but was horribly irritable and threw countless tantrums at that age. I finally brought it up to the pediatrician turns out he was highly anemic. Only other symptom he had was he was putting/eating really odd things.

Don't get me wrong he's still very willful and spirited, but the every minute I'm throwing a tantrum phase stopped within 3 months of doing the iron supplements. I would bring her in for a check up make sure its not her ears, ask about her iron levels (I'm assuming they checked at her 1 yr check up) and just see if it was on the lower side, and if they think you should retest. BTW my son ate like a champ, couldn't stop the kid from eating, healthy foods too, so I was absolutely in complete shock he was anemic and as severe as they said it was.

Other than that I would think it could be teething, or a food allergy as other's have mentioned. Sounds like you're handling the tantrums fine, which leads me to believe there is an underlying reason as to why.

Hope you can find some answers....

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

HI in answer to your question this is not typical behavior for a child at any age. If you would like you can contact me privately and I would be glass to do an assessment of your daughter free of charge. This would occur in your home or place of preference.

Penny Amic CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings, Inc.
An Early Intervention Network
____@____.com
###-###-####

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

Hi Sam! I was going to write a long list of possible triggers, but Momofmany said it much better than I could. :)
I think many behaviors are related to dietary or environmental sensitivities.

I hope you find the answer soon! Keep up the good work!

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sam, this may seem like an odd question, but is she meeting all her developmental milestones, such as: rolled over 4-6 months, walked at 9-12 months, first words 18-21 months, responds to name, etc.?
I ask this because our son started having huge crying fits at around 15 months that were unexplainable. However, we also noticed a digression of sorts. He was signing, and then seemed to lose his signs. He was saying "mama and dada" and then stopped talking. We developed horrible eye contact and then he stopped responding to his name.
We are now having him assessed for autism. Thankfully we caught it really early and with therapy and bio-medical intervention a lot of it is reversible. If you notice your daughter experiences any of the symptoms I described, please take her to a DAN! doctor ASAP. They can run a battery of tests to check for food allergies, bio-chemical reactions to food, as well as pathogens. I would also call Regional Center to have them run a developmental screening on her. It costs nothing and is worth it to know she is on track.

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B.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Not sure how common something like this is but I will say I understand. My 19 month old goes into the fits of tossing herself around, swatting at her dinner plate, tells us 'No' if she doesn't want something then immediately asks for it when we walk away. Like you, we try not to give in to her tantrums but it can be wearing on us trying to maintain our stance. I just chalked it up to an early case of the 'terrible two's' but maybe some other mamas can offer you and I some guidance.....I hate that when I am finally home from work with her, she comes with an attitude. :o(

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L.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi! I am wondering if she can walk? A lot of times, in the first year or two, kids are very frustrated with their physical limits. If they can crawl, they want to walk, and if they can walk they want to run. . .I don't know what stage your daughter is in, but my son was always cranky and upset until he learned to walk well--especially since he had an older sister running circles around him.

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L.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

well, she sounds alot like my spirited child. I knew from day one that he was going to let his feelings be known--- about everything! He did exactly what you are talking about from 6 months until about 3 years. He's better now because i can reason with him and discuss how he is feeling, but boy can he get emotional about just almost anything! My other son isn't like this at all--- very easy going. Only cries when something is wrong: hunger, tired. My spirited child cried, screamed, threw things, banged himself into things whenever he was mad/sad/frustrated.....
I don't think I can be much help because we are still working through every single day. But I do think reading about spirited children helped me find some tools. I think the book was called 'raising your spirited child'....

Some children are just more headstrong. that's the way they come. It doesn't have anything to do with us. I used to nanny and I took care of SO many kids... One little girl in a family of alot of kids was just impossible. Her parents didn't treat her any differently--- she just reacted more spiritedly to everything. Every day was a battle, a trial. But we just took turns helping her through it and she grew up to be very very sweet and wonderful. It's just those first 5 or so years....
Good luck!

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