Is He Really Too Young to Understand??

It doesn't matter if he understands it's appropriate or not. It *is* inappropriate, so he needs to be taught to not do it. A one-year-old doesn't understand it's not appropriate to hit, but we correct them anyway when they do it. Just because this boy's mother chooses to believe that he doesn't know what he's saying (which it's pretty clear to me that he does), she still needs to tell him not to say it. Would she let him use the F word even if he really didn't know what it meant?

My 5 year old daughter knows she's not supposed to grab my breasts, I think this boy is PLENTY old enough to know better! Kids can be taught early on that it is inappropriate to touch other people! Definitely talk to his mom about this. He's gonna end up getting himself into trouble.

Inappropriate is not okay, regardless of age.

Unless there is a cognitive concern here, there are very few 9 year old boys who are totally unaware of boobs. Let's just be honest about that for a minute! There are also very few 9 year old boys who are unaware of what it means to keep their hands to themselves and what "p******" p**** are- and why they are "private.

Mom has her head in the sand on this one. Does she know about the touching? If not, tell her immediately and let her know that it will not be tolerated. My 3 year old knows not to touch people without their permission. If he does it again, let her slug him.

DEFINITELY not too young! I mean, in pre-school, kids (should) know it isn't appropriate to touch people a certain way! He is sexually harassing your daughters. Kids can be creeps too, ya know... how gross. Your poor daughters:( I have four daughters- I'm very protective of them. They are all very confidant and beautiful- I'd want to puke if there was some perv kid ruining their time in any way. I would stand for it... ONE big warning to the boy and his parents (which you have already done), THEN if anything remotely happens, I'd report it to the police ASAP. NO second guessing that! Also, your girls need to protect themselves, too.

Slapping IS PERFECTLY acceptable. Sexual touching is WAAAAAAAAY worse than getting hit. And that boy could probably get the message right. Touch a girl, and you get slapped by that girl! good for you for telling them to do that. They SHOULD know that it is okay to defend themselves!

NO NO NO, he is not too young to understand.
He is 9.
He KNOWS what "hot" means in that context. Believe me.
His Mom... is dense and still thinks her son is 2 years old.

What do you mean, he already touched your daughter???
Where?????
How????

You TELL his Mom all this.
And yes, a person should not be prisoners in their own home and cannot come outside... because a neighbor boy is harassing them.

Now: If that were me... I would ALSO look out for other things.. like, is he taking photos of them??? When they don't know? Is he gawking at them from his window? etc.?

Again, YOU TELL HIS MOM AGAIN.
AND use the words... it is inappropriate and I will document this.... my daughter's feel harassed and creeped out by him... Make it CLEAR to his Mom... that you are not liking this at all, and you and your daughter's should not be prisoners in your own home.

And, TELL the boy YOURSELF, to get lost.
Don't just leave it up to your Daughters.
Get out there too, and tell the boy off.

He is 9 now.
Then he will be 10.
Then 11.
Then 12.
And if he still has a thing for your daughters... then what?

What an invasion of privacy... too.
WHY the hell, is he allowed to, come onto your property? Or driveway? Or yard?

Call the Cops to report him for Trespassing.
Put up a NO TRESPASSING sign.

DOCUMENT everything.
Call the Cops.

Oh, he knows better. Definitely. Your daughters need to slap him, AND you should tell the mom if it happens again...authorities will be called. Where is his dad in all this?

IF he doesnt know what s appropriate and what isnt then he needs to learn ASAP! He may well be delayed but this is good practice for your girls to stand up to a weirdo. because he is younger and smaller they should not be intimidated. Tell them NOT to come inside but to speak up, help them come up with what to say "Stop saying that. Do you want the whole neighborhood to start calling you a perv" "I dont like it when you say that. stop being a jerk" etc have them practice standing up for themselves! If they cannot stand up to a 9 yr old boy then I am worried about them

Well, I didn't have time to read the responses or your "what happened," but as a 3rd and 4th grade teacher I am here to tell you that he DOES know what "hot" means!! He also knows what appropriate touches are!! Good grief... Ridiculous.

He is old enough to understand. His mom is kidding herself if she thinks otherwise. You need to talk to the other mom again and tell her to keep her son in check or else she is going to have problems when someone contacts the police.

No he is not to young and this should be address asap.

Sounds like the boy's mom is in denial that he's growing up. I think a 9 yr old boy knows what hot means. My 9 yr old daughter knows that "hot" means cute. Recently, she tried saying she looked hot in an outfit and that she hoped boys would notice her in it. OMG, I just about fell on the floor. I immediately sat her down and said "we don't dress to impress boys or to attract their attention". I didn't know where she got this idea from and of course she wouldn't tell me. I don't think your daughters should slap him, I think they should come and tell you so you can start keeping track of these incidents. Talk to his mom again and if she still denies it, tell her you'll report the boy for harassment. Maybe that will wake her up. If he's not told it's inappropriate and wrong to do this, the problem will get worse.

He might be to young to fully comprehend what he is doing, but he isn't to young to be told it's inappropriate and not ok.

My guess is he has been exposed to to much adult TV or video games, magazines or just adult talk and has picked it up. That age is when it's all about starting to be 'cool' and like the older kids so he's probably modeling. This one is for his parents to take care of-sounds like she is making excuse for her kid-and if it's not addressed he really could end up taking something to far and what will she do then. The other thing is-what if he does have a problem-she's ignoring something that could be a really big deal.

I'd go with you mommy gut on this and even if she doesn't like your take, you have a right to tell her she needs to talk to him-and unfortunately your kids get punished because they are uncomfortable being outside with him and have to come in, but better that then the unspeakable.

He is absolutely NOT too young, and this needs to be addressed. Even if that Mom is hostile, if I were you, I would stand up to her and tell her exactly what is going on and that her son's behaviors towards your daughter will not be tolerated. Maybe your husband/bf/so needs to step in and possibly talk to the boy's father. I just don't understand some parents, who think their child is perfect and can do no wrong. You have every right to be upset.

You have taught your girls well, too bad the other mother can get a better handle on her son. I'm sorry your daughters are paying for her denial of how grown her son really is. When she becomes a grandma in a few years she'll rethink about what you said, I'm sure of it... the signs are all there...

Sounds wrong to me but your best defense (since the mom is not helpful) may be to make him feel stupid for saying stuff. I'd tell your daughters to look at him with disdain and say "get away from me little boy. Not interested." Your daughters definitely shouldn't have to run inside and likely if they're a bit older looking and attractive, this won't be the last time this happens. So you may have to use this as a teaching time. And given it sounds like he's much smaller than your daughters, there's probably not a lot of risk. Have them stay together near him and show him they're not interested in him or this kind of talk. If you think he's a physical danger, I'd have your husband talk to him...

At 12 I would imagine your daughters would have no problem standing up to a 9 year old boy, why don't they just tell him to get lost? If he continues to be rude and touchy feely I think your daughters should march him right home to his mother and tell her what he's doing!
ETA: so his mom thinks the word "hot" is okay, but what about the touching?

He is absolutely not too young to understand inappropriate, but it just may be that no one has had this conversation with him yet. I wouldn't assume mom is doing it. Next time he comes over, I would have a chat with him. It doesn't need to be really heavy, but he needs to understand that we keep our hands to ourselves and if he can't do that, he'll not be able to hang out with your girls.

Our MS addresses bullying, comments, and even sexual harrassment - if someone says NO or STOP, you need to respect that or you're over the line. The kids DO get it, even the 6th graders, and it cracks me up to hear them using the word "inappropriate" even more than I do!

Make sure they know very clear limits and where they are allowed to go outside without you, etc. Always know where they are. I would make sure that they know what touches are okay and what are not and not just that she can slap him or whatever but that they need to tell you or a teacher or something if they are ever uncomfortable. Don't make it just about this boy but just a talk in general about boundaries! This is a tough situation, I am sorry. I would talk to the kids mom again now that you know he has actually touched them (what kind of touching?) and she needs to take it more seriously. Do your daughters seem bothered?

There's a boy that's been in my son's classes on and off for a few years. They are now both 12 but I began to notice disturbing things when he was about 9 -10 and I cut off all out-of-school contact between my son and this kid. When he was going into 4th grade he put his hands on my daughter and her firend - who were both 12 and beginning to develop. and has often said things that were shcoking - and said things to my daughter that made me want to slap him myself. This kid's mother is clueless, his father owns a bar (I'm told by others it's a "dirtbag" bar but it's about 20miles away so I've never seen it) and his mom also bartends often. I think the family has a different threshold for what is appropriate based on the environment they're in all the time. I also think the kid sees thing on TV that he shouldn't see - I don't know if the parents don't have parental controls on their TV / computer or if they don't care - but even at age 9-10 this boy knew way too much about sex, the female body, etc.

I'm not sure how much he realized that his actions and comments were not appropriate - especially since his mom didn't seem to know. I think that some families have become accustomed to a very different standard of what's acceptable and appropriate - and I think it will get worse as the years go by. Many of the younger teachers who've spent 4 or 6 years on large university campuses with very liberal professors and classes bring their worldview and values into the classroom. While in elementary school you don't see this much it's very prevalent in middle & high school.

Back on subject (sorry about that tangent) - your daughter should be able to be outside if she wants - but this may be a good time for her to learn that while you can dress anyway you want you can never control who is going to look at you. She may want to dress in a certain way becuase it makes her feel grown up but she will realize that old dudes and creepy people may be looking at her. It may end up being avaluable lesson in modesty.

As mom I would gently but firmly tell this neighbor boy that in our yard we don't say things like that becuase it can be taken the wrong way and we don't touch people either. So if you do anything like that you'll have to go home. Are your yard so small that this boy can reach your daughter while she's in your yard?

Realize that if he's got a crush on your daughter even if he's not out in the yard he could be in his house looking out the window. yuck.

You are the only one who can and will protect your kids - and if it's from a creepy kid next door then you ahve to do it. Just be kind, gentle and don't raise your voice - he can never say that you yelled at him if you almost whisper!

It sounds like something that needs to be nipped in the bud. That 9 year old knows he is being inappropriate and he needs to be called on it. I'd tell mom and then like the previous poster said, call non-emergency and make a report. You'd be doing the 9 year old a favor before he does something really out of line. It sounds like mom is a lost cause.
Tell your girls to aim low when they strike. Teach him a lesson.

Yes he is old enough to understand - my son just turned 9 and he knows what "hot" means.
But don't overeact! How has he touched them? I mean they are tall for their age and he is short for his - so it's not like he's over powering them or something....? He's a young boy, the girls make him feel a certain way that he probably doesn't understand fully and he's acting weird because of it.

No he is not too young to understand the inappropriateness of this. He appearently has parents unwilling to teach him, or who think this is okay behaivior. Perhaps you need to talk to the parents. Otherwise I think the advice that you gave your daughters is fine...

I don't think he is too young to understand. I would hate to have someone around my daughter that made her feel uncomfortable. You can't control what others say. Girls have to learn how to deal with unsolicited comments. Touching is something else and advising them to slap the kid is only effective if the girls would do it. I would also advise the girks to tell an adult immediately to intevene. It sounds like you and the other mom already have had words so there is likely no chance of a conversation that will resolve anything. IMHO I am concerned about the accusations of yelling and calling the other kids names. Not taking sides here but it sounds like you clearly dont like the other family so any interaction on any level is going to raise your hackles. Why would they accuse you of these things if there wasn't an interaction where you were perceived as yelling or otherwise unfriendly? Is it possible that the children are feeding off the hostility of the adults? Don't misunderstand, this is not a post to level blame or say your kids have to accept unwanted attention. My point is to simply say that children watch us for cues how to behave. If we hate, they hate. If we're rude, they're rude. Hopefully the folks will move and the issue will resolve itself. If the touching gets out of hand and adults cannot handle, then if police inervention is warranted.
, do what you have to do.

If your daughter is bigger than him, than she should easily be able to just walk away. There is no need for pushing and slapping. Walk away - or better yet walk over to the mother and let her know what's going on.

Of course, if he's aggressive, and she can't easily walk away, then she is entitled to do whatever is necessary to get out of the situation. But you really shouldn't be encouraging her to push or slap a child.

Maybe you need to have a heartier chat with the mother. And if she's that clueless, feel free to have a chat with the little boy. I would!

Good luck!

I would tell the mother that if he keeps it up that you will file a report with the police. My 4 year old knows better. That is really upsetting! Unfortunately, it sounds like his entire family has issues. Best to keep your daughters far away...even from talking with him.