Is 3 to Many?

B.,
I have 3 children and I love it. If you have a desire for another baby then go for it. For us 3 just seemed like a good number and we are not having anymore. My oldest daughter is named B., I have never seen anyone else with that name :)

I have 3. I thought I was done with two and would have been perfectly happy, but apparently, life had other plans for me. Going from 1 to 2 was really difficult, but going from 2 to 3 was surprisingly easy. And now that I have my third, I can't imagine my family without her. If you're healthy, there shouldn't be any reason to feel 41 is too old to have another child. If you really, really want another child keep trying (just don't let it consume your whole life and become a obsession). In the meantime, enjoy your husband and two kids and just let nature take its course. If you're meant to have another child, it will happen. If not, it just wasn't meant to be and you may someday find yourself saying "Thank goodness we never had that 3rd child...our family is perfect just the way it is!".

I feel this is a personal decision. Since you are 41 it may be harder to get pregnant but not impossible. I am actually pregnant with baby 3 myself although not planned. I am a little worried about having 3 seeing as my 3 and 4 yr old keep me so busy. As as is 3 too many I don't necessarily think so. SOme people feel 1 or 2 is enough while many have 4 or more. I could never have more than 3 myself so we are done. Well good luck in whatever your decidion is!

A friend who has 3 children once told me that as much as she loves her third child she believes 2 children are much easier since everything is made for a family of 4. She said trips to Disneyland are difficult because there is always that odd man out in every ride and many other examples she gave me, and it's true everything is made for a family of 4.

We are now having our second and I have thought about what she said and I think this is our last, for that and other reasons. But if you feel you are missing that last child, you should do what is best for you. It tooks us 6 months to get pregnant and I found charting my basal temp was the one thing that worked.

Good Luck to you & Happy Holidays!

B.,
Each child is a blessing and it is not wrong to want another child. I have 6 and each one brings happiness and much joy to our family. Relax and enjoy the time with your husband and that may all it takes. If it produces a baby great if not you have special memories of time spent together in special bonding time. Good Luck and relax.
C. B

B.,

There are soooo many thoughtful answers to your post already here, I'm not sure if I can come up with anything original! I guess my gut advice would be, follow your own heart. You & your hubby hash it all out, and, yes, even make a "pluses & minuses chart" to every factor you can think of & all the very insightful ones laid out here. Don't be afraid to think of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g including the unthinkables like, "what if something happens to (me or hubby), would (he or I) be able to take care of our bigger family alone?" Once you've made your big old list & pondered it a while, sit back & listen for the quiet voice inside your heart to guide you toward a decision.

IMHO, you are not "too old" at all to contemplate/have another baby, but like others have pointed out, there are some variables us "oldsters" (I'm 45 & having the same internal conversation) have to think about...like difficulty conceiving, possibility of birth defects, how old we'll be when the baby is entering college, etc., etc. It is such a life-changing and personal decision, and one that no one else can make for you & your spouse.

Might I also suggest the possibility of adoption, or fostering-to-adopt? You sound like you have a tremendous amount of love in your heart that a child would be so very blessed to share. We see on the news all the time about how many children there are in the world who don't have loving families to guide them & help them grow. There may be a child out there, somewhere, whose "puzzle piece" fits the shape of the empty space in your heart. You might talk about that possibility with your hubby & see if that's a road you both want to explore.

Like I said, the answer is in your own hearts & is one that only you & your family can make. Whatever your decision, I wish you & your family peace & light during this holy season!

I guess I come from an unusual family. I'm the oldest of 10. Some natural and some adopted. I never felt left out or that I didn't get enough attention. It just depends on what you, as a parent, can handle. There is no wrong choice. My family got some dirty looks as we were growing up, but my parents just ignored it. They were doing what was right for them. And my youngest sister was born when my Mom was 47. I think having young kids in the house keeps her young. Anyway, do what's right for you, and don't let anyone look down on you for the choice you make. Good luck and God bless.

I too am 41 and contimplating a 3rd. I don't think about how old I will be when they are growing up. There are people our age having children every day and loving every minute of it. I worry about them driving and dating but I think those are worries you have wether you are 40 or 60. I have been trying for 8 months also. I think if it happens it will be a blessing and if it doesn't not to worry. I love my family and when it came about or how is not an issue or worry. Enjoy and let nature take its course either way. Good luck.
J.

I have 3 and I love it. I wouldn't change it for the world. It's really not much harder than 2. If you want more and as long as you can afford it, go for it! Don't put pressure on yourself though. If it happens, then it was meant to be. Good luck!

I have a very strong opinion about this because I love family and I personally come from a big family. I am the third of six children.
i would say go with your gut if you feel like your family is not complete then keep trying yes it might get frustrating but maybe you should relax and take the outlook on the situation that if it happens it happens and if not thats ok too. But if you give up now this strong urge that you are feeling may come back later when it is to late.
On the question if 3 is to many yes it may be for some people but you have to make that descision for yourself and your familys situation. but there is nothing wrong with big families they are so fun. Good Luck!

I think the mind set of our current society puts pressure on people that want more than 2 children. Don't be a victim to that. Also sometimes women ovulate 2x's a cycle and it is the second ovulation that works. I have had lots of women experience what you are experiencing sometimes they get pregnant easy sometimes it takes forever. Try checking if you ovulate twice.
Good luck and happy family. G. CMD;CBE

I think it totally depends on what the ages of your kids are now, is this something you really want or going through that stage we all do missing a baby around? Being 41 your health and the babies health risks rise, however, it is done all the time and I had my son short of my 40th bday and all was perfect! If your whole family wants another baby, then keep trying. All families are complete, whether it is one, two, six or ten. I think we women go through a stage really missing being pregnant (at least I did) and having that newborn love in the house. I quickly snap back to reality and love that my kids 3 and 6 are getting more independent, that I get to sleep a good night's sleep and that I love babies but will in 20 years or so have grandbabies to love and spoil!!! :)

I always wanted 3 and couldn't conceive the third UNTIL...my 40th birthday. I lost some weight and the doctor said that's what sparked something in my system and I was able to conceive. I already had an 16 and 13 year old and was totally not trying to conceive when my 3rd was born. She's been a blessing. Good luck!

My husband and I have 3 beautiful boys, ages 12, 10, and 7. I desperately wanted a girl, and we tried diligently for a girl. I had decided after getting pregnant easily on the first and second sons, that if we weren't pregnant after 6 months, we'd know that our family was complete at 2. In month 6, we slipped up a little while on vacation, and BOOM, got pregnant with son #3!!! He is truly a blessing in our lives. We have never regretted having him for even a second. Now, we were 31 and 33 when having our last.

I will admit, this world is designed for families of 4: restuarant booths, cars, ski lifts, EVERYTHING is inconvenient for families of 5. Once we utnumbered ourselves, I will admit we felt quite out of control for awhile. Now that they are older, we are glad we made the choice to have 3. Just know that the world is set up for your cozy family of 4!!!

You should have as many children as you want and can afford. If I had started sooner, I would have had four. I was one of three and we loved and hated each other just the same as my two do. I have family who came from families of 6, 8 & 11 and their stories are just as fun and loving as mine.
So my advice is follow your heart.

B.-
I am one of 2 kids and it was always great. My mom is one of 3 and said that it was always 2 on 1. Lots and lots of fighting! I am 37 and expecting my second and last child. Like someone else said, the world is just geared towards a family of 4. I am looking forward to taking my kids on lots of adventures that I am sure we wouldn't be able to afford if we had to pay for another person's plane ticket, etc. Just everything will cost more.

Another concern that I would have with trying to conceive at 41 is having a child with special needs and that would certainly change your family in ways that you are probably not anticipating. I know that I feel blessed to be able to give my child 1 sibling and that will be enough. I don't think that you would be human if you didn't wonder what the 3rd would be like and it is a personal choice. But, there is my opinion because you asked for it! :)

B., I have three children and I love it. When we only had two I told my husband that I didn't feel like our family was complete so we had one more and now I do feel like a complete family. Good Luck and just relax it is all in Gods timing...

We have four and would love to have another. I don't think I could ever have too many kids!!! If you are having trouble - stop "trying" - sometimes it happens when you least expect it. My husband and I always say if it happens, it happens, if not, then we're still fine. As for your age - I don't think that is a factor. 41 is still young!!!

I have four and am happy. I guess I would set a time limit of trying (forexample, saying to yourself "I want to have a 3rd by 43) and stick to it. If you aren't blessed with a 3rd, then enjoy the 2. Sometimes we long too much for what we can't have and forget to be thankful for what we do.

B.,

I'm the oldest of five, so obviously I don't think three is too many, lol. I would say only you know if you can afford and deal with a third child. How will your other children feel about it? Are they old enough? I have two friends who had children at 40, and they have perfectly healthy 2 1/2 year olds right now. One of those friends had a teenage daughter and an 8 year old daughter when she had the new little guy, and he fits in perfectly with the family. Good luck!

I am having the 3rd baby debate with myself and I am only 24 tho. I think I want a 3rd but i dont want to wait to far into life to have one because i dont want the others to far apart and I dont want to "start over" once i am done with baby and toddlerhood etc. My dad is raising my neice who is now 2 they have had her since birth he is 46 and said its the hardest thing he could have ever done. When the baby came into the house my youngest sister was 13 ( im the oldest of 6) My husband and I began our careers at 21, so by the time he is 41 he will have a full 20 yr retirement with great pay and benefits and thats when I want to travel etc knowing my children are all grown. Its really a personal choice and you have to look into the future. I wouldnt want to be like my dada raising a baby and having grandkids at the same time. Good luck with your choice only you know what you want and can handle and if you are healthy enough and feel its def what you want then relax, keep trying and let nature take its course!

No 3 is the new 2! I have three children currently almost 5, 2 and 1! I absolutely love having three. Yes it does have it challenging moments but the good definitely out weighs the bad. So much so that we plan to have another one! The question now is 4 too many! Absolutely NOT! LOL Good luck!

Hi, B...

I know what you're feeling. I have 8 and 4 yr. old girls and a hubby is incredible to them and myself. We "tried" for a third about 2 yrs. ago, and then decided if it happened, it happened.. well, I'm 40 now and will be having a baby in May and will be 41 in January. I say if you feel like your family isn't complete, and your hubby is on board, and your health is good, go for it and as long as your OB/GYN says it is okay... keep trying. Nothing is worse than an unfulfilled longing or need.

L.

I'm excited to read all the responses, as I'm trying to make the same decision. It is not a matter or right or wrong at all. It is so completely personal and up to you and your husband. Make the decision you want, not based on anyone else's pressure. Just make sure you can afford to take care of their physical and emotional needs. If you can take care of them, then by all means have as many kids as you want. But I really don't understand why some people are encouraging you to have as many as you can afford. If you can afford more but you want your life to remain simpler, then don't have more. You can have a full and joyous life no matter how many kids you have. I personally like order, so having number 3 might take motherhood from being truly enjoyable for me to making it a frazzled stressful blur. My needs need to be taken care of so I can better take care of my family and 3 might put me over the edge of mostly loving what I do to feeling constantly exhausted. Everyone is different. You might be able to handle more chaos and be fine with it.

I want my kids to be great friends like I was with my sister growing up. We live in the same neighborhood together now. I worry that with 3 kids, one might get left out. But I love being a mom, and sometimes would love to add another to the mix. And I do know that no matter what, once you have a child you love them.

I have three kiddos. I was completely shocked when i got preg with #3 because my #2 was such a handful. She is great and we love having three kids. I sometimes want more but my sanity might be in question.. :-) How old is your #2? I think that can make a big difference. My first two are 20 months apart..and when they were littler it was a lot of work thus the freaking out when I conceived #3. #2 and #3 are 26 months apt. I like that age difference better. Good luck. I believe that all children are a blessing. We had wanted 4 kids. (if I dealt better with them we would have had more) I was one of 4 2 months out of the year. We loved it. My three really qet along quite well and I don't find that one gets left out. It does happen occassionally but not a lot. My middle plays well with either sibling.

No way, I Don't think 3 is too many, i believe that you can have as many kids as you feel comfortable with, I have 2 beautiful sons, and I tell my husband that there is always room for 1 more. They are great kids but i feel the same way my family doesn't feel complete yet and who know i may want more after 3.

I think in this situation you just need to relax a little and leave it up to God. You are definitely not crazy to want a third child and it sounds like you would love to have another so just keep trying! If you are getting desperate I would research your fertility or go to some natural family planning classes which can help you figure out your peak days to get pregnant. Good luck with everything :]

Three is never too many but...

Think about this. You will be nearly 60 years old when your child gets out of high school. It isn't that the family is incomplete I sense you must be feeling incomplete. So look at what you are actually hoping to have from another child. Is it that you are at a loss of what to do and think a new arrival will give you more identity. Most late babies get the very special privilege of being the last one, and the experience of parents who now know what to do and not to do. But really think about what years you will be entering and think, will you be at your best as a parent. You will be headed toward thoughts of winding down your work toward retirement(ya, think about that retirement age right after college). Seems like a missing link in your life will be the years to enjoy the financial freedom and personal freedom before retirement age. Those years will be spent getting three kids through college. The energy level needed to get through the teen years will be competing with the natural slowing of metabolism.

So think, is the family really incomplete or are you, then decide accordingly.

Just a thought.
D.

you should have as many children as you want as long as you can afford to give them a good life. just remember they cost a lot more later than they do when they are small. good luck

I am the youngest of 3 kids, I have two olders brothers. Just my opinion, but I wouldn't want to have more than 2 kids, one tends to get left out.

I am a singel mother of three, my first is my only daughter and she is 8, my second is a boy and he is 3. These two were concieved with much help from our dr and in vitro. When my second was only three months old I was still having some trouble from his delivery and was very ill, after two more months of this I decided to finally go to the dr again, after several blood tests we discovered our third!! My boys are 14 months apart and I have to say the third really completed my kids, it was like the other two were wonderful but lacking someplace and the third completed the circle. All three of them are perfect! He was the gift I had no idea I wanted until I got him. I do feel outnumbered most of the time, but with a good sense of humor you can survive anything and alot of help from God works miracles. I never wanted to have three children, but I know believe that a mother DOES know best and if a third is what you want then there is no reason to stop at the two you have. Good luck!

As the eldest of a group of 3, I can tell you yes and no. Yes, because there's always that chance that someone has to fend for themselves on play attention, etc. No, because there's always someone to play with, protect, take responsibility for, blame for the pudding in the piano.... lol.
The issue that is staring you in the face, however is that you are over 40. Research the health issues for you both with an open logical mind. Think about how old you and the baby's father will be when it joins scouts, goes to the prom, graduates from college... And how many years there will be between its closest sib.
Good Luck

Before I started on this venture of motherhood, I always wanted four kids because I would never have just one, two seemed too few and three meant someone was always odd one out. Also, my husband and I came from families with four kids. I am now pregnant with my fourth and looking very much forward to being done. Two seems sooo manageable to me to still have a life when I talk to my friends and it's "man-to-man" defense when their hubbies are around. Once you go to three and beyond it's "zone" and I think we were given two hands for a reason! :0) Our kids are our life and that's why I chose the partner I did but we have a ways to go before we have any semblance of autonomy again.

I think it greatly depends on the personality of the kids as well. For me going to three was no problem but when the third one came the rules went out the window. My third has presented me challenges I hadn't dealt with before to the point I sometimes think "What am I doing having a fourth?" But this reminds me of the agony before each of my subsequent children in reference to how the other kids would take it and would it all work----and it always has worked out.

Lastly, I proceeded to get pregnant with my fourth because it was part of the original plan. I think if I decided not to have this baby now I would be in my late forties feeling like I was missing out. Then I would have my fourth and he/she would be graduating high school the same year I draw social security---that's if it's still there. ;) I personally don't want to be that old with kids.

Best wishes.

K