Irregular Sleeping Habits

I was told by the pediatrician that there's no use in sleep training before 4-6 months. My daughter had very irregular nap/sleep schedules till she was 4 months old. We did hire a sleep consultant to come to the house and observe the baby and lay out some sleep training plans at 4 months. It worked for us. One thing that worked for us was to stop the middle of the night feedings. This way the baby won't wake up expecting to be fed. For the crying out method, I think it is ok to apply that when the baby's at least 6 months old, but we didn't want to nor did we have to. Good luck.

Most experts do not recommend co-sleeping if you want your child to develop healthy sleeping habits. They need to learn to soothe themselves and sleep in their own bed. You also need private time with your husband, and having a kid in your bed does not really allow for that. I think it may be a little early for the rigid Cry it out method, but you can start working on letting your daughter cry a little and help her learn to soothe herself to sleep. In a month or so she may be able to sleep through the night without food (my daughter was sleeping 8+ hours at 4 months old).

It's totally normal at this age. That's why there are a million books about it! I think going back to work makes the whole sleep thing so stressful. I definitely experienced this concern. I know not everyone is open to co-sleeping, but it's really worked for us and once we decided not to stress out over schedules, and our baby sleeping through the night, life became easier. Crying it out was not in our menu of choices, but I think I remember reading that proponents do not recommend it before 6 months. I've seen others recommend waiting a year.

Plus, because he could nurse at night, I believe it helped me maintain my supply, since many women experience a decrease in supply when nursing frequency changes (a pump isn't as efficient as a baby). And I felt like since we are apart during the day, it's a chance for us to be together. So he would wake up, and I would not have to get up out of bed and wake up fully. He just nursed, we both barely woke up and fell right back asleep.

Many recommend Weisbluth's book and Pantley's book. I found a lot of what both had to say quite useful, but thought that Weisbluth's recommendation of crying for an hour too harsh, and his claim that not sleeping enough and being on a schedule causes obesity specious and irresponsible. But we took some of his ideas and worked with them. We are pretty strict about the time he goes to bed at night, and created a consistent routine. We tried sticking to a strict time schedule for naps but found that created more stress for us, and did not seem to make a difference in him. So now he does well with 2 naps a day (now that he's 13 months), and we are more cognizant of the routine rather than the clock.

Anyway, there are a slew of books out there and they all have the message that YOU MUST DO THIS OR YOUR BABY WILL NEVER SLEEP ON HIS OWN AND YOU WILL BE A PUSHOVER. My advice is to read the books but read them all with a grain of salt and take what advice works best for you. Good luck!!

Some babies take along time to get on any sort of schedule or routine. I know both our boys took close to a year before there was any consistency in that are....don't mean to freak you out! All I can offer is to set up your own nap & bed time routine. Whe you see the signs of sleepiness, take him to a quiet place (if possible), nurse or give him bottle, maybe rock him a bit & then lay him down in the crib so he goes to sleep slightly drowsy but not completely asleep. Both of our boys always had some sort of music machine so maybe you could find one for your son. Turn it on while you're in the routine so he gets used to it. The key is to be consistent w/your routine & schedule so he gets it & knows what to expect. Is he going to a daycare or is someone babysitting in the house? I ask cuz if it's in-house, make sure the sitter follows the same routine. At daycare, that might be a bit harder but ask them to follow it as close as possible, too. Keep in mind, tho, that there will be some days this won't work & you'll just have to deal w/that. Some babies do well & take right to a routine & other don't. Hope this helps & good luck.

Hi S.. An old friend of mine, a mother of 4, said that there are 3 things you can't make a child do - eat, sleep or poop. Sleeping schedules are not reliable. You can try to let her cry it out, but the best mothers I know don't do that. Depending on your plan for childcare, you may find that the provider can get your daughter on a more regular schedule - that all the children have naps at the same time. Good luck!

At 3 months my son was sleeping through the night. i was thrilled! I logged it in his baby book and considered that feat done! Then... 6 weeks later... that all changed. He is now 6 months, teething and certainly not sleeping through the night. I have read quite a bit on the matter and it seems babies don't sleep as well when they are on the verge of achieving a milestone like sitting, teething, etc. Routines are key to help baby sleep better at night. we feed, bathe (not nightly), pj, read stories and then i nurse my son down to sleep (which unfortunately he is now too accustomed to and i would advise switching this order up!). it is imperative that you get your baby down BEFORE they get too tired. Just like ourselves, if babies get too wound up, they have a hard time shutting down for sleep. As soon as you see a sleep sign, get the the pjs on. sometimes we don't even have time for the stories as he is too over tired and past the point of listening. I personally do not believe in the cry it out method, but i firmly believe every parent needs to find what works for them. There is no right or wrong way of doing things - especially when it comes to sleep. Every baby is different and just when you think you have established a good sleep patten with your baby - things change. I do let my baby cry for 15 minutes though and then access the situation. sometimes he can put himself down other times I have to sing, rock or nurse again. I try not to pick him up from the crib though. i just rub his belly and sing. Hope this helps!

Dear S.,
I am the mother of 7. All but the first slept through the night at 9 weeks. Why? I put them on a schedule from the moment they were born. I trained them. I set the schedule that worked best for our family. Set a schedule now that works with your work schedule. Start at the same time every day. Feed the baby, play with her and then after 2 hours have passed from the feeding time, put her down. Let her sleep for 1 1/2 hours. Then start all over again. At four months go to a 4 hour schedule. She is up for 2 and down for 2. Do this for a week and she will be sleeping through the night.
As one mom pointed out, things do disrupt this, like growth spurts, teething or sickness, but they will get back to it after that passes.
Good luck. Stac

Yes, it's normal. You just got lucky with your son. I'm not sure about the crying to sleep thing... 3 months seems young. She probably does still need to eat every few hours. I know it's hard, but you'll get through it. Take care, C.

Hi Stacy,

I am a mother of 4 and I can honestly say that what was normal for one certainly wasn't normal for the other. Seemed like my boys couldn't last through the night without a snack(to this day 15, and 13 years later) My 2 1/2 year old has to get up and have water. But my daughter sleeps through the night, something new for me.

She is 3 months old and some change and she is my only child that after being fed, cleaned, and burped would actually just lay in the crib and go to sleep. I will let her kind of whine a bit, she is half a sleep kind of just making a little noise. If she is really "crying, crying" and all moms know what that is, I will pick her up.

With my 2 1/2 year old he never slept through the night and I brought him to bed with me. I went back to work like you did after 3 months and needed my sleep so I did what I needed to do. Everyone is different, just like every child is different. You need to do what is right for you and right for your child. My husband and I still have our toddler in our bed and now we want him out because he is a wild sleeper and very big. But those are the consequences for our actions. If I would have breastfed him and put him back in the crib then we wouldn't have this situation. Sleep? Child in my bed? I opted for sleep so again I say it is really up to you.

You also have to remember that babies are constantly changing. The sleeping habits may change soon. Weigh out your options along with what is best for you and your baby.

Best of luck to you and your family.
God bless you!

This is very normal. Until they are 6 months for sure.

Dear S.,

I'm working through the same things with my son, but he's 4.5 months old and I've been back to work since month 3. I'm a first time mom so I don't have a wealth of experience. I'll just tell you what it's been like for us. When I went back to work, my husband was still on leave. My son, whom I've breastfed, was sleeping in 2 hour stretches at that time, with occasional 3-4 hour stints. He didn't have regular nap times, but bedtime was fairly constant. He slept in an Arms Reach Cosleeper when I was awake enough to put him back in it after a feeding, with me when I fell asleep right after a feeding.

We put our son in a very good family daycare for ~6 hours a day when I went back to work. He seemed fine and his sleep cycle was unchanged at 2 hours. Then, 2 weeks later, my husband went back to work full time and our son was in care for 8-10 hours a day. He started waking every hour through the night and his naps at daycare got shorter and shorter as the week passed, down to none on Fridays. After 2 weeks of hourly wakings I was a mess and he was very obviously stressed. I took a week off work and reduced our son's daycare time to 6-7 hours a day (I spent those hours sleeping and trying to keep up with my email at work). I also read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley and concentrated on regularizing naps on the weekends and getting my nipple out of my son's mouth before he dropped off to sleep. His sleep cycle extended back to 2 hour cycles. I went back to work, but cut my hours to 6-7 so that he wasn't in care for more than 8 hours a day. He stayed at 2 hour cycles which was not enough sleep for me.

By this time he was 4 months old and over 16 pounds. Our pediatrician said he could easily sleep for 4-8 hours at a stretch and gently suggested that we let him cry it out. We tried, but my husband caved after listening to both my son and I cry for 40 minutes. Then his first cycle of sleep, when we put him down at 7:00PM so we had some time to ourselves to eat dinner, started to degrade. He would wake after 10, 20 or 30 minutes and cry for me. I'd go to him, nurse him down again and put him back in the cosleeper. Sometimes he'd wake again and I'd have to nurse him down again. It began to seem like he just didn't want to sleep without me next to him. I wondered if I should just give up on the cosleeper and keep him in the king size with me. However, I'd observed all along that he slept longer when he slept alone. Then one night we had a friend over for dinner who happened to be a pediatrician. My son did his usual of waking up 20 minutes after I put him to bed. My friend talked me down through 45 minutes of listening to my son's cries cycling up and down from fussing to frantic and back again. Finally he fell asleep and slept for 2 hours. We began to let him cry at bedtime and he never cried again for more than 30 minutes since that first night. Most nights he fusses quietly for less than 5.

However, he was still sleeping for only 2 hours at a time and I was feeling more and more exhausted. Last week I began the arduous task of letting him cry in the middle of the night and not picking him up until 2.75 hours had passed. Again I had to drastically reduce my work hours to have the stamina to be consistent all night long. One night he cried for 50 minutes and it was sheer hell to lay in the room with him and listen without picking him up. I was drenched in sweat. Every time I stirred, he'd stop crying and wait for me to pick him up and then resume with even more vigor when I didn't. Very, very difficult to get through. However, last night, for the first time, he made it 3 hours between each feeding, without any crying.

I would have vastly preferred not to have let my son cry. I had a tough childhood and was never allowed to go to my parents for help in the night, so I hate not responding to my son. However, at 3-4 months old, there are only so many soothing measures you can offer. Reading stories doesn't help. Singing was of limited use. Rocking never worked with my son. Walking through the neighborhood with him in a carrier did, but I wasn't up for that in the middle of the night. My husband's job is too demanding for me to shift the responsibility to him part of the time. Crying it out is what has worked and it has worked quite fast. My son seems to "get it". He changes his behavior immediately. I have to be careful to be consistent or he will backslide, but we do make solid progress. At first I couldn't go in to reassure him without causing him to cry even more. Now I can go in and check to make sure his blankets are still in place, stroke his head and it seems to help calm him and shorten his fussing.

Good luck with your sweet little girl. Every child has different sleep needs and you will eventually find what works for you.

Hi S.. Is there a FAVORITE place your baby likes to sleep or sleeps well in or at? For my son it has ALWAYS been his car seat (infant carrier). I'm not a 'cry-it-out' mom, I don't believe in it. I find it very cruel and cold. Your baby is scared, and needs reassurance from you. Think about it, it's dark, you wake up to either closed in sides or slats and you cry out of fear and no one comes to help you or they come and say it's okay and leave you alone to fend in the dark. No way. I am neither for or against co-sleeping, that is a personal preferance for the parent. I am however for total support. My son was a little mixed up but I immediately started him on a schedule at a month and a half. Now at 6 months, he's generally awake by 7:30, morning nap between 9:30-10 am for about 1/2 hour to an hour; lunch around noonish, nap from about 12:30-1pm for another hour and a half to 3 hours, up and down again around 4-4:30 for 30 minutes and finally at 7ish we start our routine for going to bed at 8:30. May seem to structured for a stay at home mom, but it works and it's a little flexible on days I need it to be. I hope this is helpful.

T.

Our daugher is also 3 months old and there was no consistency in her sleep. The N.A.P.S. technique described in the book The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly Moore was really helpful to us. After 3 days of trying this, she slept a full 8 hours at nighttime.

The theory is that if you follow your babys natural sleep cycle, they will be better rested, not get over tired and sleep longer nights.

It works like this:
N: Note the time of your baby's last waking
A: Add 90 minutes
P: Play and pursue other activities with baby
S: Soothe your baby back to sleep at the end of the 90 minutes.

Good luck to you...

Before four months a regular schedule is difficult at best, I have worked with a lot of families on this and have found that four months is a good time to try a stricter schedule. She is growing so fast now and changing so quickly that crying it out will probably not work. Hang in there!