Inviting Etiquette, Do I Have to Invite the Whole Pre-school?

Wow, I would be taken aback by that conversation too! Sam's Mom was out of line to make those assumptions. It would have startled me too, and in the moment, I would be a little hesitant for the right words. But now that you have some time to digest what was said, I would pull her aside the next time you see her at preschool and say, "Oh, say Jane, I was caught off guard when you asked me about DD's birthday party. I need to let you know that she is not having a preschool class party. She's only inviting one friend from preschool, X, and one friend outside of preschool, and the rest are family. No personal slight meant to Sam, I didn't want you to misunderstand."

If she went to Sam's party, it would be appropriate for her to think he would be invited to her party. If not, then maybe she just thought that since most of the kids parties invite the whole class, you would be doing that too. You should have said right then and there that it is just going to be a family party with her best friend. No biggie. My son's birthday is in March too and I am inviting the whole preschool because there are only 7 of them and he has had playdates with everyone. But the girl in the class had a girls only party back in November. I guess I would have assumed that we would have been invited too but I was not offended or anything. Honesty is the best policy!

"Oh! We are letting Sarah invite one friend to join her" Then leave it at that.
L.

My daughter is in preschool as well and her birthday is in March. At that age, it is typical to invite everyone. Honestly, majority of the kids won't go but in my daughter's class they all talk so I would hate for any little one to get their feelings hurt.

My daycares and schools have a rule...you either invite ONLY all the girls, ONLY all the boys, everyone or no one if you are handing the invites at at school. This pertains not to the whole daycare but to the class your child is in.

No, I dont think you need to invite the entire class. Especially if only one close friend is going to go. If you were inviting several more then yeah word might get around.

When that Mom asks why her kid wasn't invited, just politely say that it was a small get together with a few family friends, and that it wasn't a big thing. Enough said. If she pushes further and granted you FEEL like it, you could always add in that you would love to get your two kids together for a play date soon so that they can play and you can chat. Again, granted you like this woman.

You dont need to have a big excuse, it's not like your not inviting her kid just to be mean. You arent inviting anyone.

My family has NEVER done invites for "the whole class."

Birthdays are for family and the closest friends only. That's just the way we do it.

Just let her know, if she asks, that you're only doing a small party with family and a couple of M's closest friends. If you still feel guilty, you could always follow that up with "You know how it is...in this economy? Things are tight right now."

Best of luck!

Does your preschool have a policy? My son's preschool has a policy that the entire class be invited to bday parties, I know some people disagree but I actually think it's a good idea.

I always invited all the girls, or boys in the case of my sons, from preschool. It is just like school they talk, ya know? I wouldn't want any child to be hurt that they weren't invited.

The stubborn in me would want to not include that one person just because she invited herself.

Eventually the angel shoulder would beat up the devil shoulder and I would invite them all and mumble under my breath during the party.

So I really don't have an answer to your second question because I invite them all.

I'm really not sure what you should do at this point ONLY because I'm thinking that the mom may have said something to Sam about the party. It would be one thing if Sam doesn't know, but if mom already mentioned it, then Sam's feelings will get hurt.

I think I would probably just go ahead and invite Sam BUT be sure you let the mom know that only Sam and one other classmate were invited, so please do not say anything in front of the other students/parents.

Next time, you should be sure to set the record straight on the spot. That way you don't run the risk of inviting kids you really didn't want to invite or hurting the kids' feelings.

If some kids from the daycare are already invited that is indeed a fine line. If Sam knows about it why not include her especially if the Mom said something. It's not worth the hurt feelings. Also, if you are not going to invite her entire class be sure to mail the invites or discreetly pass them out to selected parents to avoid any awkward situations.

When my kids where young I usually invited the whole class not the whole school. But most did not show up. If you invite more than you expected originaly put on there that they must RSVP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!

I don't completely understand your posting. Was your plan to only invite one student from the preschool? Then I think that's fine, and you don't need to invite the whole class! If Sam's mom brings it up again, you can tell her that you just decided to do a family party, and aren't inviting the class.

However, if I have misunderstood you and you're actually inviting multiple people from the preschool, the line becomes thinner. One or two more, and I still think it's fine to say you're only having a small party of your daughter's close friends. Inviting half the class or more and excluding people can be seen as bullying, and some preschools even have rules against it. I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it; there is no reason to intentionally make a child feel left out or feel badly about themselves.

It was a very inappropriate comment. I wonder if Sam has been excluded before, and this was Mom's way of making sure he was included. I can sort of see someone doing that to protect their child, if they have already had the experience of being been left out in the past. If not, then this is just a really tacky mom, because inviting yourself to anything is bad manners.

Sorry that I didn't completely understand you. Good luck!

UPDATE: BB makes a good point about whether your daughter was invited to Sam's party or not, too.

I am very anti-party. I don't see how anyone can afford to go all out and it sets a dangerous precident. If you do something big one year, they seem to expect it every year. We always told our kids that they could have a nicely decorated part at the house with all the trimmings and not much for presents, or one really nice bigger gift and just a little family deal. 2 of our children still to this day expect things to be a much bigger deal. They want things to be such a big deal that they throw their own parties! LOL.

I would ignore the situation completely for now. If she brings it up or she seems to be giving you the cold shoulder after she realizes she's not getting an invite, I'd tell her that you simply can't afford to invite more than family and 1 or 2 friends and that likely those friends will be close friends of the family, from church or from the neighborhood. Then hope she doesn't figure out which child from the school went :)

If she asks about it again just tell her plan changed and you're not doing anything this year.

My daughter has a lot of cousins and family. So we only allowed her to invite her closest friend in school.