My son is 19 months old and I am pregnant with our second child due in January. My husband and I will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary next month, so we decided to take a vacation, just the two of us. My husband is a firefighter and is gone many nights, but this was my first time away from my son for more than a few hours. We were gone for two nights and my parents watched our son for us. They said he did very well, but he did go around the house asking for me from time to time.
Well, here is my problem. We just came back yesterday and my son was happy to see me and wanted to sit on my lap all afternoon. He waved bye bye to grandma and grandpa when they left, didn't throw any sort of fit or anything (he usually cries when my mom leaves, they live 2 hours away). He seemed happy we were back. Then, about two hours later, he just broke down. We go through the typical toddler problems (hitting, mostly) and he hit his dad a couple of times. After being warned, we put him in timeout, and he just lost it. He screamed for 45 minutes, so hard he almost threw up. I could do nothing to console him. He wanted to be with me, but then would just keep screaming, even though I was holding him. Finally, he calmed down. Then, he did the same thing this morning. I was making him breakfast and went to bring him to the table, and he just lost it. Kicking, screaming, snot, everything. Again, 45 minutes of this before he finally calmed down. During these 45 minutes, I tried ignoring, I tried talking, I tried consoling, NOTHING worked. I'm starting to feel like maybe he's mad that I came home or something and he'd rather be with my mom. Anytime I have tried to re-direct him from doing something he knows he's not supposed to do (like run out in the front yard) he throws a full-on tantrum. I'm not saying he's never thrown a tantrum before, but this is a little extreme.
Part of me feels guilty for leaving for 2 nights, but it was really nice to get away with my husband. We haven't gone anywhere, just the two of us, since long before our son was born. He might be teething, he had his hands in his mouth and is working on his canines. I don't know, sorry for the super long post, I just feel super insecure. I don't know if it is hormones or just normal mom stuff, but I'm afraid my son doesn't want me. He is being so difficult, I'm afraid to ever leave him again or I'll have to go through this again!
Thanks for all the responses. I just needed a little encouragement. Just to clarify, I do not put my son in timeout for 45 minutes, it's only one minute. He just cried for 45 minutes afterwards. He seems to be doing much better now. The first two days were pretty rocky, but he's getting back to his old self. Also, his top canines just came in, which I'm sure didn't make matters any better for him :) Thanks again!
Sweetie, that is perfectly normal behavior. My daughter is 11 and up until she was about 8 I would be "punished" for going away. They hold it in and are good while you are gone. He's happy you are home and is venting his frustration because you left. It will get easier, just be very understanding and let it pass. Best of luck, C.
You need not worry. This is normal. Even when kids start saying, "I hate you...." They really love you. They just let it all out because they know it is a safe environment. Don't worry!
It sounds to me like he was just expressing his feelings about you having been gone, and that you did the right thing to just stay with him and let him have his experience. Remember that at 19 mos they still have a lot of difficulty processing/understanding how to express feelings like we do. Next time he does that I would try to put words to it: "You're feeling strong emotions right now. Mommy's going to sit with you while you have these big feelings." That kind of thing. You're teaching HIM how to deal with his feelings. Don't ignore them; be with him! He needs support.
Hi N.,
You sound like a great mom! So don't get down on yourself for leaving your child for a few days. For mommy's to be great mommy's, we all have to take a break sometimes. As far as his behavior, it sounds like he is just readjusting to you being back home. He will settle down in a few days-- just give him as much attention as you can, positive talking, love and affection- try to ignore the bad behavior--it will go away with time. Good luck to you and don't be afraid to leave him again-- its good for him and for you. Take care and congratulation on your pregnancy!
Molly
Of course your son wants you!!!!
Just give him lots of hugs and holding and reassurance. It sounds like you know his behavior is the result of your being away, and he just needs to be reassured. Don't punish him, just hold him and say "mommy's here, it's okay," and keep holding him and telling him everything is okay until he calms down.
Going away is good for you and your husband if you have a competent grandma to take care of the kids. So don't be afraid to do it again, but DO give your little boy all the reassurance he needs.
Hi N.,
I remember the first time I left my son with my parents. When we got home after 2 days, he acted up very similar to your son.
But he was back-on-track very soon. And your son will be, too.
Try to understand, when we are gone, our parents will shower them with love and affection to make up for our absence. Some things/routines may get a little interrupted, but they will always come back to normal. This is one of those things that I learned early on..... when I leave, if even for a night, I have to "work a little harder" when I get home :O)
Just love your son. He'll be just fine. He's simply approaching 2. But there is NO NEED to feel threatened as a mother. That you have to let go of TODAY! :O) Feel thankful that there is another loving person out there (your mom) who makes your son feel as secure as when he's with you. That is the truly glorious part of this story!
~N. :O)
You shouldn't think he doesn't want you. He's had visits before but he's never really had his routine changed so drastically... He was "born yesterday", relatively speaking, and he doesn't know about vacations, and he can't tell time---he doesn't understand what happened. Also his memory is sort of fuzzy.
You feel insecure...so does he! Rather than thinking he's mad you came back, try thinking he's mad that you left and he doesn't know if you are going to do it again.
But don't be scared to leave again. The fact that you had never done it before made it a shock, but he's growing all the time, and learning all the time. He'll get to feeling secure again, and you'll leave once in a while, and eventually he'll figure out that you always come back, and won't get so upset. Marriage is important to take care of, just as much as babies. = ) You didn't do anything wrong, and your child loves you.
I had a very similar experience when I went away for two days on a business trip when my son was 18 months. He was with my mom and my husband. I arrived when he was napping, he woke up happy and then when he saw me he lost it for a few hours. I think it was a way of him releasing stress that he had missed me. I also think it means that he felt safe enough to let go of all that emotion with me, because I was his mom. I think this is pretty normal behavior for this age, though I do know that going through it was very distressing.
This sounds like a very normal reaction. You do not need to feel guilty about having left him, but he is not sure about the changes he's been through recently. You just need to keep on being firm with him about the misbehaviour, while giving him lots of love and attention to reassure him that you are now back and that things are going to be ok.
Hi N.,
wow, you have the patience of a saint!
I think if you change a tactic it might help. I know time out is popular but I am not a fan , because it separates the child from the one he needs support from the most during those training moments. In an empty room he is not being reflected or guided, he just knows your gone, and having the security of mother being there is his number one need. I think the separation anxiety is what is making him go apoplectic. I really believe young children at that age don't logically sit there and "think" about what they did and 'should' do next time. That seems a little advanced. Operant conditioning is the key word here, and works much better at that age and for infractions, like hitting for example. Operant conditioning is an immediate, consistent painful feeling each time the offending action happens, causing them to deter because neurons respond and encode for conditional stimuli. An example is a slap on the hand and a stern NO, looking directly into his eyes, each time he hits. Do not smile, or speak in a low sweet calm voice. you will be sending him a mixed message. 90% of our communication with other humans is done through facial features and tone of voice, only 10% with words! You need a stern No and a serious look. Then when he starts crying after his reprimand, you hug him, showing him love and telling him you understand that this was not pleasant for him,(or you) but you will not allow him to hit and you will always be here for him while he works through this behavior. This way you comfort him in his time of need and training, rather than pull your love away with solitary confinement.
Even animal moms such as dogs train thier offspring with operant conditioning...a stern nip on the neck when the pup is doing wrong.
The key is consistency. Condition for every time the infraction occurs. If an all out fit with kicking and screaming ensues after a punishment - I would NOT pick him up or try to console, because you are conditioning negative behavior with a positive response. That will ingrain it all the more. Walk away, leaving the child on the floor kicking, and do something else. Tell him it hurts your ears when he screams in them, you will not allow him to hurt your ears, and when he calms down you will be glad to come to him and spend time.
You could try to give him more naps....maybe two naps a day at that age. Lots of Magnesium and less calcium has been shown to decrease aggression and anger in children.
Good luck and hang in there. It will all work out.
Parenting is a lot of trial and error, just do your best and give the rest to God.
Gail
Your story so reminds me of when my second child was born. we had talked with him about the new baby, but hadn't gone into detail about how he would be staying with his friend over night. He had planed at her house and knew her mommy well, but they were not family. I only stayed in the hospital one day so he was away from me for two nights and one day before his daddy picked him up and brought him with grandma to pick me and his new baby sister from the hospital.I was in the wheel chair holding the newborn in my arms and I reach out with one arm to embrace my little toddler (19 months old). He ran forward , ignoring me and eagerly saying, "baby, baby"One would have thought the new addition meant more to him than his mommy did, but I thought he was punishing me for leaving him and especially for not warning him that I would. It is hard when the child is unable to express or even understand his feelings. My little boy wouldn't let me hold him for several hours, but did get over it.
I think he will outgrow his strong reactions. It is wonderful if he enjoys his grandma and that she is so close.He will never not want his mommy, no matter how he acts, just keep talking and reassuring and having some times with you and his grandparents all together. It is fear and anger, but when he realizes things are back to normal, he will get back too.
Good luck and with some preparation he will let you go and be glad when you return. Try going away for short periods and returning while making a big deal both of the departure and the return celebration. Mommy's home!! Never sneak away thinking he won't notice. That will make him very insecure and always checking to see if you are still around.
blessings on you and your family, N.
You are fine! You're son missed you and is now testing you. Sounds like he did really well with your parents, and now, he wants to make sure you're going to stick around, so he is testing you. He missed you, and he is just acting out his feelings because he can't verbalize them. So, validate his feelings. Tell him "I know you missed mommy and that might have been a long time to be away, but I will always love you and come back to you." Then let him know that you still expect him to mind, to listen and that if he can't be a good listener and follow mom's words, then he has to be on time out. Then continue to love him up, and when he acts out, hold him accountable immediately. Don't feel sorry for him because you enjoyed yourself, put him in check. Of course, love him up and try and doing something just he two of you, and the same for dad too.
Good luck and hang in there!
If you aknowledge it, he will continue to do it because it gets him negative attention. You can't spend the rest of your life not going places without the kids, you need to be an indivual, and a married couple. He needs to learn this is going to happen. I would put him in time out for two minutes, then talk to him about why he is there. This may take several attempts to get him to realize it. Then over time, his tantrums should be slowing down and going away. Just be sure to be consistent
W.
Hi N..
Don't feel bad about leaving your son with your parents. My children did the same exact thing your son did. I too was pregnant with my second child around 18-19 months of my first child's life. He is of age where they throw those tantrums. I remember my son threw a big tantrum over me not getting him out of the car. His grandpa got him out. Grandpa isn't mom. so he threw a big tantrum over it. There at this age when they don't know how to deal with their emotions yet. The best thing to do because there is nothing you can do to stop it is let him finish then come to him with open arms. That what I did. As it was getting closer to my due date, I did have him sleep at my moms house because I couldn't have him when I delivered the new baby. So just to prep him I had him stay at my moms once a month leading to my delivery. Oh yeah. He senses baby is there and my be more attached to you. All my children are 2 and 3 months apart and they knew when baby was coming and were very attached to me. Which was fine. They are only young once so enjoy every moment of it. Just keep doing what you are doing and everything will be okay.
N., know this, your son is at the age and will be for another year or so where he is going to test you. It's their job. He needs you DESPERATELy at this time. Dont be insecure about what you expect from him ie. good behavior. He is not doing this because you took a little time with your husband. That is a good thing. You had him well taken care of with loving people while you were gone, do not feel guilty. When he does these tantrums it feels horrible, but the consoling is for times he's hurt or other real concerns. If he's hitting, your attitude should be firm and you should look him straight in the eye (eye level) maybe holding his arms if you need to. (calmly) And say, son, you cannot hit your father or anyone else. This is what is expected of you. If you continue you will have a time out for 2 mins. or maybe one minute (in a corner away from everything else) AFter the time you tell him he must say he is sorry and then you can give him hugs again. These calm, firm limits that you are setting will do wonders and make him secure and you too. Worrying whether you can expect good behavior from him now is not good, you can. It took me a while to sort of stand up to my kids as I'm somewhat insecure about enforcing things esp. when they object or are screaming things at me. It's best to do it when they are little like your son. He will respect you more and things will go smoother. When I started just saying to my oldest, you know you are too old to have fits and you need to learn self control I think it really helped. I started too late though, she 's six and strong willed, but after a time out , it's intersting....she'll go into her room make me a card, her behavior is better, she says i'm the best mom, becasue I set a limit for her she needed and can understand and feel secure about herself. I hope this makes sense, it 's about finally realizing that you are in charge and your kids have to accept what you and your husband deem as acceptable in your household. If you wnat your kids to accept and support trips or date nights with your husband or certain behavior you just do it... tell them you love them, but mommy and daddy are going. maybe bring him a little something back to show you were thinking of him, but dont feel guilty.
My daughter did that when she was little but got over it after a rew days. It may be that your mom was just telling him things to do and letting him do it. He is getting to a more independant stage. Just try calling him yo come to the table instead of gioing to get him. It will pass just try to not react much.
I know you have already responded to this post but I wanted to say don't worry. YOur son willl always love his mommy the most. It doesn't always seem like it because we have to be the disciplinarian most of the time but as long as you follow up with the hugs and kisses after time outs and other times he will always love you. Also, find out what Grandma does that he loves so much. Most of the time it is just the voice and the fact that Grandma's seem to just have that way with the kids-smile. Don't worry it is more important to teach him the rules now ie. no hitting etc. then to have a troublesome 7,8 &9. They learn the respect and the behaviors at the age he is now. Have a great time, don't worry and make sure you get him something special before you leave and give it to him right when you get to grandma's ie. coloring book w/crayons etc. Don't let him see it until right before you leave. Have fun!!!
HI there,
I want to ease your mind and reasure you that taking the time with your husband was awesome! you need that time to create a secure foundation (loving parents) for your children. I believe your son was just acting out emotions that he doesn't know how to process yet. So in effect, he was mad and or scared that he couldn't find mom and dad, and now that you are home he can feel safe enough to let it all out and have you there for comfort. For example with my son, who's 3, when he first started preschool, he would be very emotional, every little thing upset him and he would cry, when we got home from preschool. The frustrations of the morning all came out when he felt safe at home to let them out. So please be reassured that your son deffinately wants to be with you. (But don't let that stop you from taking those nights out with hubby!!
He is just letting it out. My son did the same exact thing when I left him to go to nyc for two days. He was with his dad and loves spending time with him. He much prefers his dad over me when we are all home together. He was totally fine when I got home but about two hours later he just lost it and cried and cried for over an hour. I think he had dealt with his anxiety while I was gone andwas busy having fun with daddy. He was relieved to see me and it was now rime for him to deal with his fear and sadness. Give him some loving and extra attention and he should be happy. He is also taking it out on you a little bit. A friend of mine who works Saturdays as a photographer really gets it from her daughter the following day...
Hey N., don't worry.... This phase will pass, he maybe trying to punish you a little but don't worry it will go away. I am a 49 year old who is raising my grandson (now 8 years old) He came home with me from the hospital when he was born (his mom left him at the hospital just after delivering him). He had huge attachment issues, I couldn't even work because no day care would keep him. They all said he would cry all day long until I walked through the door. He got over that and is flourishing socially and academically now. Your son will soon forget that he is made at you. Just weather the storm but don't let him get away with hitting you and your husband, as that action quickly becomes a habit that is hard for children to break; it becomes a reflex. What ever punishment you give your son for bad behavior, whether it's time out or taking away a priviledge, make sure he's knows that hitting is not acceptable! Chin up mom... You and your husband deserve nights alone to keep things running smoothly between the two of you!
Hi N.,
My 28 month old will do this sometimes and it is not related to us leaving her. It did get worse once I had our 2nd baby who is 4 months old. It doesn't happen everyday, but we think it may be related to teething, constipation (she is potty trained) or just wanting extra attention. Kids ALWAYS act up to the person that they are with the most. He trusts that you will always love him so he feels comfortable to act up. My kids always act the worst around me and are angels for everyone else. Also, for me the 18-20 month stage was the hardest for my daughter when it came to tantrums. She mellowed out a lot as she has gotten older. You definitely need your weekend away as much as possible before the 2nd comes, because life will be much harder.
Kids get very attached to routines, even if they're not strict, same people, same places, etc. When it changes, they get thrown off very easily and it gets difficult to adjust. Your son totally loves u and u shouldn't question it. He's just adjusting and it'll take a little time. The adjustment times can be stressful but just know in time everything will be ok again. I've been on vacation before without my children and the adjustment period always happens. hang in there
This seems like a pretty clear message! Your son is testing you!! He wants to see if he acts out, if your gonna leave him. The mean answer is, yes. By putting him in a time out (I'm assuming alone) you confirm his worst suspicion. I would recommend you change your format for discipline, at least until he is over the trauma of your departure. Try and be patient, clam, and discipline him in a way that doesn't confirm his fears. You can tell him that it is alright to be angry and kick the floor or hit a pillow, but, we are going to do it in a safe place where you can't hurt yourself or anyone else. I would sit nearby him and allow him to express his sadness, anger, fear, or whatever... but don't leave his sight. Every few minutes, check in by saying something like, "if your done, Mommy can hold you" or "would you like mommy to hold you".
He just needs to know you aren't gonna take off on him cause of his behavior. A lot of children feel that it is their fault for any change.. like a vacation, divorce, or accident. He may be more sensitive than others. He loves you very much.
Hi N.,
I educate how important it is to spend quality time with your partner.
Let your son know that grandma and grandpa love him very much and how much mommy and daddy love him also. He may feel sad because he misses them. Also let him know that they will be back to spend the night again and do special things with him so he has to be a good boy. It will get easier for him as he gets used to you leaving. It is just new to him. Make sure you and your husand spend time together to reconnect to each other. That is very important.
Wish you luck.
N. Marie
He's not looking for grandma...he's mad at YOU...He expects you to be there for him 24x7, and most of the time, that's how it is...but you left him. How dare you! (from his perspective, not mine)...
But he's little and doesn't know what to do with those big feelings. My son behaved similarily when two things happened at the same time: 1) my daughter came along and 2) my mother died. So he was dropped off at a moments notice with this good friend or that while I dashed to the hospital to be with my mom...and tried to bond with my daughter, who I couldn't take to the hospital with me because I was not comfortable bringing her into intensive care...
I remember one day when he was in the bath and he just started having a fit...and I just calmly told him it was OK. He could get as mad as he wanted and I was still going to love him and still going to be there. And I just repeated that, calmly, for a while...while he raged against me and then held on for dear life. His life had changed (so had mine!) and he just needed to know I wasn't going to abandon him. Nope, not me...I stick kid!
So my guess is he's just plain mad and doesn't know how to express it. When he's not hollaring at you, when he's playing and seems relaxed, apologize for making him feel angry. Tell him how much you love him and how much you love daddy and that it's important for you and daddy to get away. That sometimes you need some daddy time, just like he does. It might help. My kids seem to like it when I explain things to them, even if they don't (seems to me, anyway) seem to understand everything you say. I think they just like knowing you're willing to tell them.
Good luck. I hope you can use this experience to help him become more strongly attached to you and your husband...and help him understand that mommy will always come back, and wasn't he lucky to have some extended grandparent time too!
P.
N., you are just fine. Your son was well-behaved while he was at your parents, and I'm sure it was a little bit of a strain on him to be good for so long! He's just releasing the stress of being away from you for two days. He probably wasn't able to understand that you were going away and that you would be coming back. Next time he will be older and this won't be that much of a problem. He doesn't want to be with your mother more than you. If he will let you hold him while he's crying, do it. But he should get over this in the next couple days. Take care, E.
Hello N.,
No matter how old our first baby is when we leave him/her for a night or two it is devastating to everyone. Don't feel bad that you got a break and got to enjoy some much needed quality time with your husband. Don't even think about not leaving him over night again, we all need these breaks and it's good for your son as well as you and your husband. I think this is perfectly normal. Like someone else said, his routine was disturbed so it may take a few days for him to readjust. I read some where that when kids are away for an hour to a few days they don't feel as safe as they do with you. Once you return they feel so safe with you that they know it's ok to have meltdowns and misbehave as a way to show emotion, because they know you love them. He is just letting out all his emotions from the short trip you were on and he knows you love him no matter what so it's safe for him to do that. That's what I've read, and I the theory is sound.
Best of luck,
C.
Have patience. Your son absolutely wants you; he does not like your Mom better. He's angry with you for going away and probably afraid you'll go away again. I think this a fear response even more than an anger response. Continue being there for him - don't let the behavior push you away. He's probably afraid of the vehemence his anger and of being out of control, and that makes it worse and lengthens the tantrum. You should continue to discipline as you would normally for misbehavior, but don't punish him for the tantrum itself; he can't really control it. Eventually the behavior will diminish and pass. Have patience with him.
A little about me: A child psychiatrist in Palo Alto with children 19 and 12 and a great husband.
Hey N.,
It sounds like your son is trying to make you feel guilty for leaving him. I know that it is hard to be away from your baby (all your children will be your babies) but it is good for him to see you and your husband work on your relationship with each other.
After my second child, I found that not only was my oldest having a hard time, but so was I. I began feeling alone and that I was losing touch with my dh. So, we started weekly date night. It is just a time for the two of us to be alone. Usually we go out for an inexpensive dinner and then maybe walk around the mall if it is hot or go to a park and walk. It gives us a chance to talk and me a chance to be with an adult and our children a chance to see that even when we are both gone, we will come back and they are fine.
We have been doing this for 7 years. And, now when we take a weekend they are a little sad to see us go, but there is less to deal with when we get back.
As far as the tantrums are concerned, I would just pick him up and put him in his room and close the door. Check on him periodically. They will get shorter. The best thing to stop a tantrum is to ignore it. And if he is in his room, you don't have to listen to it. (My mother in law used to tape her children's tantrums and then make them listen to them when they were done. That stopped them too.)
I hope this helps.
D.
Hi, N.,
I think your son is showing you his ambivalence: he was glad
to see you but also mad you left him for two nights. I also
think a timeout should be a lot shorter than 45 minutes. Maybe 10 minutes. I think if you will hang in there with him
(not getting mad, being very patient) I think he will "forgive"you for leaving him. Even though he loves his grand-
parents he didn't want you to leave him. Maybe the next time
you leave him you can prepare him ahead of time. Maybe give
your mother something of your clothing for him to hold or
sleep with while you are gone. Good luck. He sounds like
a wonderful little boy!
Your needs and feelings are valid and so are your son's. Some kids are more sensitive and have more need to be around parents all the time. You son is struggling with how to tell you about his feelings as he does not have much vocabulary at this young age. Just acknowledge and validate his feelings by giving words to his feelings such as oh you seem so upset that you feel like hitting. I want to hear how you feel and here are the ways you can show me and cool off in your room if you need to and so on. Once he has expressed himself and seems calm, then you can explain your need to be away sometimes. And, perhaps, next time, you can prepare him better before you leave. You can talk about the ways to stay connected with each other. It seemed to work with my 5 yrd old son when I left him for the first time with my husband for few days.
And, I have read that time-out method is not a positive way to teach the right behavior as it is humiliating to the child and 3 yrs and under kids brain is not even quite ready to make the connection. When adults misbehave, we don't give the guilty person time out. Two books that I highly recommend are How to talk so kids will listen and Listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish; Raising your spirited child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
Hang in there.
-Rachna
Dear N.,
I know this is a post from yesterday, but I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be afraid to leave your son. I think it's important for you to be able to leave him, knowing that he's going to be just fine, and it's okay for him to figure out that even though you have to leave sometimes, you will always come back. I think that never leaving your child may add to the insecurity of what will happen if you do. The first time my husband and I left my son with my mom, and he was younger than your son, I missed him like crazy and it was actually funny that dad and I needed some time away but we talked about the kids the entire time. When we got back and walked into the house, my son pretended like he didn't even know we were there. He was so busy playing with Grandpa and his toys and cried and cried when it was time to leave. I saw it as a sign of HIS security. He was having a wonderful time at Nannie's house and didn't want it to end. I let him call and talk to her on the phone and promised he could go back. I didn't see it as him not wanting me and I'll tell you why.
My mother had serious, life-threatening complications when I was born. I left the hospital way before she did. I went home with my Grandma and Grandpa and my dad stayed with my mom. I obviously don't remember my first days, but I do know that I had such a bond with my grandparents. When my little sister came along, by c-section, I went to be with Grandma and Grandpa until my mom was strong enough to come home from the hospital, etc. I cried my head off when it was time to go home. Not because I didn't love my mother, I just couldn't bear to say good-bye. If I'd had my way, we'd have all lived in one house together.
I think it's the transitions that aren't easy for little kids. Not necessarily the parents being gone. If your son was having a great time with his grandparents, perhaps you should let him go a little more often for shorter periods of time so he totally knows that you'll be coming back for him and everything will be okay. It doesn't mean you're "pawning off" your kid and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or need you.
I know it's a different perspective on things, but please don't worry that you can't leave your son. He could be mad you left him. He could be mad you came back before he was ready. Letting your kids have relationships outside of yourself is not really a bad thing. As for his behavior, ask him if he's mad. Tell him it's okay if he is, but he can't do x,y, and z. Regardless. You've got another baby on the way so you need to figure out how to calm the tantrums and not take them personally. If he feels your insecurity, he will take off and run with it. I think that might be what's happening.
