Hello Moms
I have been thinking about this a lot and was wondering if there was another way to handle it. So my father in law is remarried and she brought her now 13 year old daughter and 14 year old niece. Both children have been through a lot in the past few years most devastating both have lost there father in the past 3 years. So a couple of weeks ago we found out that the niece is cutting herself and they are planning to send her away to a facility. I understand this is a serious issue however, is it something that you just send them away and let someone else deal with it? Or is there a way to handle it with the whole family supporting her. I truly don't know the nature of cutting and how to handle it but it seems to me that the last thing she needs is to be sent away when she needs to have her family near her.
Thanks in advance
B.
She really needs good counseling and if she's admitted for 30 days, she can get help as well having family counseling for assisting everyone in the family learn how to help her. She is in danger and needs professional help. Good luck and bless you all,
I understand your feelings that your niece should maybe treated at home but literally the home environment is part of the "problem". The act of cutting is merely a symptom of something much larger and deeper. The facility they sent her to will help her help herself and understand why she does it. In addition she can get a handle on the entire situation while apart from some of the problem. She needs to get better and stronger on her own and then she can reach out to family on her own. This should be in concert with sessions for her family so they can understand better what is going on. Your niece needs the help of professionals as well as the support of her family and sometimes that has to happen away from family. Keep her in your thoughts and your heart...and let her know that!
B.,
there is a non-profit organization called To Write Love on Her Arms. It originally started out as a way to help one young lady with a drug and cutting issue. you can find them at TWLOHA.com
The reason you have to send her to a hospital she needs to be watch 24/7 and talk out what is wondering her. you do not send them away you pray that professionals could help her out She will be on my prayers
Is there anywa that they send her to a faciltiy close to home instead of away.Have they said why they are sending her away
My dau ghter had a friend who would cut herself. This condition should be handled by a psychologist. Usually the patient's family can visit during the weekend.
P. S
B.,
It depends on what type of facility it is and the severity of her condition. At first it may be best she is isolated. As family we want to love and support each other but through treatment we find that we are actually enabling the behaviour. I have a friend who had an eating disorder that finally got help and the facility she went to was right by the house and after the first weeks she could have supervised visitation. Just because she goes to an institute doesn't mean you all can't e there for her.
Hope that helped
J
My stepson started doing this at an early age due to severe neglect from his mom and emotional problems he faced early in his childhood. We read tons of information on this subject and found that there are many ways to address and control and "fix" this behavior. I found a great website to be: http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/selfmutilation...
NO you don't have to send her away. In fact it might do more damage then good. Please read the info on this website. As far as my stepson, the cutting or for him the scratching himself or slamming his fingers in doors, ended when we introduced journaling. He has a journal that he writes in to express his anger or sadness or disappointment instead of not expressing it at all..which leads to self mutalation.
The best of luck with you in this hard time.
I really don't have any suggestions to solve the issue... bu ti would look into counseling as groups... whoever is there to support her... talk to her..find her pain that is bothering her bad enough for her to try and hurt herself to make it go away.. b/c that is my understanding of why they do those things...and ask her what would help make her get involved to help herself.. hope it helps.. saying a prayer for you and your family
Cutting is a coping mechanism for relieving stress. This young person may have post traumatic stress. When treatment does not work in the community, then residential treatment is preferable so that the child learns how to deal with stress, anxiety and change without resorting to self harm. Being a support to the child and respite resource for the child to come visit is of benefit, but developing new strategies for coping is essential whether it is at home or in a facility.
Dear B.,
I know you want the very best for this sweet child. At this point (as mean at it seems) the best is out of your hands.
A child that is cutting is calling out for attention, but what would you do if by some chance this poor child were to actually do damage to herself.?
She needs love alright, and attention but in this situation, you are not equipt to do what may be right.
Show her your love by getting her help, a private hospital or teen home my be just the answer she needs. Trying to handle this situatuon alone will only tear your family apart.
Then she can relate to others her age. Maybe she wont be there on a 24/7 schedule but even part time would be the best for her AND your new family.
Good luck darling child and have a Happy Holiday.
We will have you in our hearts, we know you will do what is right.
Good luck what ever you decide---Nana
Yes, there are times when our loved ones need more help than we alone can give to them. This is why there are professionals who are trained well to deal with such things. She needs psychotherapy before she does more than just cut herself. She needs an objective listener, someone she can talk to who is not a relative or a loved one, because in talking to a 'stranger", one has more freedom to express deep emotions and feelings than with someone who knows us or thinks they know us, and someone we care about. Do continue to give her love and attention, though, by visiting her in the facility and writing to her daily perhaps and doing whatever you can do to reinforce her knowledge that she is loved by you and the rest of the family. She should not be put there and left totally alone. People in rehab centers and hospitals are not being thrown away; they are just there to get help. She will probably get that help and then come home again, so do not neglect her while she is there. I'm sure all of you will play a very important part in her continued recovery. She will not be cured, just taught how to better deal with stress and negative feelings, so when she comes out of there, she will need all of you to understand your parts in her life in order to help her maintain her newfound skills and continue to heal. Bless her heart; she will be in my prayers this day, and you, as well.
This is a very serious issue and most of the time, family support alone isn't the answer. A lot of the time, family dynamics are a contributing factor to this kind of problem. Someone that is hurting this badly needs a professional who is trained to help. Any good facility will bring in the families as much as possible to continue supporting the person there getting help so they won't feel abandoned. She needs professional help. Support from the family alone won't cure her, otherwise it would have already wouldn't it? Hope this helps.
