Infant Loss

Updated on April 02, 2007
T.S. asks from Kalamazoo, MI
9 answers

Looking for others who have lost an infant

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So What Happened?

Well, first I want to thank you all for your responses and your prayers. Secondly, we got one response in particular that has forever changed our lives.... It was sent as a private mail through here... It was from a wonderful woman named Wendy. She is a "doula" over near Detroit. She asked to do a documentary with my daughter and our family!!!! I was shocked. We did this today and now Nichole was able to get her story out there. The story behind this was teen preg. ending in infant loss. They know how to deal with teens being preg. but who would ever imagine that they would have to help with that teen (while she is already dealing and adjusting to the fact that her life is now changed forever) losing her baby on top of that?? We did this in hopes of helping other families and helping the professionals help them. Again I want to thank you all!!! This is truly a wonderful site to have.
T.

More Answers

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J.T.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi T. -

I am sorry for you and your daughter's loss. My sister-in-law lost her baby a few years back and the hospital had some wonderful staff whose main job was to help families cope with their loss. At the hospital that I delivered my daughter at, they also had some people to assist in this. If you haven't checked with them already, you might start there. My hospital had a parent group that they could hook you up with other parents that had experienced the same thing.

J.

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C.

answers from Detroit on

Hi T.,

I am so sorry for your loss. On September 15, 2006 I went to the hospital to have my 4th baby. I had a perfect pregnancy and I had no idea anything was wrong. My labor went from bearable to out of control within minutes. I just thought that I was going to have the baby soon because this was my fourth. I got to the hospital where they told me that my baby had passed away due to a placental abruption. We spent 2 days at the hospital holding and saying goodbye to my perfect son. The doctors can not give us any reasons for why this could have happened. It has been 6 months and the pain has gotten better but we have all been changed since that day. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime at [email protected]____.com care,
C.(Nina)

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V.K.

answers from Saginaw on

Please contact this organization...

http://www.tomorrowschildmi.org

They will most certainly help you and your daughter in any way they can. Some think that their focus is on SIDS, but they will help with any type of loss of a child. Please contact them for both your daughter and yourself. Prayers are with you.

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A.M.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi T.

I am so, so sorry for your family's loss. The pain, I imagine, is unbearable. I've got tears in my eyes now after just reading your post.

If I were you - I would encourage counseling. This is too much to handle alone. There are incredible couselors that specialize in grief - support groups, too. I would call her OB/GYN and ask for a referral and maybe even go with her if she's afraid.

You're in my prayers and thoughts.

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A.I.

answers from Lansing on

i am so sorry for your lost no one should have to deal with the pain of lossing a babie you will find the time when it right to greve the lost of your sweet grandbabie my heart break for you and your child may you soon find peace and your heart may start to heal

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K.F.

answers from Detroit on

T.,
First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Life is so unfair sometimes. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel because that must be the most devastating thing that can happen to a family. I have a beautiful baby girl after 6 years of trying and 4 miscarriages, so I do know a little of what you are feeling. With my first miscarriage, I contracted for 3 days as if I was in labor to expel the fetus. While you will never forget your little precious angel, time does heal. Prayers and wishes from friends and family helped alot. Please know that you and your daughter will be in my prayers so that you may find the strength to go on. I know it is a very hard thing to do, but you must go on! Please take time for yourself. My best wishes to you.

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E.H.

answers from Detroit on

I personally haven't gone through this but my very good friend has two sons and in between those two sons she gave birth and buried 4 more sons. They all had heart conditions. I had asked her how she coped w/ all that loss and she said she had know choice. Your daughter lost a child and there is no doubt that it will take some time for her to deal w/ that loss and move on. I am not a religious person by any means but I stongly believe in god and having faith in him. We will never understand why he takes people when he does but he has his reasons. The both of you will deal w/ this loss in different ways but as long as you guys are doing that than you will be ok. Just be there for her when she needs it, and she will let you know when she needs it. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine all the paine that you are all going through. Good luck w/ the future and may god bless you all.

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C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. My soul grieves for you. I gave birth to a stillborn little boy in November. Although I was only 6 months I also had to go through a full day of labor, while I heard bassinets and wheelchairs going past my hospital room all day long. It is horrible to go through labor knowing that you won't get to take your child home with you. I am married with children, but mine was an unplanned pregnancy and I had to come to terms with that. It seemed unfair that as I accepted that I was going to have another child and life was going to change, then it was taken from me. Grief is unbearable, I know. All I can say is continue to be there for your daughter as she lets you be. There have been days when I didn't answer the phone because I simply couldn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling and that's what I needed - quiet time. Other days, I needed to be distracted with activity. I don't know if I can really say how to get her through this, because I am still trying to figure it all out myself, but here are some specific things that really helped me. A group from our church planted a tree in our backyard in memory of our son. Many people didn't reason or try to explain why things like this happen, but just said "I want to give you a hug" - and that was all I eeded - to know that people cared and hadn't forgotten our pain. Someone also told me, "Take time to be selfish" for a while. She (and you) need time to do things for yourself and concentrate on beginning to heal. Finally, there were support groups at the hospital which we chose not to go to, but I also reached out to people on Mamasource and friends who had gone through the same thing and found that talking to people who had gone through this gave me a sense that I wasn't alone and that the feelings that I had were the same that they had. On days when I thought I was going crazy, I found that others felt the same way - so reach out. If you or your daughter want to talk, please contact send me a message. You and your family will be in my prayers!!

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L.W.

answers from Detroit on

Hello Tami,

I may be able to help you both. I was 32 weeks pregnant when they could not find a heartbeat. I was induced and in labor for 2 days before she was born still. That was 16 yrs ago and I still have tough days and miss her. What I realized over the years that not all my questions will be answered. That no matter what she will be forever in my heart. I lived many years with "What if's" To then have a child a year later with 2 miscarriages in between my boys. Today I have 2 boys ages 15 and 13. No one can ever take away the pain in your hearts only time will help and I found that the more I talked about it and allowed myself the grieve the better I felt. It took me years before I would even go to a baby shower or find happiness in others having children. I can tell you that today I am a childcare provider and adore the infants I get to take care of. I get the opportunity to share in the joy of my families and care for their precious children. If you want to discuss this further or have me talk with your Daughter I would be more then happy to.

L.

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