In Vitro Fertilization Didn't Work

Updated on May 09, 2008
T.H. asks from Spencerport, NY
4 answers

We have dear friends that just went through IVF (after 10 years of trying on their own) and yesterday they found out it didn't work. They are completely devastated. We love them and want to help them get through this time. This is a delicate matter and very personal. Can anyone think of something we can do right now to help? My first thought was to make them some meals? Flowers? Any other ideas? I don't think they are ready to talk about it yet. We want to do something for them and still give them the space they need right now. We have a 6 month old baby and I'm sure it is hard for them to be with us and be reminded. Thank you in advance.

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answers from New York on

Hi T.,
My husband and I tried for 3 years (with one miscarriage) to get pregnant. Our first IVF cycle was successful, but what a stressful 3 years prior!!!!! "How are you?" is a good way to show your concern. This way if your friend feels like talking it opens the door, and if she doesn't it allows her to change the subject. Patience and empathy are your best gifts. I'm sure it is hard for her to be around children when she so desperately wants one of her own. Will they be going through IVF again? If so, a meal on the days where she has a procedure done is a huge help. What a wonderful friend you are to want to support her without being invasive.
My prayers will go out to her and her husband.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Syracuse on

I think the most important thing is to let them know you are there for them if they need to talk, cry, or just have someone to not be alone with. If you think being around your baby will cause more heartache, then ask. It may actually help them get through this.

I hope they are financially able to try again. I didn't look at your profile so I don't know what state you are in, but NY has a grant to pay the majority of the cost. It's a one time deal and includes frozen storage of unused embryos for up to one year. Some dear friends just went through this and only had to pay $400 of their own money. Once she got pregnant she went to a regular OB and her insurance picks up there. Any fertility specialist should know about it. Other states probably have this too. Good luck to your friends, and good luck to you for staying strong through this with them.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

When you think they are ready tell them about Creighton Model Fertility care they have a higher percentage rate of getting pregnant that IVF! IVF is 28% and CrMS is 20-40% it is really amazing and what helped me get pregnant. God Bless them.



answers from New York on

Infertility is a very difficult thing to deal with. It can be THE hardest thing a couple has to experience. I'm not sure there is ever a right or a wrong way to handle a situation like this. You know your friends, do what you think it appropriate. I know someone mentioned the Creighton model, but there is a relitively new technology out there called NaPro technology and for some couples it is 80% effective, compared with In-Vitro which is only 23-28%. I also think that it is less expensive. Do some research on it for them, when you think it's time; (your friend mentions wanting to try again) tell her what you've found. It can't to try something different if this has failed for them. Oh, and I don't know if you pray or not, but pray is sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for someone. The Lord works miracles and I pray He'll work one for your friends.

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