In Search of Potty Traing Advice from Moms Who Have Boys.

I don't really have any advice from potty training my son because he just did it one day. He was finally ready. However, my daughter didn't train as quickly, but I just got her fully potty trained. The only thing that worked for her was to buy a potty chair. She pees on a big toilet, but poops in the potty chair. She seemed intimidated on the big toilet, even with the ring. She just did not want to sit there for extended amounts of time. I also started giving her more attention when she went potty. Instead of handing her a book to read while she poops, I would sit down on the stool in the bathroom. We would chat about everyday things, read a book or sing some songs. This really helped her to relax and realize that pooping didn't have to be a chore. She goes on her own regularly now and I no longer have to sit with her. She will poop on her potty chair and then tell me she's done. She seems to be so proud of herself every time she poops. We also bought her whatever new panties she wanted when she started pooping on the potty. I found that stickers, little prizes, etc. did not work for my children or the children I watch. Good luck!

I'm not ready to potty train my little boy yet, but my mother told me what she did for my brother. (I also posted this on another potting training strand.) She took my brother into the bathroom and without scolding or showing any irritation, she told him that he was a big boy and he needed to learn how to change himself. She then had him take off his clothes. Dump the poop into the toilet. Flush the toilet. Get a bucket. Put water in the bucket. Put the dirty clothes into the bucket. Fill up the bathtub. Get into the bathtub. Wash himself off. Get new clothes and put them on. She said she was as patient as anyone could possibly be...and he never pooped in his pants again.

I hope that helps...I'm going to use it someday.
K.

I've potty trained three boys so far. The #1 was fun and easy... I kept cheerios and put in a few for them to shoot at. As far as the #2, it just takes persistance and patience. I did the verbal praise and happy dance thing too. I'm glad to hear you're pushing it before 3 because, even though you might hear they're not physically ready, I've found they do get lazy or used to it by that age. My third boy had to be put on hold because I was on bedrest and I found it was harder for him to get back into it. When I'd catch mine starting to hide and squat, I'd cheerfully pick them up and carry them to the potty.

No boys of my own, but three younger brothers whom I've cared for extensively over the years, plus years of daycare in the toddler (potty training) room... While boys do tend to take longer than girls, the big thing I noticed (with both genders, but especially with boys) is that little kids do not like change. Changes to their routine and how they perceive their world, while seemingly innocuous, simple little things to grownups, are huge to them. You mentioned that he is no longer in school (if I'm understanding correctly), for kids that's a big change and often the way children respond is with a temporary "set-back". Continue with whatever method you feel works best for you, whether it's having him try several times a day or any of the other great advice posted on here, so long as it's consistent, and he will return to being potty trained in his own time. I especially agree with saving yourself the hassle and money for pull-ups, big boy underwear work much better for allowing him to feel the consequence of going in his pants (being wet and smelly isn't comfortable for anyone). Whether you have him clean himself or you clean him, don't make faces of being disgusted or tell him it's yucky, in general make as little fuss either way as possible, just clean it up, talk about going in the potty, and go on. Good luck, good patience ;-) You, and your son, will be fine.
~I.

No Pull-ups! As long as we were using them they were diapers to my son. Right now we use them at night and I'm getting ready to stop that. We are trained at home during the day as long as we are naked or in a shirt and underwear. Try putting the potty in an area that is close to where he plays and let him go naked. Then move the potty back to the bathroom. We're trying to work on underwear outside the house but I don't always remember to ask enough while taking care of the baby. Naked is the way to go!

Ugh - I REMEMBER those times! My youngest is now 3 (four next month) and he had the hardest time - as did my older son.

A few things that finally helped:

-put them commando (no underwear or pants) while they are at home - and at nap and bedtime. Having clothes on provided a "place" to go to the bathroom, and without them, they would hold it or go on the potty.

-NO Pull-ups. They are just glorified diapers that prolong the problem. Parents see them as underwear, kids see them as more comfortable diapers. They're expensive too. I never used them with any of our 4 kids.

-Check out a DVD called "Potty Power" which you can get at amazon.com - it's wonderful!

GOOD LUCK!

They say that the reason that children don't always respond is that they realize it is something that THEY can actually control. I am sure that taking him out of school has something to do with him not going potty as much anymore. Hang in there! I took mine to the bathroom every hour on the hour. If we had to stay in there for 15 minutes, so be it. Mine, too, loved praise over anything else. My son also was potty trained and then reverted back to not going in the toilet. I told him that when he was going potty on the toilet all the time I would get him a bike (he loves bikes). Find something that he really wants and, if possible, get it for him when he's potty trained. And yes, sometimes they need to be reminded of what the ultimate prize is.

Training boys to use the potty is pretty tough. I have also heard that they are harder than girls and take longer. One thing I did for my little one was to put Cheerios in the toilet. It helped him aim and get excited about trying to hit them.

Another thing I did was buy a book to read with him when he used the potty. I know you said your son doesn't respond to rewards but he might like a book where he gets to flush the toilet when you turn the pages. It also has pages in the back to put stickers. I found it at Walmart but I don't remember the name.

You might also want to call the school and ask them what method they were using. However, sometimes it's just the influence of other kids that will make him go. Or it could be that they were using a toilet instead of a potty. You could try switching to the big boy toilet.

I hope you find something that works!
K.

It sounds like he is the type of kid that really wants to please you so I would just continue with huge praise. Have you tried keeping him naked? That is the only thing that would work for my son. I just had him running around the house completely naked for a couple of days. He is also a pleaser so he did not want to make a mess on the floor. If he did have an acident, I had him help me clean it up. After a few days, and only 2 major accidents, he was fully trained at 30 months. Good luck!

Two things come to mind:
1. he doesnt like the seperation from you during the day. so he waits, and will do it at home.
2. Something happened at school to make him uncomfortable about it. He would be unable to tell you at three - so he waits now, for when he is home and safe.
3years is early for boys to be potty trained. I am sorry that i dont agree with day cares that force kids to be trained by a certain age. It is stressful for everyone involved and unfair. So, dont sweat it.
Does he have to be in school at three? I also think that is way too early for kids to be in a regimented system. But thats just my opinion. I know it's hard if both parents are working. But something to consider.

Yes, J. boys are much harder to train and they can often have a little stubborn streak. Here's my e-mail and phone number it might be easier to just talk about it over the phone, because I have some eliminating (No pun intended) questions for you before I can give you any advice on the matter. I have two teenage boys now and one of them had a terrible time potty training and one was relatively easy in comparison.

____@____.com
520- ###-###-####

J.,
This is going to sound weird. I'm right in the middle of potty-training my 2 yo (3 in May), and we've been struggling off and on with him resisting using the potty. Nothing really big, just deciding he was going to pitch a fit sometimes.

It just so happened, I bought a second potty this last weekend to put in the minivan for on-the-road "emergencies." I didn't say anything to him about it (didn't really occur to me), but the box with the pictures of cute kids using it just sat on my kitchen floor for a day, and he kept going over to it to check it out.

So, I said, "Do you want to see your new potty?" Yes. Okay, I opened the box, and let him help me put it together: he was very interested. Next thing I know, I turn around and there's pee and poop just sitting there in the toilet! No comment, no hassle, nothing.

The funniest part: he hasn't used the new potty since! Just felt like he had to "christen" it, I guess (ha-ha)

Anyway, now he uses the old one with little or no fuss, just a couple of reminders. I think the end may be near!!

Sounds to me like being out of school just switched something for your boy. He needs something to switch him back.
Good luck!
T

PS: I'm one of those wierdo's who doesn't think boys are harder to potty-train than girls, just different.

my oldest wasn't potty trained until 4, and i think it was partly because i made it my problem. it became a big power struggle. so, what i learned was #1- every kid is different and will be trained at different ages. #2- it's their body and their responsibilty. I understand it effects you, so it's frustrating. my mom would say to me "well, he's not going to be graduating high school with a diaper on.", meaningm he'll get it eventually.
the biggest advice i can give is to NOT use pull-ups. they are convenient, but impedes the process. second, "love and logic" discipline rules apply here. there are natural consequences that occur when you poop your pants. it feels gross and smells. i would designate a spot on the floor with an old towel on it. someplace out-of-the-way, where you won't have to smell him. then when he has an accident, say "oh, that's too bad, you'll have to sit here until you are ready to use the potty." when he says he wants to go to the potty to get cleaned up, go with him, but let him do most of the work. never seem bothered (this is the hard part), after all, it's HIS problem, not yours. if he senses that it's anyone elses responsibilty but his own, he may not take ownership of the problem. do this a few times, and it should be solved. good luck!

One thing that I think worked for my mom with my brother was keeping the potty visible. We lived in Florida and when we were little she let us run in our backyard naked! But she always had a potty outside where we could get to it easily. This worked. When the weather turned cooler, and it was time to come inside to play, we were all potty trained. Keeping a portable potty in the room where your child plays most or spend most of his time may make it easier for him to use instead of having to stop his activities and find the bathroom. If he sees it, it may also be a visiual cue to what his next move should be.

Good luck.

In my son's case, he was just too interested in what he was doing to stop and go to the bathroom. The convenience of the pull-ups which keep them clean and dry just wasn't incentive enough for him to make that extra effort. What finally worked for us was to use regular underwear and pants. He ended up sitting in his mess until it got uncomfortable. Then, he had a change of clothes---a very visual cue to others that he'd had an accident.

Also, boys *do* seem to take longer. Remember that part of potty training is physical ("I feel I have to go" and "I must hold it until I reach a toilet") and part is social ("Eww, Johnny pooped his pants!").

The goal is to potty train your son---not you! I always chuckle when my Mom talked about potty training my little brother. It sounded like she'd trained herself to grab him and run to the bathroom at the appropriate times. Hehehe.

Hope this helps!

A..

I have 2 boys and 2 girls. The only reason my boys are potty trained today(they are 14 and 17 now) is because of a video- "Potty Time" by Duke University. I had tried everything and that video worked like a miracle!! I believe you can even rent it at the library.
Good luck and God Bless!

D.

Hi J.,
We have a 3.5 yr old boy and he is just now getting the hang of using the toilet by himself. We tried to introduce potty time at 2.5 and it back fired on us. We stopped. I think he felt to much pressure. All kids go through it a bit differently. Unfortunately, I think you just need to be patient with him and let him know that accidents are OK. In know changing pants and washing clothes gets old very fast. Just hang in there and try not to make it that big a deal...that worked for us.
I hope that helps.
M.
____@____.com

I'm not there yet (a few more months), but I know that the same thing happened with one of the boys I cared for full time last year. He was almost totally potty trained and then just stopped and refused to use the potty. When his mom had time to actually be home, she just took the pull-ups away and put him in underwear, especially since she knew that he already knew what to do. By the time he came back to me (2 weeks later) he was fully trained (he was a couple months shy of turning 3). Another boy I watched this year pretty much refused. He was already 3 and was not interested...his doctor said it was behavioral and a control thing and that he would do it when he was ready. I would say whatever works for you and your son, and how much of a power struggle you want to get into. I personally didn't enjoy changing a diaper on someone so big and would probably have chosen the struggle, but that is me and it could have back-fired, you never know. Good luck!

I have worked in Child Care for 20 years. Boys are more difficult to train. Does your son stand up or sit down to go potty? I have found with boys they do not like to fool around with going. They become lazy about it. What I found is if your boy is standing up to go potty. You put cherrios in the potty and they aim for the cherrio's. This has been successful for many boys. What type of things does he like to do? Sometimes keeping a chart with poopy for a few day in the potty, he can get a special treat. Maybe time at the park, McDonalds playground, Go buy his own movie. (you give him the money to pay for it) Maybe he loves ice cream. A trip to Dairy Queen. Start out with 3 days and see how he does with that. Since 3 year olds concept of time is much shorter. I do hope some of these are helpful for you.

Have a blessed day!
Elizabeth
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I understand how you feel I was determined to get my 2 year old potty trained before my second child was born. My son was potty trained by 2 years and 3 months. The first thing I did was cut drinks down a lot. I would only give him 4 ozs at a time. If you give them more than that they can't hold it. Then I put him on the potty every 20 mintues no matter what, whether he had to go or not so he could get used to it. I also made him take his own pants off and get on the potty himself ( if he can't take his pants off and on by himself, he is probably not ready to be potty trained, my son could put all of his clothes on by 2). After a few weeks of this, he was able to get it himself. He had it down pat! He would tell me when he had to go. Some other things I did that help make him into a big boy is I let him pick out the underweaar of his favorite CARS characters and spider man and it made all the difference. Everytime he said he was a baby I gave him baby toys and took all the big boy stuff away. He was only allowed to do baby stuff when he said he was a baby. Believe me it was only like one day of that and he never really said it again. Again the only reason I pushed it a little was I expecting another baby and I couldn';t afford to have 2 children in diapers. The problems you said you are having I had them to, he called my bluff, but it all worked out in the. Just make sure he is ready.

There was a time when he was potty trained for like two months and then he became lazy, pooping in his pants and all. If I told him to go every twenty mintues and still didn't make an attempt to go and had an accident, he would be punished, but ths was after he was going all by himself for two months when I didn't even have to be in the bathroom with him or anything. so it may be different for you... I hope this helps.

HI J.,

My name is M. and I have a boy as well. I would recommend doing away with the pull ups, not only are they expensive (more than diapers), but they are a glorified diaper. Instead, buy plenty of underware and have him wear those and when you go out in public, just make sure you have a spare set of clothes just in case (but he will most likely do even better when out in public). Set aside a weekend in which you are just going to be staying at home to dedicate to potty training/re-training. Have him in underware and set the timer for 15 minutes, have him go into the bathroom when the timer goes off to sit and try and then whether he goes or not praise him. If he didn't go, tell him good job for trying. Then give him some water/whatever he drinks best and set the timer for another 15 minutes and so on and so forth. Before going down for nap make sure he goes potty and put him down with just his underware on. after nap, him go again potty as soon as he wakes up and set the timer for 25 minutes for the rest of that day. Day two same thing, put him in underware and set the timer for 25 minutes the first couple of hours and then take it to 35 minutes. By the end of the weekend he will most likely be doing well again. If praise is what works best, make sure you keep praising him. If he wakes up dry from his nap give him extra praise. Also, try taking him to the bulid a bear store having him pick something out and then tell him when he can go potty in the toilet like the big boy that he is that you will bring him back to buy the item he picked out and when you go back and buy it, pick out underware for the animal he chose or boxers and tell him that animal is potty trained too. You have to remember that up until you introduced the potty and actively started potty training it was perfectly acceptable for him to go in his pants, so it is going to take time to re-train his thinking. Also, maybe if you try him standing up for going pee this will add excitement (explaining this is how daddy goes), you can put cheerios in the toilet for him to aim at to make it fun. Good luck and feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com. I can honestly say that for me potty training was the most challenging thing I have ecountered in parenting thus far. He will be four in June and has been completely potty trained 2 1/2 to include sleeping at night in underware since just before he turned 3.

My son will also be three next month. And we started early introducing him to the toliet. We struggled for a very long time. One day I took him to the store and let him pick out what ever underwear he wanted...trucks, Diego, Cars, etc. He was real excited and it worked for a while then he just starting having accidents. We kept trying finally two weeks after having my youngest son my husband told my oldest son 'no more pull ups'. We made him wear underwear all day no matter how many accidents he had. We made him clean up after himself...including cleaning our his underwear and bathing himself if he pooped. And when he did go on the toliet we put stickers on a chart of 20 squares. Once he filled the chart up we took him to Walmart and let him trade his chart in for a toy ($10 limit). I would warn the cashier that he was going to had in his chart and they would play along with it. Then once he did great during the day we starting putting underwear on at night. He had a few accidents. We cut drinks off at 7pm (bedtime is 8:30pm) and we made him go to the bathroom right before going to bed. He did good for a couple of weeks and then had a few accidents in a row. So now when I get up in the middle of the night after putting my baby back to bed after a feeding I wake up my oldest one to use the bathroom. He goes potty and gets back in bed and goes straight to sleep.
It was hard for awhile, we tried for almost a year. And then one day he just started doing it. But I think once he started having accidents it was because he was just being lazy. That is why be got him involved in cleaning up after himself. This way it took time out of him getting to go back to playing while I cleaned up. Don't give up!

J.,

I have a three year old who went through a similar problem a few months ago. He was using the toilet to pee, but not to poop. I would suggest taking him to your pediatrician. I did, and he was able to give me some really good advice. My son was actually constipated, and when I thought he was hiding to poop, he was actually trying to hold it in, but couldn't any longer. There are so many different explanations for why he's doing this, some can be health related, so I would encourage you to keep up the praise and to talk to your pediatrician. Good luck, I've been there, and now my son rarely has an accident!

My experience with my two boys was night and day. My oldest wasn't completely trained until he was almost 4, while my younger son did it in two weeks at 2 1/2. I've heard that if you wait until around three to start, it becomes about control - that they know how much it matters to you and so they take back that control by doing it in their pants. With my oldest, I was SOOO frustrated because I knew he knew what to do, he just didn't care or didn't want to. What turned it around was a long car trip. I considered putting on a pullup, but then decided to use underpants. I told him I would pull over if he had to go potty, but that if he peed his pants, he would have to sit in it until we were able to stop. I put it completely in his control. Now, maybe I just got lucky, but he didn't have one accident on a 2 day trip. I've heard similar stories from other mothers of boys. Your son is old enough to have a simple conversation (or listen to you) about how it can be his decision to be a big boy. You might even let him choose day to day about whether he wants underpants or a pullup - just let him know that if he chooses underpants, he can't pee in them. Continue with the praise - that really is the best thing. Maybe collect stickers to get new underpants - one of his favorite characters so he won't pee on "Thomas" or "Bob the Builder". Hang in there, you are not alone!!!!

When my son was 3 he was doing well potty training but regressed when my daughter was born. In order to make potty training more fun we put fruit loops in the toilet when he had to go, because boys seem to like to aim at something and it seemed to work. Just be careful that he doesn't decide to put the fruit loops in himself.

Hi J.-
I have 3 boys and none were easy to train. My advice is to not get frustrated. With my first one I got tired of trying everything in the book, and nothing worked for us. It was SO exhausting. Someone may have some helpful advice, but honestly, the best thing I can recommend is to keep trying every now and then, and until then, pray that you can afford pull-ups. They are the most wonderful invention for boys and potty training. My oldest FINALLY potty trained at almost age 4- the younger two of my boys were 3. They are all very smart, bright boys, this part of them just was slow in developing. NO ONE has ever asked me how old they were when they trained, etc. In the long term, it doesn't really matter. Now my boys are 13, 11, and 9 and I can say with no hesitation that I'm glad I didn't let the last two experiences stress me out.
Good luck. I feel your pain. He will get it! Before you know it!
Toni from AZ