In Need of Some Advice Please ( Kindergardener After School Care)

Updated on October 12, 2012
M.M. asks from Plano, TX
11 answers

Good Morning!
Im kind of down in the dumps this morning, i kgot blind sided yesterday afternoon when i picked up my son from the after school day care program. I was told he had not followed any instructions and was not listening and crying whenever the teacher/caregiver asked him to do something. I admit, he is very sensitive. I feel repitition is key, so i have been talking to him every day since starting school that he needs to pay attention, follow instructions ETC. What i am more concerned about is the following.... i was told my son was kicking a girl ( while seated at a table, kicking under the table) and poking her with his finger. The girls father called to complain. This is so out of character for him. He has never been one to touch other's unless playing but kicking and poking? I even called his past daycare provider's to ask , if they ever had a problem with him doing that! I was told he was always a good boy..only had problems with his eating..that is a whole other issue....... There are some Mom's/Dads in this blog who are soo much more experienced...any suggestions/advice? i am wondering what i am doing wrong? i have always told my child to respect others and their belonging,, maybe i doing it the wrong way.

EDit... i did speak with him last night, and i even told him that i would NOT like someone to be kicking and poking him and he wouldnt like it either, so needed to stop IMMEDIATELY.....
i told him if it continued then he would start losing priviliges..... i.e. TV, video games.....

at a loss.... Thank you in advance....

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answers from Oklahoma City on

He "likes" her...that's how kids deal with this. I remember getting chased by boys and them pulling my hair. They always got teased about liking me.

He is going through his first crush. They need to let him sit over by some boys or something until he gets through this. He may not even know what he is feeling.

In my opinion stuff like this needs consequences there not at home. Home is not where it is happening so the consequences have nothing to do with the issue. Let the school deal with this as much as they will.

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answers from Dallas on

He's a boy, he's 5, and he's in a completely new environment, he's tired, etc. That doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does explain it. Unless he is being CRUEL with the poking/kicking - like doing it really hard, on purpose, to harm - it's normal. Annoying, but normal. Make sure he's getting enough sleep. After a long day, we're all cranky, but adults usually know how to censor their actions and not take out their cranky on someone else.

Keep talking to him. See if he can come up with ideas for when he's having a tough day - he can tell the daycare teacher, he could ask to lie down, he could ask for a hug - whatever.

Stop beating yourself up. This is normal-ish. And I would ask the daycare people if there are things they can think of to help. Be a team - teachers/daycare people appreciate that.

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answers from Austin on

Remember, this is not about you. There is no reflection on your parenting. He is still a little boy and these things are normal.. You just need to remind him of the correct behaviors. This was the first time..

He is still learning one of the basic rules in kindergarten.
"We keep our hands and feet to ourselves."

This takes practice, it takes reminders.
I agree, i bet he is worn out at the end of the day..

He may need to have a rest, or he may need a good run around the playground, to release his pent up energy..

I know at our daughters elementary school. the after school program includes first a snack, then homework.. For the kindergarten children, usually some reinforcement learning from the day or a project.. then after a certain period of time, they go outside and play until parents pick up..

If it is a rainy day, they watch a video or play games inside.. Sometimes, they are allowed to use the gym.

He is going to be fine. He now knows he cannot get away with this behavior and it is not acceptable behavior. He sounds like a typical kindergartner.

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answers from Philadelphia on

i think youre overthinking and worrying. kicking under a table could be he was swinging his feet and kept hitting her or perhaps did that once and she went crazy on him and then he liked the reaction and continued...same with poiking. a little girl making those claims could be exagerated...or perhaps he is doing it. have you spoken to your son?

it doesnt sound like he's being outright mean but something you can fix easily now

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answers from Las Vegas on

My daughter complains of a little boy kicking her under the table and this year he sits right across from her for the next 4 - 5 weeks. (Previously)I have seen this little boy embrace her and nearly pick her up in excitement.

She has also complained that another little boy is mean to her. I don't even know the details of that complaint because I don't get involved unless there is an actual fight. The little boy that was mean to her saw me in after school care and told me he had a game...a soccer was tomorrow...and my daughter told him that she plays hockey. Okay, so they talked about their sports it couldn't be that bad. Yesterday, I walked up to the little boy and asked how his game was and he told me it was really good! They won! They played the older boys and still won! [High five]

I waited for a reaction from my daughter for talking to him and there wasn't one.

They are kids and kids do things to each other, like kick, poke, and say mean things, hug, help, talk sports, and more, so it all changes very rapidly. There really isn't much need for adult intervention at this stage. Help him remember that no one appreciates getting kicked because it hurts.

So what I said about the kicking was, move your feet somewhere else and if it continues, tell the teacher. They usually like to observe behavior like that because they are aware the kids are getting used to sitting still in a group setting. Watch him when you are sitting next to him and if his feet start swinging, remind him that he could kick someone and hurt them.

Everyone is learning to get along with others, even the dad that called the school.

Don't beat yourself up over it, it really isn't a big deal. Keep teaching him the golden rule and it will work out just fine.

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answers from Honolulu on the time a child gets to their afterschool care program... (especially the young kids), they are TIRED and HUNGRY and overtired... of having been in school ALL day "working." Then they are expected, again, to be spot-on and behave and listen, more... in the after school care program. For some kids, this just may be a bit much and more than they can tolerate. Little kids have little patience and little kids have little ability for stamina. Especially when tired.

Anyway, it seems your son is real tired. By then.
Young little kids especially... CANNOT be robots and all perfect all day for over 8 hours a day in school. Its real hard for them. Sure, a kid shouldn't poke another. But the program, do you know what their routine is??? Ask them. And if a kid is tired, do they even know... the cues of young kids? A place where my friend's kid goes to... the group leaders there are real young themselves, college kids. And I have observed them. They... DO NOT ever, seem real attentive or even knowing, about kid's cues at all. They just let the kids run around and do whatever. And they just stand there.

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answers from Dallas on

Is this something the daycare told you that your son did, or something that another parent accused your child of doing? Could the other parent be mistaken? Could he have taken the word of HIS five-year-old who could have been mistaken?

OUtside of the possibility that this is a mis-communication, my kindergartner is SO tired at the end of the day. She doesn't act up until she gets home, but I wouldn't be too surprised if she lost it after school (she goes to Taekwondo class after school). All-day kinder and then after-school care is a REALLY long day for a five-year-old.

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answers from San Francisco on

I think he likes the little girl and he's trying to get her attention the way boys do! If it continues, do it to him. While he's sitting next to you, just start poking him. When he complains remind him that that's what he's doing to this little girl and see how irritating it is.

Then tell him that if he likes the little girl, there are other ways of getting her attention or getting her to notice him. Point out some nice things he can do for her, i.e., let her cut in line in front of him; bringing her supplies that are needed to complete class work; etc.



answers from Washington DC on

I would also ask the caregiver what they did when it happened. Did they only hear it from the father? Did they move the children farther apart? Did they talk to your son about how it wasn't nice and he needs to stop and apologize? This could be me next year as my DD has lost her listening ears. It is very frustrating. I keep telling her that she needs to put her listening ears on and pay attention or she'll be in trouble.

I also think that poking, shoving, pushing, kicking are fairly normal behaviors in this age. Not that it's something to allow, but like toddlers biting, it's not uncommon. I would talk to him and find out his side of the story, too.



answers from Albuquerque on

Is it possible that he's simply tired? A full day of kindergarten plus after care is a lot for a five year old, especially if there are lots of new rules and he's expected to sit still in the afternoons. This doesn't make his behavior acceptable, of course, but you might talk to him about what's expected in aftercare and how he can make it work for him. Or perhaps a different program would suit him better if you need the afternoon childcare?

I'm fairly certain that both of my kindergarteners would have difficulty sitting at a table doing busy work after kindergarten ends each day. They're exhausted some days when they get home, and all they want to do is wander around and do imaginary play. If your son's aftercare is really structured, he just may not have the energy.

From what you write, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. It sounds like your son is bored or overtired and the aftercare program isn't challenging him. It's quite easy to plunk kids down at tables and tell them to color. But that's not exactly fun for the kids after they've been sitting most of the day.... and tends to bring out the worst in little kid behavior.


answers from Dover on

Sounds like he may have a crush on the girls (typical crush behavior). Maybe he is having a tough time adjusting to K and the long day of staying at after school car...maybe he's a little tired. Can you get him to bed earlier in the evening or allow him to sleep any later in the morning (or a few minutes of both)?

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