In Desperate Need of Advice....

It sounds like you might have a slight problem with PPD. I felt like that for a while but once I began execising regularly and eating right my fears of not being a good enough mother started to fade. I needed medication for a little while, but now things are great and my son and I have a fantastic bond. Don't worry, it is normal for some people to feel like you. Good luck and hang in there!

Your feelings are normal. Newborns do not do a lot of interactive things like smile, laugh, coo, etc.; they simply depend on you for survival. He will learn to show his appreciation and love to you really soon. That first really big smile, belly laugh, etc. will come around 3 to 6 months. Then, you will know that all of your hard work, lack of proper sleep, and "baby blues" was all worth it.
By all means though, if you feel really sad, disconnected from daily activities, etc, see your doctor. It could be postpartum depression. It can happen to anyone.
I was a nanny, babysat regularly from age 11 until I had my first baby at 24, have a supportive husband, financial security, etc. yet I had postpartum depression with all of my children's births. There are treatments out there. I was never a big advocate of medical drugs and the stigma of taking antidepressants; however, in my case they have made a HUGE difference. I am able to be a loving interactive mother who is a lot more positive. Apparently, my body does not produce enough serotonin on its own (I know because my doctor and I have tried other methods without drugs including exercise, support groups, dietary changes, etc. and they do not work for me. Now, I am an advocate of encouraging people to see their doctors and if need be, to take the antidepressants. They do make changes in the lives of many; I am living proof!
As for you, take a deep breath. Go through the motions of carrying for your new blessing. Talk to him constantly, play with small toys (shake a rattle where he can see it), read short books, take walks together and before you know it, your little guy will respond and your heart will melt. You will know that the bond is there!
God's blessings.
K.

It sounds like you might have a very mild case of post-partum depression. This is pretty common and is related to hormones. It doesn't mean you're crazy or that you will hurt your baby, most ppd never gets to that level. Don't worry about not bonding with your child...you totally are. I had some mild ppd symptoms after my first one was born, too. It went away. It's also natural to worry about being a great mom after your baby is born, especially the first one. It just means you take it seriously and want to do it right. That's great. If you feel like your worries aren't going away on their own, or are getting worse, you might want to talk to your doctor.

Breastfeed him. You did not say whether you are or not, but if you do, a bond will form. Even if you haven’t so far, if you get him to latch it is not too late – your body will figure out what to do. It may take a few days (or weeks), but you will get into a rhythm and get to know each others biorhythms. Lots of eye contact is a must. Your hormones are probably still going crazy right now, so give yourself a break! Congratulations on your little blessing!

Boy, can I relate. I tried for several years before I had my daughter and after she was born I was happy, but kind of in shock. I didn't get that immediate "love" that you hear others talk about and it freaked me out. I kept telling my husband "Her mommy is going to come get her soon!" But you know what, when she started smiling and interacting with me it took my breath away, and the first time I felt like she was "threatened" I roared like a mama lion- and that's when I realized no one was coming to get her- she was MINE. She's now 6 and I cannot imagine a day without her. Be patient and forgiving with yourself- it is so surreal and it takes awhile to get used to it all. You are totally normal- and so is he. He knows you as his mommmy and very soon he will start to show it with coos and smiles. As long as you are holding him and caring for him you have nothing to worry about, the "feelings" will come.

Michelle, please be assured that the feelings you are experiencing are perfectly normal!!! The main thing you want to concentrate on is just loving your son, meeting his needs and enjoying him. You need to get to know him, just like any other person in your life. Does he life to be held tightly or loosely, does he like to sleep in a quiet place or does he need background noise. is he ready for "play" in the morning or in the evening....he has a personality and desires, you just need to get to know them. And let Him get to know you!!! Spend time with him, make eye contact when you are changing his diaper, bathing him, feeding him. TALK to him all the time...let him hear the rhythm and tenor of your voice. Most of all...relax...just enjoy this time with your son, soon he will be a little toddler ready to race out and take on the world....then it will be time for his first day of school...you will look away for a moment and he will be apply for his drivers license!!
Congratulations on your little one...enjoy!!!
R. Ann

Like Michelle said all he needs right now is love, and for you to be there for all of his needs. There are some great "play with baby" books out there that can give you ideas on what to do during play time at home. Some simple things are just showing him different colors, textures, and sounds. Take off his socks and rub things with different textures across his feet, of course there are tons of different rattles and things to show him different sounds. Mobiles are a good thing for "play time", I've never really been one for using them for going to sleep. They do stimulate him, and allow him to practice following things with his eyes. Hope some of this helps. It does get easier when they start to respond to you. His smiles and laughs will assure you that you are doing everything right.

I went through the same thing. My circumstances were a little different than yours but in the big picture it probably doesn't matter. My son was born at 30 weeks...10 weeks premature. I was under a lot of stress with the father at the time and now I'm a single Mother. Before I got pregnant I was undecided about whether or not I even wanted a child. So when I found out I was pregnant I wasn't too happy and I felt very scared. My son spent 5 weeks in the ICU dept and his father and I broke up 5 days after he was born and I moved in with my Dad and Stepmom. I didn't know what to expect when I brought him home. It probably took a good 2-3 months before I bonded with him and really realized that I was a Mom and this was it...this is my life now and now I have someone to take care of and who it completely relying on me. He's 2 now and he is ABSOLUTELY the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I've been through a lot but he makes it all worthwhile. It's a lot of hard work too but there are many rewards. You and your son will bond...there's nothing you can do to make it happen...it will just happen...try not to worry about it :)

It is possible that most of your feelings are because you have had so many ups and downs and you are just scared something will go wrong.

BUT...It also could be your son. I think it's too soon to worry too much. It's just that sometimes children just have their own personality and are a little aloof. My oldest daughter has always been like that. She just holds people at arms length and it started at birth. I loved her and still love her dearly. I'd do anything for her and tried to move heaven and earth to love her growing up. But she's never been good at dealing with people or having very close relationships. I think the older I get the more I realize that we just have to accept her for who she is. We don't have major family blow ups or feel as if she hates us or anything like that. But we'll never be as close as I'd like to see. She's 24, nearly 25 and the older she gets the more we seem to be okay.

Suzi

Congratulations on your healthy baby boy, and know that all the feelings you are having are perfectly normal. (Just that you are so concerned shows what a wonderful mom you already are!)

Separate from all the other good advice, I would contact your local school district (Early Childhood) and ask to be connected with Parents as Teachers. This is a wonderful free service where the trainers come to your house four times a year and give you great tips on connecting with your baby, normal development, etc. They usually have play groups too, where you can meet up with other mom's in your area with the same age child and support each other. (My oldest is nine and she is still friends with kids from her first playgroup that she started at only three months old! And I have the lasting friendships with the moms!) The Early Childhood Department should also offer free informative classes too. ...If you are a new SAHM make sure you are still getting out and connecting with friends and family too. Get lots of support, rest, and know that in the next couple months your beautiful baby will be gazing and smiling at you!

Infant massage can also be a great way to bond with your baby. There are books you can get at Borders or the library and some of the hospitals may have classes. (The public library may even have free videos you can check out.) But this is another way you can bond with your baby each day. (My mom is a massage therapist at a local hospital and showed me how. The babies love it!) ...Of course just reading books, listening to soothing music, introducing some rattles and play toys as he is old enough to start tracking with his eyes, can also be good daily activities. ...Before you know it he will be smiling and laughing and rolling and crawling!

Try to relax. All new moms go through this initial anxiety. It will be ok. Best of luck!

It's easy to feel lost as a new SAHM. First of all, I am SO glad for you and your son that you made the right decision to stay home with him. This is the best thing you can do for him. OF COURSE he knows you are his mother. "Bonding" is so vague. Just take good care of him, pay more attention to him than you do to your phone or computer, take him out and show him the world while you do what you need to do (grocery shop, run errands, visit friends, etc.). Find some friends with little ones, too. There are local playgroups, there are other moms at playgrounds, there are people at church or online. You're off to a great start!

F S, The only thing he needs to learn from you right now is that he is loved. All you need to do to get that across to him is hold him close and make eye contact (not easy when they are sleeping most of the time!!). Just cuddle and talk to him. As he grows he'll begin to be able to smile at you and turn toward your voice. Give it time, I was soooooo excited when I was preg. with my oldest, but after he was born I was kind of let down. Give yourself a break, it is a huge change going from the working world to the mommy world.

Good Luck, M.

I don't know if you Breast or Bottle feed him! My suggestion would be to make that time special for the 2 of you! If You don't have one, get a Comfortable Rocking chair and gently Rock him as you feed him! He will relax and so will you. Just don't wear Dangle earrings. If you don't have a Lullaby to sing to him a CD or radio playing some soft music will help set the mood for you! I had 2 Boys and they loved being rocked when they were babies. He will give it up naturally as he gets older and gets other interests. Hope this helps!

B.

I agree with what most of the others have said about ppd and bonding. And you might have had higher expectations about what that bond should "feel" like, but that doesn't mean he doesn't depend on you or isn't bonding with you. When he cries in hunger or discomfort, do you respond to his needs? If yes, then he is learning that you will take care of him and comfort him--and that is how babies begin to learn about love. :-)

When you are responding to his needs, that is the best time for bonding at this age. The most interesting thing to him is your face, right? So make lots of eye contact, smile, and talk to him when feeding and changing him. In a few more weeks (or less), he'll smile when he sees you and turn toward your voice no matter who else is holding him... and you will know he knows YOU as his Mom. :-)

Also, you've got not just a new family member to adjust to, but a new environment, too, so give yourself some extra time to adjust. And please realize that being a SAHM doesn't mean you must always *stay inside at home* all day! When the weather permits, you can take the baby out for a walk around the block in his stroller (protect him from the sun, of course), take him with you to the library for some good books (some for you to read, and some for you to read to him!), or meet up with some other SAHMs and their babies for lunch or a chat. Or just sit outside on a blanket in the shade for a little while and talk to your son about what you see (birds, trees, ants, etc.). A little sunshine is a great mood-booster!

At this point, your baby is probably sleeping more than anything else, so you have a lot of time for yourself once the housework is done. Be sure to rest, but also use that time to do some things you enjoy--find a new hobby or get some instructional books/CDs to study a favorite interest or foreign language. Trust me, give it some time, and soon enough, he'll be moving around and getting into *everything*, and you won't have as much time for yourself anymore, lol!

HTH! And Congratulations!
--A.

Good Morning F S, Congratulations on your precious new son.
A lot of women feel as you do Sweety, I held on to my oldest son constantly as I thought this prefect little person just couldn't actually be mine and someone was going to show up and take him away...lol Of course that didn't happen. Oh Man some days.....They could of with my blessing around age 13.....LOL
You baby knows your voice, he knows your touch, your scent.
He needs you more then anything in this world. When you feed him look at his sweet little face, talk to him, when you bathe him talk to him. When you rock him sing or hum to him, talk even more tell him how much he means to you and his daddy. How blessed you are to have him.
Your voice and touch soothes him. You can lay him in your lap and play with his hands, tickle his neck, chin, tummy or stroke his sweet cheeks. Anything you do with your baby develops that special bond your searching for.
The first time he looks at you and can see you clearly and he smiles will melt your heart. That first little laugh will thrill your socks off.

Please don't worry FS you are already a terrific mama, it can only get better.

God Bless you sweetheart, love that little man to the fullest, he already knows your His special Angel ( mama)
K. Nana of 5

I know how you feel! I still feel at times that me and my daughter haven't bonded the way I would like us to have and she is almost 18 months. It takes time and fustration and utter confusion but he does know you are his most important person to him. Unfortunately me and my daughter still don't exactly get along as well as I would like but she is after all a daddy's girl. something i'm utterly out of my element on.

As for what to do with him just enjoy him sleeping and spending time with him while you feed him and care for him. After all 7 wks you can't really teach him much. when he is awake just talk to him or sing to him. It will help him get to know your voice more and it will entertain him. Honestly I wish I had talked more to my girl but I was and am still doing online classes which makes it hard to balance time with her and the animals and doing the chores around the house.
take it easy enjoy the simple things and worry about teaching for when he is older.

My first baby was born at 32 1/2 weeks and was in the hospital only 3 weeks but I was not allowed to even hold him, back in the old days, and so the day before he came home I finally got to feed him a bottle. When I got him home I was afraid to be left alone with him he was so tiny and even though I'd been around babies, babysat, and loved babies he seemed too little and then he just ate, slept and cried. I can tell you there was maybe bonding for me but like you feel, how do you know when they eat, sleep and cry if they care about you? I can tell you until they are several months old and can smile and play you feel sort of like you love them but they are not so much of a 'person' maybe. But they are. After my first one I did much better with the other kids when that young. Touch him a lot and talk to him and kiss him. He knows your touch, smell and that it's you and some day when he's a little older he'll start to prefer you over others. Right now he's definitely 'depending on' you. My advice is to relax, enjoy him by talking, touching, etc. Rest when he sleeps if you can and some day soon he'll be saying 'mama' and you'll be so bonded nothing in the world could take that love away. Enjoy him. When he's about 3-6 months old it will be more fun.

Hello FS...

I know this is a little behind you're request for advice...however, after reading your situation I felt the need to respond...and I have never responded to anyone...

Your little guy definitely knows that your his mommy. Going from a workaholic to a momaholic....is very hard and takes time to adjust to the different situations. I too was a SAHM after my son was born...and I had left the Army to do so. When your son is this little, he knows very little. Basically he is looking for the necessities...food, warmth (or coolness), and a dry bottom. He does recognize your scent, your voice, and your touch...and he will respond better to those than other people since he will relate those to his needs being met. In another couple months, he WILL start responding with full blown smiles and actually responding to your voice and touch without receiving food or diaper. That is when your bonding will come full circle....until then, just enjoy your son and take a lot pictures, cause they grow up very fast....my son is now 28 years old and the father of 3..1 girl 6, 2 boys 3 and 5 weeks...

If you still feel this way by the time your baby is 3 months old...you definitely need to talk to your doctor...this could be mild post natal depression...and you definitely do not want that getting worse. You need to take care of yourself first, and that means getting enough rest, eating right, AND having adult time away from your son. Get someone you trust...your mother or father, or your husbands parents....and go out on a "date" with hubby...even if it's only for 2 or 3 hours....

Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your son.

TB

Your baby needs you and depends on you for every single thing that he does right now, aside from pooping, peeing and breathing! Becoming a first time Mom AND leaving a career can be overwhelming, I know it was when I did it. It's all new to everyone, including your son! Give it all some time, you and your hormones and your body are still very much adjusting to your new role, and your baby is getting all needs from you by being held and loved and fed and changed... There isn;t much to teach such a young baby, but when he gets older it will all come to you. As far as the bonding, I had that issue with my second son, but one day I was looking at his feet when he was laying on me and I just fell for him! I don't know what it was but before that moment I did sort of feel like "hmmm, this is odd..." but its all good now. Just give everything time, before you know it will be like you've always been a SAHM and that your baby has always been a part of your life!

I think you're perfectly normal! It is such a huge adjustment to your life in so many different ways not only when you have a baby but when you stop working outside the home too. I felt the same, like there was something I should be "doing" with my son, but in the beginning, just be there for your baby and talk to him as much as you can. Hearing your voice is a great way to begin bonding. Someone once told me that when you get tired of hearing yourself talking at the end of the day, you're talking enough to the baby! And just narrating what you're doing is fine. "We're walking into the kitchen. The plant has green leaves. Mommy is a dodo bird today!" :-) It really doesn't matter! But I also felt like the whole process (including myself and the baby) was mechanical in the beginning. You're doing, doing, doing with little feedback from your baby at this point, but it WILL come. It's okay to feel like there's not the bond you imagined. That will come, and I do believe your son knows you're his mom. You are his world, even though he isn't capable of communicating that to you now. I think you're absolutely normal and doing just fine, even though I don't think most new moms feel that way! It wouldn't hurt to ask your doctor about ppd either. Good luck - it will get easier, and there will be plenty of bonding 'moments' to come.

You have good advice here. Just wanted to add that you're doing great. Ditto eye contact, hold him a lot, breastfeed as long as you can (weaned my oldest at 4, my 2 year old is going strong!). Do you have a good carrier? Google maya wrap or hotsling and you'll find 50 or 100 choices that you can use to carry your baby everywhere you would normally go. You can hold him to do housework (some), take a walk, have coffee with a friend (I'd have to have decaf, the caffiene gets into the milk! eek!). Call all your old friends in other places and have long talks with them if you're still awake when he's sleeping. But be sure to get lots of rest yourself, of course.

Ditto Parents As Teachers. Helped me a lot. La Leche League has groups where moms get together and nurse and swap advice, etc. We don't have that where I am, but the hospital where I had my first had a similar group. That was great for me. I could always ask the nurse/lactation consultants any questions while I was there.

I do think you might have post partum depression. When I did, I didn't have insurance so I used Bach Flower Essence Remedies instead of meds, which in retrospect I think probably helped as much as Zoloft would have. But, maybe all you need is to get out of the house, and give yourself some more time to adjust.

sweetheart,Being a first time mom is hard. but you are going to be great. I am sure you are being a great mom. We all know what you are feeling. Read books. Every baby is different and it is a learning process. but believe or not it will all come normal soon. give it time. One of the biggest thing it to sleep when he sleeps and get your rest. He knows you are his mommy I promise. you will bond everyday. Read books and don't be afraid to ask for help from others. doctors and friends are there to help you.
I know you willbe awesome. Have faith in your self and take one day at a time!
Take care of you!! if you have any questions feel free to ask anytime.

You wanted this baby so bad and had very high expections on what this experience would be. Relax and talk and cuddle with the baby. Just love him, and not be tense if possible. If you are breastfeeding then call a hospital close to you and go to the support group. The moms give each other encouragement and talk about problems. We as moms think this will be a magical experience from the first, but are to tired or unsure of ourselves to enjoy. You will fell more bonding when he becomes more interacting with you like cooing and smiling at your voice and face. On my first I kept feeling like I was babysitting for someone. She was not an easy child, but is a great adult. Try to find other new moms that will really talk and tell the truth about what they are feeling and you will not feel alone. G.

I don't think that you need to worry. Hold him, cuddle him, change him, feed him and love him. As long as you are doing all that you'll be fine. I was convinced my daughter hated me when she was a baby. She cried all the time (later found that she had reflux). But she didn't want to be held and if I held her she would cry and squirm till I laid her down and then she would stretch out and sleep. Guess being all streched out helped in some way. But in my sleep deprived mind I tought the baby hated me and I was doing everything wrong. So don't worry, I'm sure all is good and you are doing an amazing job!!

When I had my first, I really just felt judged. He would look at me with his wizened little face, and I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air! I also felt like I would not do anything right, and my husband had to talk me off the (figurative) ledge many times.

Now he is almost 3 years old, and I love that little man like nothing else! I also have a 10 month old son that has heaped work and joy into an already-busy life.

It is work. It is hard work. At his age, the best thing you can do for him is love him. Yes, there are things you can do with him to fill the day. I am happy to talk about those with you if you like. But he just wants to be part of your world. If you need to go to the grocery store, take him. If you need to get the oil changed in the car, take him. If you need to go shopping for new clothes, take him. (He's not mobile yet, so he won't mind hanging out in the changing room with you!)

Just cuddle him, talk with him, and let him know that you love him. When he is able to reciprocate, able to smile, that really changes everything. And you will know that the work you are putting in now will have paid off.

I think we just assume that as soon as we hold our baby for the first time, we'll be connected. I am really glad I had friends tell me that didn't happen for them. I have always loved our DD, of course, but initially it was sort of more of a responsible kind of love than a deep connection. Over time, that's changed. I agree with the person who said there are millions of little things that bond you to each other. The good thing is, enough of them happen before they turn 2 that you really do love and bond with them even when they are throwing tantrums and driving you crazy. :) As a first-time mom, I felt all this pressure (from myself mostly) to be a great mom, but I had no idea how to be one. I worried that I was doing everything wrong. I questioned every little thing. When she was colicky (which was a very brief span of time, I was soooo lucky!), I just cried with her because I didn't know how to make it better and I felt like I should be able to. Isn't that what moms do? The fact that you are concerned about being a good mom, means you actually already are one. :) Try to just enjoy the moments. The bond will come with time. Congratulations on your little miracle!

I've found that you automatically love your baby, but you will also "fall in love" with him. Bonding is not an on-off switch, but hundreds of tiny moments that build and build. You have a LOT to look forward to!

M.

You've had a ton of responses, but I wanted to tell you congratulations on the birth of your baby boy. While I'm no medical expert you sound like you might be having some postpartum depression. You should relax. You're not doing anything wrong! But please visit your ob/gyn! He/She will be able to distinguish if you are just having baby blues or if it's postpartum depression and where to go from there. You could also have your husband watch your little one for an hour or two so you can get out of the house on your own. Go for a walk or run to the store. Just get out for a little while. You'll be a better Mom for it! Good luck to you.

It can be hard to distinguish between instincts and worries born of insecurities. If you are nursing, I would see if there is a La Leche group you can meet with. Being around other new mothers with their infants may help you get some perspective on your expectations.

Keep in mind that you and your little one need you to be observant, not too expectant. If you expect to develop a bond that 'amazes' people, you might want to learn more about the nature of the maternal bond so that your expectations are more reasonable and sustainable. For example, did you know that a baby's brain wave patterns measured by and E.E.G. device become identical to the mother's brain wave readings while the child nurses the mother? So, if your thoughts are worrisome, nervouse, or anxious while nursing your baby, the child will not enjoy the way your brain's physiology is effecting his brain development. You might want to prayer, read poetry, enjoy a crossword or sudoku puzzle, or even enjoy some light comedy while nursing. If your brain is enjoying something while you nurse, the entrainment of brain processes will have a beneficial outcome and the child will enjoy it more.

So, instead of thinking in terms of wanting an 'amazing' bond, you might want to think in terms of developing an 'effective' bond. If you want your child to trust you and obey you later, the way you teach them to trust your touch in infancy can play a significant role in creating a trusting and respectful relationship. Infant massage is a terrific way to teach your child how to relax into your hands, because the child can feel that you are confident, can sense what they need and like, and are giving them your full attention. As the child learns to trust your care, they learn to relax and allow you to have control. In some cultures, mothers massage their children as part of a daily routine for the first 40 days of life. They know that this not only strengthens their health, but that it teaches them to recognize the special care and understanding the mother has for them. It teaches the child to trust the mother. During the first several months of life, the child learns more from touch than from any other sensory perception. Let you hands listen to your child and let your hands speak confidently and gently to him. This is how infants perceive and understand. Although they learn to recognize your face and your voice, the greatest amount of communication is done via touch during infancy.

In order to create a healthy vision of a parent/child relationship, I highly recommend reading the description of the role of a parent in the book, The Family Virtues Guide, by Linda K. Popov. I recommend this book to the families I work with on a regular basis. You can learn more about this highly successful approach to parenting from this book and the many talks on CD by both Linda and Dan Popov which are available at www.VirtuesProject.com.

Also, people have a lot of opinions and fears about letting their baby sleep with them. But, keep in mind that those cultures where babies commonly sleep with at least 1 parent during the first 2 years of life are peaceful cultures, while those that commonly support the idea of infants sleeping separately are warring cultures. Our son slept with us the first 2 years. We have an unusually strong bond, even at age 23. We also slept much better!

Hope this helps you find contentment in your new relationship.

It took 8 years for me to get pregnant and then we had to do invitro. I felt just like you. I think that when the pregnancy feels more like a "medical condition" it's differnt than a regular pregnancy. I was always afraid they would be born early, etc. I think it just takes us a little more time when they arrive healthy and happy. We didn't get to relax until the birth so it takes us longer to "get in to the pregnancy and baby thing" because we protected our emotions during the pregnancy just in case.

Your baby loves you and knows you and you would jump in front of a bus ifneeded to keep him safe. You will settle in in time and he will develop and be able to give you his smiles and you will know that he knows you.

I'm so glad you asked the question because I was too afraid to tell anyone. You will do great!

I just read the other posts and I also recommend parents as teachers. It saved my life and sanity.
I also went to the doctor in tears when my third child was 3 months. She put me on zoloft and that was a life saver too.
And,, to the posts recommending breastfeeding (I breastfed mine and loved it) but I firmly believe the breastfeeding is not vital to bonding and babies can be very well nourished with formula. If you are bottle feeding, it is not your fault that you feel this way! You need to decide the feeding style that is right for your family!

FS-

First of all, congratulations on your new bundle of joy. I have not been in your shoes before, but I felt compelled to reply as a mother of 1 (and another on the way). I think there are several reasons that you may be feeling this way...

1. Some mothers take awhile to bond with their children. It does not make you a bad mother.
2. Some women expect or think a baby will change their life in a certain way. And although he undoubtly has changed your life, maybe it's not in the same way that you had envisioned so you are still adjusting to your new lifestyle - your new job (SAHM) working inside instead of outside of the home.
3. With a small child, there is not much to do with them other than cuddle, hug, kiss, feed and let them have tummy time. So you may be feeling like you are not 'mothering' him enough, but other than being there when he needs it, there's not much you can do to foster your closeness other than what you are doing.
4. Not saying you have this, but there is a chance you have post partum depression and are not able to connect with your son. If you feel like this may be a possiblity, speak with someone. It never hurts to ask!

Just my opinion - he probably has no idea or concept of you being his mother and being the one that is there to provide for his every need. But that will come with time. Although now he's much like a lump of 'vegetable matter' (my mom's term for newborns!), he'll start to develop a personality and you'll see him smile when you walk into a room, or reach up for you to hold him. Those are the moments that your heart will melt and you know that the bond you have is so strong.

Hang in there!!!

YOU ARE TOTALLY NORMAL!
I remember feeling like this too - it is just a hard enough time having a baby and getting your body and hormones back to normal...they say it can take up to a year...so try to be patient. It is really hard though. You will start to feel more of a bond when your baby can do things that let you know he recognizes you...but right now he cant physically show you he loves you and know who you are...but he totally does...he really really does. I am also a first time mom to a awesome boy - he just turned 1 in July - and let me tell you...he knows who I am for sure! It just takes time, and you need time to feel normal again - body and hormones...you will get there.

Congratulations on your baby boy! I agree with much of the advice you have already gotten here. What you are feeling is not uncommon. I would talk to your doctor about what you are feeling though. If it is ppd, they can talk to you and your husband about how to get through it, especially if it does get worse. Also, they can tell your husband what signs to look for.

I don't know if you have ppd or not, but it surely wouldn't hurt to let your doctor know what is going on.

Oh, I remember those worries (mine is only 8 months now). Here's the thing...the other moms who said sing, talk, tell stories, read...it is all bonding. They are more animated and responsive around 3 months, even more so at 5...by 8, WHOA NELLIE! But, my daughter and I lock eyes and just have this "we're going to find loads of trouble to get into later, just as soon as I can walk" moments (I'm the "trouble maker", the goofball, the "fun" girl...all the kids manage to want to be at my house for some reason...granted, I have the kiddie stash of junk food their parents don't let them have!). It takes time, and the first month or two is time for you two to get adjusted. Baby was just thrust out into the world...give it a bit. I've heard so many moms worry about it, but seriously, it comes so naturally. It's obvious as they get older. Don't worry...but that's hard to say to a new mom (I am too). Lots of talking, cuddling, tell baby about the family, tell baby funny stories, tell baby everything you WON'T tell them when they are teenagers (like the night you wound up in the middle of a riot in boulder, co--drunk)...this is the time to do it. And...low and behold...you've got the "look" where you know what they're thinking, and vice versa. It's just the perfect time for you to relax and enjoy... Although, the schedule doesn't make it easy to relax...but do try.

I know you have a lot of responses and I didn't read them all yet so sorry if I repeat. I just thought that I would let you know that to bond with my daughter I simply sang to her and I always talk to her. It doesn't matter if you are a bad singer. She just notices the attention. My daughter has lots of little toys that play music and if I sing along with them in a high pitched voice she really loves it. As far as not knowing what to do with your child, contact your local health department or school district. My local school district offers a program called 'Parents As First Teachers'. It is a free program and I have a person come to my house once a month and show me things I should be looking for developmentally wise. (sorry if that isn't a word) She also shows me good activities to do with my child to help her development. We also have play groups at their office where other moms bring their children and we can all talk about whatever is on our minds. If you have trouble finding a group like this you can email me and maybe I can pass some of the information along to you. ____@____.com -- just make sure you put something in the subject about mamasource so i know to take it out of junk.