Importance of Stability?

Updated on March 09, 2007
F.S. asks from Malvern, PA
4 answers

I'm going through a little dilema involving trying to keep the balance between family and work. My job is requiring me to move to another location (6 hours away) for about a year. I don't have a choice in the matter regarding the work issue, but am feeling really conflicted about what decision to make regarding my son. My husband's job is secure and at this point its not a good idea for him to give up the stability. So my confusion is regarding what to do that will be the best for my 17 month old son. Do I take him with me? This is my first preference, because I can't make it a year without seeing him on a daily basis! And I think he needs his mom at this stage. But, then I worry that I don't want to disrupt his routine here and drag him all over the country either as a "single mom". He's got his friends, cousins and other family close by here, and he's got a routine going at his daycare. With some help from his grandparents, my husband is suggesting that he takes care of the baby here while I go and come and visit on weekends. I don't want to leave my baby! I know this is a personal decison, but just wanted to hear about other people's opinions or experiences about whether children need their moms more or is stability and routine more important? Thanks!

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answers from Philadelphia on

As much as I would be in your boat totally with wanting to take my child with me, considering the age he is and the routines he has now it seems like the best idea, in my opinion would be to keep him here. He has his daycare, his family, everything. As much as it is going to be such a change for you and him and your husband. I feel like if the exact same situation came up ( I have a 24 month old daughter) I would want to do what you want to do but the best idea would be to keep her at her routine that she knows at this age. I wish you the best with everything. You'll get through it!



answers from Harrisburg on

Are you your child's primary care giver in the home? That's the big question.

If he's used to going to daycare already a new one is going to throw him off for a little bit but he'll be right as rain in no time.

How often does the father usually see him during the week? I mean from what you've said it seems that you would have more time to spend with your child during the week than he would.

I would bring my child with me but its really up to you.



answers from Philadelphia on

Wow! Good luck with your decision. We've moved around alot and I don't think It really affeected my boys until this past move when my oldest was in 2nd grade. I think when kids are younger they adapt amazingly! So if your gut is telling you to take him with you, I think he will adapt to a new routine quickly. Good Luck!




answers from Philadelphia on

I know it's going to be really hard for you, but I suggest that you leave your son at home with your husband and family. Going with you he'll be taken out of his routine, taken away from friends, family, etc. You'll be working and adjusting to your new role so you may not be able to give him the attention he'll need. I would go by yourself and come home as much as possible, and when you do come home make sure that during the visit you spend as much time with him as possible, leave the work at work, etc. You can call him each night before bed, you could even get a web-cam if you guys have a computer and still have him be able to see you every day. Good luck!!

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