"Im New at Parenting and I Need a Little Advice Please"

Updated on June 03, 2009
B.C. asks from North Richland Hills, TX
24 answers

7 months ago, I had my first child! She is my angel. And for the past 7 months i have been a stay at home mom. I need to go back to school and work but there is 1 problem. She has been breast fed since she was born and she wont take formula or let anyone besides me, take care of her. I cant make enough milk to pump and save so its hard to find a babysitter that will watch her a second time because of the crying. I dont know what to do. Some people have told me to let her be hungry untill she takes formula but that seems so mean to me. Should i try it anyway? What do i do?

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H.D.

answers from Dallas on

try mixing breast milk with formula 50/50 and every couple of days use a greater proportion of formula until it is all formula and see if that works. GOod luck!

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K.R.

answers from Dallas on

Hi there! As a former child care provider, here are some things I would recommend! First, you are going to have to find a sitter that will work with you on this cause it will be a rough first week since there will be so many transitions taking place. Next, you probably should be the one who introduces the formula and bottle, so that she understands that it is her food and that it is ok that she eats it, as mommy says it is ok! When you are feeding her I would introduce a lovie, either a blankie or stuffed animal for her to attach to and that will help her become comfortable eating with whomever is feeding her as she will have her lovie with her!

On another note, how many types of bottles/nipples have you tried. More often than not the baby is not rejecting the bottle as a whole just that particular one. So I would try a different kind!! Hope that helps!!

K.
Helping MOMS work from home!
http://www.stayinghomeandhavingfun.com

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K.F.

answers from Dallas on

I went back to work when my son was nine months and fed him until a year. I only worked six hours and he just didn't drink milk during that time. I know that is a while, but he had water and other food since he was a little older. With my daughter we put her in at home care at 4-5 months and I went there on my lunch break and fed her. I only worked seven hours then and her home was close by. After here being in care a few weeks I was able to pump. After you start missing a few feedings it should be easier to pump because she would normally be nursing then. RIght now with you exclusively feeding her you probably won't have extra milk. You might try leaving for a couple of hours and have her dad give her a bottle. They say the babies can smell us and won't eat if we are in the house. It will take some time(and tears from you both!)but she will adjust. God Bless!

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N.S.

answers from Dallas on

So here's the thing...if you have been successfully BF your daughter for 7 months, you do NOT have supply issues. Pumping takes practice, patience and technique.

You didn't say when you are pumping, but my guess is that you are likely pumping (rarely) just after feeding baby. I would continue to do this (remember that baby is MORE efficient than a pump will ever be), so what you will be doing is telling your body to up the supply. Additionally, add a pumping session during a "break" period when baby isn't typically nursing. Form me this was about 9 PM - about 2 hours after baby went to bed. You can combine milk from different pumping sessions.

Now, once you are away from baby, you would replace nursing with a pumping session. Most moms (including myself) serve baby what they pumped the previous day. I only pull from my freezer stash to rotate it (so whatever's getting ready to hit the 4 month freze date). Thus, you really do NOT need a huge freezer stash to start.

Another thing that can be confusing is how much to serve baby - - especially if you are lead by how much formula fed babies get. Since DS was 5 months, he only gets an avg of 4.5 oz in his bottle feedings (2/day - the rest nursing). Since BM changes consistency to meet babies needs, baby does not need to consume as much. Formula on the other hand must be taken in ever increasing amounts to since it can NOT change it's basic consistency.

When you are pumping, make sure you relax - perhaps try a few minutes of yoga and/or breathing exercises. Look at a picture and think of your baby. Also, do breast compressions - they make a big difference in how much you'll get out.

As far as baby not taking a bottle, it's really about preference - a nice mommy breast or a cold rubber nipple (LOL). Try to have another person give the bottles (e.g. husband) and you leave the room. In the end, don't be too concerned if baby doesn't take that much via a bottle; many BF babies "reverse cycle" when mom goes to work - meaning they reduce their intake via bottle and rather take more in when they are nursing directly. No reason to be concerned with this.

As a bit of context...I'm nursing #2. #1 I nursed for 15 months, included 9 pumping while I was at work. With #2, we are on month 9 of nursing and month 5 of pumping while I'm at work - so I'm initmately family with your situation!

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J.R.

answers from Dallas on

Actually, your baby should be ready to start solids now. Babies are usually ready to begin solids between 4 to 6 months (although, most are not ready until six months). Here's some information from Parents website:

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By the age of six months, your baby is able to move food to the back of her mouth to swallow and her digestive system will be better able to handle solids. Your baby will give you signs when she is ready for solids. To start, she will be much more aware of her surroundings. She may reach out for your food, put objects in her mouth, watch you closely as you eat and seem hungry after feedings.

The best first food is usually an iron-fortified rice cereal. It will provide the iron that is now necessary in her diet, and is a grain least likely to precipitate an allergic reaction. Initially, starting solids is just for the practice of eating and swallowing. Start with very small amounts. One baby-sized bite of cereal at the first feeding is enough. Gradually increase the cereal to about two tablespoons per feeding.

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I have a friend who strictly breastfed until her baby was about thirteen months and I can tell you that was cruel. Her little boy was starving and he would cry because he wanted your food when you were eating. He was probably about eight months old when he started crying for our food, and by the time he was thirteen months, he was very thin...too thin.

I think allowing a sitter to give your precious angel cereal would be great. Just make sure you start her on it for a few weeks before you send her to a sitter, that way you can limit her intake and get her used to solid food.

And don't feel guilty about going back to work. You've got to do what you've got to do to provide for your family! When you find a babysitter who is patient enough to help your daughter transition, you have found a great babysitter!

Good luck and hang in there! Your little one will get used to taking other forms of feeding over time. It just takes lots of practice and patience!

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J.B.

answers from Dallas on

You will be pumping during the normal feed times, so you should have enough milk for that. It is just the getting started that is hard, huh? My little one was the same way. She never took a bottle and loved the breast until 15 months. I would start pumping at the end of each nursing session to get what is left out and to get your body to produce as much as possible. The more stimulation the better, and it takes a few days. If you can just stick it out a little longer, she'll be on cow's milk at 1 yr if you want her to be. Let me know if I can help you in any way! You are doing a great job and your baby definitely benefits from your commitment!!

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B.L.

answers from Dallas on

If it were me I would not starve her until she takes formula. I don't blame her because it tastes and smells so different than breast milk.
I had (and still do to some extent) the same problem with my little "mama's boy" who couldn't bear to be away from me. He was also exclusively breast fed. Here are a few options for you to try. Try not to stress out about this because that can reduce your supply even further.

First of all, to increase your supply so you can pump and save there are things you can take.

Mother's milk tea and Fenugreek capsules- can be found at health food stores and Central Market. Also oatmeal and increasing your water intake will increase your supply. I have taken both of those supplements.

You will get the most milk if you pump in the morning right after you wake in the morning because you have rested and given your supply a chance to build. Nurse her at her normal time on one side then pump the other side. Pump again after each time she is finished nursing. This will trigger you to make more milk to meet the demand. *a hand pump will not work for building your supply. you can rent hospital grade electric pumps at Harris downtown from the Breast Center.

Another option would be "top her off" right before you leave and then as soon as you get back. (pump while you are away) In the mean time have her care taker feed her baby food or cereal instead of milk. You could also leave a bottle with a few ounces of breast milk and she migh tbe willign to take it from someone else. Sometimes babies will do this for others when they won't for mom because they know mom has the real thing right there in front of them.

A good friend of mine does this. Her baby (6 months) has never had formula. She didn't really want a bottle because it just wasn't the same as mama. The food, however, is a special treat and not a replacement for mom.

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C.F.

answers from Dallas on

I can totally understand your plight, however from experience this is what I would do. 1st I would pump as much as you can, if it is not enough for a full days worth of feeding without you I would split what you do have and suppliment the rest with formula. As a test. or training you should Try to have your husband/significant other feed her at least one feeding a day, you may have to be gone or out of sight. But if you suppliment than at least she can have a combination on the both with some familiar taste. As far as what to do in a child care/babysitter situation, I am sorry you have had it so rough, yes crying can become a burden but a baby needs to be given a chance to adapt to a new environment and after one day I don't think that is fair for you or her. If I were the babysitter I would at least try it for a week and if no improvement then revisit the situation. The truth is that after a while when she is hungry she should finally take it. My oldest son was one to hold out and reject it too, and depending on how long you are gone it is not that big of a deal, you can just feed her once you get her, that is what I did in those situations, but when it was longer and he was really hungry he would eventually take the bottle, at least enough of it to hold him over. Also you said she is 7 months now, how you introduced any cereals or 1st foods yet, that could also help in the mean while, when you are gone? These are just some things that I would try, Again I have been through this with both my boys and hoping to not have to worry about the same problem with my third.

Hope this helps a little. Feel free to private message me if you have any other questions.

C.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter was the same way and I was still breastfeeding her until I was in my 2nd trimester with my son. Due to complications (early contraction) I had to stop breastfeeding her. It was horrible because she would not take a bottle and hated the taste of formula. I did have about 3 weeks of milk stored so that helped us. I tried mixing half and half which sort of worked, but she hated bottles. After we ran out I mixed banana ceral in all of her bottles, but she still never really drank that much. Finally I just gave up and put some sugar in the formula. I know that sounds bad, but I didn't know what else to do she wasn't drinking enough formula. I only had to do it for 5 days. I started decreasing the amount each day until finally I didn't have to put anymore in the bottle. You could also try goat's milk formula the receipe is online. As long as you still breastfeed will not have to add all the oils and vits. in it. I tried goat's milk and carrot juice. Might be worth a try. Best of luck.

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T.T.

answers from Dallas on

I haven't read through the responses, but that's horrible that people are telling you to let your baby starve until she takes formula. It might be easier if you let Daddy and baby work out the bottle or sippy. She knows you have the other milk and probably won't take it from you.

Try goat's milk since this is to supplement your breast milk. My nephews both drank goat's milk with vitamin supplementation when my sister couldn't nurse anymore. I've used it whenever my baby was with a sitter.

She's 7 months so be sure to pack enough solid food. Also goat milk is available in powder format so you can pack it in a formula dispenser.

For some reason both of my kids would take a couple ounces of goats milk- my daughter from bottle and son from his sippy. Then when you pick her up, be prepared to nurse a lot. Both of mine just ate enough so they weren't starving and then wanted to nurse like crazy when I got back.

Also, are you using a fully automated pump? After a while I could get nothing from bicycle and semiauto pumps. Could still get some milk with fully automated. If you are working full-time you will want something so you aren't uncomfortable (and leaking) by the end of the day.

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

when i went back to work i had to pump 4x per day and do a 10pm pump when my babies dropped that feeding. usually, if they dropped a feeding I would continue to pump in order to preserve that milk for feeding. do you have the right kind of pump? i guess i don't have enough info; b/c if you are providing enough milk by exclusively breastfeeding you should be able to pump just fine as long as you can pump during the day. if not, then you may have to transition to formula - maybe do 1/2 and 1/2. good luck.

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T.W.

answers from Dallas on

it seems alot of people have given you advise on the formula/breastmilk problem but not as much on the babysitting issue. If i were you i would try to find a sitter who could aleast understand why shes crying so they might deal with it alittle bettter. I would also trying haveing playdates with the sitter and you present instead of you just being gone and your baby alone with the sitter. so that your daughter gets use to seeing this person around the home and eventually becomes more comfortable with her. you could even try having the sitter around and then only leaving for 5 to 10 mins at a time so your daughter sees that you will be coming back. makeing it easier for her to transition . hope that is slightly helpful .

J.R.

answers from Dallas on

I was in the same sort of boat with the milk supply and not having enough to pump off as well as nurse. I talked to my doctor about it and I was put on a prescription medication called domperidone. It helps to increase milk supply and it has worked WONDERS for me and my daughter. I am now able to pump out enough to give myself a little freedom and let my husband feed her. I would first talk to your doctor about that option because it's a fairly easy and painless solution where everyone wins. She still gets your milk, and I'm sure that she will adjust to it in the bottle slowly. Feel free to message me if you have any questions and I wish you the best of luck!

J.

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S.F.

answers from Dallas on

You have done a great job nursing for 7 months!!!

You may try gradually supplementing your breast milk with formula. You know, if she takes 6oz when she eats - then make it 5oz breast milk and 1 oz of formula for at least 1 week. Then the next week you can increase the formula and decrease the breast milk. I had to do this when my production started decreasing with each of my 2 little ones.

It truly is hard to pump and save, especially when your little one is eating full time ;) I remember! When my milk started decreasing, I thought I was doing to wrong thing by moving over to formula, so I would pump around the clock trying to get just enough. I did that for about 2 months with my oldest. I think it was harder for me to stop nursing than it was for him to start taking the 'mixed' milk/formula!

Good luck to you :)

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G.A.

answers from Dallas on

If your milk ran out as my mom's did then you have to find a way to feed her. I would imagine no day care setting would take a baby they can not feed. I had one that was fussy too and when she wanted to come back I would not let her. She told me to calll the dad if I could not feed him so dad came and he could not get him to eat any better then I did and it was a nightmare. You have to get him weened before you separate from your baby.The mom did come and nurse at times too. But she also gave me a piece of her clothing that had her scent on it. And womb music that I never used. G. W

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

I had this same problem as I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old. What I did was try a million different bottles, she swould not take any of them, so I decided to try a sippy and sure enough she took ight to it. It took several to find the one she liked, and you know which one it was? The cheap take and toss ones, those are the only ones she liked but at 6 months she was using a sippy, atleaste we didnt have to transition to the bottle then to the sippy. So maybe thats a possibility too, she doesnt like the bottle, have you tried other bottles and/or sippys? sometimes it takes ALOT off different tries. Good luck, every child is different, she will eventually adjust, she wont starve herself.

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R.K.

answers from Dallas on

First of all, I know it is hard but don't stress too much over this. Both of my babies would not take a bottle. At 9 months my son was loosing weight and we had to supplement with formula. He had always refused the bottle, but with necessity and persistance it will happen. For my daughter it was the same at 8 months. As you are probably introducing solids as well, breast milk or formula can be added to the solids and you can still breast feed morning and night if you would like too. I would pump as much as you can, you may be supprised. There are also meds and herbs that can help with your supply. I used fenugreek and blessed thissle. If it is too much for you you can move to the formula. Maybe start 1/2 formula and half breast milk.
As for the crying. It is because she is so used to having you all the time. Change will take some time to adjust. I believe the separation anxiety is usually worse closer to 9-12 months, so you are godd to deal with this sonn than later. Most babies cry when they are left, until it is part of there routine. I still know a few 4 year olds who cry when there mom drops them at daycare instead of dad. I would take my son into playtime hourly daycare 1 hour twice week cuz he was so attached. I took about a month for him to get used to it, but it was only 2 hours a week and not 40. Your care provider should be ok with this and help you not say they cannot habdle it. Once youyr baby gets on her new routine with her new schedule and new food she will happier than ever. It will all work out, she just needs a little time to adjust.

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V.B.

answers from Dallas on

I am sorry you feel you have to go to work so soon. She needs you first until she is older and you can wean her naturally. Can't you put it off for a few more months? Do with out stuff, don't eat out, save gas, etc. so you can stay homw. This is a short time in your life compared to her lifetime at homw, maybe 18 years? I hope you can find a way to stay home.
Whatever you do, don't let her cry until she will take a bottle. That is mean, does not teach her anything except real hunger and that she cannot trust you, her nourisher and loving mother. And you will cry too , as you are her source of food and tender care as you cuddle and make her feel safe.She is too young for cereal or baby food until about 11 months, her digestive system is immature until then for any solids. Call LeLetche League for help and advice. They have done this for years and years and may have some ideas.

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M.K.

answers from Dallas on

I began my daughter on cereal when she was 6 months old. She never liked formula either and because I am a stay at home mom she never needed it. She had cereal for dinner which helped keep her tummy full longer so not only did I get to sleep i was able to pump extra to freeze for later. How long do you leave her with a sitter? Its best to start for a short time then gradually go longer.

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S.C.

answers from Dallas on

If she won't take the bottle or sippy then try to feed her your pumped milk or formula with one of those medicine dropper syringes. That works with my son. (He never would take the bottle and is still mastering the sippy. I think he took to it because he is used to getting his polyvisol vitamins from a dropper.) It's slow going but you can feed milk that way. Another way is to mix up some baby cereal or bananas or any food she likes with a lot of milk/formula. It's also slow going to feed with a spoon but she will get the milk or formula and be satisfied.

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R.C.

answers from Dallas on

I don't know about the supply issues, but I have had the same problem with my 6 month old not taking a bottle (Gerber first sippy red or blue). I finally found a sippy cup and got her to take it. I had to keep trying when she wasn't hungry, because when she was hungry it just made her mad. It would probably be easier if you could pump enough for her to practice with a bottle/sippy before trying formula. Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

B.,

When my daughter fussed at the bottle (of breastmilk!) she gradually, without my noticing it, switched to nighttime feeding for the bulk of her nutrition. I coslept with her to minimize nighttime exhaustion.

Your dauther is old enough to start solids. Perhaps she can get some solid food during the day and load up on breastmilk at night? You can pump whatever you can during the day. Make sure you have a good Medela pump.

Best of luck.

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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

I've had two that would refuse the bottle. My husband would do a bottle feeding once a day. At first the baby (both times) refused and would cry and cry. My pediatrician suggested that my husband do it as the baby could smell me and want breast milk. My husband would try the bottle (we tried different bottles, pumped breast milk, and formula) and just be patient even though it is incredibly difficult. Sometimes he would set the bottle down and come back and try again later. The bottom line was that it took time and patience to get the baby on the bottle. We never tried a sippy cup, but I have heard that it has worked for some people. My 7 1/2 month old has just been taking a bottle well for about a week now and it is such a blessing that someone else can feed her. I still breast feed two feedings and bottle feed two feedings. I wish you the best.

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A.R.

answers from Wichita Falls on

try mixing part formula with pary6 milk... Also try letting her get Really hungry not starving and start with a small bottle of formula then give her breast. should leave a little to start building a supply for the days you are not there, Remember to frezze it keeps longer and takes only a mon the thaw it you pakage per serving. NEVER mix pumps

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