I'm 4 Months Pregnant and My Husband Has Took Me to Several of My Appointments

Why can't he go in with you - he'd be the person to ask. My guess is he doesn't think he needs to, and doesn't want to. Does that mean he doesn't care about you and the baby? Doubtful. He's just not interested in going to the appointments. My husband didn't. But I didn't even think to ask him to. I believe he went to 2 - the first one to hear the heartbeat (but he may not have, can't remember) and the ultrasound. Honestly, I find it a bit odd you want him there, but that's just me. What is he going to contribute? Nothing.

As for are you asking too much? Apparently. If he's not interested, let it go. Or is it really that important to you? If it is, then why is that? I'd look within rather than getting angry at him. What good does that do?

And lay off asking what he did with his ex. Who would like that? Would you? Seriously. That was his previous relationship. It really has nothing to do with you, give him some respect and don't use that against him. If anyone has a reason to be a bit pissed - in my mind, it would be him.

My husband couldn't go to my appointments, but we did both Lamaze and Bradley Method birthing classes together. I think it's strange that he takes you there but won't go in, only he can tell you why, so just ask him. Nicely, without blame and without expecting the worst. And consider taking some birthing classes together, we preferred Bradley Method because the birthing partner is an integral part of the birthing experience. Lamaze will definitely prepare you both, too. Either way, doing classes like that together will help you bond with each other and the baby. Good luck. Deep breaths :)

How old are you? A mom needs to be strong, independent and mature. My husband never went to any of my appointments, except the ultrasound, because he was working. I didn't want BOTH of us to miss work just so he could watch me give blood and urine and get weighed.
If you're going to be a mom it's time to start being a grown up and learn how to go to the doctor by yourself.

You don't sound like you're 25 years old. You sound like a teenager who is jealous of some other girl that your guy used to be with.

Better start growing up. If you don't, he will end up being YOUR ex and you'll be raising this baby on your own. Stop talking about his ex. She should not be in your heart and mind right now. You shouldn't be comparing your pregnancy to hers. And you definitely shouldn't be quizzing him about what he would be doing if it were her...

Do you think that only first babies mean a lot to mothers? If you reallly think that, you are wrong. It doesn't matter that she had kids before she was with him - her babies meant as much to her as yours does to you. So stop using that as an excuse to be jealous of her.

My husband met me at a few doctor appointments, but not many. I didn't expect him to. Your husband IS taking you to the doctor rather than you having to get yourself there.

If you aren't so h*** o* him, maybe he will feel more like celebrating the birth of his child.

STOP comparing yourself to his ex.
GAH. I would HATE that if my husband was always asking me what I did with my ex boyfriends and then comparing how I treat him to how I treated them.
Seriously...wait a minute...did I just answer your other question about getting out of his mom's house and growing UP? I think so....
I understand the excitement of being pregnant, having your first child, and wanting your husband to share the excitement with you....leave the ex out of it.
BUT REALLY.....you guys need some counseling and need to figure out how to act like adults...adults that are parents.

you sound terribly, terribly insecure.
what does it matter what he did with 'her'?
why do you infer that his silence in the face of your baseless accusations implies guilt? sounds to me like he's exasperated, maxed out and just hoping you'll shut up and get out of the truck.
why on earth are you hung up on how many kids his ex-girlfriend has?
are you as jealous of the two boys as you are of their mother?
i guess this could be hormonal. for your husband's sake, i hope so.
there's no way of telling from this drama and angst-filled post whether or not you've got a legitimate beef. 'i've been doing everything by myself' is a monument to self-pity with zero helpful information.
you're growing a human. it's a huge and important responsibility. i suggest you focus on your mental and physical health and stop shrilling at your husband. he will ALWAYS have two boys who were born before your child. it doesn't make them better than your kid, and it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't care about your kid. but if you force him to choose, and he puts his children first, you're the one who is destroying any chance for a happy home for YOUR baby.
knock it off.
ETA my husband went to ONE appointment with me for each boy, to see the ultrasound. that was it. he had to work to support us, and i was a grown woman fully capable of scheduling my appointments around my own work, driving myself there and being examined without him present.
khairete
S.

Over two pregnancies my husband went to two appointments with me. The 20 week ultrasound to see the baby make sure they were okay and find out the sex.

He was way way too busy with holding down a good job to take off work for a quick weigh, measure and chat visit every month I was pregnant.

He was there for their deliveries (almost missed my second as I was on a girls night out and had to race to meet us at the hospital).

Yes, you are asking too much....I can't believe he is even driving you to them.

Do you expect him to go to all your doctor's visits? This is just nuts to me. You expect him to take off work and go with you to get weighed and measured? Most men only take off to go the big ones like ultrasounds, ya know, when you can actually see the baby. Delivery, also a big one. Just getting weighed and measured? you sound young and needy.

I get that you are anxious with the pregnancy and your uncomfortable housing situation (I read your other post about your mother-in-law). I was pretty stressed when we were expecting our first child. However, I did not expect my husband to attend all the prenatal appointments. I can't even remember whether he was there for the first ultrasound--he had work to go to! It sounds like you really need to sit down and think about your priorities and where you are going to put your energy. Right now, it seems like you are investing alot in worrying about what other people think and feel--and projecting alot. Your husband didn't answer when you asked him whether he'd go in with her. That means you don't KNOW what he was thinking. Maybe he was trying to guess what would be the 'right' answer so you wouldn't get upset at him? Similarly, you have no idea why your mother-in-law suggested that you sit at the table with your step-sons. Maybe she thinks you are really good with them and that the dinner would be more peaceful if you sat with them? And given how you feel about her, perhaps you had a more enjoyable dinner sitting with the kids rather than with her? The pattern I am seeing is that you read negatively into things. What if you tried envisioning something positive or neutral at any given moment instead of looking for reasons to get offended? About the topic of this post, your husband is married to YOU, not to his ex. So it really doesn't matter what he did when he was with her or would have done if he was still with her. He isn't with her, he is with you. Also, there's not much 'support' needed for the pre-natal appointments, unless there is something worrisome going on with the baby that you haven't mentioned. They just check how baby is growing and how your blood sugar/hormones are doing. He probably figures that you should have privacy to talk with your doctor or the nurse. If you really need company, maybe you can take a gal friend along and chat while you wait.

At the end of the day, it's far more important that he is there to drive you to the hospital for the delivery. Wishing you lots of luck and some ways to find calmness.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! May it be a smooth and easy one. It's a very tender time, when we all want a little more support so I understand your question. Really, though, I agree with mamazita. There's a long time for your husband to be involved. Having him come to regular doctor's appointments wouldn't make my list. You've got this, mama! You can be a strong, independent, loving mother and wife. My husband and I have four terrific daughters. I think he came to a total of 3, maybe 4 doctor's appointments -- total. I know he loves me and our daughters and he's done his best to be a hands on dad. BTW, like you, our children were my first but not his -- so I get it.

Another thing you might want to think through long before your little one enters this world is comparing your relationship with your husband to his relationship with his ex. Honestly, you're just going to make yourself nutty by asking what he did or didn't do with her. Don't use that as your measuring stick! He married YOU. He's having a baby with YOU. Enjoy that! There's no upside for you or anyone else in comparing the relationship between the two of you to any old relationship. Carrying a baby is challenging enough; don't add stress to your self or to your marriage by bringing the ex into it. Build your future and let go of his past.

Best of luck to you!

Well, my husband is incredibly supportive and a fantastic dad, but he only went with me for key appointments - to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time, and for the ultrasound. Neither of us saw any reason for him to come to the other appointments.

If he did go in with his exwife, maybe he learned from that experience that going to these appointments is really a waste of time for the husband, unless it's one of the important ones like I mentioned above. Or maybe he is really anxious about doctors/hospitals. Or maybe he thinks it would be more productive for him to be at work, earning $ to support the baby, instead of going to appointments. Or maybe...a thousand other things. Have you asked him, calmly and in a nonjudgemental manner that shows you are willing to listen, why he doesn't want to come with you?

And really, most of the appointments are just "weigh, measure, pee in a cup". You don't really need anyone to hold your hand for that, right?

This is your first rodeo - but it's not his.
Yes, you're asking too much.
My husband rarely went to appointments with me - but he was great while I was in labor for 36 hrs and he stayed home with us for 6 weeks and was an absolute wonderful support and help while we were getting use to tending our newborn.

You and he need a stable relationship - so although I know you're hormonal right now - get over the jealousy of his past.
He chose you to marry and start a family - he left his ex - and he'll probably always have a connection with his sons - or he should if he's a good father.
You married him knowing he had kids.
Chill out and make this process of becoming a parent a happy one for you.
Being angry with him isn't going to change anything or make things any better.

I've got, arguably, one of the best husband's in the world, and he didn't go to but a small handful of my appointments (two different pregnancies combined). There is no need for it. Really. When I was so sick I couldn't safely drive myself, he took me. When we got the ultrasounds, he came. That's about it. Otherwise, it's pretty much a waste of his time. They weigh you, measure you, maybe take a blood draw to run tests (which you won't get results from while you wait)... He went with me for the extended glucose test, to help me pass the time (3 hours) from the drinking of the solution until blood draw time...
But really. I guess if you are a needy person and this is what matters to you, but if that's the case, you need to have a discussion with him about your needs in general, not just about this. Or you need to try counseling for yourself to understand WHY you need this so much. It sounds abnormal to me, honestly. But everyone's different, I guess.

Based on this and your other question about your mother-in-law, it sounds more to me like you and your husband don't agree on much, and you feel he doesn't stand up for you.

I don't see why anyone needs to go to the routine appointments, especially the early ones. It was much more important to me that my husband take as little time off as possible so that he had time for the birth classes, the delivery, and the first few weeks at home with a newborn. That's when I really needed him.

I don't understand why he is driving you to the appointments though, and then sitting outside. Are you unable to drive yourself? Are you a very nervous person and unable to drive for some reason? Is he sitting in the car and trying to make you more independent and self-confident by sending you inside on your own? You make it sound like this is more important to you ("my first baby which means a lot to me") - do you think it is NOT important to him? Then THAT is your problem!

You knew he had other kids with someone else. You don't spend your marriage talking about the past and what he did with this woman or that one. You cannot measure his devotion by what he did before, especially with someone in an unsuccessful relationship! Why would you care what he did before, if they broke up? I wouldn't want to measure myself against a failed relationship.

Figure out what you really need - a ride, a sense of his dedication, some indication that he is excited about the baby, someone to help you ask the right questions of the doctor. Then ask for that, specifically.

But if you are one to sit and simmer in silence (about appointments, about where you sit at a family dinner as in your prior post), rather than let someone know what you need and how you feel, you are likely to have a marriage full of insecurities and hurt feelings with no chance at all that your husband can meet your expectations.

If you were so unsure as to how things stand between you and your husband, then this was something you should have addressed BEFORE having a baby. Having a baby is not going to make your relationship rainbows and roses -- the opposite, it will strain your relationship if it's already in trouble, and it sounds like it is headed in that direction, due to your insecurity. If you thought he didn't care about babies, then you should have practiced some form of birth control and discussed what would happen if you did end up pregnant.

This is not the time for jealousy. When you marry or date someone with kids from another person, then you should know this person has a past, it is in the past, and there is no reason to bring that person into your relationship or compare yourself or your relationship to them. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or the baby, he may well be aware of the appointments and the fact he doesn't need to sit in the room for 2 hours for a routine screening. The fact he takes you to these appointments is commendable, many men don't go to a single appointment, or only for the ultrasound appointments. The fact he doesn't want you driving alone should prove he cares about you and your baby and your safety is his concern.

At the same time, if he has a job, he cannot possibly go to every single appointment so yes, I do think you're asking for too much. If he is your only source of income and he jeopardizes his job by taking off constantly for every appointment you have, he could get fired and then you lose your sole income and health insurance. Is it really necessary for him to go to every appointment and risk his job? It doesn't sound like it is necessary, or the norm, judging by the comments below. The reason he sits outside may be because he is able to work from the truck (make/take phone calls, respond to emails), something he would be unable to do while in the middle of a doctor's appointment, as you know. You don't mention the type of job he has, but this may be why he waits for you in the truck, not because he doesn't want to be around you.

You should make more of an effort to communicate and work on your relationship, that seems to be more crucial now than whether he goes to every doctor's appointment. You need to get to the bottom of why you feel he must be around all the time, and why whenever you don't get your way, you bring up his ex and compare your relationship to hers -- despite the fact you have the wedding band that she never did. This is unhealthy and will only cause him to become angry and resentful. You need to try to bring each other together, not create further division, and it is silly to drive a wedge into your relationship for the sole fact he isn't going to every doctor's appointment. Think of all the military wives, widows and single moms who go to appointments alone and turn out just fine. There is no reason why you can't go to your appointments alone like they have done throughout the decades, unless you're having a risky pregnancy or health issues that impede driving yourself and walking into a medical office unassisted.

My husband, unlike the spouses of most people who have responded, went to many of my appointments with me. He asked different questions than I had, and I also wanted him to get to know my providers well so he could support me during delivery and help make sure the things we wanted happened to the extent possible. He was self-employed and had a flexible work schedule so it wasn't like he was wasting precious PTO on coming to appointments just for show. If you husband is actually coming to the building but waiting in the car during the appointment, then I don't think it's about time off work and I think it's very odd that he's taking you but not coming in and I don't think it's asking too much for him to go through this experience with you. It's your first baby, it's special for YOU, and as the person who is sharing your life he should want to share this too.

That said, you are focusing too much on his ex. Her coming between you is the problem you should focus on, not keeping score about what things he does with you and which he might do with her.

Okay, maybe he just doesn't like docs. Maybe he doesn't have any interest in this sort of stuff. Doesn't make him a bad person, makes him one of those that just don't see anything on the ultrasound photos or see anything interesting.

When I see ultrasound photos, to me, it's just blobs of stuff, dark and light shapes. The higher tech ones of course do have much better imaging. But the older looking stuff? Not that interesting to me.

You need to figure out what the root of this is. Tell him to not take off work. To not bother. If he's not going in then there isn't any reason for him to go. Drive yourself.

You can drive, right? If you can't drive then you need someone else teach you then get your license. If you only have one car and can't afford the bus or a taxi or to have someone else give you a ride then he doesn't have much choice.

My brother in law, 3 out of 7, of my grand kids dads didn't have any affinity for their unborn child. They didn't want to go to doc appts or to see ultrasounds or anything. They did do a lot more when the kids were born but even then, my brother in law never really found his daughter interesting until she was around 3. Then they could really bond and go do stuff.