If Someone Disagrees with Someone...

Agree to disagree and move on.
Anything else is a big fat waste of time and energy.
Don't you agree? LOL!

I think it really depends on the context. I am an honest and up front person, but I've been teaching myself to keep my mouth shut in more and more instances. Why? because it doesn't' really matter if I disagree with someone, and most people just do not care about the truth.

For me, I'm a trained academic. So I'm trained to put what I believe to be the truth out there, so if you know me, and express an opinion on something, chances are( like with this question), I will tell you what I think. And I will tell you what I think, without regard for honey.

With age, however, I am trying to really take into consideration my audience better. Most people don't want the truth. Most people just want confirmation of what they already believe. Depending on my mood, who the person is, and the topic, I will either remain silent or just be an empathetic listener.

Sorry, but there is no one right answer. Depends on the person, the context, the issue.

ETA based on update: Yeah, still depends. The preacher who says all homosexuals will go to hell -- do you really think anything you say will sway his opinion? Of course not. Express your disagreement to your children when they hear the preacher say that, even let the preacher know you personally disagree, but you won't sway him. Don't bother. The store clerk who won't help you? Again, why bother. Complain to the management, but don't start an argument or express disagreement. Parenting - again, depends on the issue and the audience. The boss who says your subordinate is a terrible dresser -- I might say, Oh, I don't know, I kind of like her originality. I always weigh the importance of my opinion, how receptive the other person will be, how many times I've expressed that opinion, and the consequences I expect to happen. A lot of times people feel they need to express their disagreement just because they want to be part of something or be heard, but there will be no benefit to the other person or anyone else - just a sense of personal entitlement to be heard. In that case, it's just not worth it. I could tell my parents that I disagree with them on certain things - my sister does it all the time - but why? She's not going to change them after all these years and I can accept that we don't all agree on things. If it's hurting no one, why bother. She does it because they irk her. She's almost 50 and very immature.

So again -- totally depends on the situation. No one fix.

I agree with others. Depends on what you hope to accomplish, and the personality of the person.

In general, I tried to be polite but honest. For example (knock on neighbor's door). Hi, I'm sure you have no idea this is happening, but I need to let you know that your cat is using my kid's sandbox as a litter box. I know she likes to be outside, but if you are going to let her out, can you please try to keep a better eye on her?"

I also try to address things while they are small issues. Eg, I don't wait until the cat has been using the sandbox as a litterbox for 6 months and then I'm really mad. Because then it's hard to be polite.

For people with strongly held moral beliefs that are opposite of mine, I don't engage in that way, but try to simply say something like "we will need to agree to disagree on that" Because they are not going to change their belief, and neither am I. There are a few good friends who I can open this kind of stuff for discussion, so I can learn more about the other point of view. But usually I do not.

Just my experience mind you but regardless of how you express disagreement there are those that will attack, those that will listen, those that will do nothing....

I express disagreement. I always start with but have you considered. You would think that is a diplomatic way to start. Not saying you are stupid or uninformed, not saying anything more than here is this little nugget that makes me think you are wrong, do you know about it?

I guess I am saying human interaction in fascinating. I will probably study you people the rest of my life and never pull in all the data points that determine why one reacts to the same criteria different ways....yet I persevere. :p

A.:

There is no blanket answer for this. As each situation is different, along with the person/people involved.

As you know with me, I handle it straight up. I TRY to have a filter, but I don't. Yes, I'm an adult. Yes, I have impulse control. But really. I speak my mind. I try to be nice. However, even being NICE - if the person doesn't like what you are saying - even typing - it just won't matter. It will NOT be heard as being nice....

The silent treatment is what children do. It's immature and doesn't solve anything.

Little bit o' honey can help. But then there are some people that are just so stupid - heck - it's scary they are procreating! :)

There are people who have started off on the wrong foot - so to speak - and there will NEVER EVER be reparations. Minds are made up. No matter what happens next, it will NEVER EVER be good....

Hope this helps.

My "go to" is honesty. Honesty does not have to be harsh or blunt - however depending on the person, situation etc other tactics are required.

if it needs to be expressed (ie one's opinion has been asked, which is ALWAYS the case here), then up front and honest, with courtesy, is best.
no one knows on a message board if you're doing the silent treatment<G>.
in person it just comes off as passive-aggressive.
if you don't like the person and want them to back off and leave you alone, blunt and no mercy will work. honey and not vinegar can be effective, so long as it's not too treacly. if you don't want to get into it but want to be clear, something like 'hm. doesn't sound as if we're going to get to a meeting of the minds here. thanks for letting me know how you feel' should suffice. if you just want them to let it go, 'interesting. thanks' might have to do. 'you could be right' is useful in that it conveys an appearance of compliance without actually conceding anything, which can be useful if you're dealing with a big blowhard whom you know is going hammer away ad nauseam.
there are always mitigating factors, aren't there?
:) khairete
S.

Tell them "Here's what I think..." then proceed to tell them exactly that. If you truly disagree, and the other person truly believes THEY are right and there's no way you'll change their mind and no way they'll change yours, then the only thing you can do is respectfully agree to disagree. You HAVE to make peace with the difference in opinion or the relationship will suffer.

It's just too broad a question. I always try to be open, honest and respectful but some things aren't even worth mentioning if it's going to cause conflict. Other things I think you MUST take a stand on even if you risk some discord.

A store clerk who is rude or won't help just takes either a snappy one liner or in some cases talk with a manager. The preacher who says all gays are going to hell will never change his mind (until he finds out his own son is Gay;) I'd just choose to stay away from him.

I teach my girls to pick their battles, be honest, speak up when there is an injustice and think before they lash out at someone. Seems to be working so far.

Well, apparently if your are my husbands cousins, you get mad, defriend him, his wife (me) AND his mom, just out of spite.

I believe honesty is the best policy. I try to keep everything as civil as possible without giving up what I believe in.

That being said, I do also try to keep an open mind when listening to the other side of the story. You never know when something will change your opinion. :)

I think that the exact approach really depends on who's involved. It also depends on the intent of the person disagreeing. If I just want to get my point out, then it doesn't matter how I say it or how it is received. If my goal is to express my perspective and have a productive discussion and maybe even foster change, then I have to present my case in a way that it will be received. I can't run through people's opinions kicking and screaming and then expect them to value what I might have to say.

I also think that what I have to say is not always relevant. So what if I disagree with how you decided to punish your daughter? If you didn't ask for my take on the situation, then I don't need to express it. I don't need to attach my opinion to everything that passes my way, before sending it off to the next stop. I prefer not to deal with people who ALWAYS have something to say about EVERYTHING. I think that these are people who are focused more on making sure that the world knows what they think than on what else might be happening around them and how their opinions actually fit into the grand scheme of things.

ETA: Lol at Diane C -- I was fine with your neighbor scenario, until you said to "keep a better eye on her". It sounds like a dig cloaked in "I'm just being nice." Of course, you didn't ask my opinion, but I wanted to feel relevant and express that I disagree with you. Ha ha ha.

There is no best way. It's all context-specific based on who is involved and the nature of the disagreement.

People don't come with a handbook, so the ways of dealing with disagreeable situations will differ based on the people involved, etc. Every individual has a way that they handle difficult situations best and that will also be a factor. Also, in certain situations there are guidelines for expressing grievances or disagreements that need to be followed in order to get a hearing. The one guideline I always try to follow is to try not to express disagreement while I'm angry because sometimes I am not in the correct state of mind to be the most professional or objective.

I disagree with everyone here.

Just kidding.

I do think, however, that simply saying "well, arguing with them is pointless because you will never change their mind" is a bad idea. That is exactly how people's eyes are opened to new ideas and possibilities, even if they have been stuck in their ways for many years. It won't work with everyone, but it is at least worth a try.

For example, if a Preacher told me all homosexuals are going to hell, I would feel a VERY strong urge to discuss that with him. I used to believe the same thing (because that is what my brainwashing school/mom told me). My mind was changed, possibly by someone talking to me about it. Who is to say I cannot help him appreciate a different view?

If someone accuses me of doing something I didn't do, there is zero possibility I wouldn't explain myself. My biggest pet peeve is being called a liar when I am being honest.

Silent treatment gets nothing accomplished - except maybe some blissful silence from arguing if it is a heated topic.

If you are going to argue with someone, make sure you have your facts straight and go from there. Really, the "approach" depends on the situation and the topic. I am going to be far more derefential in disagreeing with my boss than I am my nasty dirty yarded neighbor. I am also going to be far more blunt and passionate with my friends about breastfeeding than I am my boss about a coworker.

Bottom line - Always do the right thing. Things always work out when you do. When disagreeing, up front and honest is best if you know your facts. I would rather be considered smart and bitchy than nice and stupid. Not that I would be bitchy, but Lord knows if a woman is assertive, she must be nasty. =)

I think, in general, honesty and a direct approach us always the best policy.
Some have "issue" with "direct" and/or "honest" ---that's their issue, not mine.

When we're honest, we don't have to waste time and effort remembering what lies and deceit we told or pulled on who.
Makes life a lot easier!
And it's a good reflection on our character.

I read something this week by Rabbi Rami in Spirituality & Health magazine that I thought was good. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Is what I am about to say true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?
If it is true & unkind ask the third question. Say only what is true and necessary. I was thinking of this in the context of how to stand up to people when you think what they are saying is not right and so I thought of Martin Luther King who demonstrated this ability. He said what needed to be said and stood up to evil but never did it in a harsh, unkind way. He always sought to do it in love, even when people were not being kind or loving to him. It is what made his legacy great. The truth spoken in love.
When you silence yourself completely, then you are not saying what is necessary to combat evil or wrong doing in the world. If you are just kind, you become an enabler of wrong doing. He also had a consequence to back up his truth such as his bus boycott in conjunction with his request for change. Some girl gave this example on this site, that she refused to continue working or helping in a situation where she felt bullied. You need some kind of consequence to back up your speech.

I have a neighbor who has accused us of having our litter blow in their yard....i picked up my yard several times in the past 2 weeks to find their mail...their papers with their names on it and cans and bottles from beer they drink. So rather than start a war with them. I disposed of it and kept going. They have already decided the truth in their mind and me making a huge confrontation out of it at this time is not worth it. However i have yet to put that can on the curb. So...

I am uprfront and honest. I have learned throughout the years to have some tact when expressing my feelings, but I am always honest. It makes life so much easier!
To me......life is pretty black and white. Things are wrong or they are right. They are good or they are bad. I am passionate about a lot and opinionated as well.
I am in a very sticky situation right now with my whole family. It has been hard and causing lots of drama and stress for all of us. Some of us don't agree on certain things and I am learning how to say,"I respectfully disagree" Seriously!
L.

http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/tips_disag...

It depends on the situation. There's no one-size-fits-all response for this. It depends on the people involved, the specific situation, the subject matter, how certain people respond to certain subjects, background history, etc.

I'm all about being honest. So whatever the situation, I'm as honest as possible. Sometimes that means I'm blunt. Sometimes that means I'm brutal. Sometimes I have to take care to sugarcoat and be extremely delicate. I take each situation as it comes.