Ideas for Second Marriage Ceremony

Updated on August 26, 2010
T.S. asks from Lincoln, NE
14 answers

I am getting married in a couple of weeks. It is the second time around for both of us. The ceremony will be outdoors, small, and informal, and we want to include my two children. Does anyone have any ideas to share on how they included their children (or have seen children included) in a wedding?

Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

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answers from Boston on

My daughter was my maid of honer and my son was my husbands best man. We were all in a circle and it was just perfect.

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answers from Detroit on

My daughter was throwing rose pedals at my head. : P

Our son just sat and watched but he was only a yr old.

My husband and I were both each others 2nd marriage and we both had a bigger traditional wedding the 1st time. Neither wanted that the 2nd time. We got married in our own home (it was in Jan in Michigan so no outside for us) by an ordained friend of mine. Basically, the way my daughter was involved was that she helped me make our cake... That was about it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

My cousin recently got married, she has a son from a previous relationship. At the end of the ceremony prior to the kissing and announcing them as husband and wife, her, her husband and her son took sand (each one of them had a different color of sand in a vase/glass) and poured it into a larger vase to blend the sands. They were blended as one and could never be separated like they were before. I thought it was a nice way to symbolize them becoming a family. Her son was also the best man (he's 9).
Congrats on your wedding.

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answers from Boston on

It completely depends on the ages of the kids. We included my husband's kids but they were 8 and 10. They walked out with us, stood with us during the ceremony, and then after my husband's and my kiss we had a big group hug. They had matching dresses but they were simple and could be worn again - nothing wedding-y. We did give them corsages to wear and they thought those were really special. References to them were included in the ceremony - my husband wrote a whole thing about how families are based on chemistry, not just biology. We also had an outdoor ceremony, small, informal, with other kids present so we didn't have high expectations of behavior.

I sang at another small wedding with 4 children between the 2 adults. The 3 older girls (7 and up) were bridesmaids and they preceded the bride, in traditional fashion. The 2 year old was an uncooperative flower girl but she was adorable in a little princess outfit with ballet slippers. She had to be carried in by the groom and then she sat with the grandma. I would expect less in terms of behavior and a "role" by little kids, since they are unpredictable and you risk distraction & disappointment. Definitely have someone in charge of them so you don't have to worry! Include something of relevance to them in the ceremony so it's clear to everyone, particularly the older children, that they are important. Most clergy members and even justices of the peace have experience with this, but it's nice if you include something in your own words (whether you say them yourself or have them read).

I was at another wedding where the older child participated by reading something, and the younger child was just up there but didn't say anything. He was more of a shy kid anyway, and they didn't push him to participate, which was very smart. The bride & groom wrote something, and the groom read his. The bride was very shy in a big group, so the clergy member read her words to the groom. It was really lovely because everyone there knew the couple and their personal styles/personalities.

When we rented tables, we had a kid-sized table & chairs, and we had a lot of kid-friendly foods. I think we put some board games out too - we didn't expect them to be thrilled with hours of conversation. We had a little dance floor and just some speakers & a stereo set up, so they enjoyed dancing.

We got married in August, and it got pretty hot. I remember that we had a kiddie pool set up (we had a huge back yard so it wasn't close to the regular festivities) and at some point a lot of the kids changed into bathing suits and played in that. A few parents took turns keeping one eye on them, and everyone else had a great time. If you are having your wedding at a restaurant or club, that won't work, but the function staff should be familiar with working with kids and should have kid-sized furniture and some ideas for you. You could also hire a college kid to keep them entertained with age-appropriate activities during the reception.

Just have reasonable expectations so that YOU enjoy the day.

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answers from Milwaukee on

You can have your children walk you down the isle and help give you away. You can have them stand with you as you get married.



answers from Tampa on

I've seen alot of people give their child a special piece of jewelry



answers from Minneapolis on

Aside from the standby of letting them be a part of the wedding party, if you want the focus to be as much about joining families as joining of you and your husband in a union, I have seen or heard of these being done:

*If you have a unity candle, all light it together
*During the ceremony, take an empty glass jar, and you and the children each have a jar or vial of colored sand, and you each take turns pouring the sand into the jar to symbolize different layers of time/life.
*Also, since you are getting married outdoors, it might be nice symbolism to all plant seeds in the same pot.

Congratulations on this next chapter in your life!



answers from Duluth on

You could have the children walk you down the isle & give you away, include them in a special section of the vows where he makes specific promises to them as well, a small token ring, necklace, bracelet etc. is always nice for girls at this point.

There is the sand pouring ritual where each person has a differnt color sand & you pour it into one vase to show the merging of the family into one unit.

If they like to sing they could do a special song.

Ask them if they have any ideas too, they may already have something they want to say or do & just did not know how to tell you about it...




answers from Washington DC on

I think wiritng short simple vows to the kids would be great. Bed down and look at them and each say soemthing like," Today Mommy is not just getting married, but our family is growing" and your fianceee can say "I promise ot always be kind and genreous wiht my time like your mother does." I am bad with words but something like that to coincide with your vows.


answers from Houston on

this is my favorite wedding blog. the link abouve posts to some of the weddings that feature children.

I usually see the children walk down the aisle alongside the bridesmaids or groomsmen, if they are too old to be the little flower girl or ring bearer.

In one wedding, when it was time to exchange rings, the parents got special little rings or bracelets for the new step children as well, so they did a whole family jewelry exchange.

this idea is especially nice:



answers from New York on

Congratulations to you all on this happy occassion. My son, and nephews were ushers at my wedding. Both of my nephews have lived with me. I would have loved to have had my little neices and nephews be in the wedding but couldn't afford the expense or the drama.

Keep it simple and keep the main things the main things. It is more important the children blend in to the marriage and family unit rather than just focusing on the one day of the wedding. If they are old enough you may want to ask them what role they would like to play and give them choices of what you would like them to do.


answers from Dallas on

Im still planning mine. But I know - My teenage daughter is my maid of honor and my little girl the flower girl. His teenage son is his best man and our little son os the ring bearer. That's the whole wedding party - just our family because we are all marrying each other I felt it was important we all be up there together. I went to for ideas. The best part is the sample vows for 2nd time around. I choked up through every one of them. Some were so perfect for us.



answers from Des Moines on

I think it would be nice to ask their consent as a part of the ceremony. Such as when the parents are asked "who gives this bride?" Come up with a question like that for the minister to ask the kids. Also, I think it's nice for the whole family to light a unity candle together.



answers from Minneapolis on

We had the children as part of the procession (2 flower girls and a ring bearer). They then stood up with us/attendants during the ceremony and when it came time to light the unity candle, we had a candle for each of us (bride, groom and each child). We all went up together, took our individual candles, lit the main candle and kept our individual ones glowing (didn't blow them out). The emotion in the room was amazing and this has become one of our favorite family memories/photos.

We made sure our officiant included the children in the ceremony (by name and general reference) by referring to us becoming a family a number of times and when it came time to exchange rings, we brought the kids over and gave each of them - in turn - a special bracelet (we used an "infinity" symbol on black cording that we custom made to fit each of them). They spent the rest of the night showing off their bracelets like many brides show off their rings :)

Our overall goal was to make them feel as though they were part of what was happening and that it wasn't something being thrust upon them. I think we accomplished this perfectly for our family and wish you the best of luck in accomplishing that for yours!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

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