I Want to Adopt.

Updated on September 05, 2007
C.J. asks from Kenner, LA
9 answers

Okay - I am taking the first step; research.

My husband and I have been married for ten years and have tried to have a baby all along. I have a child from my first marriage, he has none. Early this year, I had some medical problems. Conceiving a child is no longer an option. I am finished wallowing in self pity over that.

We want a baby. For many many reasons. So here I go - looking into adoption.

I have always had it in my head that becoming 'eligble' to adopt is difficult and costly. My husband and I both have good jobs, but we are by no means wealthy. So that is my first question - do you have to be 'financially advanced' to adopt?

My second question is, and another thing that I think might hinder or wish to adopt, do you have to have good relationships with you extended family, ie our parents. I do not speak to my mother and have not for years. I have siblings that I speak to very little. My husband's family does not live close. So as far as family goes, it's pretty much just my husband, our son and me.

I have looked at several different adoption websites and while they are somewhat informative, they are also very vague. I'd love to talk with someone who has done this and who can give me some straight forward answers.

Any help or advice will be GREATLY appreciated!

Thanks!

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So What Happened?

I just love this website - thank you all very much for your advice and kind, kind words! This is the path that we have decided to take, now if we can just get our hands on a good map! :)

More Answers

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E.K.

answers from New Orleans on

Hi,
I have adopted a son who is now 2 and am in the process of adopting his brother who is now 6 months. We went the foster to adopt route. We registered for foster parenting with Office of Community Services here in New Orleans. Never in our wildest dreams would we have thought we would be so pleased and fortunate to have these 2 little guys in our life. We took William into our home when he was 7 1/2 weeks old (he was still in the NICU until then. Because of Katrina the adoption took longer than expected. The second one, who is still a foster child at this time, came into our home at 14 days.
To answer your question about the cost... It has cost us $0.00!
As a matter of fact, you will recieve a TIPS payment until the child is adopted. They do ask about extended family, but I couldn't tell you how "strict" they are about it, as we have a good supportive relationship with etended family.
There are a few drawbacks, such as the possibility of the mother getting her act together and wanting her baby back, but that didn't happen in our case.
Feel free to email me with any questons. [email protected]____.com

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N.C.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Hi. My sister is in the process of adopting. The question is, are you adopting a child from America or from a different country? If you are interested, I will give you her website address where she and others who adopt keep in touch through blogs.

Also, my ex-husband is adopted. I can't give you advice on how to adopt but can tell you how his being adopted affected him.

N.

PS I think people who adopt are angels sent from heaven. You are a special person. :)

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P.V.

answers from Lafayette on

Good Morning. I am the mom of a beautful 16 month old boy. My husband and I adopted him pretty much at birth. You are doing hte right thing by doing research . I agree that it is hard ot find good solid info online. To give you the short answers to your questions, No, you don't have to be wealthy to adopt and no you don't have to get along with your family. You are on hte right track though, as now a days you hardly hear of a closed adoption and birth moms are now looking at your profile (presented in a scrapbook) so your chances of getting picked are simply up to the type of personality of the birth mom and what she wants in parents and home for her baby. In my experience EVERY person that sets out to adopt does!! FIRST, You must ask yourself some questions... Will you accept bi racial? Or a race other than your own? WHat about special needs? International? Open or closed adoption?? You and your husband should pray about these things and firmly decide what will work for your househould. What is your budget? One that is settled you can look for an agency that can work with you to find a "fit". My husnabd and I were foster parents and tried adopting that way. It is FREE and the wait is VERY, VERY SHORT for bi racial and special needs kids. They DO have (not newborns) but BABIES available. I hope that is enough to get you started, you can email me if you would like to chat more. Claire~

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J.R.

answers from Little Rock on

Dear looking-to-adopt,
I am a mother-baby nurse and I also recentlty attended a seminar on adoption. So maybe I can help answer some of your questions. First, you do not have to be financially advanced to adopt. The face of adoption as well as the system behind it has changed alot in recent years. Money is no longer a prerequisite for adopting. I personally have a friend who is up to her ears in debt for college financial aid, and she and her husband adopted a baby recently. Second, a good relationship with your extended family is not a prerequisite either. Many people do not have good family relationships and they are able to adopt, and some don't even have an extended family. Also, some single men and women adopt (although personally I feel children benefit from a husband/wife home). One of the first moves I would make is search out an agency in your area who can start the "process" of determining your eligibility. It looks as though we live in different states, otherwise I would give you specific phone numbers to call. I wish you all the best in your endeavor; it truly takes a special person to open up their home and life to another person's child. You are truly blessed!

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A.H.

answers from Fort Smith on

Hi C. J
I am mom to two boys ages 4 years, and 1 year. Both of them adopted. We found that there are many options when adopting, and many different types of adoption with varying degrees of expense. The need for great monetary wealth is a myth, though it will be necessary for an examination of personal finances, and it is unlikely to be an expense free journey, if you can persevere, it is a wonderful way for a family to grow. It is hard work , but so very worth it.

A.

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L.H.

answers from Shreveport on

First of all, I think it's great that you want to adopt! My cousin Sarah was adopted as a baby and it's been a wonderful experience! My husband and I are currently trying to adopt a daughter since we have all boys. I have always wanted a daughter! We were going to adopt internationally, All God's Children is a great agency for international, but because of the cost we decided to adopt a waiting child from the foster care system in the US. Looks like we may be adopting an 8 year old girl who was abused and neglected. We are very excited about it! It wasn't too hard to get a homestudy together, just lots of paperwork and meetings. In the Shreveport area, Open Arms Adoption Services does a free initial meeting. We are not rich- I'm a SAHM and my husband works very hard. If you are not close to your family you may want to think of someone who would be considered "a good support system" for you and your husband. And they will definately ask how your son feels about this and want to interview him as well. It's a lot of work, but I believe it's worth it to help a child who is in need and build your family, too. If you don't care about the sex of the child there is also domestic adoption of an infant you could try!

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J.J.

answers from Jonesboro on

Hello C. J
I am an adoptive mom of girl 8 yrs and boy 17 mo. Both are adopted. But through different ways.
My girl I got at age 14 mo in fostercare. We had alot of emotional rollercoaster rides but in the end after holding on tight we were blessed with her as a part of our life. This adoption didn't cost us anything except $12 for new birth certificate. Sense I was a foster parent I had 18 children in an almost 3 year period from ages 3 days to 11 years. So I got to experience the newborn, baby stages, first steps, words etc. That was important to us. Due to we could not have children of our own. So to adopt a toddler was great and I didn't feel like I missed out on the infant stages. Just had different stages with different children.
To be a foster/adoptive parent you had to sike yourself out to convince yourself you were a glorified babysitter and the children was only in your home for a little while. SO in 3 months when they left although sad it didn't rip ur heart out. Those that stayed awhile longer it got harder.
But, in the end if I had to go through all that again to get the blessing I have today I would in a split second. We finalized on her 4/25/02 at 9:15am
As for my son he was what you call a SURPRISE! We had given up and decided to be thankful for our daughter and not worry anylonger in adopting. We let our certification run out and was going on with our lives. THEN, my sil called on 3/13/06 to ask if we would be interested in adopting a newborn boy. I said well, yeah but was real hesitant in getting my hopes up. SO I made arrangements to talk with birth mom she did not want to take baby home from hosp. THis was on the 17th on the 24th I carried her to doctor out of town, they induced labor on the 27th. She let me go into delivery room with her and everything. Iwas the first to hold him and on the 30th I brought him home after necessary adoption paperwork had been sign and notorized. All the time asking her if she was SURE this is what she wanted to do. She insisted this was the best for him. SO, we finalized on 4/25/06 at 9:30am (Notice the dates? Lawyer didn't even know when we finalized on our daughter 4 years and 15 min earlier) These children were meant to be siblings it was Gods way of getting them together he just used different bio moms and ways of doing it. Also, if you ask my daughter she said she gave up Disney World to have a baby brother. lol
Our sons adoption attorney fees and court cost was $740.00 sense bio mom was willing to just sign him over with out hesitation.
But, I think if you look into Foster/Adoptive through DCFS they will do all the criminal checks, civil checks, home studys etc. all for free and you can ALWAYS go outside of them if you find a willing bio mom to sign. GOOD LUCK, it is wonderful. You also need to sit your first child down and discuss this with them see if he/she is willing to Give up Disney World for a new brother or sister or what ever it is that might affect them.
I was Blessed with 2 and thats what makes my life complete.

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J.

answers from Little Rock on

Contact the Department of Health and Human Servics. There is no cost to adopt. I don't know how long the process is or what the approval process is, but you can apply and check out some of the requirements and available children at
http://www.arkansas.gov/dhs/adoption/adoption.html

Private adoption agencies have to be licensed through DHHS and do charge a fee and can be VERY expensive.

Check with the Better Business Bureau to see if there has been any complaints and also check with DHHS if you chose a private agency to see if they are required to be licensed.

Hope that helps.

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L.H.

answers from Fayetteville on

I'll see if I can talk to my mom today...she adopted me when I was 2 and knows all about it. Hopefully someone can help you before then...

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