I Think My Son Dose Not like Grandma

My older son was like that with my mom. When he was a baby and she held him, he would cry and cry. He was 3 before he'd let her give him a hug. Fortunately my mom was understanding about it. I believe babies are very sensitive to people's energies, and my mom is a very stressed out person, so that's what I think my son was reacting to. I don't think there is anything you can do about it because you can't reason with a baby. My mom did babysit my son at that age, but only for short periods of time. He now loves her very much (he is 7), so he grew out of it.

My daughter used to get so upset when she was with her grandma that she will cry until she throws up. We had to slowly increase the time she spent with grandma. Sometimes, we would do things together all day (grandma, me and baby) so that she won't associate grandma with mommy leaving.
Now, she is better. Sometimes, she still would cling to me and won't want me to leave her with grandma. But right after I leave, she would stop crying and play with grandma. Then, when I pick her up, she won't want to leave! It takes time with some people.

For all babies, any warm comfortable heartbeat will do for being held and any calm reassuring voice will please. Maybe there's an easy fix.

Babies that young haven't developed social senses yet and really only rely on their basic 5. I have 4 kiddos all still young and I noticed a pattern with the babies not feeling comfortable with people who had scratchy hands, smelled like smoke or heavy perfume/coffee or who sounded gruff or whiny. My youngest daughter was terrified of people with white hair, the color was one of the few contrasts that really stood out to her at 2 months and for some reason that was her trigger.

Perhaps you could politely recommend your mom try a new shampoo/perfume or change up her sensory output in a different way to please your baby.

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For all babies, any warm comfortable heartbeat will do for being held and any calm reassuring voice will please. Maybe there's an easy fix.

Babies that young haven't developed social senses yet and really only rely on their basic 5. I have 4 kiddos all still young and I noticed a pattern with the babies not feeling comfortable with people who had scratchy hands, smelled like smoke or heavy perfume/coffee or who sounded gruff or whiny. My youngest daughter was terrified of people with white hair, the color was one of the few contrasts that really stood out to her at 2 months and for some reason that was her trigger.

Perhaps you could politely recommend your mom try a new shampoo/perfume or change up her sensory output in a different way to please your baby.

Watch carefully and see if your mom does anything that might make the baby uncomfortable. Perhaps she approaches him too quickly, or talks too fast or loud, or doesn't smile a lot. Anyway, different kisd take a different amount of time to be comfortable with anyone in the house besides parents. So, ask your mom to try a few things like greeting the new child softly when she arrives. Then sitting down to visit with parents in a soft tone of voice. Then if the baby resists being held by grandmom, take teh baby back and says, I guess he's not ready yet. We'll just have to give him a bit more time. So, study what she does differently than the other gradparents and you guys, and see if you can make helpful suggestions.

It isn't your fault of course. But you can try to help the situation by trying new things. You do want them to bond.

My daughter has a serious aversion to people who smoke--unfortunately (for them) my husband's parents smoke and my daughter would burst out in tears whenever they came close to her :/ She wouldn't go near my brother either for the same reason. Smoke lingers (as do other scents) and babies can be especially sensitive to new smells and may react strongly to anything that doesn't agree with them.

Talk to your mom and ask her to try visiting totally "unscented" (ie water only bath or bath with pure unscented olive oil soap--no shampoo/conditioner and no perfumes and laundry that was run through and extra vinegar rinse or two) as a trial run. Have her visit at a time of day when your son is normally in a good mood and see if he's more open to her. It could be something as simple as changing the brand of hand lotion she uses ;) In our case, I don't see my daughter totally warming up (she's 3.5 now) to them unless they totally give up cigarettes {R loves talking to her grandma on the phone etc, but can not stand to be in her presence for more than 10 minutes (and I can totally relate :/ ) }

Does she wear perfume? My oldest didn't like 1 grandma, and we figured out that was what it was. Or is she really loud? Just a couple ideas.

If you choose to leave your son with your mom, he has no choice, you mentioned he won't stay with her, he has no control over that. Your mom raised you so is there anything about your mom that maybe causes your to not be happy with here? it may just be a case where she needs to spend time with him at your house, then maybe you can get an idea why he reacts the way he does. When my baby's were this small no one watched them other than their dad and I, and all relative visitation was at our house until our kids could express how the visit was, our first born was 5 before he went to grandma and grandpas with out us That's just how as a mom I felt he is now 26, as a mom you have to go by how feel. I did and I have no regrets. J.

We went through this with my DD and my father. He is very jovial, laughs loudly, and would make silly noises that were a little frightening to her, I think, and she would cry or fuss a lot with him. She gradually outgrew it over the first year (and Dad learned to tone down a little bit). NOW, she is 2 and LOVES her Papa - she even says "Pa-PAAA" in the same silly way that he does. Give it some time, and you got a lot of great ideas here for checking what the issue might be. But don't worry! 4 months is very young. Try to reassure your mom - I'm sure Grandma doesn't like to feel like she's doing something wrong.

I don't think it's that your son doesn't love Grandma...after all..he is just 4 months. Babies react like this for a number of reasons. 1. if the person they're being asked to go to is too "in their face"..sometimes doting grandparents go overboard with enthusiasm..especially if they only get to see the baby a couple of times a week. 2 sometimes it a fragrance that they wear..maybe it's not pleasant for the baby..especially if its strong. 3. It could be the clothes she wears. If he's used to snuggling up to you who normally wears one type of fabric it could seem weird to him to be held against something different....babies love the feel of softness on skin and tend to use mum as a security blanket.
Have her back up for a bit and let the baby just lay somewhere where he can observe her...for example..hold him while you guys are talking without attempting to pass him to her. Maybe all he needs is to aclimate to her. I have no doubt that as your son ages he'll completely love his grandma.
J.

Young babies can always feel the vibes/personality of other people.
He will probably grow out of it.

I would not, let her 'blame' you.... you are his Mom, of course he is with you ALL the time. That is normal. she is just insecure about it.

Maybe she has a certain smell or tone of voice he doesn't like. Babies, are REAL sensitive to smells/sounds/temperature etc.

AND also though, your baby is only doing what is instinct... they will of course want to be with Mommy... that is for 'survival instinct' and bonding. Which is also need for 'survival' and safety for a baby. A baby has those things instinctually.

Your baby is normal.
But your Mom has gotten a 'complex' about it.
Don't let her guilt you, or start to request that he spend time with her alone or for over-night outings. You need to be there, because he is so young and you need to nurse. On demand. This is normal.

all the best,
Susan

Ofcourse he wants you. If you leave him at Grandmas that may be why. He is awfully young to be making such assumptions.

This sounds just like my son when he was younger. My son was a very easy going baby and would let anyone hold him except for my mother in-law. He would just start crying every time. I felt awful because I could tell it broke her heart. He eventually grew out of it around 6 months old. He is almost two now and loves his Grandma to pieces. No worries he will get over it. :)

you are going to have to give your mom perspective. first, the best thing for your baby is that you spend so much time with him! Bonding is what will make your baby feel confident to take on other loving relationships. It's a good thing when babies feels tied to their moms and they cry when they have to be separated!! We still need to break away ...... Your mom needs to try not to take it personally feeling the baby doesn't like her and just cuddle and have a firm arm around him when she holds him so your son feels safe with her. She may just be handling him awkwardly and he senses that. hope the input helps.

my son also went through that with my father in law and it just tore my heart out. FIL is such a wonderful and fun guy and i knew my son would LOVE him at some point. well he does now! he won't stop talking about "Papa!". I think for us it was from about 3 month to 12 months or so that he wouldn't have anything to do with him. but they have been best buds now for a while and he just turned three. try and explain this to her and be patient.

Could be her perfume. Or anything else with a strong "Bouquet" ( hairspray, mouthwash, detergent, Pain ointments). Babies are very sesitive to smells and cry at anything and anybody that does smell " strange" to them.

babies are sensitive to all sorts of stimulation that we as adults are dulled to, does grandma, wear hand lotion? perfume? have a different detergent on her clothing? it could even be something like lip stick if she is kissing the little one. run it by her.

I feel for you. We are going through this with our 9 month old son. He doesn't like my MIL - he whines and cries the whole time she is either at our house or he is with her. AND to make matters worse - if she is holding him - she won't release him to go to either me or my husband for comfort. When he is with my parents - he is just fine and happy. It might be a phase - but I can tell that my MIL and my mother are very different with him and he can sense that. You are not alone.

My youngest was like that with his grandma. There was just something about her. Give it time and don't force him for more than a few minutes at a time. Maybe she needs to lower her voice or something.
Of course he is with you all day, that's where he belongs. I am a grandma myself, so I understand how hard it must be for your mom. He will grow to love her in his own time, and nothing will change that.