I Really Can't Take It..

Updated on August 06, 2008
K.O. asks from Omaha, NE
10 answers

Okay...i'm going to whine..yes, i know it but i have to..i have no one else to listen..so thank you in advance.

I'm done..i cannot emotionally, mentally or physically do this anymore..we haven't even started treatment! it's a freakin struggle to do anything with my son and my daughter just gets left out all together...Okay..let me breath and start over...

So, i'm going to go way back..I'm severely depressed and on meds..I also have some kind of low engery thing so I actually take Concerta to help give me energy...BUT, i just found out on friday that due to my very extremely heavy periods, I'm severely amenic so now I'm taking iron and a b complex vitamin...

at any rate, just a little history on me..so you add my "issues" in with my lack of sleep, and the depression and yadda, yadda..when its time for us to start the day, i'm beat..i'm done..I've been up half the night with my 4 year old son, who, someday will sleep longer than a two hr stretch and the other half I'm up with my 11 month old who is getting tubes on the 12th and i think that its the fluid in her ears that keeps/wakes her up.

Then when we try to go somewhere, he doesn't want to leave and he fights me and yeah, you know the rest..i know thats the ODD coming out..but I don't have the patience to handle it...

I just don't know what do to make it better..We don't have an appt with the therapist until the 22nd and I'm just in tears all the time.Its so frustrating to me because my other half doesn't ever help..on the weekends he works nights so he's either at work or sleeping..then tues and thurs he has school and mon and wed afternoon he has a tutoring session...there's more but lets just say that hes not around much..I never seem rested...My mom will watch my kids one night a week but usually that day/night is used to to all the things that i can't do when the kids are here...

I'm so frustrated. i'm so tired...I went to church today but i left my kids at my moms because I had not taken my son in years and he would be with the kids in kids church and I was very nervous as to how he would act/behave and she agreed to watch them..she still has them now so that I could nap..i took a two hour nap which was wonderful but honestly,i think that I could sleep for 6 months...

I just don't know what to do..i can't seem to get one thing done..i'm so disorganized and that frustrates me as well..i just don't know where to begin, what to do, what not to do...grr...

sorry. thanks for listening to me vent..any words of wisdom, kindness...advice..anything will be accepted...thank you!

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answers from Minneapolis on

I don't have all your problems and I sometimes feel overwhelmed and depressed.

You need support big time. Your boyfriend should probably put a hold on school until you can get other support. If his work schedule is a problem perhaps he needs to look for a new job too, but that will take some time, so...

Call your church immediately and tell them what is going on. They can arrange for parishioners to volunteer to help you out with watching the kids, cleaning, making meals etc. Don't be afraid to ask. This is exactly why faith communities exist. Your pastor/priest/minister could perhaps provide some counseling or direction for your family. In addition churches are usually really connected in the community and are good sources of information about available resources. This still take some time to arrange, so...

You should also call The Crisis Nursery ###-###-####. Perhaps they can provide you some immediate relief.

Your family situation will not improve until you are in a better state. You need to address your needs first and then when you are better you will be able to help your children. If you don't act right away it could be really dangerous. Please seek help NOW!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Omaha on

Wow! You have a full plate! First I would find a wonderful friend/relative/anyone you trust to keep your kids for a day or two so that you can really sit, quietly, and settle yourself. Sounds like you need a bigger and better support system. With 3 kids and another on the way I know exactly how you feel; the crying, screaming, annoyance, irritation, and those are just your feelings. The best thing I have found is just time away. It's a beautiful thing and will honestly make you a better more relaxed mommy. How else can you appreciate the great family you have unless you can step back and really admire them. Maybe have your partner let go of one of his outside duties so that he can be more of a help to you right now. Then when you both have a better perspective on the situation both of you should have outside hobbies. Good Luck and take care of YOU,and your children.


answers from Milwaukee on

Hi Kim!

I understand partly what you are going through. I have dealt with depression since high school and it got much worst when I had my daughter. It is difficult to deal with oneself when depressed then add a child or 2 and it gets a lot harder because it is no longer yourself. Between meds and meeting the a pastor for spiritual support I have been doing a lot better... one or the other did not work for me I needed both.

My daughter does not have Add/Adhd but I do... between that and depression it is hard to sleep myself. I hope the doc can help your son with his sleeping issues, that would really help you if your son can get a full nights rest (or even 6 hours would be great for you).

Regarding the church situation I would try to take your son and see how it goes, if it goes well great and if does not go well slowly leave him there longer and longer till he can handle the full time. People who are working in church daycares are usually very understanding so they will help make it work for you and your son. It will help both you and your son to have the church as a regular doing in your life. You can get a great support system through the church... if they have a mommy and me or mom & tots group join that because it has really helped me. The church moms are really supportive and I have made some great friends that want to help when I am struggling with depression or being a mother (we also watch each others kids if one of us really needs to get something done or need that much needed rest!).

Hang in there and talk to the pastor(s) of your church for programs you can join, that would really help (plus they are usually free). I wish I lived near you and we could get together but I live in WI. Remember to breath and if you feel frustrated or anger remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes (with the kids in a safe place like a crib and/or safe bedroom) and calm down. I have to do this at least once a week so I can feel like an in control/organized mom instead of an out of control mom.

Also let your other half know how you feel if you haven't already. Tell him you need help, even though he seems very busy you are just as important (and even more important) as everything else he is doing. Let him know that you need help doing housework and help with the kids... with depression you need help doing things and it is hard to get out of depression doing everything yourself. Even if he watches the kids once a week so you can get things done or get that much needed sleep it will be helpful. It is great he is going to school and working but he has to realize he is in a family now and you & your kids come first. I know going back to school can help better a job and a family but it has be done on a time line that works for the whole 'unit' not just a good time for one part of the 'unit.'

I will keep you in my prayers!



answers from Minneapolis on

I am so very glad you posted this. I could have easily wrote this too. I have an autoimmune disease (Lupus) and also have suffered depression - and I too have a too busy to help out partner - although this has gotten better since I finally realized that I may have to leave him to improve my life - sounds funny, but sometimes things are easier on our own (not having to factor yet another person into things - it's best to just accept that you are stuck right now and not much will change about that until your kids are older. Not to be too depressing - just realistic.) I can't tell you how much it helped for me to accept that I was indeed alone in this parent thing. My oldest boy is PDD-NOS (on the autism spectrum).

You may also want to consider what diet you are all on. I know, like you need anything MORE to consider .... but I tell you, my son was IMPOSSIBLE to deal with - until I discovered his severe food allergies. It is funny that food can affect a child's behavior, but it does! Dairy and Wheat are usually the worst offenders, but my son is also allergic to eggs and SOY. Since our house went on his diet, things have gotten so much better - and my son is somewhat normal now - unless he eats the wrong foods or plays with playdough (wheat).

I wish for you to feel better about your life. I have been where you are and it is very sad and difficult to face each new day. I will keep you in my heart and send you happiness and joy to be found in the little things (like your kids smiles, and the times when they actually sleep). I hope you can find balance - and don't feel too bad, most men are lazy; even though they may claim to be doing what is best for the family they seem to miss the most important things - like everyday life.

I am glad you reached out .... and I hope my ramblings have at least made you feel not totally crazy - cause I would say you are pretty normal and thank god you can talk about it!!!



answers from Duluth on

This may sound a little odd, but when you listed off your systems it sounded alot like me. I recently found out I sensituve to gluten & milk. I also had an overgrowth of candida yeast in my digesitve system. The results, moodiness, exahustion, problems with weight, trouble sleeping, can lead to diabetes... and many other problems.

Gluten & milk sensitivities are also linked to ADD, ADHD, autism etc.

It would not be a quick fix but perhaps seeing a whole health chiropracter who deals with nutritoin would hekp they can help you determine if you have food sensitivities & yeast issues, as well as your son.

Since I have changed my diet and addressed the yeast issue i have experienced a marked change in my energy, periods, moods etc. I cannot beleive how much better i feel. also puttign my son on a gluten free diet helps his moods & attention span greatly.


The above website shows the systems of candida yeast overgrowth & can help you self diagnose if you have a problem. check it out & take the questionaire. You may be surprised. If you do not have a chiropracter, nutritionist or doctor in your area who can help you it can also give you ideas on how to help yourself. I would suggest, probiotocs, anti fungals and something to heal the damage done to your guts by the yeast...

If you would like to know more let me know...



answers from Minneapolis on

Hi K.
I have been severly depressed also. Everything can get to be way to much. Have you thought of going to see a theripest who may be able to help give you some of the tools you need to feel empowered. I think you really need to sit down with your fiance and try to get him to help you more around the house. If you would like to talk more please send me a message. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope things get better soon. :)T.



answers from Minneapolis on

I think you're probably healthier than you give yourself credit for. Anyone would have a NORMAL reaction of grief and stress and fatigue. You're busy and the added stress of a child with a chronic illness is so hard. Life is not fair and you do get to whine. But you also have two children to take care of so as you already know, your own needs get second fiddle for awhile. I totally agree that diet and nutrition can play a big role. I also firmly believe that exercise is a natural wonder and if you can somehow find a way to get out and exercise with them, all may benefit. Mental illness is the most isolating experience and it's so hard to feel comfortable asking others to help out in those situations. People feel quickly afraid if someone (even a child) seems out of control. I don't have a child with the issues you've described, but I can totally understand what you're going through and how alone you may feel. I hope you have good health care for your children and that you follow your mother's instinct if treatments and issues don't feel right. I am absolutely no expert, but it seems reasonable to me to combine holistic alternative health care with the traditional - especially for what sounds like a very complicated situation. Just stay open and honest and tell the various professionals what you're doing and what you want. Set reasonable goals for yourself and your kids, even the baby! :) Then when something good happens, even a small step, even a temporary situation - celebrate! And treat yourself right. You're a great mom to have not run away screaming! :) Hang in there, you'll be in our prayers!

p.s. I also think the Crisis Nursery is an awesome resource and we're so lucky to have them. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help anytime. The people are there because they want to give others a break and they get satisfaction of helping others. Think how boring their lives would be if they sat there ready to care for people and nobody showed up! Keep up the good work. You can do this. I really believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle and for some reason you've got a boatload of stress and issues right now.



answers from Sioux Falls on

This isn't advice. Just wanted to say you are a stronger person than I could ever be for doing what you do. Best of luck and all my prayers. Hope you get a hand or an extra nap soon!



answers from Wausau on

HI!!! You are not alone. I have depression and ADD but also had very wild and hyper 3yr.old twin girls. I had it about 6 months ago. Of course, I was not about to put my little girls on meds. so I researched other treatments for ADHD. The girls were waking up with nightmares every night. Screaming... Nobody was getting any sleep. They would get very angry and aggressive during the day. So, I read that the first step to the ADHD diet was to take milk away. All I did was switch to Soy. They slept without waking up! I had bought a 1/2 gallon. Lasted for 2 days then gave them reg. milk. They woke up screaming. I bought more Soy and all was better!!! It was such a simple change. The next step with the diet was to take out food with coloring. The red, blue and yellow dies. What a difference. We can tell 20min. after they have had something with colors. They turn aggressive, throw tantrums, scream and run wild. I have not been able to take away food that contains milk though. I just monitor what I gave them that turned everyone crazy. Much easier that way. If I read that a food contains any colors, I just don't let them have it. Mac-N-Cheese is a huge no no! They can tolerate the Organic Mac-N-Cheese. Like I said, I didn't take everything away. I just monitored. It has helped me to be able to enjoy and want to be with them. No Dr.s or drugs needed. I actually decide to bring them to church because they hadn't been there since they were baptized. I couldn't believe how good they were. Of course, the day I brought them just happened to be First Communion. They sat so nice, I was proud for me and the girls when all the older people commented on how nice they sat. Hang in there. Just a few tweaks in what you do will have huge impact on the family situation!!!



answers from Minneapolis on

honestly you sound healthier than I think you think you are...you have seemed to vent it all out right...probably better than most...

I could only offer the advice of yes, one more thing to do, BUT overall this 'chore' could really help you out with everything you are stressed about, bring your entire family to the chiropractor, he can help you with your depression, you low energy levels, he can help your son and your daughter...and most importantly, he can relax each and everyone of you...nothing is going to happen overnight or with only one visit...

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