I Need to Have "The Talk" with My S

Updated on February 28, 2014
D.S. asks from Miami, FL
10 answers

Hello all,
I think it's about time for me to have "the talk" with my 9½ yro son, can anyone recommend a book or a guide that I can look into for guidance? It’s been about 32 years since my dad had the talk with me and I don’t recall how he did it and all of my friends have younger kids so, they haven’t been there yet.
Any guidance or tips from those who have been there would be appreciated.
Thank you!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all, I’ll go to the library and try to check all of the books recommended here, as well as a regular biology book to see what suits our style better or what I feel more comfortable with to share with my son.

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answers from Baton Rouge on

Much depends on how much he already knows. Is this the first time the subject has been broached, or have there been mini-talks all along? My dauughter knew where babies come from, and how Tab A /Slot B worked before she entered kindergarten. She asked, and I told her.

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answers from Los Angeles on

someone one on this site recommended to me "the wonderful way babies are made." Its written in two type settings, one for younger children and one for kids over 8. The reason I really appreciate this book is that it upholds biblical standards for sex. Then, being a believer in a creator God, I realized that the sex conversation can have such a grander picture of God's plan for sex and marriage, and families. If you aren't getting it from a Godly perspective, the whole thing is really reduced to biology, which I don't think answers a child's curiosity into the emotions and feelings around sex. I love how this book makes the connection that sex is God's design for brining happiness and closeness to couples the rest of their lives, and to share in God's creative process. Such a great spin, so much better than the secular books which tend to put too much focus on biology and masterbation.

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answers from Los Angeles on

I don't know about books, we just answered our girl's questions as they asked them when I was pregnant with my youngest. I would give them simple, factual (no cutesy names for anything) answers and let them be the guide in the conversation. The result being that my (at the time) 4 and almost-3 year old knew the ins and outs (pardon the pun) of sex and reproduction.

I've also had a similar conversation with my oldest (now 7) about menstruation. Her response was "that's kinda gross Mommy, but you might have to remind me when I get older so I don't freak out" LOL

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answers from Hartford on

We have a big "Atlas of the Human Body" biology book full of pictures. We both found it interesting. When we got to the reproductive part, I just told him about it while we looked at the pictures. The science theme of the book made it more of a "matter of fact" conversation. I told him how I'm sure it sounds pretty weird to him because I remember thinking it was really weird when I was a kid. Then we examined the illustration of a cross-section of an eyeball and ocular nerve. Case closed. Good luck!

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answers from Dallas on

At 9.5 he knows a lot more than you give him credit for knowing.

There is no such 1 time "talk"... it is communication that starts when children are very young asking questions and answering them appropriately per the age of the child.

I suggest open communication and being honest because wouldn't you prefer he get factual information from you than what is talked about at recess and at school.

If you are uncomfortable, talk while you are driving or walking. I like the idea of getting biology books from the library as well so you can be factual.

At our elementary school, the school nurse has separate meeting with the boys and with the girls starting in the 4th grade about body changes and what to expect and on. Sadly, this is the only information some children get because their parents do not communicate with them.

Kudos to you for wanting to talk.... keep those lines of communication open... it is a long road through school and he needs you or someone else he trusts to come to with questions and concerns.

Good luck

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Remember, too, that it needn't be a brain dump. The Talk is actually an ongoing series of conversations, some very short and some longer. SD started being told about puberty when she was 9 and over time the chats included everything from healthy eating to love, sex and dating. I'd start with puberty topics and go from there. Remember to listen as well as talk. You may find it interesting what he knows or doesn't know or his POV on the topic.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

"It's Not the Stork" is one that comes well-recommended. It's written for a younger audience and has the very basics, starting with all the body parts. If you haven't had any conversation yet, it's a good place to start. It says is for ages 4-7, but I've just started it with my almost 8 year old and I find it to be in a good place in terms of content.

The next one in the series is "It's So Amazing" and it's written for slightly older kids. It says ages 7+ on it, but I think it's more for tweens/early teens than 7 year olds.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

We're about to have The Talk with our 11-year-old. He is 100% clueless about everything. I found great reviews for Boys, Girls and Body Science and ordered that one. Looking through it, it offered enough information and in the right way. It's hard to explain that more precisely, but I felt it was a good match. You might check it out online to see if it might fit your needs, too.

Good luck! I'm leaving this talk up to my husband and hope he follows through soon!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

The children's resource librarian should have a list of appropriate books. You can go and re-read them to see which ones are in line with the things you want him to understand.



answers from Rochester on

Check out the web site www.amightygirl.com. It is a web site geared for girls, but in their book section they have a category for "the talk" and it has great books that work for boys too.

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