I Need Some Straight Up, Personal Opinions....

Updated on February 02, 2012
L._. asks from Lakeside, CA
34 answers

Here's the scenario...

Daughter, 21 years old, on the job for 6 months, has had first review and received GLOWING reports and was appropriately rewarded on the job for it. She has worked full-time and gone to school full-time since her Sophmore year in highschool. She has been a manager of McDonald's, switched to serving tables for a year or so, and has only lost one job once for something that was argueably a mistake that could have happened to any of us.

Same daughter is almost finished with her first degree, enrolled for her next 4 year school program, has always paid her car payment on time and is set to pay it off 1 full year early in either 9 months, or with her tax return next month.

What does she want from us? She wants dad to co-sign for an apartment. She has no rental history of her own. She has a 5000 dollar tax return coming in as well as over 1200 worth of student financial aid. Her plan is to use the financial aid for furniture and pay off the car with part of the tax return.

Dollars wise.. She makes 13 dollars per hour and has 250 per month in child support and will get 2000 dollars twice per year once she's on her own as her financial aid will go up. She doesn' t pay for daycare since I provide that and her car has been very reliable so far.

The big mistake she made was that she co-signed for a friend to buy a car. His loan has been paid on time for 2 years. But he says he can not afford to re-finance until August when he gets some money for another down payment. So long as she has that money hanging over her head, her debt to income ratio looks high and she doesn't have a rental history to use to back her up.

Would you do it? I would, but my debt to income ratio is too high. My husbands is squeaky clean.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Casey, you must have me confused with someone else. I have 3 teens and 1 pre-teen.

I totally forgot that my husband just applied to re-finance the house. He told her tonight that he can't do it until that goes through and they are saying they don't know. It could be up to 3 months.

VM, it seems that in this country, it pays to have babies out of wedlock. I love my grandson and would NEVER trade him for the world. But I don't appreciate that the 2 daughters I have that work hard and concentrate on school and work and haven't had a baby, get NO help at all. And yet my one daughter that's a single mom gets all her school PAID for. This money is over and above books and tuition. She has never taken a loan out for school, not yet. She probably won't in the next 2 year stretch either.

By the way.... Husband makes way more money than I do, has much more money to play with each month, and just took on a car payment of his own that he expects to pay off either this summer, or next summer. He usually gets a bonus each year that would fund a small nation...not really LOL. But it's almost as much as I make for the YEAR. This bonus is not etched in stone and he never knows until it happens or not.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

My answer is no. I don't care how responsible she is and what she gets paid, etc., etc., etc. Do you have the money to cover it if she would have something out of her control happen? You would be stuck with it if you co-sign. I just think it is not a good idea for anyone anytime. I am willing to help out in other ways. You can see how her co-signing for a friend has tied her down. You said that was a 'mistake'. I think it's a 'mistake' for anyone to do it.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I would tell her to wait for her car to be paid for, then she can move out and pay for it herself. Then if she needs help with the down payment, maybe you can give her money for that. It sounds like she has enough on her plate with school, work, and being a mom. Why would she want to jump in and worry about bills if she doesn't have to, especially since you are watching the baby anyway, she'll have to come over everyday anyway. Its only another 9 mo to a year. And can she ALWAYS count on that child support? What if the baby's daddy loses his job? I'd rethink all this.

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J.S.

answers from Columbia on

yeah....I would. But only after a very serious discussion of "daughter should NEVER co-sign a loan".

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't know you or your daughter. I do know several people that have co-signed for relatives for loans of various sizes. ALL, yes ALL, of them have quit paying the loan for various periods of time putting the burden on the cosigner to make the payments.

The companies making the loans that the initial person quit paying on didn't even try to collect from them. They automatically starting to harass the cosigner. Then it is up to you to make the payment.

I would recommend she look for another apartment.

Good luck to you and yours. (I will NEVER cosign a loan.)

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You know her best. She doesn't sound shaky to me.
Dave Ramsay would say NO.

ETA: Since your husband rakes in such dough, I wonder why you are forced to live on such a shoestring?! If I was in your shoes I would suggest he pays for 6 months rent (GIFT) rather than co-sign. HE can sign the agreement/lease himself for his daughter, right?

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V.M.

answers from Cleveland on

I'm not good at financial planning and budgeting etc,
but i've always wondered how financial aid can go for furniture and not say textbooks or food or paying tution. I hope your dd is luckier than most people I know who graduate with great degrees and end up working for peanuts. I'm assuing that some of this finacial aid is in the form of a loan that would need to be paid back someday.
Hope she does well for herself and that it all works out.

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C.C.

answers from Houston on

I would say a big "no" on that one. Roommate is what I suggest. You know her better than we do....so I guess you already know the answer. Doesn't seem like anyone in your family should be having financial difficulties with all that income. Can't believe you don't already have a nestegg...but concentrate on that for now. Hey...why did you delete your profile description that stated that you were a mother of 2 teenagers? Just wondering! And by the way...I hope all of this is not for her to move a man in there with her and foot the bill...it happens!

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J.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sure, if she's responsible and it sounds like she is, I would but I'd also be fully prepared to be on the hook for the full amount of the rent if something happens. I also wouldn't sign for more than a year. After that she should be able to rent on her own.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Help her with the apartment-but financial aid is only for school-financial aid has to be repaid-grants do not-don't let her do anything that will stand in the way of her education. Furniture-who cares!

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I would never cosign a loan and I would let her put the pressure on the guy to refinance his car. That way she learns not to cosign again.

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L.C.

answers from Dover on

I would ask him to co-sign it. She has proven in every conceivable way that she is responsible and ambitious and dedicated on going somewhere in her life. If I or my husband could help our responsible, ambitious child get there, we would be in 100%.

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Y.C.

answers from New York on

She sounds responsible and so far working hard AND with a baby.
I think that is amazing.
If I could afford it, and my daughter is working full time, studying full time, has being smart and buy and pay her car, I would sign for her.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

Yes I would. My parents helped my husband and I out originally, getting a mortgage for our first place in their name, while we built up credit. We were very responsible, made all the payments, and after a year of established credit, we were able to transfer the mortgage to our names.

As far as the system supporting her for being a single mom, look at the big picture. Government money spent on helping single moms get higher education will in the long run, save the country money from those individuals (statistically speaking) not being able to get high earning jobs and going on welfare, and being part of cyclical poverty, which is VERY expensive for the government. Whether or not this is fair to your other children, is a separate point. I DO understand where you're coming from. Just saying.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If I felt sure she would make her rent, and knew I could afford to pay it if something happened and she could not pay it, I would sign, otherwise I would tell her sorry.

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T.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

Yes I would do it. She seems like a responsible girl. Once she establishes a rental history with the apartments on her next lease she should be able to take your husband off the lease. Add long as you think she can make the monthly rent I would go for it!

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I don't get why you wouldn't.

Cosigning on the least is only a problem is she can't pay. My parents have cosigned dozens of leases between the lot of us. It's never come up as a problem, because we've always paid.

I mean... if she was super flakey-gets-evicted-all-the-time-and-trashes-places-girl... or was asking you to cosign on some $5000 a month loft... then that's a no. But if she's responsible, and the rent is affordable, why not?

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

If you are 95% sure that her situation is stable and that she will pay, I don't see why dad won't cosign. If your husband doesn't want to cosign because he thinks she won't pay, I would tell her to take her tax return and use it to prepay rent. That should get her in the door and possibly make the landlord comfortable enough to rent to her without a cosigner.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would tell her to consider living in Married Student Housing on campus, it will come out of the financial aid before it ever comes to her. She can pay her rent to them, partly with the remainder FA then the rest can come from her salary.

I would tell her to do that for at least a semester and perhaps through summer and into Fall. That would give dad time to get the house stuff figured out and allow her to be "living on her own" to raise her FA.

At Oklahoma State University I lived in the on-campus housing in a nice 2 bedroom apartment. I paid $342 per month and that included the rent, cable, and basic phone plus all utilities. All I had to do was pay for groceries, I did not need a vehicle due to living on campus and everything I did was within my bikes distance. I had a seat on my bike for daughter to sit in when we went places.

The rent there, for the same apartment is just $700 now. It is still cheaper than living off campus.

Your daughter has a good history with you and shows she has made good decision. I would just wait until the car thing has been taken care of and she has lived on her own for a little bit so she can see how she does.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would and I have. I co-signed for my daughter in a similar (but different) situation. The rental situation at the time in our city would have made it a limited liability as I would have been able to find a new renter relatively easily if she had needed to move out. I also had the income at the time to pay the rent if need be. Now, I don't. She paid her rent, finished school, found a job, got married, etc.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

If I could financially, I would.

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M.M.

answers from Lake Charles on

Have husband talk to the complex, after about 3-6 months he should be able to have his name taken off the lease and put it under just her name.. When I got my first apartment I didn't have rental history but my credit score was decent I think.. I was able to get it on my own but maybe things are different these days, I was also a waitress so I couldn't prove my income (from tips) so can she just tell them she makes x amount or are they wanting proof?

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M.P.

answers from Houston on

With what you say, your daughter is very responsible and reliable. I think that she deserves the support from her parents. I am way older and my mom still backs me up for everything I need, not that I ask her or need it but through the years when I was in need, words were not even necessary, I did not have to ask her, she always helped me.

When I needed to co-sign for my apartment several years ago, my sister did without any hesitation at all. If your family does not help you then who?

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E.T.

answers from Albuquerque on

Yes - I would do it. She sounds responsible and not like she's taking you guys for granted.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

If you think she is responsible, do it.

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C.P.

answers from Albuquerque on

If you (hubby) can afford to take on the rent payment (crazy things happen), they I would say absolutely YES! After my 2nd year in college, my boyfriend (of 2.5 years) and I decided to move in together since we were spending most of our time at my dorm anyways. I had been fully responsible for myself (fianancially & otherwise) every since I left home to go to college. Well, I presented a strong case of why they should co-sign for my first apartment and they flat refused! My boyfriend's parents (who absolutely would not have been able to afford it, had we defaulted) did agree--and helped us get into that place. I guess somewhere deep inside, I'm still a little hurt that my parents didn't have enough trust (or willingness to support my decisions). Here we are 10 years later and they are fully supporting my little sister in college (not just co-signing, but actually paying her rent)!! Ugh!
Oh, and I hear you on the baby thing! I could never qualify for much finacial aid because my parents made "too much!" Nevermind that they didn't contribute to my expenses... it wasn't until I got married (at 23) that I was finally considered "independent" from them!! On the other hand, I had friends with babies who got all kinds of FREE financial aid (housing & etc)!

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K.L.

answers from Sacramento on

My husband is the finance man in our marriage. I read this to him, and he said he would do it. From what you've written, she seems stable enough to have a cosigner for a new place. As far as her cosigning for a friend, everyone makes mistakes...

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

yes, she's proven to be responsible & reliable.

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M.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I would not for just anyone, but if this was my daughter, yes I would. She sounds responsible enough.

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L.P.

answers from Tyler on

It's a roof over the head of your daughter and grandchild. I would definitely do it, as long as I entered the agreement knowing fully that I may be responsible for paying the rent. They way I am reading this, she is asking for help getting the lease but is taking responsibility for making the payments. You never know what can happen to change her or your circumstances, so be sure you are financially able to carry this should something occur that makes her financially unable. Good luck and keep your faith in your girl, she sounds like a gem!

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J.B.

answers from Dayton on

She sounds very responsible so if there is any way for you or your husband to help her by co-signing I would. I have co-signed twice for my son, first a small loan so he could establish credit and the second time for his car. Like your daughter, he paid both off ahead of time. What I did though was insist that he make the payment to me & I made sure it was taken to the credit union. I know many may find that wrong, not making him fully responsible, but if he would have been late on the payment it would have shown up against my credit. He now has his credit established & doesn't need a co-signer. Good luck, I hope it works out. Also...congratulations on your daughter doing so well on her job!

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N.H.

answers from Peoria on

Sounds like your daughter has a pretty good head on her shoulders. While she probably made an honest mis-judgement about helping out the friend, she prob realizes that now but just needs some help. As much as she's done for herself, and you should be very proud of that...most kids these days don't become so self-reliant...I don't see the harm in helping her out once in a while. She's doing her best right now & sometimes our kids, even being so self-reliant, need a small boost. If you don't think it'd become a habit, set some terms of the co-sign & go from there. Good luck.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Congratulations on raising such a wonderfully independent and marvelous addition to society.

I would not co-sign. It's just a matter of personal preference. I only want to be responsible for my own finances and not someone elses.

When I was ready to purchase my first car, my mom refused to co-sign for me. I just found another company to finance with that didn't require a co-signer. I was better off for the experience. I know you want to help her out but perhaps the best help you can really give her is the advice to find another place that will take her without requiring a co-signer or to just wait until her credit is improved. I valuable life lesson well learned.

What would she do if the both of you were not there for her? Isn't that part of what being an adult is all about? Holding it down on your own.

The choice is yours but it comes with consequences and both sides of the fence.

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

Look long and hard about any co-signing even if it is for a child. Your credit rating is also affected if and when the other person does not pay on time.

I know of a person who co-signed for his brother to help him. When it came time for him to buy a house he could not get the loan he wanted because his brother's loan was on his credit. It also became very ugly very quickly.

It's nice to help out family but there comes a time when family has to let members learn and swim on their own. The married housing sounds a lot better. Get some gently used furniture and call it a day. Never take your financial aid money and use it for things that are not education as this can bite you in the butt.

Don't count on the child support for income in this as it could/can go aaway with a heartbeat. Does she have a small savings account as a backup plan? I know that life is not easy but we have to make our way.

If you do do this, make sure all of your finances can handle anything that can come up including the other car payment.

The other S.

PS I am from the old school and some hard knocks are necessary to get to the end of the journey.

J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

If your hubby signs it is just stating that he would be responsible for the rent if she doesn't pay. As long as she can pay her rent then I don't see why he wouldn't co-sign, this is how she will need to establish herself for future apartments. By next year her friend should be able to refinance his/her car and she will be free of that.

I also agree that single moms get a lot where just single people get no help. I was single and lived on my own from 18 until I was 35 (that’s when I moved in with my now hubby), I didn’t meet my hubby until I was 34. I had to pay for my school, rent and all my other expenses. They do not give rental assistance or any other help to single people. Single people also pay more in taxes, I never got a refund until I had my daughter.

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