I Need Some Help or Encouragement Maybe Both

Hi M.,

My name is D.. I think you should go back to school. If that is what you want and you feel it will help you go for it. Don't feel guilty about leaving your kids. We as mothers have to understand that we are the foundation for our family.With a weak foundation our family will not be as strong. Your kids may not understand everything at first but they will repect you and be proud of you in the end. You have to lead by example you want your girls to be strong women and your son to be a strong man your kids are watching. Don't ever let a situation take away your confidence or your self worth. I don't know if you belive in god but if you do always remember you are a child of the most high GOD and he only makes diamonds. Carry yourself as such. Be bold and be proud of who you are. As for the gym I go to curves in Cerritos I could use a partner. I don't go like I should so a partner will help me out alot. Good luck.

Take care
D.

M., first realize that you are a strong, beautiful woman and mother of three who clearly loves her children, and getting over this situation will only make you stronger! Maybe you can find after school programs or daycare for the two younger kids. Maybe even the ymca has something like that? For your oldest, try and talk to some parents of a few of her friends to see if she can go over there once a week or every other week for each friend so you know she is someplace safe. She could even consider joining a sports team or some sort of after school activity-it might even be good for her. Whatever you do, just dont feel guilty about it, because you mentioned that you want to go back to school for your confidence, and you children deserve a happy, confident mother. I know this being a single mother myself. Good luck with everything, and I hope it all works out for you.

M.,
Go for it!! You are in need of a confidence boost so go ahead and go to class! It's only a few hours a week. It's a little investment and a BIG tradeoff.

Now that you are single, it's time for the whole family to pull together. Your oldest child is old enough for the responsibility of caring for your younger children. They would not be fending for themselves like a pack of stray dogs! You will prepare for this separation! Figure out easy dinners, the rules and expectations, etc. They can handle it!
As far as the gym-some have early classes (like 5 a.m.). Are early morning classes (or walks in the neighborhood)possible in your situation?

As a mom, you can't continue to give when the well is dry. So go fill yourself up with some schooling and some working out. Your kids will see that yes, sometimes life is MAJORLY disappointing, but the best thing to do is to brush yourself off and do something positive. I'm sure if you talked to them they would encourage you to do this for yourself.

Go take on the world! You can do it! You are WORTH IT!!!!!
E.

M., my heart goes out to you and your childern, I am in the same situation. It's been two years for me. I work one full time job,and one part time job,gym.(3times a wk) I'm glad to hear your continuing your schooling very important. You can do it girl! maybe pick a couple of ____@____.com over the weekend you can attend the gym they even have daycare so your kids won't be alone. good luck! life gets easier.

R. Aguilar
____@____.com

Hi M.,
Sounds like you are eager to get started in a new direction, I can relate. I would fit the gym in, definitely...exercise will make you feel better, fitter, and stronger. Maybe take an hour everyday before or after work, or during a lunch break.

As far as school, if leaving your children home alone for long stretches in the evening pains you, find an online class. Any online class that interests you. I've done online classes when my schedule didn't permit going to evening classes. They are great! But, if you know your children will be safe at home in the evening and your 16 year old is responsible, then go for it! To me, it's all about how safe the children are.

I agree with Denice that your trade off - time away from your children v. teaching them the valuable lesson of education- is not a trade off at all! This is possibly the best gift you can give to your children. My advice would be to use the time you do have together to make a healthy and happy home and to create wonderful memories for your children. Remember that it is the quality of time versus the quantity of time that makes a difference.

Also, you cannot be good to your children if you are not good to yourself first. Many times moms are martyrs and we think we have to sacrifice ourselves for our children. This is not true! We have to be well and feel good about ourselves to give back the best of us to our children.

Best of luck!

Hi M....sounds like a great plan. Here is what I advise: Let the children know what is going on with you, what you need & how you feel. Let them express themselves as to what they each need & feel. They will be glad to help you pursue your needs/wants just as you are glad to help each of them. They are a great age to start developing this type of responsibility for keeping themselves on track while you are in class or at the gym. Remember to explain that by you beoming a better person through schooling & working out, you will be a better mom. And experiencing this with you will help them become better as well...stronger & independent. The class setting requires much attention & concentration so I suggest you destress for a few weeks before you start school. Get a massage & drink lots of water to release the toxins from your body, begin a better intake of healthy snacks, fruits & veggies and definitely develop a solid workout routine to boost your enegry. Destressing will help make your body feel great & clear your head of all your "clutter". Keep a journal through this process to help you reflect on how your mind is becoming just as healthy as your body. You will be proud of yourself as you read your journal entries & observe your growth. Share some of your growing experiences with your children so they can appreciate your efforts and learn the importance of education & health for themselves as well. Since you will be so busy, become a pro at crock-pot cooking & pre-making meals that the children can warm & serve. Set aside at least 15 minutes a day of one-on-one time with each child to keep a healty & open relationship with each of them. I wish you all the strength & courage you need. Good luck & take care.

hi. first of all let's get focused. Please ask yourself waht you are going to school for and how long it will take you to accomplish your goals. Since you do not have a path this may not be the time to go back. Your kids are also going through alot with the recent divorce. they need you at home. That is not to say that you do not need a break once in awhile. I am fairly certain the 16 year old could handle things at home so you could go to the gym a few times a week for an hour or so during the daytime. My guess is they are in some sort of afterschool program because you have to wrok. Since they do not see Dad you have to be both roles here mom! I know it is hard I am a mother of 4 and although I am not divorced it sometimes feels that way. My husband works about 70 hours a week so i do alot on my own. I think sometimes we have to put our own needs aside for the sake of our children for awhile. Maybe you could hook up with another parent and trade babysitting but I really think the school thing should wait a bit. It is too much time to be spent away and then homework etc. Do the gym because that is great for you in many ways but be there for your kids.

Dear M.,

Be proud of yourself for making the decision to do something for yourself!! Your kids are at a age that they can fend for themselves and you shouldn't feel guilty about it!! Just make sure you always communicate, set schedules for everyone to chip in and set aside time to spend with them!! It's going to be hard but not impossible...Go Mom, get out there and live life!! Good Luck!! V.

M.,

I totally understand your thoughts. I have two little ones although I do have the help of my mom at times. I have been in college about 4 years now and have done it the whole time with my kids and through pregnancy. Plus, my husband is currently deployed in Afganistan. But for me, I try to take as many online classes as possible. That way I have options of working on my class work at my own time (other than due dates). you should look into it at your college. And mine are still little but I take them for walks with me. That way I feel like I am spending time with them and getting exercise.

Good luck
-A.