I Need Some Advice - Brenham,TX

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your friend sounds a bit immature and honestly, you can’t force the friendship. Although to me it seems from what you’ve said that it’s very one sided (you do a lot for her, loan her your things, etc) Do you really want a friend that takes advantage of you and is only around when she needs something from you? Maybe she’s pushing you away because she’s envious that you graduated from high school, are still married and have a job? It sounds important to you to figure out why she is avoiding you so maybe go to her house when you know she is there and talk to her but don’t be confrontational. If she is not willing to talk, just ask for your stuff and be on your way. Make new friends, real friends.

Your children need you too much for you to be worrying about what is going on with her one day to the next. You sound like a wonderful person! Don’t let this one person make you think otherwise! Here's a good quote for you:
"Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs"
Best of luck!

I would go to her at a time you know she will be home and ask to talk. Tell her your concerns in a non accusatory way (as in "I have been feeling", not "you have been doing" way). If it turns out the friendship is no longer something she wants, then I would just let her know that you will miss the friendship, but since you are there you will go ahead and collect any items so that you can save her the trouble of having to see you again.

j

I had something like this happen as well. I helped my friend so much and one day she just cut me off. I called her several times to see what was up and when she finally took my call she told me there was nothing wrong. Then I find out she talked to my MIL behind my back and said she was mad at me bc I never followed her advice. I was floored! I mean after all the good I had done for her she could get mad enough to stop talking to me over something like that and not even have the decency to talk to me about it when I asked her repeatedly what was up. So, you may never really find out why she is acting this way. Her life was not going as well as mine at that moment and I felt like she resented me and just used some lame reason to get mad a pull away. It kind of sounds like that to me with your friend. You are both young mothers, but you are married and she is a single mommy. She may be overwhelmed and angry about her situation and taking it out on you. If she won't communicate with you, there isn' t a whole lot you can do about it. Maybe just text her that you will come by and get your things and tell her a specific time unless she wants to bring them by. I will say that I lent out some of my newest, cutest stuff to a girlfriend and then she moved and got prego again shortly before I did so I never got some of my best stuff back. That is just an FYI, often times once you lend something, you don't get it back even with a good friend so just make sure when you do lend something you are ok if you don't get it back in the end. But I really hope you do, bc I know that stuff isn't cheap! I still deal with my situation as our husband's are cousins and my FIL is her husbands uncle. But now she just tolerates me and I had to let her go and just not worry about our kids growing up together etc. It really hurt but I am fine now, I just grieved the relationship and moved on. I know she may have had a side but since she refused to communicate, we couldn't resolve it. Best wishes and just focus on loving your babies and getting on with your life. Take care:)

Hi A.. Good for you for getting on with your life. It sounds like your friend hasn't. It also sounds as if it is a huge dose of jealousy. She just can't see the path to get on with her life. I think she may have told her mother some fibs and that is why you are being treated like you are. Get on with your life and enjoy it. Good luck.

L.

I think you did a good thing in trying to reach out with that e-mail. But, you apologized without even asking what she was upset about. If you get the chance (and I am sure the chance will come), and you see her in person, ask her what made her so mad. (It's just another way of showing you care.) In the meantime, realize , her reaction is so strong, she must not be able to handle her own feelings. it is very possible you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. But right now, you will have to be patient with her.

If your friendship is over ( and I think it will take a while to find out if that is definite, because a friendship is worth being patient for), I don't know why you need your stuff back. Usually "getting your stuff back" is just an excuse to go over to someone's house and try to clear the air. If you want to get the stuff back to help yourself feel better about possibly being used...well, just make sure that that will really help heal your wounds and be ready for the fact that your stuff will probably just be in a box on the porch.

Wow! Believe it or not, you may have done nothing. It sounds like she may be depressed and is listening to her mom, who may not like you.

I would just let it alone for a couple of weeks and let things simmer down. Then give a call or an email and see if she responds.

Good Luck and I am sorry if the friendship is over. It also seems that you may be a little co-dependant. I do not mean to be insulting and I do not know the whole situation. I am just making an observation from the above post. It is nice to be friends with ladies who are in the same situation as yourself. She may be jealous that you are married, her mom may blame you for her situation- hanging out with someone who had a baby at 16 may have influenced her daughter to have a baby at 16- who knows! No one knows what other people are thinking!

It sounds like your friend is going through a lot of things she's just really not emotionally ready for and her mom is getting in the middle of it too.
I would just talk to her calmly and ask for your things back and tell her when and if she needs a friend, she can call you.
It doesn't have to sound like the end of everything, (even if it is), but have a talk with her.
If you don't get your clothes back, they are only clothes. And, at some point, you have the right to say that you don't think the friendship can go on.
This might blow over and maybe not.
I had a friend in high school that I stayed with when my parents moved so I could finish my year. When it was time to move away, she cut up my clothes before letting me have them, she burned pictures of my grandparents.
I saw her 20 years later at a high school reuinion and she wanted me to come stay with her. I declined.
I just didn't even want to go there.
Hopefully you'll get your stuff back and hopefully you'll be able to mend fences, but it might take time. Don't beg her to be your friend.

#1 you got a job and have money coming in from that.
#2 you have made improvements in your life and she has not
let her know that you would like to have everything back everything, she and her family are under the impression most likely because of something that she said that you have dumped her. you are making advances not only in a marriage but also in life, she has not. This is a person you need to stay clear of she is a user. Be very careful about what you say and think back about what you may have said be sure and let your husband know. It sounds life she is the type that will drag him in some how.

GOD put people in your live for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Who knows which one she is. But in your heart of hearts you know you didn't do anything or said anything that her lost not yours. Pray for her on move on.

I suggest you just step back. It sounds like she is jealous and also not mature enough to handle her life without her (unhelpful) mother. If she is being irrational, maybe when she cools off she will come to you and apologize or just pretend nothing ever happened. Beware the latter case, as that's perhaps a sign it could happen again.

I would just be up front with her and let her know again how much you care for her and value your friendship. But say that if she wants, you can go ahead and pick up your stuff. I'd be honest but if nothing comes from it, I'd let it go. Go your separate ways. She is awfully young and is very immature. It sounds like her mom is immature also. Hopefully, she will grow up and see how much she is taking you for granted. Good luck to you and congratulations!

If you can honestly say you have done nothing then you have to walk away and leave everything behind you. This is a tuff lesson you had to learn but unfortunately it happens. Maybe one day you will be able to mend things with her but until then you will have to forget about the other clothes because apparently she is upset about something and true friends talk about it even if they are hurt or angry. You already made it clear that you want the other clothes back so you have done your part. I would be very leary of this type of friendship because that wasn't very mature of the mother and she could have simply told you want was going on instead of being rude and immature. My heart goes out to you because it is hard to lose good friends but you can only be as good of a friend as someone allows you. Good luck

if she is or was in a verbaly abusive relationship then she probably has some issues of her own. let her know that you value the friendship and when ever she is ready you will be there. if that is what you want. if you dont want to deal with her drama then let it go. also number one rule when loaning things ( and money ) you loan it with the hopes that they will eventually get it back to you. but the understanding that you may never ever see it again. also you can learn your lesson here and understand they are demanding when it comes to returning things and some reason if its not picked up timely that they get there feathers ruffled. ... must be nice thats the biggest worry they have.

Sounds like a good old fashioned case of jealousy. Hers that is. You are hurting and doing the best you can. If you can sidestep mama (hers) then try to figure out with her what has happened. And simply ask for your things back. I know it hurts. You will have more friends.

If the stuff she has is just clothes and nothing expensive that you have to have back then just forget them. It isn't worth building the feud over "stuff" and sending e-mails etc. Plus you mentioned if we are friends she can keep them to use but if we are not I want them back. That tells me the "stuff" isn't really all that important. Instead of an e-mail you might want to sit down and write her a letter explaining how hurt you are and how you truly do not know what happened or why she decided to halt your friendship. Tell her again how much her friendship has meant to you but if you truly did something you would like to know what you did but at this point don't keep aplogizing because you may have done nothing. You both are still young with a lot of responsibilities and someone could be influencing her in some way. Way? Who knows, but whoever it is she is buying it. I am not saying it is her mother but whoever could have also told her mother or she told her mother and of course her mother will stand by her daughter's side. After the letter just sit back and get on with your life and wait it out. She may contact you or you may never hear from her again and if that is the case then you are probably better off for it because who needs friends like that. True friends go through thick and thin together and sure they get mad at one another once in a while but they are able to discuss it or not be offended by it because they trust their friendship and know that person would never intentionally hurt them. I have a feeling if you just leave her alone for awhile after she will be calling you. If your friendship is as important to her as it has been to you she will call. If she doesn't then she has just been a fickled friend all this time. Maybe she is going through something and doesn't want to involve anyone. I am sure you have support with your family and that is important. . Be patient and Good Luck to you.

you have already done the grownup thing and asked her about it, told her you still value your friendship with her, etc...sometimes these things just need some time to fizzle out. maybe she was told some nasty gossip that is absolutely not true. who knows. but in her present state of mind it doesn't sound like she's going to want to listen. maybe try one more time, you know, let her know again, you weren't aware you did anything to her, but if you did you'd like a chance to fix it...then just leave it at that. let her know the door is always open, then step back. you won't be able to force it and if you push her she will just get more angry. it hurts but try to be patient. if you honestly didn't do anything to her, hoepfully she will come to realize what a good friend she lost someday. good luck dear, i'm sorry you're going through this...

A., I am sad to hear what you've written because it is always hard when a relationship is going through stormy waters. I feel for you but I know there are ways to handle relational rifts that may seem rather old-fashioned but they have always worked for me. Texting and phone calls work for light conversation but I believe the best way to deal with difficulties is to speak to the person face to face. You can lose so much when you can't read body language or facial expression. I always pray first and ask God to deal with any problems I'm having with the person and to help me speak gently and in love.
The big thing is to acknowledge that there is a problem and to be prepared for some rejection, possibly anger, but to be clear within yourself whether or not you are willing to sacrifice for this relationship. You do not know what has happened between you two. Set up a meeting somewhere neutral ( a park, a restaurant,etc.) and talk. It's possible some little something that you had no idea would hurt her has caused this disturbance. or...maybe she's just growing a different direction. Are you willing to allow this friendship to have some space while she is growing and changing? A true friendship will give room for change. It is hard to be in relationships while they are painful, but, sometimes, the conflict that is handled correctly will bring about a greater intimacy. Sometimes the other person is chomping at the bit to break out of the relationship. If that is the case, let her go gracefully. You never know when you may both get over whatever has happened and your friendship will go beyond its current boundaries. I hope this has helped. I have had quite a few years of good friendships in my life. I'm 49 and have many true friends that I trust and love and have had in my life for at least 35 years or so. Good friends are worth the investment. Be at peace with yourself and with God. Momomany