I Need Help Finding a Way to Get My Nine Month Old to Sleep Through the Night!

Last night I slept 8 hours straight, for the first time in almost 3 years. My kids are 13 months apart and my daughter is now 10 months old. She was a horrendous sleeper until recently, but she just started sleeping through the night (12 hours without waking) consistently. This means that 5 nights of 7, she'll sleep well. Every baby is different - my son didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old, no matter what we did. My first recommendation is the book by Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. He recommends an early bedtime (for a 9 month old, probably between 6 and 7 p.m.) as key to getting quality sleep.

Until your youngest is sleeping through the night, take him out of his brother's bedroom. If you don't have an extra bedroom, put a crib or pack n play in your room and have your 9 mo old sleep there until he gets it together. We did this with our daughter. Actually, I slept on the couch while she was in our room, because then she had to be soothed by Daddy. As an experiment at 8 months old, I stopped nursing before bed and gave a bottle of formula instead. Our daughter went from a 2 hour stretch of sleep to 8 hour stretches of sleep.

I found Ferber to not work for us, but neither did "no-cry" options. Every time we went in, our son would freak out MORE when we left, and that would lead to vomiting. We did all out cry-it-out with him - which was our absolute LAST attempt (before hiring someone like you suggest), and it worked in 3 days. The first night he cried for 1 hour 6 minutes. The Weissbluth book says it's ok for them to get so upset they vomit, as long as they are safe and cared for. He even said it's OK to wait until your child is asleep to go in and clean up the vomit.

I have seen a lot of harsh judgment on this forum about crying-it-out - and everyone has to find out for themselves what works for their own families. It can be hard to stomach, but it worked for us, with both our kids. And as a result, we're finally sleeping. I wish this for your family too!!

Dear M.,

I just want to say that cry-it-out methods (including Ferberizing) work for some children and not others. This was confirmed by none other than ... Dr. Ferber(!), who has reassessed his own findings and now warns parents that Ferberizing does NOT work with children of some temperaments and can actually be very harmful. So ... even if the other five kids on your block can handle crying it out, if your son is throwing up, he can't.

Here's what we did with my very sensitive, easily frightened son. It's by no means the only solution, or even the best one, but it's worked okay for us: We got my son a futon that goes on the floor. I read my son his bedtime story there and nurse a little while until he's ready to fall asleep. If my son has nightmares or just needs me, I'm still willing to sleep there with him, but thanks to this futon, my son can FINALLY (most of the time) sleep through the night -- he just needs to start the night with me there.

I don't agree with the parents who say that cosleeping is wrong. But I also don't agree with the parents who say that crying it out is wrong. What I believe, instead, is that there's no one-size-fits-all solution to anything. The real art of parenting is carefully observing your own child and tailoring a method to his or her needs.

Good luck, and trust your intuition,

Mira

HI M.,

I remember those day, and mine is only 15 months. First, even now there are nights she doesn't sleep threw and we are up eary, or at 3am b/c she learned a new skill. But, I would get into a routine, bath, book, bottle what ever, and then let him relax a bit, put him in the crib and say good night. This way he has started to digest his food and that should solve the throwing up issue. Then check on him, and DON"T pick him up. It will take about 3-5 days, but that is what we did at that age, and now she goes to bed on her own. Now, like I said there are still nights, but they get easier. Don't bring him in bed, even if that's easy. He will get use to it and mix messages. Believe me I know how hard it is, I cried with her. Now, she crys a bit for a nap and that's it. So try it can't hurt and do it on the weekend when you have the time. Good luck and we have all been there.

M., get the book "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo & another author. They have the birth to pre-toddler book, and Book II for toddlers 5-15 months. One night, I was visiting my neighbor who had a 5 month old. When 8 PM rolled around, she said to me "let me put the baby to sleep, I'll be right back." I thought to myself, "oh, no, this is not going to be quick." Within two minutes, she was back in the living room, turned on the monitor, and we continued our conversation. I was amazed, to say the least, and asked her how she did that. That's when she told me about this book. I had never seen that before. Most kids need to be rocked to sleep! According to the book, the key to a baby's good night sleep is ensuring that the baby feeds very well during the day. While feeding, whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding, do not let the baby fall asleep. Tickle the baby's feet, or cheeks, etc., but ensure that he gets a full feeding. Most "baby wise" babies sleep through the night by 12 weeks of age. My son is 18 months and he slept through the night at 11 weeks, right before I had to go back to work. I also just put him in his crib, no rocking, washers, cars, etc... I don't think it's too late to try it... Good luck!

M., it sounds like your son has gotten used to sleep props and doesn't know how to sooth himself on his own. There is no easy way out of this, but it CAN BE DONE!!! It's going to take a few weeks of work and I suggest contacting Dana Obleman at Sleepsense.net. She is a baby sleep consultant and her book as well as her consulting service REALLY helped me. It was simply the BEST $100 I have ever spent. You get the book on line (which you will devour in just an hour or so) and then two support emails where you can ask ALL the questions you have. She's seen it all and will give you the strategy you need. I make no judgements on the Ferber method except to say I couldn't do it. It just stressed me out as well as my husband, my cats, and my kid! Really, Contact Dana or Heather Pizzo. Be prepared for some tough work and you will HAVE to be strong and consistent. There will be some crying, there will be some stress, but just remember that the greatest gift you can give your kid is healthy sleep and (and I'm sure I"m going to make people mad here, so sorry...) but co-sleeping was great when we lived in a tribe, but we don't anymore. Your child has to learn to sleep alone because he will for the rest of his life unless he is married for the rest of his life. Not to mention HALF of accidental children deaths in the US are caused by co-sleeping. The co-sleepers can rant all they want, but it's a darn fact, and that's that!

anyway, I have Dana's book in front of me but it was bout unfair to just type in here what she says to do (that would be kinda like stealing.) but pages 80 on to 103 have some really good techniques that should help. I promise you, it WON'T be harder than what you're already doing because once you see your strategy working, you'll have a huge swell of relief!) and then you'll get some sleep. Here are the sites:

Sleepsense.net (This is the one I used. Dana Obleman, she's my HERO)
Thebabysleepcoach.com (I don't know anything about her method other than she's very popular and gets a lot of press.)

Personally, I really liked Dana. She always answered my emails super fast and it made all the difference in the world.

I hope that helps and good luck!!

I totally agree with Ginny M. The book "On Becoming Babywise" is fantastic. The bottom line is that when the baby wakes in the morning you should feed him and let him play for and hour to an hour and a half and then put him in his crib awake. When they wake up you do the same thing. You do not want to feed a 9 month old right before he goes to sleep. Maybe an hour before so that when you lay them down to sleep their tummy doesn't hurt. They sleep much more soundly. Babies need to learn to fall asleep on their own and soothe themselves. Best of luck to you!!

M.,
I just recently put in the same exact request as you. Our situations sounded so much alike. Where do you stand? Has anything gotten better?

Hi M.,

Well, I don't care what doctors say...every child is different and some kids need more comforting than others. My oldest was the same way and my husband and I gave in and had her sleeping with us. You can certainly try having your baby sleep with you and slowly get him to sleep in his own room. It's a difficult task and every parent is sleep deprived. My daughter is 10 yrs old and we have a very close relationship. I also have another daughter who is 8 1/2 and I had problems with her too. Time is short and of course we all seek experienced people for help but they don't have kids themselves.

I hope this helps and good luck...it will pass.

M.

I have 18 month old twin boys and they have slept throught the night since they were 3 months old except when teething badly. Here's what I do.....They eat dinner at 7:00 - 7:30 p.m., then they play until 9 p.m. and by then they are asking to go to bed. I take them into their room at 9 p.m. I put their PJ's on, tuck them into their cribs, hand them a bottle of milk (which I go collect when they're asleep), and then (here's the part that really works) I turn on their TV to the "sprout network", I shut the lights and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind me. Within about an hour they are sound asleep, I go in, collect the bottles and turn off the TV. Sometimes, one of them will stir at about 3 or 4 in the morning, but I don't go to them, I let him reposition himself and he falls back asleep. I don't go to them unless they are really really crying and you know that cry. Some people say it's wrong to turn on the TV for them, but look I'm 48, I work full time and they're twins!! I must sleep. This works and it works so well that by 9 p.m. one of them is telling me he wants to go to bed. When I announce "nite, nite time" they come running. It's great. Everyone sleeps and everyone is happy. Hey, I too fall asleep with the TV on. There's nothing wrong with it. Good Luck

My girls all sleep with one of the Fisherprice crib toys. My 2 year old daughter has the Flutterbye dreams one and my 9 mos old has the Rainforest version. Since birth (ok--when they were brought home from the hospital), when I put them to bed and they are still awake, I turn it on. They watch the characters and lights and listen to the music and eventually fall asleep on their own. Now, when either one wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll hear them turn it on and then fall back to sleep on their own.

We also follow a bedtime routine that doesn't change much--the time that we start might vary, but the events are always the same: bath, lotion (love J&J's bedtime lotion), cup of milk or final nursing, snuggle time on couch with mom/dad, then put in bed.

I have not used the Ferber method and rarely have I let either one cry it out.

They've been sleeping through the night since 6-8 weeks old, but will wake up when teething or sick.

I hopw this helps!

I had a similar expereince with my daughter. Nothing worked...and I also tried EVERYTHING!

At 2, I took her for a pediaric sleep study evaluation and that to showed everything was fine.

At 2 1/2 a friend suggested an evaluation for sensory integration dysfunction. Simple terms: she is inable to process all of the sensory stimuli (hearing, seeing, touching,etc.) and is overloaded at bedtime and can't relax togo to sleep and stay asleep. Does your son exhibit anyother sensory issues, i.e. everything in his mouth, excessive tanrums. I know it is hard to separate normal 9 month behavior from sensory issues. If you are interested, goolge sensory integration dysfunction. There is a great book on it called. Sensational Kids by (i forgot the author's name she is a pioneer in sensory). My daughter is 5 now nd 100% fine after a year of therapy.

Good Luck!

Normally I don't respond to sleep issue questions if the parents don't want to co-sleep but since you have tried everything I feel compelled to give my 2 cents. Babies come how they come. Some are great sleepers from the get go and some respond just fine to sleep training. Other babies respond very badly and that is just how they are. Since your baby seems to be inflexible on this issue perhaps it's up to you and your husband to change your point of view rather than trying to change how your baby is. I am a huge fan of co-sleeping and my husband and I continue to happily co-sleep with our 22 month old (in a sidecar crib). There is a huge stigma against co-sleeping in our society which I think is a shame. Most people around the world sleep with there babies close by and it is how babies have evolved. Some babies do fine by themselves but should we really wonder at a 9 month old wanting to be close to his mother? I highly recommend The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. He and his wife had 2 babies who slept fine in cribs and then their 3rd child was a "wake ever 2 hours no matter what baby". That was when they discovered co-sleeping and are now huge advocates for it. This book has the best info on how babies sleep, how to help them sleep better and by proxy you too.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I am by no means an expert, but we used a modified version of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and it worked well. Maybe you are beyond that, but you could see if your local library has the book, and take a look. You only need to read the section that corresponds with your child's age. The author has a website, and I believe she also does phone consultations, so that might be a more affordable and less nuclear option than a nurse? www.sleeplady.com

Good luck. You'll get through this okay, and so will your baby.

My son did not sleep through the night until I put him in his own room, that was at about 4 1/2 months. It sounds like you don't have an extra bedroom, but I think it would really help if the baby slept in a different room than your older son. Even if its the living room, put him in a pack and play and see if that helps. I also have a kind of mobile that goes on the side of the crib, its called Ocean Wonders, I think. It allows the baby to turn it on and off and you can set it to be just music or a light with the seahorses moving inside. I think that really helped my son, not only because I turned it on at bedtime and he knew that meant time to go to sleep, but also, I would hear it on sometimes at night when he would wake up. I think it gave him the the security to lay there peacefully and go back to sleep. Hope this helps, I feel for you.

Dear M.,

I agree with Marion although it is tough to let them crying it out but it does work. I would try to stick with it for a few days and it will be over. Your baby will not hate you in the morning and you will be more rested. Keep us posted. Good luck and happy holidays.

Hi M.
first I need to dispel a myth: let me say that cosleeping is safe. Most accidents that happen during cosleeping are because the parents are intoxicated. I would hope that you never put yourself in that situation.
If you're looking for other ideas, one thing that worked for us is we tried changing my son's routine from having mommy go in and feed/walk/soothe him to having daddy go in and change his diaper - a decidedly less enjoyable experience/reason to cry.
at 9 months another question is whether he's teething; that always threw a wrench in whatever sleeping routine we had developed. perhaps the tiniest bit of orajel or a teething tablet will help him fall back asleep as you work to establish a new routine.
we also "supernanny'd" my son a few times where we would be in his room and sit next to his crib quietly (no eye contact, no playing, no speaking other than to say 3 or 4 times "it's time to sleep", or "night-night" - whatever) until he fell asleep. whether we physically touched my son to soothe him depended on how old he was. each day we would inch our way closer to the door while he was still awake, and if he freaked out we would move closer to his bed again. that way he knew we were always there, but he had to soothe himself. Eventually we were able to put him down and walk out.
Whatever you try, though, will take some time. I think my son needed about 2 weeks for any adjustment to go from chaos to normal.
Good luck!