I Need HELP! - Columbia,SC

Updated on July 11, 2010
T.L. asks from Columbia, SC
16 answers

My daughter will be 8 months old on the 26th. she got colic when she was 6 weeks old so i had to rock her to sleep & continue to hold her while she was sleeping... well months later i still have to rock her & i still cant put her down even after shes asleep or been asleep for a while. she does let me put her down at night, after rocking her to sleep and holding her for at least 2 hours after shes out. I dont know what to do to break her of this but shes taking 3 hour naps during the day and instead of doing things i need to do (cleaning house, washing clothes, and so on) I have to sit on the couch & hold her until she wakes up. when she wakes up if i put her down to do something she screams if i leave her sight due to seperation anxiety. I need advice & i need it quick. I've never seen a baby act like this and shes getting too big (about 22lbs) so rocking her & holding her all the time is wearing me out!!!!!

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So What Happened?

her dr told me to cry it out for as long as it took when i asked "what if she screams for hours" his response was "shes gotta learn some how" so i did it for a few nights, never failed that she would quit crying for a second id hear her vomit and then id hear her gagging & choking. id run in there turn her over, pat her on her back to get it out of her throat and she would be shaking horribly. as a mother i was horrified. some say its easier if daddy does it because it causes her less stress but daddy isnt home at night & if he is hes in bed by 5pm. i hope some of the things mentioned in yalls answers work.. this is getting very stressful. i know eventually she would break the habit all on her own but i really cant wait that long. i love my daughter with all my heart but i could really pull my hair out at this point.

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T.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

OMG!!! You seriously need to stop NOW!! Yes it will be hard but you need to let her cry it out. She has already gotten used to it and thats why when you put her down, she wakes right back up. I suggest you go buy one of those teddy bears or whatever that play mommys heart beat and put it in her crib for when you lay her in there and let her cry. It will soothe her but she will know it isnt you, so she will cry and YOU HAVE TO LET HER!! She needs to learn how to put herself to sleep. Good luck and you need to break this now, it will only get harder if you dont.

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

I think you may have to try letting her cry it out. I think that would be the easiest and quickest. The other option is to slowly wean her from it, but that may be harder on her.

1 mom found this helpful

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

I totally disagree with the Mommas who said crying it out is the only option. My son was also very needy as an infant. I had to hold him while he slept and couldn't put him down, same situation you're in. I slowly weaned him from having me all the time. My husband started laying down with him while he fell asleep the first week or so it sometime took an hour for him to go to sleep...but he wasn't crying he was reading stories and singing songs. Now I can lay down with him and he's asleep in about 20 minutes and I get back up and do whatever I need to do. Sometimes I enjoying taking a nap with him!! If crying it out is right for you, then fine. But if you don't want to CIO, there are other options.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

my daughter did this for a long time and I used to get so mad at people when they told me that rocking her to sleep was the worst thing that I could do but I felt that if I didn't then she would get ANY sleep which I felt was worse. So I did what felt comfortable for me which was to slowly ease her into falling asleep on her own. It might be a little harder because she is older but it will be worth while.
The first thing that you need to do is block out a week that you are going to do this and remember that it is not going to happen over night but you have to stick to it. Rock your baby until she is just about asleep then lay her down in her crib give her a kiss and say goodnight. Give her 10-15 min (or as long as you can handle) if she is still crying make sure she is not hungray or wet and rock her again but a shorter time. put her back in her crib and wait another 10-15 min. Keep doing this until she falls asleep. The first night is going to be the WORST and it will get easier as you go. Nighttime is the first one that you want to get under control and then you can work on naps durring the day
You also might want to have a bedtime routine that you do the same every night so that your daughter is prepared to go to bed. That way it won't be an abrupt seperation because she knows that the seperation is coming.
One other thing you might want to try is to try different stuffed animals or blankies that she sleeps with until she finds one that she likes. THis will help her learn how to sooth herself
One thing that I have learned since having my daughter is that they have to be taught EVERYTHING and we are the ones how have to do it. You just need to keep at it and it WILL come. Stay strong and good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

step away from the baby, ma'am.
you don't have to cold-turkey her. she can either be in a snugglie or play nearby while you do what you need to do, but constant holding? no way.
put the baby down.
you can sit with her, rub her back, sing to her, be close to her while she falls asleep. she doesn't have to figure out how to do without her mama. but mama needs to put that baby down.
good luck.
khairete
S.
ps...having read your update? i really hate your doc.

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N.R.

answers from Atlanta on

As heart wrenching as it may be you are going to have to let her cry it out
The only thing bad about it is is YOU will be heart broken but she needs to become
Independent. My Daughter did same thinhg but my Dr. Said its the only way

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J.A.

answers from Dallas on

I am currently in the same boat with my 6 month old althought I am able to put her down on our bed sometimes if I nurse her laying down until she falls asleep and then slowly slide away. But since she is now 6 months old it is time for sleep training. I've read 5 baby sleep books over the past few weeks and I like "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West (the only one I've read actually written by a WOMAN who has dealt with this herself). I am in the process of starting sleep training and it does involve crying but you stay in the room with the baby while they learn how to put themselves to sleep. It sounds like it will get the job done but in a more "touchy feely" kind of way which appeals to me. It takes longer than traditional cry it out...up to two weeks where cio is about 5 days. Good luck! I am hoping this works for me because my house is a wreck and I need to get some things done!

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R.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Will she fall asleep in a stroller? You could take her for a walk until she falls asleep, and then let her keep sleeping in the stroller while you do your housework.

I hope this helps!

H.S.

answers from Savannah on

This is gonna sounds so wierd I know but my sister had two babies like that, well one is 2mons now but what helps them is the sound of a vacum, the annoyin sound the tv makes when the cable is off and the biggest one that works is the sound of water runnin, they could be screamin and as soon as they heard the water in the sink they stopped instantly, itz amazing lol but its worth a shot.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

Dear God I hope you changed Dr's. Check out this link.

31 WAYS TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP EASIER
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

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D.W.

answers from Dallas on

My oldest son had similar issues. A family member told me about the book The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg- I swear it worked. It was a little tough the first day but I stuck to it and did it exactly the way the book recommends and it was like a miracle with in 3 days! I also bought The Baby Whisperer solves all your Problems by the same author- you can look up questions specific to what you are dealing with by age and I still use that occasionally as a reference. It is great b/c she does not believe in sticking your baby in the crib and letting them cry it out- she guides you to teach your baby how to go to sleep by themself. You will be amazed how much better you will feel when you are able to put your baby to sleep and have a few minutes for yourself! Good Luck!

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

You have to find the approach that you are comfortable with. Crying it out has degrees to it - not at all to cold turkey so there are many variations....
You could try wearing her in sling to give her the closeness she craves (and I believe she needs) as you get some time back. You can try a swing (mine loved to nap in hers). Then when you do put her down you can give her some time alone - even if she fusses, give her a couple minutes - or stay close by and rub her back... do it in steps. I also had luck with music. I played a classical CD for my kids at nap and sleep time - or a sound machine. It signals time to sleep for them. Good luck!

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm a dad and grand dad. I learned that if I put my kids down with them wrapped in a blanket or quilt there wasn't the shock of cold blankets in the bed/crib.

We had a chair swing that we had to wind up (1975 or so). New ones are battery operated. It would rock the kids back and forth and they would fall asleep. Sometimes they started out crying or screaming, but the rhythm of the swing would have them asleep in just minutes. My #2 hated it because he didn't want to take a nap and it always made him go to sleep.

If they tend to wake at the slighest noise, play CD's of good music in their room when they sleep. Turn the CD player on when you go into their room with them to lay them down. My kids did the best with Brahms, Beethoven, and Mozart, but they liked waltzes regardless of the composer. The best thing about the classical music was the kids developed a respect and love of classical music.

Good Luck to you and yours.

A.J.

answers from Dallas on

You got a ton of good advice below. As a single mom of 4, I can tell you that it gets so much easier after this big bedtime hurdle. I have a 2yr old daughter who mirrors your daughter's story exactly except I didn't have the time with two older kiddos to rock her so she usually slept in a sling on my chest or in a vibrating bouncer on her stomach (I had to use a little pillow to put in the seat so she could lay against it but it worked well and I was still able to strap her in).

As she got to be a year old I made her a little body pillow she could cuddle and that helped a ton. She still asks to be held frequently but now is old enough to understand basic boundaries and rules so she doesn't throw a tantrum if I'm unable to hold her.

Hang in there, you are the momma and whatever option you finally go with will be the right one!

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M.M.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

Please read "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I believe there is also a website babywhisperer.com. She's got a fabulous method for helping babies with separation anxiety get to sleep on their own at night; its a process, it will take some time (days, possibly weeks) but her methods do work - they worked wonders for us with our son. Good luck!!!

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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

I have 4 kids and never did CIO. 3 of my girls had severe colic and my 17 month old is sick with kidney problems. I am well aware of sleepless nights and having to hold babies half the night.
In reguards to what you are going through now, I am also. My 17 mo old is a VERY light sleeper. During the day I rock her until she falls alseep. I have her wrapped tightly in a blanket and I tuck a blanket around her to prevent her moving around too much. Even though your little one can lift her head, you may want to use a sleeping wedge instead of a blanket. At night if she doesn't fall asleep by rocking, we co-sleep. Usually she falls asleep within minutes and then I put her in her crib like I do in the day. Most of the time, this will work. To help you deal with the separation anxiety, you may want to keep a car seat available or your stroller. I used to wheel her around (when I couldn't carry her due to my surgery) into the room I was in so she can still see me. I also put a pack n play in my room next to my bed to make things easier for me.
One bit of important advise I have to offer is to NOT let yourself become so exhausted that you can not deal with your baby. Have a friend, parent, husband , what ever, come and help you during the day so you can get a nap undisturbed. Rest is so important when dealing with a child who needs extra attention.
I wish you luck. Let us know how you are doing.

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