I Need Advise, - Pacoima,CA

I do wish you hadn't deleted your post because without Wild Woman posting the original, no one could now give you any useful advice. Thanks, WW, for doing that, and I assume for breaking it into paragraphs to make it easier to read.

Diane B and Girlie said it all. My only addition is to encourage you to get the paternity tests done for BOTH of your children (so there will be no question that he's the father) and get legally-determined child support and a visitation schedule set up. As AKMom said, your kids need their father as a parent in their lives, and that need is more important than your understandable desire not to have him in your life at all. Make space for him to be the father you know he is capable of being, so when his current infatuation settles in, your kids can benefit from his presence. That doesn't mean you should have him in your homespace now, or ever, just that you need to use the legal system so the kids can spend time with him as well as being financially supported. Good luck with it!

Unfortunately you can't make him be the man he should be. If he stresses you don't let him come around during your pregnancy. He doesn't have to be in the delivery room if you don't want him. The important thing right now is the health of you and your baby and little girl. He is probably infatuated by this new girl right now. Once he gets further in a relationship with her he will turn into the person he was with you. Right now you can't worry about him. Just take care of you and your children.

You need to sue him for child support. Please don't be one of these women who says I don't need him. No you don't need him but he has a responsibility to his children. The burden of raising your kids shouldn't be totally on you. Good luck and I hope you will have a health and happy baby..

I agree with Girlie that having him involved with you (in the delivery room, for example) is entirely different from having him take responsibility for his children (both financially and in terms of visitation).

He's immature, obviously, and he's verbally/emotionally abusive. Some women can get past the cheating part if the man is truly remorseful, but your ex is not only continuing with this behavior, he's rubbing your nose in it by talking about how great his gf is (vs. criticizing you). So he's not going to change, at least not for many years, and there is nothing you could have done to change this.

But why isn't he paying you child support for both the 2 year old and the baby to come? No, you don't "need" him to do that and you are financially able to handle it, but why should he be off the hook? And, if he's going to see your older child, how do you plan to explain to both children that one sees Dad and the other doesn't? I don't think that visitation is a reward for child support, but I don't think it's something you can hold over his head just because you are (justifiably) mad at him. So picking up the 2 year old and taking her for the day is one thing, but "hanging around" is NOT! He does not need to be in your home - just pick her up at the door, and he can provide a crib and food and diapers and some clothes and toys for her so you aren't jumping through hoops packing everything all the time. Obviously he won't take the baby for a while especially if you are nursing, so work that out with a lawyer. But he's not entitled to sit around your house to bond with the baby either. Maybe you can find a neutral party to help out for an hour or so.

I'd get a court order for limited (and supervised, if necessary) visitation and regular child support. His paycheck can be garnished and the money deducted by the state if it's going to be a problem getting him to pay on time. And child support doesn't "entitle" someone to visitation. They are separate issues.

In any case, seeing his children and being responsible for them has nothing to do with getting your family back together.

Get a good lawyer and get this figured out before the baby comes. You need to be protected financially, and that includes medical benefits for the kids (and maybe you), plans for a savings account for things like braces and college, and much more.

I read your question earlier.

I've been really messed up over a guy, and made bad choices. Thankfully, we didn't have children together. It was a doomed relationship that went on much too long (I took him back) and at some point I realized I deserved better and was doing it to myself (all the misery). Drama is misery - as you are experiencing.

As the others have said, put him behind you and move on. Think of it as if he's not in your life in a romantic way, then that leaves room for you to grow and eventually meet someone who is good for you - and your children.

Don't let him off the hook for child support. That's just crazy. Think with your head about that, not your heart. Just be smart.

Children deserve a father - so long as he's loving towards them. You two don't have to be an item for him to be involved with your kids.

Best to you. Get off the roller coaster and be kind to yourself. You deserve better and your kids deserve a mom who is not caught up in this nutty relationship.

you can either get child support from him or he can sign away his parental rights and you can be totally done with him. you need to decide if you want to fight for the child support or not. get a lawer and discuss these matters with them.

Put the man behind you.
And don't get involved with another man for a few years until you heal emotionally.
Concentrate on your kids and raising them.
You are jealous that he's moved on so quickly to another women.
Well, he's no prize and she's welcome to him.
Good luck to her - because he's only going to do to her what he did to you - and he'll do it to a whole string of women, most likely leaving babies all over the place, and possibly some STDs as well.
It's better to be alone than to be wishing you were.
Just take care of you and your kids and spit in the eye of the next 10 men that try to come sniffing around anywhere near you.

First of all you have to separate your own hurt feelings from the issue, yes he hurt you but that should not get in the way of you both being open to being the best co-parents you can be for your children. Just because he is now with someone new does not mean he stops being the father of your children. I know it is hard but you need to let go of your own hurt over how things ended and focus solely on what is best for the children, which is hopefully to have two adults who can behave as such and put their needs first. Of course you only have control over yourself here and can not force him to step up, but you can make sure he understands that you will not stand in the way of him having a good relationship with his children, you said yourself he was a great father before.

Now it is time for you get your legal ducks in a row, get custody/visitation and child support lined out clearly in a legal custody agreement. If he wants DNA tests then let him get them, I know many take that kind of thing personally but it really says more about his distrusting nature then you so just let him do what he needs to do to feel confident in his paternity and then get the documents you need to hold him legally responsible for his children.

All that said, there is no reason for him to be there during delivery, you are the patient during that time and you don't need extra stress. He should, however, be notified once the child is born.