Hello ladies. I need some advice. My DD just turned 8 mths old. I have been struggling since after the Christmas vacation to get her sleep back on track. Before the vacation, she went to bed before midnight (yes, I know that's a bit late.), but since our return home, she has been impossible. I have tried everything I can think of to get her back on track but am coming up short.
I have been keeping track of her sleeping, nighttime & naps, since mid-January. When I graph everything out, she seems to be getting on some form of a sleep cycle, but it is TOTALLY not compatible with what I am wanting.
I was wondering how to get her on a schedule. Ideally a 7am wake-up and a 10pm down for the night would be WONDERFUL!! I know what her tired cues are, so getting her to sleep is usually not a problem. She is breast-fed, and a co-sleeper the majority of the time. She has NO self-soothing abilities whatsoever!!! (If it's not Mommy, she is NOT going to sleep!!) Do I wake her up at 7am for several days to get her on the am schedule? Is there any advice you ladies can give me that will help me get my DD on a schedule?? I know it won't be exact, but I would love a little predicability. I have no ideas how to keep her awake when it's NOT naptime, too late for a nap, or too early for bed. I have no ideas about what to do for a nighttime routine. I'm at a total loss. Any advice would be GREAT!!!
********An added note: Thanks, first off, for all the wonderful responses everyone has given me so far!! I've definately got some reading & thinking to do. A couple of you had some questions/comments that I thought I should elaborate on. By co-sleeping, I mean she sleeps in the bed with me. This is definately something I want to end. I miss snuggling with my hubby!!! I do put her in her crib after she's good & asleep, but it never lasts the whole night. My hubby & FIL work for the same company & work the same hours/day. Here's their schedule:
Sun - 6a - 2p
Mon - 2p - 10p
Tues - 2p - 10p
Wed - 10p - 6a
Thurs - 10p - 6a
Fri - off
Sat - off
Since my FIL lives w/ us, we do NOT have a room for our DD. We live in a 3 bedroom mobile home. My 11yo daughter does NOT have the room for her sister's crib, unless we stripped her of 95% of her stuff, which I don't think is right. Moving into a bigger place or FIL moving out are NOT options. We can't afford anything else. For these reasons, DD has to have her crib in our room. With my hubby/FIL's schedules, they get home/sleep weird hours. (they drive 1.5hrs ONE way to work.) This is probably my biggest problem. They need their sleep, but so does my little one. She won't nap in the living room, but if I let her CIO in her crib, my hubby gets no sleep. He says that I should just do what I need to get her into a routine, but when it comes down to her crying, he breaks!! Hope this helps give a little bit more perspective. Thanks again!!!!
Hello again ladies. Just wanted to update everyone. Thanks for all the wonderful tips everyone gave me. Sleep has begun to return to normal around here. Unfortunately something bad had to happen to get me moving! My darling husband rolled over onto our daughter early on morning! Then that same morning, she managed to find the edge of the bed and rolled right off of it. My hubby said, "NO MORE!!" That night began my trial! Fortunately things have improved every single day. The first week was difficult with frequent night wakings. To begin the second week, my hubby and older daughter helped me out. My oldest girl gave up all her shelves, pretties, and junk to make space in her bedroom. My hubby moved the crib into big sister's bedroom. I was afraid because I can't hear the little one when I'm in my own bedroom. Anyways, I eventually got a baby monitor, so I can hear both girls at night. The littlest one is going to bed at 9:45pm and sleeping until around 6:15am, with NO night wakings!!! (Yes I know the bedtime is kind of late, but it's the best hour where the menfolk are either gone to work or not home yet. Less distraction!!!!) I'm in the process of slowing moving her bedtime earlier, using the 15mins method every couple days. Let me tell you......having my bed all to myself with only my hubby is WONDERFUL!!! Thanks again for all your wonderful advice!! You're all amazing!!!!
I highly recommend the ebook on naps and schedules and sleeping - it has tons of sample schedules and lots of great info and advice. Her name is Nicole Johnson and her website is picknicksbrain.com
She does consulting, has blogs, and some free info online as well.
Good luck!
You need change her schedule gradually so she almost doesn't know you are doing it. Try to put her to bed earlier and wake her earlier in 15 min increments ie: if she goes to bed at 11:30, put her to bed at 11:15, if she wakes up at 9:00, waker her at 8:45. Do one increment ever 3 or 4 days. Of course, if she has a growth spurt, this may be thrown off.
It takes consistency. You do not need to let her cry it out (I was a nursing co-sleeping Mom with all my boys), you just may have to be ready to go to bed when she is.
Keep the naps sacred...be at home, not out running errands. This will help set the schedule.
Good Luck
I sympathize and I wish you luck, but in my experience, their bodies just have to guide them. I don't think you can successfully keep a baby up when her body sends her chemical signals to sleep. Her body is a complex machine that is very very busy growing, forming neural pathways, learning... and when it needs to do certain functions, she has to sleep. When those are ready to rest, she is up. It is not behavioral, it is biological.
Of course, her body coudn't care less what your plans or needs are, but that's motherhood for you.
I would start by waking her up at 7 if that is the time you want her up. Just do it every single day without fail and her body will adjust the rest of the schedule to that. At this age she still needs 12-15 hours of sleep per 24 hr period and it will get that as it needs, but at least you'll have the wake-up time you want. If she gives you this, though, you should compromise by not keeping her up when she is tired or it will never work and you will have a cranky baby whose physiological needs are not being met.
Good luck to you.
Hooray for bf-ing and cosleeping!
Every family is different. I can tell you what worked for my family.
Also, I don't know that you're wanting a "schedule" so much as a "routine". An 8mos old baby needs more sleep than 10p-7a will let her get. I would guess something closer to an 8p-7a night with a 2hr nap after lunch. At this point, my 2y and 5y both sleep from 8/8:30 - 7a every night. Neither of them nap any more, but they both sleep through. At 8mos, they were both still sleeping quite a bit.
I agree with those who stressed consistency. I don't go in and wake my kids...never have. What I have done is opened the door a bit more, turned a hallway light on, and made a little more noise than necessary. I would recommend making sure your house is very light during the day. When you want her (body) to start winding down for the night, close shades, less light, etc. I also have black-out fabric in the window. Having a regular bed time routine can do wonders for getting her to sleep (closer) to when you want her to sleep.
As you're bf-ing, I will say that as long as you're changing/messing with her sleep -- do not change anything in your nursing relationship. Let her deal with one change at a time. Most everyone prefers transition to multiple sudden changes, babies are no exception.
I don't know what kind of co-sleeping you are doing...in the bed with you? Side-carred? A separate bed altogether, but in the same room? These are all considered "co-sleeping".
For my babies, sleeping habits seem to change around the time they start crawling (and teething!). That this happened for you at Christmas time may have caused some of the extra...fun :-)
What worked best for us was to side car a twin mattress. I could nurse my baby to sleep and then get back in my bed afterward... I had a bed rail on the outside of the mattress so baby couldn't roll off (easily).
Sometime around 1yr of age I intro'd a water sippy and a soft "lovey" into the bed. Just some thoughts.
HTH and again every family is different. In the end, YOU get to decide what is best for your family.
K., mama to
Catherine, 5y
Samuel, 2y
EDD, 9/09
Analyn, I like your insight. As the elder sibling in your scenario, I never wanted children because my parents considered me a built-in sitter. I love my son, but he was unplanned and is an only child because by the time I met someone worthy of my egg, he was too old.
Hi J.,
I agree w/ many of the below responses...do one or two things every 3-4 days so as to not completely throw her off. The key is consistency. Start w/ the morning routine first - wake up at 7...have wake time for 2 hours, then nap time. Nap time 1-2 hours, then wake time for 2 hours. I HIGHLY recommend Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Weisbluth. He goes over several situations that will work. For bedtime, definitely keep it consistent - every night...I believe bath time at night (start at 6:30/7) is soothing & calming & they sleep better w/ clean bottoms & body :) Take a bath, read a book, nurse, put to bed. We did not do co-sleeping w/ our 2 1/2 yr old son, but the co-sleeping may be why she's not able to be on a good schedule. Waiting for you to be in there could create anxiety & expectations for her down the road that might be difficult for everyone to meet. We found our son slept better in his own room at 7 weeks - slept longer at night. Remember, do the same thing every night...and try to rotate w/ Daddy...she will learn that she is loved & well cared for no matter who puts her to sleep. Good luck!
I highly recommend any of the books by The Baby Whisperer. It's a silly nickname, but she really knows her stuff. It's called the E.A.S.Y method and will help get your daughter in a good routine.
Good luck!
Hi J.,
First do do it gradually. Second if you can I recommend "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. She helps guide you through routines and nap training. It is not an overnight fix but will require a week or so of consistent reprogramming.
Good luck,
H.
I know every child is different, but going to bed at 10pm for an 8 month old sounds a little late to me. My daughter goes to bed 6-7pm and wakes up 6-7am and has been doing so since she was 7 months old. Sure, she's had some disruptions and hasn't always slept through the night, but maybe your DD's problem is she's too tired? I know my daughter's sleep schedule always got really off track any time she was over tired.
Good Luck!
Without knowing her sleep schedule now, it's hard to say how much to move it. I would try getting her up at 7. Get outside, play hard, playdates, lunch, nap, up after 1 or 2 hrs., more busy (I know your 11 yo is probably coming home by this point so maybe baby would love to play with sister before homework). After supper (early-maybe 5) give her a long relaxing bath and try for 8:30 bed. That might require a lot of winding down. Good luck. I'm a night person so I'm still not happy about early hours ! My kids are 8 yrs. apart so it's hard to do a lot for the baby and not feel like you're neglecting the older.
babies need more than a 10-7. Heres what we do. 7 am wake up, 1 till 3 nap time...sometimes its only an hour..if its less than an hour we just wait, i let him wake up on his own before getting him. At 8 pm he is in bed and I dont get him again till 7. We are not co-sleepers so I dont know if this will work for you. His room is dim, black out shade, night light, noise maker and the tempture of the room is comfortable. Good luck hope you find your answer.
in my opinion, co sleeping is fine. i didn't do it myself, but for those who do they find baby and mom get more and better sleep. i would recommend the book "healthy sleep habits, happy child" by dr mark weissbluth. go directly to the section for her age group and do the "action plan for exhausted parents". read the section before and after if you need more info. i was advised to read this when preg w/ my first and i thought is was too much. then i had an 8month old who wouldn't sleep. then he turned 10 mo and so on. i finally did what it said and he was sleeping thru w/in 5 nites! now both my kids are in bed b/t 7-8, and sleep till 8am. they are 6 and 1. we have little bumps after vacation or visitors or illness, but that is true of any child. basically, by 4mo your baby knows nite & day, and her brain has developed adult-like sleep patterns. if you are reading her tired cues, you can "tweak" her sleep to a desirable hour in gradual increments by putting her down 20-30 mins earlier for a few days, then back up another 20-30 and so on. you have to have a supportive spouse as there will be crying, but results are very quick. please do not feel guilty if your baby cries. she cries b/c she loves you and wants you around. but she needs sleep. and so do you! well rested moms are less stressed and happier. co sleep away! snuggle that baby.
NO CO-SLEEPING would be my first thing, her room and bed. It is time. A warm bath and cereal and then milk so cuddle time and then bed. Soft music and light. Do not go in when she wakes up let her cry back to sleep. Hard I know been there but it works and that is the important thing at this point.
I will tell you only what worked for me...it was a version of CIO. I actually read the supposed "horror" book by Dr. Ferber and followed his advice. I didn't do this until my son was almost 16 months old and I was an exhausted wreck. My daughter co-slept the first couple of months in a co-sleeper attached to our bed. Then we moved her to her room and having her own space and helping her learn to self soother earlier has been great for her sleeping. (My son is still a horrible sleeper at 4 1/2). If your daughter is in the same room with you and your DH...could he use ear plugs?
Good luck...sleep issues are the worst!!!
I highly recommend getting this book - The Contented Little Baby: The Simple Secrets of Calm, Confident Parenting by Gina Ford. This has everything from sleeping, feeding...ect. I have used this method since my daughter was two months old and she has been sleeping from 7 to 7.
7am 8oz breast milk
8am fruit
11am vegtable and fruit with 4oz breast milk
2pm 8oz breast milk
5pm vegtable and meat
6:30pm bath
7pm 8oz breast milk
Nap times will very but my daughter sleeps from 10am to 11am and 12pm to 2pm. Whatever the nap time don't let them sleep from 4pm to 7pm. Keep them the center of attention and they will go to sleep for sure in their own bed and sleep thru the night!
Good luck...let me know how this works for you!
Your story is all to familiar. I have heard very similiar stories from families of my preschool program, who have children that are breast-fed and co-sleepers. Sleep is crutial to your little ones brain development, as is a consistent routine and schedule. It is wonderful that you are in tune with her cues, but I would recommend that you begin by waking her in the morning. Start out by reading a few books and having queit time together, then breakfast, then free play time. Children at this age learn through there senses (smell, taste, touch, hear, and seeing) think sensory/science activities. Dish pans are great for providing children with hands on activities. You can fill them up with colorful toys for her to dump out and fill up on her own (cause and effect) or you can fill them up with messy things like pudding/cooked oatmeal, cooked noodles with spoons and containers for her to explore. Cooked playdough is even great (be prepared for a mess possibly even body art) Sensory activties are soothing and calming for children. A good way to keep her awake so she can stay on a schedule is bathtime. It is great anytime of the day and again is a sensory experience. Lotion is a wonderful sensory experience, sit with her and pump lotion in her hand teach her how to lotion up her arms and legs. Then have lunch. After lunch turn on quiet sleepy time music and get that little one to sleep. You will both be much happier if there is a good sleep routine and schedule. It would be ideal though if she was transitioned to sleep in her own bed. Easier said than done! Hope this helps. Good Luck and remember her brain needs sleep, 12 to 13 hours is ideal for her age.
C. K
