I "Mentally" Feel like an Old Mom

There are plusses and minuses to being young mom. Don't feel bad.

I wish I had experienced my 20's instead of experiencing diapers, wipes, vomit, and spit up. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but I missed out on a few things by having my first at age 21.

I also made lots of mistakes that I think I wouldn't have made as a parent if I'd waited.

You did it right. ♥

I'm 47 with a seven year old. I don't feel like an 'old' mom. I do however see women in their twenties with kids and think (to myself) - wow - they are WAY too young to have kids. Knowing everything I do now - I would have had DS at the same age I did.

Yes. I feel it all the time. I was 40 when my dd was born and she is very active. Sometimes I feel too old to keep up. Most people think I'm in my early 30's so that's a good thing but some days I feel like I'm in my 50's. I do wish I were younger when she was born but I wouldn't change a thing. She is the light of my life. When I feel that way I just think of what I didn't have in my early 30's, including her, and that makes me feel a little better.

I'm 49 with a 10 year old.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I know young moms and older moms.
I think some younger moms lack life experience.
I think some older moms lack energy.
I did everything I wanted to do before I had my child.
No regrets.
I have a unique perspective on these "huge" issues that come up.
We know about 3 families where the mom walked away from their kids.
Most likely a result of a youth put on "hold" until the kids were old enough to "fend" for themselves.
We're financially secure.
Wouldn't change a thing.

I suggest that a lot of what you're feeling is more about the age then about the kids. The kids just give a way to focus on it. I was not a mom when I turned 40 and I felt anxious about my age. Felt young at 39, old at 40 and had no kids. Same with 29 and 30. At 49 and 50 I did have an adopted daughter by then but I wasn't involved with other moms so much. Same with 69 and 70. "Young" at 69 and an old lady at 70. LOL For me it's the decades that make me feel old.

The angst only lasts a year or so and then I was right back to feeling OK at the age I'd become. I was anxious about age all thru 69 but now that I've been 70 for several months my equilibrium is back. I focus more on what I've gained by my age and work on letting go of what I've missed.

Well, I definitely have you beat. I was turning 42 with the birth of my last baby. I'm now 52 with an 11 and 14 year old. I get asked all the time if she is my grand daughter, or am I the grand mother. I'm definitely the oldest mom at school, but that also means I'm probably the most mature and none of the personality quirks and gossip bother me at all. Ever. I'm comfortable doing my own thing. And all those younger moms, keep me young too.

Noooooooooooo! Don't do this. You would be this age whether you had kids or not. Parenting is not making you older. I'm gad you see it's only psychological.

Sure, sometimes everyone wishes they were younger and had more time to rewind the clock and....go back and...whatever....but age is age for everyone. Many young moms are frustrated that they haven't lived enough before their kids dominated their lives. Many young moms wanted to travel or pursue a fabulous career but now accept that they can't until much later if finances are tight and kids are the focus. Many people in their 40's are living with the fact that they'll never have kids.

Would I trade being 43 with a 7, 5 and 3 year old? Nope. I'm the same person I've always been only wiser. I had lots of time to run around and live life before I was blessed with my kids. I stay in shape and keep current and the kids are great inspiration for me to do that. I'm getting my Zumba training certification at the end of the month just for fun since I go all the time anyway. I don't seem old at all compared to my kid's friend's moms. And that's in a rural area where most of the other moms are at least ten years younger than me.

But back in the city where I spent my twenties and mid-thirties....the parents are all in their 40's with young kids because they focused on career first. Some young parents feel "old" at 40 because their kids graduate and then they're "middle aged" with graduated kids so they act older than people with younger kids do. I just found out a parent like this who I thought was about 60 is only my age.

You are still young!

I'm sending you a hug.
I'm 42, my son is six and yes, some days I just want to get out of this older body and get back my younger, thirties, more resilient one. The one that doesn't ache after an hour of gardening.:) The one without the sore hip. The one with about 20 less pounds.

At least I'm smarter than I was in my 30s! And a much better person, so likely a much better parent than I would have been. I'll settle for that!

There is nine years between my middle two kids so I feel ya! I had my first son at 20 and second at 31, girls were 22 and 33. Don't ask, I have a few disorders that compel me to keep things even...I digress.

I was the young mom and I am the old mom. I am very glad I was completely unaware how stupid I was the first go around. I managed to raise two rather exceptional adults but I was kind of flying blind.

That is, well at least in my opinion, what makes you feel like an older mom. You look at some of the younger mom's decisions and scratch your head. You think what are they thinking and then you feel like your own mom! Nothing makes you feel older than feeling like your mom, ya know?

Not much you can do about it. :)

Don't knock yourself down. I would never encourage anyone to have a child before 30. 20s are for education, starting your adult life and having fun as an independent adult, in my opinion.

At 30, you have already "sowed your oats" and can really focus on enjoying your child without missing that freedom of going out whenever you please like I think a younger mother may sometimes feel.

I had my son at 34 also and I don't feel like an old Mom. Most of my sons peers have mothers in mid 30s-early 40s. Maybe it's just my area but I don't feel like my age group is outnumbered by moms in their 20s.

Enjoy it!

I laugh reading your post because I frequently lament "if only I'd had my exact same kids 10 YEARS LATER!" Seriously, I do this.

I'm 43 and mine are 19 and 16. Yes there are benefits to this, for me. For my sons' sake, I think I would have been a better mom if I had started at your age. But it's all a moot point, because we wouldn't have the exact same kids in either scenario, would we?

I know what you mean about 40.

ETA: 4 months in Europe . . . freaking awesome!! I had to wait until I was 42 to visit Europe for the first time!!!!!

YES!!!! I'm 41 with a 4 month old!!!! And a 3 and 5 year old. I didn't meet hubby till I was 29, and then we waited till we had a house and were more financially secure before having kids.... I'm glad I waited to become a mom ---I had way too much fun in my 20s, but hanging around a bunch of 28-30 year olds make me feel old. I'm more active than most of them, and I don't look my age..

I don't regret for a moment my choice to wait. It was the best decision for me, but I sometimes feel like the moms I hang around are still kids themselves. I am a full fledged adult -a mom- in the old person sense. They just seem so young. It's lots of little things, and some big things, but I'm just not really where they are, even if we share a major stage of life.

I just turned 60, and am raising my 4 year old grandson. Add that I have fibromyalgia to that, some days I feel 100 physically. But truthfully the majority of the time mentally and emotionally I feel about 35.

Like you said, you feel older mentally. So change your outlook, concentrate on the good in your life and how blessed you are to be a mom. You have many good years ahead before you are old :)

Everyone in my neighborhood is in this boat. We all went to graduate school and waited until our 30s to marry and have kids. I'm in my 40s with kids your kids' ages. When I meet moms in their 20s, I'm always surprised they're so young. I'm glad I lived my life as I did before being saddled with the heavy responsibilities that come with parenthood.

You are the average age of moms around here. I am 42 with a 7 and 10 year old. Why on earth would you want kids in your 20's? When I was in my 20's I was in college, I was working my butt off to buy a house, I was out having fun, I was enjoying life as a married person and I still liked to sleep in! If I had kids in my 20's I would have had to work and put them in day care instead of being able to stay home and enjoy them. I waited until I had more time, more patience and more money to have kids. My mom was 46 when I was born. She felt old, but I think having me around kept her young.

Sure, I'm 44 with an 8 year old. Yesterday my daughter said, "Mommy, how old will you be when I'm 16?" I helped her do the math and gulp! Yeah, I'll be 52. When I was 16, my mom was just turning 40. Anywaaaay, it is what it is. Ultimately, I probably wouldn't change anything. My husband and I had 8 glorious years of marriage together before we settled down and had a child and we had a lot of fun. Wouldn't want to change that and our marriage is all the more stronger for it, too. And with age comes wisdom, so we have THAT going for us, right?! But really, the cliche is pretty true: 'age is only a number' ... IF you work to keep your body and mind young :)

I'm almost 43, and my youngest is 9. Sometimes I feel like an older mom, but other times I don't. It depends on where I am. The school district where my boys go to school is an affluent district, and most of the parents started their careers before having children, so whenever I'm around them I feel like I'm right on track.

The school district where I teach has many low-income families, and many of them had children younger. Many of my high school students have parents who are much, much younger than me. I feel a bit old when I'm around them, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I guess I've gotten used to it.

My oldest son is 15; I had him when I was 28, and I definitely had more energy when he was younger than I do with my youngest son. On a more positive note, though, we are much more financially stable, now, and are more confident in our parenting than we would have been if we had had our boys when we were younger. My husband is 50, and he complains about being an older dad sometimes, but when we reflect back on our lives there really isn't anything that we would change.

One thing I will add, I felt very old when I turned 40. It was more about dealing with my mortality than anything. Suddenly I realized I wasn't going to live forever and it totally freaked me out. That lasted for several months, and then I came to grips with my age, and since then I have loved my 40s.

Good luck working through your feelings! :)

Age is all relative says the "young mom". I had my kids young and know there are things I missed out on because of it, but it was my choice. Now at 36, I have a 17 & 15 yo. I wouldn't change any of it, even with a divorce after 14 years of marriage. I think there are a lot of young moms who flail trying to figure it out b/c they're not ready and are trying to remain young and I think there are older moms flailing b/c their life has changed so significantly from how they had it established.
My daughter and I frquently are asked if we're sisters. I laugh and she rolls her eyes. She looks older than her age and I look younger. I got carded at dinner the other night and the kids both laughed and pointed out they were both mine.
I think kids make you young and old at the same time. They add grey hairs while keeping your spirit young and make you appreciate the moments in life - the look when they're on stage and see you in the audience, singing the words incorrectly to the Top 20 songs in/out of tune, being taller than you and straightening the back of you hair b/c you missed a spot...
My kids had their last day of school today and as of 3:10, my son is a senior. He keeps saying he can't believe he's a senior and that he's getting old then looks at me and says you're really getting old! It's all relative.
I love the line from Strawberry Wine, "I still remember when 30 was old".

LOL! Wait til your kids are older teens! THEN you will feel old.

Many years ago my MIL told me that she was glad that she had kids when she was young and stupid and didn't know that she could mess them up, not knowing what she was doing. Sometimes I laugh, thinking about what she said and wish that I had had kids when I was younger too, though my kids are pretty great.

But even if I had had them when I was young, I'd still be getting old now!!

What are ya gonna do!

Wait, what? Am I an older mother?? I thought I was just normal! My timeline is almost exactly the same as yours. Anyway, stop living your life according to other people's references, and just live it your own way.

I am 42 with a 10 and 8 year old. My past days were very checkered and I even had a son at 24 (which I gave up for adoption). I am grateful I made it out of my past alive. Today I am stable, in a loving marriage and doing the right thing with my life. In answer to your question, yes there are days i am like jeez I am old but then i remember my life is such a gift.
Have a great day and many blesssings

Hi - I'm a 42 year old with a 3 year old and a 9 year old. I know what you mean...but it depends what other moms I am hanging out with. Some much younger moms do make me feel older! Some moms I feel just the same as them and do not think about it. Could it be the people you are hanging out with? I will say I am lucky in that I have a TON of mom friends who are all about the same age as me, so I'm not the only one around here who waited till I was in my mid to late 30s! I don't think about it very much at all (it sounds like you do?)...I would not change my life for anything in the world. I got to do the coolest things ever in my 20s till age 33...and go the coolest places...and have the coolest jobs. And finish my degrees. And have all sorts of adventures. If I had had kids in my 20s I would have missed out in all that and that would be a tragedy! Now ask me again when my youngest is starting college and I am...how old? Yikes! I might change my mind then. ;)

Lately I know what you mean and I feel like I look old all of a sudden! But having young kids means I don't get to "BE" old. There are people who have kids young and then go and have adventures after the kids are grown. But there are also people who had their kids young and once those kids are out of the house, the people get old. They "retire" way too young. My parents were older parents and they've always seemed younger than plenty of younger parents or at least the same age. They had no choice but to keep it going. And where I live, it's normal to have kids in your mid 30's to early 40's so not like I stand out at all. It's the young moms who kind of do and it seems unfair to them... And remember how long people live now. You will still have more years than you know what to do with after the kids leave home. 42 is the new 32... Look at it this way - you will be 56 when your youngest is 18. Men become first time fathers at 56!! 56 is still so young! Chances are you have THIRTY more years at that point... What are you going to do with them? That's my fear! :) Living to 86 as a female isn't unrealistic. My dad is 86 and still playing golf...

I married late.
My choice. I had had proposals when I was younger.
I had kids late.
My choice.
I did not want kids, right after getting married. It was 5 years after getting married, that I was then wanting kids.
So then we did.
I was older than you when I had kids.
My kids are 10 and 6.
I don't "feel" old.
I don't feel my numeric age.
Oh well!
MANY Moms at my kids' school, are in my age bracket.
Its the "normal" nowadays.
I don't look my age, but younger. This is per other people telling me this. So fine.
I guess, I don't have an age crises. Yet. or maybe I may not.
I don't regret my choices for when I chose to get married and had children.
Even now.

But age does do something to us I guess. Per preparedness for things, in reflection of our kids' ages versus our age, per any phases in life and how it is "supposed" to be etc.
But that is a personal thing as well. Per self reflection and per the comparisons with others, perhaps.

My "problem" is: maybe I think too "young" for my age.
I wonder about that.
I'm not immature. But I just don't feel my age and I feel younger. Sometimes I think I should think "older."
Oh well!

I'd say nowadays, you're actually in the norm.

I'm 45 years old with a 13 year old daughter. I didn't meet my husband until I was 29; married at 30; child at 32. I wanted kids earlier, but that wasn't how life worked out. When she's 18, I'll be 50. That's good timing, I think. My husband and I both went to college before we married, worked, did some traveling, had fun, did some of the things we wanted to do. When my daughter starts her adult life, I'll only by 50--and at a good spot in life to do a whole lot of things I've had to put on the back burner at the moment. But I'll still be young enough to pursue them.

I think feeling young/feeling old is very much a mind set. I'm glad I had my daughter at the age I did; I wouldn't have wanted to have her any younger or any older. I have a friend who is 44; her daughter is 3 years old. Thinking about taking care of a 3 year old at my age now--yeah, that would make me feel tired! LOL