I Just Found Out I'm Pregnant with My Fifth.

Updated on September 23, 2013
C.D. asks from Pflugerville, TX
29 answers

My oldest is four, second is three, third is 20 months, fourth is 7 months, and now I found out TODAY I'm pregnant again. My husband was great about it. I'm kind of a wreck though. It isn't the fact that we're having another...I was open to that. I'm just nervous about the reaction we'll get from family. They were already kind of rude after announcing our fourth. I actually even argued with my sister in law last time because she talked so horribly about me being pregnant again. Anyways, here we are again, and I'm terrified..
Why do I care so much about what people think?? How should we react when they are less than thrilled about this pregnancy?

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much to those of you with encouraging words! Someone asked if my fourth was a girl...no, he is a healthy sweet boy and he was such a fun surprise! To those who were less than encouraging...WOW. Someone said if I'm venting over how hard kids are why would I have another...I actually tend to be quite positive, but I am human, so yes at times I complain. It is hard. But ONE kid is hard. If I was afraid of hard, I would never do anything. Marriage is hard. Kids are hard, one or four. Running half marathons is hard. But these things have been the most rewarding in my life, so the hard is GOOD in my opinion. :)
Today I was doing dishes and kind of had an epiphany at my sink. I was still worried about what others would think of my being pregnant with my fifth (and no, not because of financial reasons as some of you thought, but because anything over two kids isn't accepted in our society) and I realized I'm not trying to please people but I'm trying to please God. I feel certain I'm doing this.
ALSO I have to say this, my kids are not deprived! They love each other! Siblings are the sweetest gift. :)
Thanks again to those with kind words, they are very much appreciated.

Featured Answers



answers from Baton Rouge on

It's not their baby. They aren't going to have to support it or raise it. Their opinions are irrelevant. Ans you can tell them I said so.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Just dont tell them for a while. Im always a fan of procrastination, especially of something unpleasant. Congrats!



answers from Detroit on

We did five kids under 7.
You are thrilled? Then that's what matters.
If others are not, ignore that.
Enjoy the family!!!

More Answers



answers from Tampa on

My answer depends on your situation. Are you handling the four you have well? Are you able to provide them with food, clothes and all of their basic needs without public assistance? Are you able to give them enough time and attention so that they are happy and well adjusted? If so, then no one else should be judging you.

However, if you are constantly frazzled and overwhelmed and rely on food stamps to make ends meet, then I can see why people would wonder what the hell you were thinking getting pregnant again.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Why the hard feelings? Are you struggling financially, or do you ask them to babysit?
I just don't see why they'd have an opinion one way or another unless you guys were having a hard time supporting and taking care of kids you already have.
As long as you have plenty of money, good health care, food and shelter (not to mention time and energy) keep doing what you want and who cares what anyone else thinks.
Though I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when the tween/teen years hit, oh brother are you in for it!!!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Congrats!!! I know it's a lot to process but I hope you are excited about it. Don't let your family, friends or strangers get to you. If you're happy about it, forget about them.

Maybe you can say "We're just trying to catch the Duggars. Five down, 14 to go."

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

((HUG)) Never mind the other folks - if you and your hubby are happy, then that is what matters here. It's your choice (or your surprise) - nobody else's. Not even your extended family's. YOURS.

If there are snide comments, either ignore them, or look the busybodies straight in the eye and tell them it's none of their business. Or if you're feeling wicked, smile sweetly and tell them that your ambition is to be able to field your own baseball team.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Well I can sort of relate. My husband and I were both divorced. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage and I have 2. When we started dating, I think both of our parents and family members felt overwhelmed by the thought of us starting a family with all these kids! It was quite an adjustment, I will admit. We had two 1.5 year olds, 4 year old, 5.5 year old, and 8 year old. And then we had an oops. I got pregnant and gasp...before we got married. We already knew how everyone felt so it was pretty hard telling them. We waited until I was showing before we had the courage to tell any of them, except for my sister, who knew from the beginning. I actually emailed my mom the news because I couldn't bare to tell her over the phone (my parents live in another state). Then I called my dad and told him to have mom read the email. It was pretty sad really, I was 31, a grown woman, and feared the wrath of my mother! My husbands family lives in town and we see them more often. His mom took it pretty well, but we knew she wasn't thrilled. So our daughter made 6. Our parents weren't shy to tell us that we needed a better form of birth control so it didn't happen again! And that they would disown us if we had another. When our daughter was 4 months old, my husband had a vasectomy. Although financially and mentally (me) having another child would be straining, I still felt like we were pressured into making it final, whether we wanted to or not.

Our daughter is 4 now and everyone loves her to pieces. We're a happy family with 6 kids. And I wouldn't go back and change it...ever!

Unfortunately, you can't change how your family is going to feel about it. You can just plan for the negativity and hope for the best.

Good luck with your family!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

As a mom, you need to be secure enough with your choices that none of that matters.

You are happy, your husband is happy, who cares about anyone else?

IF they say rude or mean things, let them know you do not appreciate their comments, this is YOUR family they are talking about.

If you honestly think is your last child, then send your husband for a Vasectomy. If you want more, then go for it if you feel you can handle it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

A lot rides on HOW you tell them, how you present it. I looked back at your previous post about being surprised by a 4th pregnancy. If you tell people you did not plan this pregnancy, you're saying "we cant really figure out birth control," not a good way to start this chapter of your lives. Just like another poster said, if you are stressed and frazzled with four, no one will understand your decision to have a 5th. Since you're already pregnant, you need to be positive when you tell your family. If you tell your family this child was an accident (even if that's true) then when your child is old enough to understand, he/she will hear about it. Teen girls in the family will hear about your mistake and be warned to use birth control! We always knew who the "mistakes" were in our family. Your child will feel unwanted no matter how much you shower him with love and attention! Even if you have to lie...start saying you wanted this child, you love parenting and you can't wait to have five! Think of it as saying it directly to this 5th child. And if you complain at all about too many children, too fast, you can complain to someone in your exact situation! You never know who is battling with infertility and doesn't want to hear how fertile you are!
Meanwhile find someone in your community who adores children and doesnt have any. Make honorary grandparents out of a couple whose grandchildren live far away or do not exist. Find a tween who WANTS to be a mother's helper. 11 yr olds work cheap but can take kids in the back yard to play, or watch them while you actually shower, shampoo and shave your legs!! You will need support and family sounds like they may not be the support you need, that doesnt mean support isnt out there...
Congratulations and good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from College Station on

Congrats!!! As long as you and your hubs and other kids are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks! I am sure you will get the rude comments of "you know how this happens, right" and "haven't you heard of birth control", but it is none of their business how many kids you have or how close together they are! Tell the that. Be rude about it if you have to. They certainly aren't holding back!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Congratulations. I think big families are wonderful. I have hundreds of cousins throughout the USA> my dad had a super large family.

I know I loved visiting relatives when I was a little kid. Your kids will grow up and have more kids and they'll have wonderful memories.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

Well, I can tell you what I did. We just didn't announce to the relatives until the very last minute. We could do that because they live far away.

You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. You don't have to argue with people who try to shame you (that's what they're doing). Distance yourselves, emotionally at least, from the critics if you can - or let them distance themselves from you. If that means not seeing the relatives or inviting them over, consider that you're doing that for health reasons. Your focus needs to be on a positive attitude within your own family at your house. You don't need the negative Nellies around, even if they're related to you.

And congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

I have 4. My 2nd was 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I told my husband that I didn't want to tell anyone for a while. My mom knows me too well and figured it out. I waited well past the 3 months to tell many friends and aquantances. At one point my mom asked me why I wasn't telling people and I told her that I knew I was crazy for being pregnant again already and I needed time to get adjusted in my own mind before I dealt with other people's reactions.

So my advice is wait until you are ready and when you are ready I'm sure you will have the perfect answer for any nay sayers. I know I did when I was finally ready!!

PS. I now love having 2 that close in age because they are basically built in playmates for each other. We waited 3 years after our first because of,work/finances and 3 after our 3rd before the 4th. I now wish we had had the all closer together!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Hi...I say if you and your husband are happy, then forget what everyone else thinks. As long as you take care of them and they are loved...that's all you have to do. I have 7 kids; 28, 26, 24, 17, 9, 7, and 3 1/2. I love them all the same. My daughter has 4 kids and they are 10, 9. 8 and 7. Yes everybody gonna say something, but you know what is right for you and you know how you want to handle your family. Congrats. to your growing family.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

ummm, hello....it's not about anybody else. This is all about you & your family....unless, financially, you are dependent on others.

The End.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Hi C.
I think if you can financially afford kids, then why not.. However, you haven't given much info as to why your family was so upset with your having the 4th.... That said, it's been my own experience that family doesn't get upset with multiple kids UNLESS something is behind it.. is your relationship with your husband solid.... and you haven't complained to family about him. I ask that because if your relationship has been rocky, then sure family would say.. why is she having more kids with that person. OR maybe you have seemed VERY stressed with 3 at that time and adding a 4th was thought to be a bad idea because family was concerned for your emotional well-being.. Again, we don't have much info, but my gut instincts tell me........ UNLESS you want to keep feeling like family is against you.. and hey, maybe they are all just big aholes... but if not.. then pull someone that you are close with aside and tell them about the pregnancy.... I think if you can talk it through with a family member and let them know how you feel, then maybe they will have a better understanding of your feelings...

good luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My first thought would be that they are only concerned. Five children under 5 is A LOT. I don't know what your finances are, but it takes a lot of money to raise that many children especially when they are so close in age. If you are able to fully support them on your own, more power to you! If you need help with food, clothing, child care or anything else, that is why they have an issue.

Aside from the financial is the emotional costs. They may be concerned that EACH child is not getting the emotional support they need. You are pregnant a lot, with young children, they probably wonder how each child is faring. I wonder! Not saying you are not a good mom, but how do you do it? Are they competing for attention? Does the 4 year get the short end of the stick often b/c the baby(ies) need feeding, diaper changes, etc? Does each child get a chance to shine on a regular basis? If you and your husband have managed to accomplish that....Cheers to you guys and rock on!

I think it is always hard not to care what others may think, especially if you doubt your decisions. I wouldn't tell them, they will find out when you start to show. Then I would explain to them that you are aware of the costs of having so many children close together and that you are prepared to handle it on your own. Tell them that you are grown, married and that it is between you and your husband. If they cannot respect that, they are free to distance themselves from you and yours.

If on the other hand you depend on them for help, complain to them when it gets too stressful or are on public assistance of any kind, I understand why they don't like it.

Congratulations mama and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

families are judgemental, and jealous. If they talk about your 4th, and you were able to care for it. They will talk about your 5th. Dont tell them. They will get it soon enough when your belly grows. When they ask about it, say its a baby, nothing new. They can deal with how they feel on their own, unless you use them for everything (babysitting, money, food). Then they have a say. You just sit and listen, go home and cry.

I have 3... they were close in age, with a little less than 2 years between them. By number 3 my family was making very bad comments.

I have money, means, and love. I am more financially set then all my siblings, and parents combined. I found that I maybe whined a little much with the difficulties of raising babies close in age, and they didn't like that much. I asked once or twice for babysitting for a day to myself, and apparently that gave them the ideal that they had to ALWAYS watch my kids. Funny enough I raised my brothers kid from Infancy to 2 years old with never asking a penny for doing it, cause he was my family, but yet you know I need to "really think about what I am doing" when I told them I am having #3.

When my sister, who I have bailed out multiple times financially, through out her life. Told me that having 3 will be so hard in the pocket book, what was I thinking. I decided, they will not be part of this babies life as much as the others, and she is not. She is jealous, I am sure. She had one and can not have more, and money-wise she cant afford any more.

Its your body, your baby, your life. If your having oops baby by #5, I am agreeing with the rest. I think it gives others the idea that you haven't learned sex ed yet, or you didnt think carefully about another one. It will get everyone talking whether you want them too or not. So pick up your chin, and have your baby. Dont let it bother you so much.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boise on

Why do you care? Because they are family, we always want our family to be excited for us, and unless they are the ones supporting you, they need to keep their negative responses to themselves.

It's your uterus, and what happens with it is no ones business. So when the questions start tell them that. In those exact words, most people shut up. If asked "You do know how that happens, right". Tell them "Yep, and it's a lot of fun!". To the ones who ask "Are you done yet". Reply "Nope, we're planning on at least 2 more." Doesn't matter if you are or not, it's not their business and if you do decide to go for more they won't be shocked.

Most important though is to not fall into their games. Do not argue with them, it's not worth it. They will always have an opinion, and it's really not for them to decide. If you are happy, then don't let them bring you down. Heck, you can do as others have said and just say nothing.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

What a sweet and busy family you guys are. I don't know what to say.... maybe wait a bit and tell them when your bigger........ LOL.
Hey, if you do it in a really cute and unusual way...........that may distract them from a negative comment. Have to think what tho.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

Do your parents support you and your children? If not, then they have no say in the matter. And even if they do have concerns for whatever reason, what are they going to do at this point? Ask you to get an abortion? What's done is done, so now just take responsibility and move on. AND if you do not want more children, look into permanent birth control!


answers from Washington DC on

aw, i'm sorry you can't just enjoy the happiness! if you're okay with it, i can't imagine why your family is being jerky. i'm assuming you can afford your family and can handle lots of littles.
try to do a little psychic shielding and ground yourself in your own and your husband's happiness. it's hard not to let the reactions of those close to us affect us, but your energy and that which you give to your developing baby needs to be as positive as possible. if you can't shield, stay away from them as much as possible and surround yourself with those who are supportive and positive.
:) khairete



answers from Austin on

I am an only child (and only grandchild) and when I told my family (parents, grandparents) that I was having my second child, they gasped horrified and said, "well...how will you take care of TWO children and WORK?!?!?" Obviously people will talk about you for something, no matter what you do:)

Where numbers of children are concerned though, I think people are usually concerned about one of two things, (1) the health of the mother (too many pregnancies close together robs a woman's body of vitamins and minerals and sleep etc) and (2) how well the children are cared for. For example, my friend has 4 beautiful children. Her husband makes a lot of money and has a flexible job where he is home helping a lot, she is a stay at home mom and her parents and his parents live close by and help shuttle the kids to all their after school activities. I don't think anyone has ever said anything to her about how many children she has...because they are all very loved, clean, well cared for, well behaved and aren't robbed of participating in activities. If I had four kids and one on the way, my children wouldn't fit into that category. I would be the parent with matted hair, wearing vomit covered clothing with dirty screaming kids trying to grab stuff at Wal-Mart. I don't have the resources (my own or my families) to raise more than two happy healthy, children. Thats why I stopped at two. If you have the financial, physical and mental ability to handle 5 children in six years more power to you...don't worry about what anyone says...once they see you can handle it they will get off your back.


answers from Hartford on

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Nevaeh, but it's not open for argument. We made an announcement to share our joy, so if you can't be positive about our announcement then don't say anything at all."

And then you change the subject every single time someone says something negative about it.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but we really didn't think we needed anyone else's approval regarding our family size or when we spaced our children apart. The topic is not open for debate. You can either leave my home or change the subject."

If you're at someone else's home, then you get up and leave if they don't take the hint. If it's over the phone, they get one warning and then you hang up on them.

"I told you that I'm not talking about this with you. I'll talk to you later."



answers from Santa Barbara on

i just looked at your others posts (asking for girl names for your 4th). Did you end up have a 4th girl? I love the 3 names you mentioned you named your oldest 3.

Anyway, no real advice for this question. If you and your husband are happy and can make it work, don't let them stress you out. If your SIL is watching your kids, then she has a right to say she can not handle watching more.

I know some wonderful mothers who can manage 6 kids. There are also some who are not great with one child.



answers from Roanoke on

I know some grandparents get overwhelmed with lots of grandchildren because they feel they can't give each of their grandkids the attention they would like to give. The more grandchildren they have, the harder it is to spend quality time with each one and to develop a close relationship with each one. (Because of either time constraints, physical fatigue, financial limitations, etc). So maybe some of the family's negative reaction comes from their own stress over their roles in the lives of your children.



answers from Albuquerque on

Are you religious? Did you marry in the church? You could just say it's in God's hands. When hubby and I got married the deacon talked to us about being open to having kids, however many God would give us. We also had a workshop thing where they talked about birth control options, with the rhythm method as being the only acceptable one. Good luck!



answers from New York on

I had a 3yo, 2yo, 1yo and a newborn. We wanted them close. People were obnoxious. At first I was going to say, just wait and don't tell. Then it looks like you are not happy about it.

I would say "we are so every thrilled and blessed to be able to announce that another little (last name) will be joining our family. We are all so over the moon.

PS. Oh and if you do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything"

Congratulations. It is a lot of work, but loved having them so close.i just did babies, babies and babies!

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