I Just Can't Go Back to Work!!!

Updated on June 04, 2008
K.N. asks from Wichita Falls, TX
22 answers

I had my daughter about 6 months ago and I began breast feeding right away. Well the nurse in the nursery gave her a bottle and when she came back to my room it took 2 hours of her screaming and me getting overwhelmed with helplessness to get her to latch back on and the nurse said that she is very sensitive so she got confused easy and advised that I keep her stricktly on the breast for a few months, I did this. well, about a couple of months ago we tried the bottle again and she refused, I left her with my mom, she still refused, I let my husband try while I went to the store, she refused, she was hungry but still refused and threw a HUGE fit(you know, where they cry and hold their breath and their face gets beet red and you just wanna cry too because you can't make it better). Well anyway I got a job at a local hotel and I broke down in tears and had an anxiety attack thinking about leaving her with someone and that she wouldnt eat. so I turned it down. I will never ever after all the thing I have read and seen leave my kids with people I dont know I dont care how small or big of a risk it is I am not willing to take that risk. (mainly because my daughter knows strangers already and screams when even my mom takes her, she has just started being okay with my husband. she and I have a VERY close bond and she really doesnt like anyone but me but she has started to come around we have been working with her.) I just want other moms to know that I am in no way downing people who send their kids to daycare I am just a very big worrier and I dont think people who take their kids to daycare are bad or unconcerned parents please DO NOT think that. Now I am trying to get my license to work for an insurance company I would work from home and make my own schedule and we are having a financial hardship right now, I just kinda need some words of encouragement while I study for the state insurance exam. I'm sure things will get better once I start working and am making money but I just can't help feel like the money trouble is ALL my fault even though my husband never ever even once has acted like it is I am just getting down in the dumps please help me!!

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So What Happened?

I am now trying to maybe get into me M.O.M community with Nora's help, to maybe make a little money until the exam. As far as people telling me that she will get over it and that we will both move on, thanks but no thanks for your comments. I am her mother, nothing, not even a job, is more important than watching her grow up. I will not miss it for the world we have found alot of things to make it work and hopefully they help but I don't like the fact that I asked for encouragement and people came with a bag of lectures as to why I am wrong for wanting to be there for my child. If you have to work and love it, great!! But that doesn't mean everyone is like you and in reply to the comment that me and her should have our own lives SHE IS A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE and will continue to be along with my other kids FOREVER. There is no job, no person, no anything, that I feel can be more rewarding than being there for my kids she doesn't run my life, I want to stay with her, as I said before, I guess some people took it as that I wanted a job and didn't get one because of her, I'm sorry you mistook me, but, I want to be with her and wanted ideas on how to make it easier on our finances. I thank those who supported me and helped me and to those who look down on me for wanting to stay with my daughter I say to you .............why bother wasting 9 months of your life being pregnant, gaining weight, going through a hard labor or painful c-section, if you didn't want to give that tiny defenseless person who by the way will not have a social life outside of home until they get a little older (she is 6 months people)why you wouldnt want to give them your life? I know that I tried to get pregnant and had a c-section all with the fear that I would lose her because I have had a miscarriage at 4 months preg. and I bled most of the way through my pregnancy. I know that I prayed with all my heart that I would be able to be with her so those of you who feel that I don't deserve to have what I feel god has meant for me, I would just say.... I work to live (the insurance company) I DO NOT live to work.people who want to HELP please continue to post those who don't Please don't it only hurts my feelings and it doesn't help anything. I will post later on if the things I was given by the encouraging people have helped.

K.(I dont want anyone to take this wrong I just feel I was misunderstood)

Sorry i took so long to reply again!!!! but anyway i PASSED my EXAM the 1st time!!!!!! YAY me and the kids are doing great i took a job early in the morn for only 3 hours but it was enough money to get us by and my husband got a raise at work i prayed everyday and now we are doing well we are even moving into a house in about a month :) and just to give god the credit i want you all to know that god is there and he will listen in your time of need i pray everyday that our finances would get straight and on the day that i got my 1st pay check and my husband got a raise i got an e-mail that said "god said your storm is over" and i got this e-mail from someone who didnt even know i was enduring a storm :) he is there people you just have to learn to put down the phone, turn off the computer, set the bills aside, put your kids to bed, turn off the t.v. .....pray...and then just LISTEN. from the wise words of my mother "god only gave you one mouth and gave you two ears so which do u think he intended for you to use more often?"

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

We had the same problem with my youngest - he never took a bottle. He also cried everytime my husband came near him for the longest time. Now they are inseparable. My husband fed him occassionally if I couldn't get home with a medicine syringe. When he got older and would take a sippy cup or a glass he would feed him with that. Usually with one of my shirts I would sleep in that smelled like me. He never took formula only breastmilk.

They worked it out with a sippy cup at 7 months with a sippy cup at Mother's Day Out. Most people who work with a lot of babies will understand feeding issues. If you search and find the right one. It will all work out.

1 mom found this helpful

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M.W.

answers from Dallas on

You should not apologize for not wanting to leave your children in the care of strangers. YOU are the mom & your heart is telling you to BE the mom.

Good job!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

Hi K. -
I can completely relate. My son was a Mama's boy and wouldn't take a bottle - only nursed. I hated leaving him with anyone because I was so afraid he wouldn't eat.

Check out www.momsinlaw.com - they hire stay at home moms to do random jobs. Maybe you could keep another child (older one that is more independent) to make you some extra money. And, with summer coming, parents will be looking for places to keep their kids - a mom is often a better choice than a daycare. That could get you some extra money for a few months.

I know this is a really hard time for you right now. Sit down and plan out your money each month (because every month is different). Get basic cable, get rid of the fancy stuff on your phone, and make a menu for each week so you only buy what you need. Maybe you're already doing all of this - but just know that you can do it. You are a smart woman and can make this work for you and your family. It sounds like you have a great husband - tell him your concerns. You will work together and find a way.

Many blessings -
S.

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R.B.

answers from Dallas on

I have 3 kids and they are teenagers now. When I was pregant with my youngest daughter I chose to do daycare. It was great to be home with my children, because when my oldest daughter started kindergarten, it was still half a day. So I would have to load all the children up and pick her up from school. Daycare is very demanding and you are not able to give quality time to your own children. I have started a new business called Scentsy, it is fairly new (2004), it is wickless candles. The wax is heated in a warmer by a 25 watt lightbulb. My website is www.scentsy.com/R.. If you have any questions about just email me and call me.

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L.G.

answers from Dallas on

K., My kids are 33, 22, and 21 and I would not go back and miss the years I had with them for anything! The time will go fast. I am a Mary Kay Sales Director and have been able to set my own schedule for the past 14 years. Let me know if you'd like some information. L.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.W.

answers from Amarillo on

Hi K.. I think it is a wonderful thing that you want to stay at home with your children. They are only little once and every moment counts. I too would love to stay home with my 3yr old daughter and am gradually working on that. I am a nurse but I am a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant part-time and I love it. When I do Mary Kay, I don't feel like it is a job. My nursing is stressful so some days I just don't want to go. Contact me or the Sales Director that gave you advice earlier for more information. Go to www.marykay.com/jessicawade. You have nothing to lose. You can continue with you insurance exam as well. Do what is in you heart.

Good Luck
J. Wade

1 mom found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

K., perhaps your own home based business is the answer. It is a blessing for so many. Look on my website www.mycmsite.com/anitacopeland & see what you think. It's 1/2 to be a consultant this month unt8il 3/31 & I'm having a Get Together in No. Arlington near the corner of I30 & No. Fielder on Fri 3/28 from 4 to 11 PM where you could come by during any of that time & see about it/ It's your own home based business with no inventory, very little start up money and you can continue it with your other insurance business by devoting as little or as much time to it as you want. E-mail me back if interested. A. C.

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B.T.

answers from Dallas on

Hi K., I was in the same situation you are in when I had my daugther and refused to go back to work and so I started an AVON business and 15 years later I am still going strong. It is not easy to work a normal job and raise 3 children. Maybe you might want to try AVON and see where that might take you. You said you have a lot friends and thats a good place to with your friends and family. Its only a $10.00 investment thats all you need to start. If you think you might give it a try, please give me a call @ ###-###-#### or visie my [email protected]____.com/dsackeyaddoo and check it out. I can help you work from while U go to school. It fun and very nice. My name is Bea

1 mom found this helpful
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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I wanted to give you some encouragement! I quit my teaching job 7 years ago to stay at home with my baby boy at the time. I would not trade any of my time for all the money in the world. Some moms are meant to work and others of us are made to stay at home! Both are awesome! I would really like to offer you a way that you can make money and still be able to study for your insurance license test. I work for a company that does not distribute products, I educate others on how to go green. I am in need of some moms who can return calls and set appointments for me. You can do this as little or as much as your time allows. Just let me know! This month the company is offering great promotions! I look forward to hearing from you soon.

H. M.

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H.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hang in there K.! Sounds to me like you've got a Mama's girl, just like I do....and I wouldn't trade the bond we have for anything. My precious daughter refuses the bottle as well and isn't a big fan of anyone else besides me. When you were describing your daughter, her fits with the bottle, not eating unless it was you, stranger anxiety, etc....that's my little one too!

As far as the working issue goes, if you can make it work financially, stay at home with your little ones and enjoy the time together. As we all know, they don't stay babies forever and these are the precious years when they need us most. Work will always be there later. I was an elementary school teacher for 6 years before my 1st was born and have been fortunate enough to stay at home with both of my kiddos. It's been one of the greatest experiences.

Best of luck to you!

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C.S.

answers from Amarillo on

Go with your gut feeling!! If you don't want to leave her--then do whatever it takes to stay with her. Sacrifice something else (like eating out, etc.) and use coupons if that is what it takes. Don't feel like you are FORCED to leave her or you will be miserable and so will she! Sounds like you already figured that out! Who knows--maybe by the time you do get your insurance license, you will both be a little more prepared--or I think you said you could work from home----GREAT! Just hang in there and go with your "mommy instincts" first!! :) C.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

Hi K.,
I think that it's great that you are trying to find a way to balance your family and job. I know it's really hard but you can do it. I'm a mom to a 4 year old and an 8 month old. I stay home with the kids when my husband is at work and then when he's off I go to work. I'm a nurse so it works out very well. When we first moved to Texas I worked monday thru friday and for the first time had to use day care. My daughter wasn't even 2 years old yet. It was okay, she actually did pretty well, but I decided that I didn't want someone else raising my child. So I changed what I was doing. I think that at different stages in our lives and marriages we have to do things a little bit differently to do what is best for our families. My son also will not take a bottle. He was in the NICU when he was first born and took a bottle just fine and breastfed without a problem but then he decided that he like nursing better. It will sometimes take my husband 45 minutes to get the baby to take the bottle. Sometimes he really doesn't take that much and when I get home my hubby is waiting for me at the door with a screaming baby in his arms. It makes me feel sooooo guilty but I need to go to work. Not only for our financial security but my sanity! So I hope this gives you some encouragement that you can find a balance just know that it's not an easy road and that flexibilty is key. M.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.D.

answers from Dallas on

K., I COMPLETELY understand you! I have 3 kids, one of which, is almost 2 years old. She is absolutely ATTACHED to me! It's funny when I think about it. Anyway, I cherish and make it a point to spend as much time as possible with my kids. Honestly, I am attached to them as much as they are attached to me. My little one is so attached to me, If I have to go anywhere, like the office, I have to leave at 6am, (noone but me would be there that early) come back before 11 am before she wakes up! If I don't do that, she will cry and I don't like for her to cry, and I surely don't want her to feel as if I left her! I breastfed her up until she was 11months when she started biting me..OUCH! Up until late last year, I also was in the process of studying, taking classes online, with her sitting on my lap, of course, and then finally taking the TX state exam for real estate agents. It was SOOOO hard! STUDY STUDY STUDY I can tell you that- it gets easier, really. Now, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I've figured out the balance of work and family. That is far from true!! I do all my business from my home office, even though it may not be as much as I'd like! I'm trying to figure out a way where I don't have to get someone else to care for my kids...but, I don't know, yet. Just keep your head up, don't listen to those who think they are holier than thou, and who think they have it all figured out- they don't. You do what makes you feel ok, what works for you and your family, and definately, don't forget that you are a person, and you, too, have needs! (Like a day (half-day, hour, minutes) off for yourself.) Again, I have not figured that out either, my husband has to force me to do something by myself or get me out of the house when he feels that I am stresed out and I don't realize it. Believe me, if you can't function and are stressed out, nothing in the house will! You are the pillar of the family- Stay strong!

1 mom found this helpful

S.S.

answers from Dallas on

K.,

Three girls...you are very blessed!! If you can stay home with the support of your husband...stay home. You can always work a JOB when your children are off at college. I have been very fortunate to stay home with my 4 children. I work a home based business...it allows me to spend all my days with my children and then a few evenings a month, I can have adult time and earn extra money. If you enjoy wine, take a look at this lifestyle:) www.HolyGrapes.com

1 mom found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hello K.,

How about doing a job where she can be with you... like taking care of another child?(like 2-4 yr old) that might bring you some quick income and in turn relieve some of the financial pressure and stress which will help you do better in your insurance exam.

Also check this website for tips:
http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm

in the meantime: turn off lights when not in the room, wash only full loads. you can skip the fabric softener and dryer sheets. I stopped using them a couple of years ago (irritated my daughter's skin) and have NOT missed it at all.
~C.~

1 mom found this helpful
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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

K.,
I wish I had some really inspiring words of wisdom for you. My children are now grown. I had to work outside the home when they were little and hated it every minute. I know how hard it can be to leave them. My kids used to cry when I would leave them. Then, they would cry to stay with the sitter when I got back to pick them up. Poor things - they were so confused and attached to everyone.

Just know this can't last forever, your baby will get used to you being away from her eventually. It's going to be tough to deal with her crying, but it is a phase. You have got to have some "mommy alone time" or you will burn out quickly. So, whether you work outside the home or not, she will need to detach just a little eventually. If you are positive your husband and parents would never hurt her during these crying spells, use them. Get her used to being passed around a little bit. Get her used to seeing you leave the room and come back in. Sounds like she's got some major anxiety going on and just needs lots of routine. Do the same thing over and over and eventually she'll figure it out. Truly - Good luck! B.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

K.,
I respect what you are doing. I had a career and when we got pregant with our first we decided together that we would make it work on my husband's salary. They do grow up to fast and we can never get back these days. Enjoy them with your daughter. I have found something that I call my own. I am a Director with a home-based company called Taste of Home Entertaining. I work my schedule around my family and love the extra money, the social aspect of the party and the ladies that I now call friends. I would love to talk to you more about this opportunity to see if it is a fit for you. Check out my website and online catalog at www.EverydayElegance.tohe.com

Good Luck and enjoy her.
S.
###-###-####

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A.P.

answers from Dallas on

Good for you, K.. Hang in there. I'm proud of you for sacrificing for your children. We can usually do without the "things" we may think are necessary. I'm a grandmother with a daughter in the same situation. They are downsizing as far as there house, cars, eating out, clothes, etc. She also doesn't want to leave her kids in daycare. I am a retired teacher, and I always saw less discipline problems with children whose mothers stayed at home with them. The "daycare" kids were the worst behaved. So, you go girl! It will get better, and your reward will come later with better kids.

Thanks,
AP

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L.N.

answers from Dallas on

I saw a request you made a while back and I wanted to share with you that I am starting a work from home business. I am hoping it is going to be a success. I went to a meeting last night to hear more about it.
It is called Stream Line Energy aka Ignite!
All it is, is getting customers to switch their electricity. In most of Texas we can choose who we want. This company was started in March of 2005 and has been the fastest independantly owned company. It has been written up in D Magazine, Wall Street Journal, Channel 8 News, etc. as the fastest growing company. As a mother of three models I know that companies spend a lot of money on marketing. You hear during superbowl about the Million dollar commercials. Well, here instead of paying marketing all that money they pay my kids for national commercials they pay us. When I signed up for it I noticed a clause stating I could return it in three days and get my money back if it was not for me. So I am going to try it.
This month, they are offering double rewards!! So if I sign up one person to sell it with me I get $100, but this month I get $200...what that means is by signing up only one person I have already made half of my investment back. Yes, this is a pyramid scheme, but to do this you have to sign up under someone. So I am asking if you are interested in this sign up under me. You can sign up peopole to help sell and you can also sell it. I know I have already sold it to my mom, dad, because they want to help me out and while they help they are saving money on their electricity! After I sign one person up and myself I will make another $100, so now I have made back what I have put into it. Also every month they pay heir bill I make $.25. Now at first it doesn't sound like much, but with persistance and drive people who started this only part time are making an extra $1,000 a month?? And people who are full forced are making $20,000 a month. I don't know if that is possable, but if I can get back what I put into in one month and make a little money each month after that, I will be OK! It started in Dallas Texas, but is opening up into Georgia and soon all over the United States. If you get in now think about everyone who will be under you in all the other states and they will be helping you make money!
Now, I have put a lot of thought into it and tons of Realators are already selling because it's easy and they make their money back fast. Think about all the realators, mortgage loans officers, friends anyone you could sell this to and you too could be making great residual income fast. If it doesn't work out I will get my money money back, but I am hoping it does so that I can continue to spend time with my kids and make extra money!
Call me back and let me know if you are interested in it and I can walk you through on my website.
I know it is techniquly sales, but it will save your friends and family in the long run if they switch companies. Look at it and let me know if you think you might be interested.

The link is below...

http://laurenwhitacre.igniteinc.biz

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hi K.,
I would like to share with you an opportunity to work from home. It is a life changing business and all we do is help others save $$ on their electricity bills. So how would like to make true residual income off over 3,000 electric bills month after month after month. Please visit my [email protected]____.com
and click on "Watch the Opportunity Video" on the right side of the screen.
Blessings from S.

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L.K.

answers from Dallas on

I have a mommy's girl too. She is 14 months now and still just tolerates her father. She runs past him to me every day. She was breastfed since she was 30 minutes old and didn't have a bottle until she was 5 weeks old. She never would take a bottle from my husband until she was almost a year old. She refused bottles from everyone when I went back to work but at 6 months she was eating babyfood and the Dr. said she is fine without milk for 8 hours, she would just make up for it with constant nursing when I got home. Well after trying to give her a bottle myself I tasted the breastmilk when she refused it. It was sour! My milk did not store well. She had been refusing bottles the whole time because the milk was souring in the freezer due to too much lipase in my milk. Well, I started scalding the milk before freezing and she readily took bottles from everyone (except my husband, still!). Regardless of whether you work or not, you should look into if your milk is still good that you store incase you get sick or in an accident and can't nurse your daughter. It happened to me unexpectedly and it took all 75 bags of frozen milk to get her through until I could nurse again.

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

Besides your child, you are needed in the community, in your marriage, in the working world. Separation anxiety is normal for a little while but the normal thing is to help her through it so that she can start to have a life of her own.

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