I In My Prime @ 53 Years Old Why Are Men So Intimidated?

Updated on June 25, 2012
S.P. asks from Jonesboro, GA
18 answers

I'm 53 yrs old and settled. Not a couch potato, but rather full of life. I don't go out very much and enjoy being at home. I love the outdoor life, long distant swimmer, diving, walking, just came back from Fort Knox Military base and repelled 20 story tower, wall climbing etc. I enjoy people and very personable, funny and professional . I feel I look good at my age and men are afraid to talk to me. Why is this?

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So What Happened?

I received quite a few responses. I think that @ in your 50s or 60s enjoy life and laugh, smile even be silly if you want to. Good conversations are good too. I love life and yes men think the swimming, diving, repelling etc. looks good, they are afraid of even talking. I don't talk religion, past relationships, or bad experiences, i love to dress, look pretty, I keep myself up and alway's a positive statement when I enter the rest which I like very much. I'm not sad to be by myself and I do get compliments and I like that, it makes me feel good to know someone is looking. thanks for the responses Oh, The smiles with me is a smile each and everyday

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answers from Columbia on

How do you know they're afraid to talk to you?

Seems like you're making assumptions about what they think. Have you asked? Have you asked THEM on a date?

Maybe try that approach - as a strong confident woman.

Good luck! :)

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Do you know they are "intimidated" to talk to you?
What is the vibes you give off?
Some women are like you and very independent and capable and very interesting. But men shy away, because the woman appears to be, not needing anyone. Or they seem to look down on men. Or they are just giving off the vibe... that men are... dumber than they are.
I actually have known women like that. Very independent.... but the demeanor they have about them, and toward men, is just that they think no man is good enough.
I'm not saying this about you. But just some observations about other women I have seen/known.

You seem very outdoorsy... perhaps join some hiking clubs or other outdoor clubs? And maybe you will meet a guy who has the same interests as you?

6 moms found this helpful

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answers from San Francisco on

How do you know that they are intimidated, or afraid to talk to you?
How do you know (not to be harsh) that they just aren't attracted or interested in you?
Since you are so outdoorsy and active I would suggest looking for a singles group of people like you. Join a gym or club that focuses on swimming, diving, rock climbing, etc.
Usually we are attracted to those who enjoy the same activities as we like to do, and those who are easy going, humble, and easy to talk to :)

5 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

How can we possibly know? I am a very intimidating person, or so I have been told. Guys always came up and talked to me.

Why, I have no idea, but it isn't because I was afraid to live.

Oh, like when you say guys are afraid to talk to you do you mean you talk to them and they run or you won't approach a guy. You have to have some skin in the game too so approach guys.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

you need to have someone honest and unbiased discuss your comportment. you and i are the same age and feel the same way about ourselves. but i don't find that men are afraid to talk to me at all.
if you're running into the same situation over and over with a broad spectrum of men, the common denominator is you. start there.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Why don't you ask the men? Maybe you need to smile and flirt a little more?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Bellingham on

Sounds like you already have the perfect life. Why on Earth would you want to mess it up with a man??

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Also, perhaps you're looking in the wrong places. Perhaps, they aren't interested. Perhaps, they aren't actively looking. Can't you talk to them? You will never know, unless you ask. In my experience, people are seldom "afraid" to talk to other people. Maybe, they think you don't want to talk to them.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I suggest that you're meeting men who haven't achieved as much as you have nor are interested in things like you are. They feel like they don't measure up to your life or that you wouldn't be interested in them because they are more like couch potatoes.

I suggest you'll have better luck by joining groups that do the things you're interested in doing. You repelled a 20 story tower. Were there men there? Those are the ones who will talk with you. Wall climbing. Go to a wall climbing jurisdiction. Those are the men who will talk with you about what you're doing.

I was a police officer and men were intimidated by me. However, some weren't and I discovered they were the dependent sort who "needed" me. I also learned thru counseling that I came across as somewhat over confident and unapproachable. Now that I'm 70 men do talk with me but they're in their 20's, 30's. Guess I've reached that age socially. LOL.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I'm 51 and feel better about myself than ever. The last time I was looking for men to date, I tried the "lunch" place. All but one of the guys I met through that service was intimidated by me - or I was so "underwhelmed" by them that I had no interest in pursuing anything. I did meet my current boyfriend at a "speed dating" event. I figured six minutes was much more reasonable for a first meeting than an hour long lunch.

I think that women in their late 40s and 50s who are confident, professional, active, and know what they want in life can be intimidating to some men. The only ones I want to be around are those who aren't intimidated.

Sometimes younger men are a better option, I've found. I've also found that men who have either started their own companies or worked at high levels in corporations can have the confidence to date successful older women.

I've not joined a "singles club" and I don't see myself doing that ever. I'm too independent and a man that is a good fit for me is also. I have heard advice about meeting men that is counter to what most here are saying. Instead of meeting people where you already go, go out of your way to try new things and go to new places. Most of us spend our days in a very small part of the world, going to the same places over and over. Getting out of that rut exposes us to new people.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I agree with the singles groups. I am also in my 50's, but back before I got married (was in my upper 30's) I joined a few singles groups just to meet people. There were more singles in their 50's than anything else, so I know this is a good avenue to pursue.

Contrary to many stereotypes of singles groups...the people who attend are very normal and just want some companionship.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

It makes you approachable.
Give people a chance to start some small talk and then flow with it.
Ask people about their opinions and for advice (stay away from religion, politics and money (hot topics), but weather, traffic, gardening and butterflies are great topics).
It gives them a chance to talk about something they know.
I'm in your age group and not nearly as athletic as you are (you are SO good! I definitely need to get off my couch more than I do) and lately I seem to have people coming out of the woodwork to chat with me (not just men, but kids and women, too).
In my case, I think I have a Mrs Santa Claus look going for me.
I have a friend who met her eventual husband by joining her local Chamber of Commerce.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

If you can get them to be a friend first, then you can ask them if they can fix you up with someone. That way you aren't putting the pressure on them to be interested in you, but they may know people who ARE interested in meeting someone.

Maybe you need a wingman. Do you have a female friend who could be your wingman?


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I am around your same age and have to say this: YOU GO GIRL!
who are you meeting? Just haven't met the right guy (s) yet. Enjoy your independence and you never know who is eyeing you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I am just about your age. I am mairried but I do find that men respond to a big smile. A happy disposition speaks loudly!! You sound like the total package to me. Just put on a great smile and say hello first. Why wait to see if someone will talk to you. Talk to them!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Online dating might be your best option, so you can get a good platonic, relationship going with a confident man prior to meeting him in person.
I'd be intimidated by a woman that told me she repelled a 20ft tower if I didnt have something up my sleeve equally as impressive, if I was a dude.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from La Crosse on

Want to move to Iowa? lol

My dad has been trying to find someone and he keeps saying the same thing! My dad will talk to women but it wont go any farther so he has backed off and said that so many of the women he has met are nice but they seem so leery of letting anything go any farther than the one time talking or they don't offer anymore info as if they are interested in seeing him another time or offer their number ( like us young ones do as he puts it).. but with out that he can't get in touch with them and he said he doesn't want to seem like some creepy person by offering them his number...

I think there is a whole lot of the same feelings but mixed messages on how both sexes should take it to the next step... plus he is really walking on eggshells with meeting new people after being divorced for a year and ready to be with someone after 34 years of being married.

Good luck and hopefully you will find someone who you can break the barriers with!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I'll answer this based on the assumption that you mean you are interested i dating someone, as opposed to the idea that guys don't want even to be friends. Not perfectly clear from the post which you mean but let's figure it's the former.

Are you looking for men in the places you already go? In other words, are you doing your diving, walking, rappelling, swimming etc. on your own, or can you join a singles group that does outdoor activities? That way you would meet single men who at least have some similar interests. There are plenty of singles groups based around shared interests or activities -- much better than either waiting to meet men randomly or meeting them in pickup situations like a bar (which doesn't sound like you anyway, if you are either at home or outdoors being active). Also, if you are religious, look for a religious singles group; if you are interested in volunteering, go ahead and do that where you feel you fit best, and though it's not a mingling or singles group you will start to meet people who share your interests and values. In other words -- you don't tell us where you're encountering these men who are afraid of you, but if you and the men are engaged in some common, active pursuit, or share certain core values from the start like in a religious singles group, you should not have this issue of "they're afraid to talk to me" because you will have an automatic opening for any conversation-- namely, the activity you're sharing.

If the issue is a guy or guys at work, assuming you work, well, the fear of talking with you may not be about you at all. It may be that men at the workplace realize you are looking for a romantic interest, and want no part of it because it's not professional to date a coworker, at least in their books.

I'd take all those active interests you have and start doing them with others. But be sure you aren't giving off a vibe that you are seeking someone to date right now, right here. Many men can detect that vibe and it sends them running.

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