I Have a 7 Yo Granddaughter Going Thru the I Am in Love Phase. Talks About

Updated on June 18, 2019
P.K. asks from New York, NY
9 answers

Crushes. It’s making me crazy. Is this a normal phase. I seem to hear other girls talking about love too. I explain she can have a boy as a friend but not boyfriend. My girls were so into horses and riding I never had to deal with this kind of stuff.

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answers from San Francisco on

When I was that age I played "house" pretending that I had a baby and a boyfriend named Steve.
Who knows why?
Unless she is showing signs of being sexually suggestive just let it go and stop making a big deal about it, which will only make her think about it more.
And maybe take a break from the princess movies and watch some girl focused movies that aren't about falling in love, like Matilda, Coraline, etc.

6 moms found this helpful

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answers from Boston on

Why does "pretend" upset you so much that you are in knots and going crazy? My son thought he was a dinosaur. My stepdaughter thought she was a teacher. My other stepdaughter said her last name was something totally different. I had an invisible friend.

I think you are giving this way too much oxygen, and that attention is keeping this phase going. She probably hears people around her talking about who they love, so she aspires to it. Leave it alone, give it a quick "that's nice" and move on. If you have to discuss it, instead of telling her she can't love anyone, ask her why she loves him. Gently, very gently, help her value people's attributes instead of physical characteristics. Don't criticize her - just say you love Person X or Person Y because they are kind, or always helping out someone less fortunate. But don't critique her and don't do this until you can calm down.

I think you're overdoing this - and your tension is giving this phase a life of its own.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

I think it's common. It's not so common that every child does it, but there are plenty who do.

I wouldn't worry about explaining anything. I would just say, "Oh, that's nice." If she wants to talk about a boy, fine. I would just listen. If it really starts to get on your nerves, change the subject. Ask her about school or a tv show or something else she's interested in.

Really, don't worry about it. She doesn't truly know what it means to have a boyfriend or to be in love. It's not a big deal, and you don't need to explain to her that she can't have a boyfriend right now. It's just not something you need to be thinking about.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Don't waste any energy telling her she "can't have a boyfriend now". This is all pretend, at this age.

Use this as a learning experience, to gain insight into your granddaughter's heart and mind. Ask her "why" she likes certain people, what attributes she values in boys AND in girls. Share with her the qualities that you think define a good person. Ask her what qualities she wants to develop in herself.

And maybe cool it on watching princess love stories for a while and monitor her exposure to sexualized images of girls/women. Focus on stories about great women leaders in history and things like that. I recommend this book of folktales about strong girls/women: "Fearless Girls, Wise Women, Beloved Sisters".

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

She reminds me of me at that age. I had my first crush in the first grade. I started dating when I was in high school. I am an affectionate person and I have had many, many crushes and have dated a lot but also have been good friends with boys. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I became extremely perceptive when it came to guys in my early and mid 20s. I could figure out a guy very quickly because of how much experience I had dating. Encourage other things in her life - play sports, garden, walk in nature, take care of animals, travel, etc etc. I am so happy I didn’t get married too young. I met my husband in my early 20s, got engaged in mid 20s, and married at 27.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

One of my sons had a 'crush' on a particular girl for a long time.

Another little girl *unfortunately not the same one lol* had a crush on him ... I have kept some of the little love notes for fun.

It was totally harmless and cute. And most definitely, a phase.

It depends on the kids - my others - never. It will pass :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

7 yrs old is a bit early for crushes.
Most 7 yr olds I knew thought the opposite sex had cooties.
12 yr olds - late elementary or early middle school kids were into crushes.

Being in love with the concept of being in love isn't what it's cracked up to be.
I'd be telling your granddaughter that although some boys can be nice and be good friends a lot of them are smelly and gross (they burp, fart, think it's cool and funny etc).

Friends is all good and well but crushes and being 'in love' at 7 is over the top.
Consider what her friends/peer group is like (she might be parroting them) and it might be time to get her involved in an after school activity to help her make some other friends.
Taekwondo is excellent - and half my sons class was girls.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Des Moines on

When I was 4 years old, I told my parents I was in love with a red headed little boy in my kindergarten class..... her definition Of love isn’t the same as yours - all she knows is that her heart flutters when she’s around him and thinks this “this must be love because grandma and pa love each other”. All humans have what is known as chemistry. It isn’t something that you can usually fight as some people you feel a spark with, as it’s part of nature. It’s not irregular behavior and honestly, your girls probably had a childhood crush or two and just never shared it with you. As for the little red headed boy that I loved.... well eventually - I married him 😉

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

My 9 year old never did this, although she told me such and such boy has a crush on her. I would just ask her about the boy she likes and then ask her what she likes about him. Then I would ask her about her other friends and sort of change the subject. I would tell her, you know you can be just friends with boys the same as a girl. Some little girls don't seem to get this. My son really liked a girl in 6th and 7th grade and she liked him back! Their friends teased them both about it a lot. I did tell him he is too young to have a girlfriend but they can be just friends for now. I told him his job in life right now is to focus on schoolwork and not girls.

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