"I Hate You Mommy"

I remember saying this to my mom when I was like six. She laughed and said, "Yeah you hate me till you want some ice cream." Even at six I understood that I didn't really hate my mom, I was just angry.

"I hear that you are feeling angry/disappointed right now. It's okay to feel angry. Sometimes I feel angry, too, but I always love you."

I would give him an alternative script - mommy, I am REALLY mad at you right now!. He is old enough to discuss that words can hurt. I ask my son how he would feel if his best friend told him he hated him. He says he would be sad. Then he generally says 'sorry, mommy, I love you', sometimes followed by 'I am MAD though'. Kids also don't understand forever yet. He may say I hate you because at this very moment that is what he feels. In 3 seconds he will not feel that anymore and will have no understanding of why you are still upset. He needs time to learn that adult feelings do not change as fast as kid feelings and that we hold grudges.

I would NEVER wash a child's mouth out with soap.There was a recent thread on this topic - you should be able to find it in the archive. Kids are entitled to their feelings and need to be able to express them.

I think we all deal with it. My son loves to say that or "I don't love you" especially when he isn't getting his way with me. They just do it to get a rise out of you, and they know exactly how to accomplish that. I just say "Well, you don't have to love me, but you still have to do what I say". Or, I'll say "Well, it's a good thing I have your sister and Daddy then, because they love me very much." Usually, he will backtrack on his comment pretty quickly. :)

Our son says that when he's very upset, too, and he's not yet 4. We usually give him a short lecture about how that's not a nice word and ask him to think about his behavior and apologize afterwards. I was reading one of hte Parenting mags and they wrote about this sort and they said the child doesn't quite know how to express his frustration and anger at the parent, so he either says "I don't love you" or "I hate you." In either case, they recommended telling the child "That's okay" and walking away. Once the child is able to think through it, they usually come back to you in a bit and apologize or say "I love you." I also try to help my son rephrase what he's feeling and say "I know you are mad at me, I'd rather you use words like that. Mom, I'm mad at you. I'm really angry" - that seems to help.

I used to tell my 4 children - "I know what you mean is that you are angry with me. Sometimes I feel angry too, but I will always love you" You cannot let it affect you - if they see that it hits a button in any way, it will come out more and more.

You will hear that forever! When my kids were little and said that it hurt but I would smile and say "I love you forever and back" and just leave it alone. A few minutes later they would say "you know I love you mommy your the bestest". When they got older and would say that it was generally after an argument I would say "well, you aren't on my top 10 list either but I love you no matter what". Kids do grow up and they do leave the house! YAY!!!!

"Love" and "hate" are powerful words, and children love the feeling of power. They like trying words out and seeing what happens. And... look what's happening right now!

I doubt if he really hates you, don't you? However, I don't doubt that he's unhappy about not getting his own way. That's the main issue you need to deal with. You and your mama are both wise. Let your son see that the "hate speech" is not going to get him anywhere; then you can start teaching him better ways to express himself.

He's heard the word 'hate' from somewhere... that has to stop ASAP.

1, he probably doesn't understand the depth of the word, so try not to take it too personally or make a big stink about it. If he knows it gets a rise out of you, he's going to continue to say it.

2, Next time he says it, explain that you understand he has feeling, but you have feelings too, and that's a terrible, naughty word to say to his mother. Let him know it hurts your feelings. If he continues to say it, wash his mouth out with soap! He'll learn not to say it REAL quick.

So sorry, I know that is painful to hear.
But try not to let it bother you. Do tell him it is a very hurtful thing to say along with what you are already saying.

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

"I love you"

"bummer"

"I love you too much to argue with you"

I took it later down the line as' I am so angry with you mom I want to hurt you'. Because something is usually NOT FAIR. I don't think they know what hate means til they are very old.Now I want to know why they never call. But that's a different question.

Jennifer's answer is a good one.

And what you are doing is fine too.

when I hear "I HATE YOU MOMMY" - I just say "I love you...always and forever, unconditionally" or I say "I'm sorry you don't like me right now - I will always love you.'

You just did something that made him mad....you stopped him from doing something that he thought would be fun and exciting...he's using his words to see the reaction he will get from you....the more you freak - the more he'll use it...I've found that if I don't react - or just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or one of my other retorts, i don't hear it that often....now that I've said that - I'm sure I'll hear it today!!!

You're doing great mommy!! KEEP IT UP!!

Very common, my 5 year old says it too. Kids in their limited control of life use those extra strong words to feel more effective in getting their point across...using words is much better than otherwise even if they are "strong" words. I tried not to laugh the other day when my son said it after I wouldn't allow him a piece of candy. I snuggled him close as he was leaning on me and said "I love you RyRy" and without skipping a beat he said "I love you more". Kids are funny. Not always so easily distracted going from rage to sweetness, but enjoyed that time it worked! :)

I always tell my son that that is really sad because I love him so much. It usually switches right away to him loving me again. Good luck!

Sounds to me like a power struggle - he senses that this gets to you for whatever reason so he's trying to use it against you to get what he wants. Stop responding at all.

I told my son how would he feel if I told him I hated him. He said he wouldn't like it. So, then I told him neither did I and if I heard him say he hated anyone again, he would get in a time out. He hasn't said it since, but last year (he was a month away from turning 6, he wanted a toy and I said no. Without even batting an eye, he screamed that he wished I wasn't his mother. I was not only in shock that those words came out of his mouth, but I was trying to figure out how to respond. After taking a deep breath, I walked over to him, took the toy out of his hands put it back and bent down and said "how would you feel if I said that to you?". He hesitated and said he wouldn't like it. I then took his hand and walked out of the store without that toy.

To this day, I will never forget that day, I seriously thought those words would have come when he was a teeenager, not at age 5.

i tell mine that he doesn't have to love me or like me, but he doesn have to listen to me. i also explained to him what hate means. he's really sensitive so it made him cry. he rarely says it now, and basically only to his sister when he gets mad, but even then most times he says he doesn't "like" her.

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I have seen this on here a few times. It is a pretty common thing for kids to scream when they are upset. I smile then tell my daughter, "You can hate me if you really want to, but I love you." Then it's usually followed by a little conversation about how or why she is angry. She has gotten to the point of now screaming "I AM REALLY ANGRY RIGHT NOW!" which kind of makes me smile... not that she is angry, but that she knows how to express it. She is only 3 so our talks are usually short and to the point and trying to find out why she is "ANGRY RIGHT NOW!"