I Hate to Be at Home

Updated on May 14, 2010
B.S. asks from Jacksons Gap, AL
16 answers

I have been with my partner for 10 yrs and have taking alot from him. he cheated on me for the first 3 yrs that we were together that i know about. he yells at me and say hurtful things about me and to me, I just want to get into my car and leave but i have no family and friends anymore. he has done this so much that my kids boy 9 and girl 8 have started to do the same. they tell me to shut-up with your ugly fat self. i love my kids but how do i stop them from treating me this way? nobody wants to go with me to the store or even be seen with me so i just don't go.i go to work and to the store late at night so that everybody is in the bed. Things in the bedroom are not working either i don't want to have sex with him and when i have to breakdown and give him some i just want it to hurry up and be finished. he works a part- time job and always has to be around his family. I hate to even come home after work. Somedays i just stay in the bedroom and cry. Do you think that i'm crazy or just plain out stupid for staying here. I have little or no self esteem and just hate to go anywhere with them because they leave me and go the other way.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I would like to thank everyone for their help. I left him in to middle of the night and took the kids. I feel so much better. I would like to send each and everyone who responded a great big HUG. I am now staying with my brother in Fla and now looking for a job. I never thought that it would be this easy to walk away from the things that i have take for this piece of crap. Thanks so much

More Answers



answers from Hattiesburg on

God has a positive answer:

You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )
You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )
You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

The first sentence is pretty powerful!

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Huntsville on

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. I would recommend that you try getting involved with a church family that will uplift your spirit and give you positive feedback. I know that it has to be difficult to hear those hurtful things from your children. But remember who is the parent and you have to teach them to respect you as their mother. Good Luck. I will put you in my prayers.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Jackson on

If you look on the website www.dvic.org/index.php you can get information for alabama. It gives you lots of phone numbers of people that can help you get out of there. And that is exactly what you need to do. Counseling is not going to change someone who doesn't want to change. And sounds like to me he would beat you down for just suggesting it. And why doesn't he have a full time job? Sounds like he needs to get a reality check. I'm all for womens rights but he is not pulling his weight. Be Safe. Good Luck!



answers from Mobile on

Maybe you should seek counseling. Community counselor's are usually free. Also it wouldn't hurt to visit a woman's safe house. It's usually for women who are being abused physically but they may can help you find a good counselor to talk with. Counseling is a very good thing. It may sound weird at first, but it is some one to talk to who has resources you can use and maybe benifit from.



answers from Tuscaloosa on

B., I'm so sorry you feel bad. You sound very depressed. Is there any way you can see a therapist or at least your regular doctor? I'm being an armchair psychologist here, but it sounds like your low self-esteem is to blame for your lack of assertiveness w/ your partner and kids. They're YOUR kids and should listen to their mother, but it's hard to discipline them when you're unsure of yourself and don't feel "worthy," for lack of a better word (I feel the same way sometimes). I apologize for saying this, but your partner sounds like a straight-up jerk. But...he treats you badly because you let him. He cheated for the first three years, and you hung around. Of course he takes advantage of you now.

OK, that's enough tough love. You need to treat yourself right. Instead of indulging in that cry, try some exercise or treat yourself some other way. And again, please see the doctor. I think the root of your problems is your low self-esteem. Once you start loving yourself, you can do anything because you'll allow others to love you as well and not take advantage of you. Good luck.



answers from Dallas on

OMG I just read your "what happened " and I'm soooo proud of you!!! I wish you and your kids all the best, and thank God for your brother who stepped up to help you. You'll see after you start working and things go smoother your kids will start to appreciate you more, I'm so glad for you,
hugs from Dallas :o)



answers from Tuscaloosa on

Don't be too hard on yourself. Where is your family? Your husband should be ashamed of himeself. Your kids need to be told that it is not polite to talk to you like that. I will be your friend. I am in Tuscaloosa. If you want we can go places or whatever



answers from Huntsville on

Don't let them do this to you. Your self-esteem is the key to your success in life. I ditched the man, kept the kids, regained my self-esteem, and learned to love myself the way I am. I am a bit overweight, but I don't mind. Without trying to attract a man or to please one, my appearance is fine with me. I'm less stressed. You know what....when I ditched the man, I became better off financially. Men are expensive. Don't give up hope. Find your solution and work on it.



answers from Birmingham on

There was a show on Dr. Phil about a month ago where the hubby did the same thing and finally the kids started doing it. I do not know you and would have no clue what to do in your situation because I have never been there, but if I was asked what I would do, I would call the police and ask for help for sure. Let them know what is going on, keep a journal of what happens and what is said da da da.... Talk to your boss, and fill her in as well. Then make a day where you can get out. If you tell your boss, and the police and keep up with what all is happening, and you take the kids with you, then you have them on your side. In case he trys to charge kidnapping or what not. But if you do plan to leave, and I would, make a plan on when you are going to leave, make sure you have somewhere you can stay, a shelter, friends house, keep everyone informed of the day you plan to go and just do it. Good Luck!



answers from Huntsville on

Please find the strength to get you and your kids out of this situation! You and your kids do not deserve any of that! Your police department should be able to tell you about any shelters you could go to. They can help you figure out what to do once you leave home. Give them a call and find out your options. There is always a way for you to get out. Please don't feel that you can't do this, you CAN!!



answers from Birmingham on

I don't know where you are but there are shelters everywhere and you need to go to one now if you can't get him out of your house. Your children will continue to model him until you get them away and they will grow up to treat their partners and families the same way. Remember you are their parent and don't have to let them speak to you that way. Nobody deserves to live in an abusive (mental or physical)relationship. Get out, maybe get a new job, get healthy and enjoy life. You can find friends who like you and want to be with you.



answers from Tuscaloosa on

He sounds like a winner....not really at all. I have a friend in a similiar situation and I understand that getting away is hard. It is not good to be surrounded by such negitivity... you deserve to be treated well.
With ur husband, talk to him, tell hime you will leave if things do not get better. If they dont...head and stay with some family with ur kids for a bit and get on ur feet alone. You work fulltime and sound like superwoman so Im sure you can do it.
Life is to short to share it with someone that treats u so bad...and cheating...if he cheated once Im sure he will do it again. He is not worth you.
Good luck!



answers from Greensboro on

It took me a long time to convince myself to leave my husband. I had no money or anywhere to go and I ended up at a homeless shelter - one specifically for woman and kids. I told my family and they immedaitely got me out of there and I had the choice to live with ANY of my relatives - its been four years. You WIll make it!



answers from Tuscaloosa on

Get out. You owe it to yourself and your kids. You don't want to see them repeat the pattern later in life.



answers from Montgomery on

First of all you deserve a big hug. You also need some friends to encourage you. You can start with me. I admire you for staying with him despite the hurt he's caused you. I know how it feels, but we do it for our children. As for your children saying the same hurtful things you're going to have to use some type of disclipine with them you don't want them to grow up and treating their spouses this way or to other children. I've also been thru the overweight issued also and that along made me have a low self esteem. I lost most of it before I got pregnant with my 1st child. I on number 3 now and back up that weight. So after I have him on going back on Weight Watchers. I'm not encouraging you to get a divorce but if your that miserable you either need marriage counseling or call it quits for your health and your children. Please keep in contact and if you ever need to talk I'm here.



answers from Huntsville on

I am so sorry to hear about how tough you have it. My heart goes out to you! I may not know how you feel, but I know what it is like being a child in that environment. My father was a mean drunk. When he was sober he was just okay. He didn't care about my mother at all. He was always talking down to her saying she was stupid or fat.... I can still remember the look on her face. He was also physically abusive to her. As much as my 2 brothers and I wanted to change him there was nothing that we could do. My dad walked out on us when I was 11, my oldest brother was 12, and my little brother was 8. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. At the time, it seemed like the worst possible thing. My dad was the breadwinner. My mom had never held a job in her life (they married right out of high school because she was pregnant). I'll be honest we had a hard time for awhile, but my mom was/still is a very strong lady. A couple of years later she met the most wonderful man in the world at the bowling alley. They have been married for 18 years. She now has a husband that respects her and loves her exactly the way she is. YOu can have that too. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. By staying with this man your son is learning how to treat woman badly and your daughter is lowering her expectations of how she should be treated by men. If you do decide to leave it is going to be hard and your kids might be angry. My older brother was angry at my mom for awhile because he felt like it was her fault my dad left. He started yelling at her and being disrespectful, but he came to his senses. He has a very close relationship with my mom now. My dad still talks to my brothers every now and then,but I have not talked talked to him in years. He has never seen my children. I gave him a choice: the booze or me.... he chose the booze. His loss! I hope this helps. Just so you know I am so proud of my mom. My mom overcame a lot. I would not be who I am today without her. SHe has taught me how to be a strong woman.
I will say a prayer for you!!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions