I Guess You Can Say Separation Anxiety

Updated on December 01, 2011
S.E. asks from Algonquin, IL
10 answers

I am having separation anxiety at night from my son
he is almost 7 months old and likes to sleep with me during naps and bed time. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to not be so nervous at night time or even nap time please be nice I also know that it is dangerous for him to sleep in my bed.it also makes me crabby because I get no sleep and I snap at my hubby who does not deserve it. I think the reason to keep my son close is that I had lost a child six months along in my first pregnancy.

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J.A.

answers from Chicago on

There are a lot of articles on mothering.com (and probably some about separation anxiety) about the safety of cosleeping and bedsharing. If you are going to bedshare, it can be very safe if you follow a few rules. Best of luck.

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A.K.

answers from Chicago on

Co-sleeping can be done very safely. In fact, studies show cool things about co-sleeping, like baby taking its breathing cues from you and therefore a decrease in SIDS. Just look up how to make sure you're being safe. Dr. James McKenna actually studies co-sleeping, and talks about how to do it safely. He has a book called "Sleeping with your Baby" that's a simple read and really discusses how to make sure you're doing it safely, and when you should NOT co-sleep. We have co-slept with our son, and it's some of my favorite time with him.

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M.T.

answers from Nashville on

Put the crib or bassinet in your room. He sleeps next to you and you sleep in your bed.

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M.D.

answers from Chicago on

Hi S.,
My oldest slept with us until he was almost 3 years old.
I wouldn't do it again with my younger ones as sleeping with him I didn't get good sleep, but I felt more comfortable that way.
With my younger ones, I just had the crib in my bedroom next to my bed until they are ready to go to their own room around the age of 3.
So I think it's completely normal.
Maybe try that, put his crib next to your bed. I think that's better then sleeping with him, you still get good sleep, not having to worry about rolling over on him or something, but he's still next to you so you can keep an eye on him and hear him next to you.
It's also easier this way because you won't have to worry about him getting used to sleeping in his own bed later....
My oldest used to still come in our bed at night for a while after we moved him out to his own room... With my daughter I didn't have that problem as much, because she was used to sleeping in her own bed...

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R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I disagree that it is dangerous for your baby to sleep with you, but understand totally how co-sleeping can negatively affect your sleep. My babies/toddlers move so much in their sleep that I feel beat up if I sleep with them. My 2nd and 3rd children slept in my room until they were about 1 yr old. Have you thought of a co-sleeper arrangement like Arms Reach. That way he is close, but not disturbing your sleep.
I'm a sleep deprived mother of a toddler and I firmly believe you just have to do whatever works (never mind the crazy parenting books out there) to get the max sleep and peace of mind for you and your family. I'm so sorry about your loss. Your anxiety is valid especially in light of what you have been through.

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

I cosleep with each of my kids. My son moved into his own bed and room at 2.5 and my daughter (19months) is still sleeping with us. It is a practice done many places in the world and it definitely has its benefits. It is not hard to do safely, either. If you sleep better, and your son sleeps better when cosleping, I say why fix it if it isn't broken!

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

Honey, don't sweat it. Co-sleeping, as long as there are no smokers in the house, you don't drink and you exclusively nurse (not sure what the data is on bottle-fed babies), is practiced successfully in many cultures. No need to be h*** o* yourself. It's how many of us cope with the sleep deprivation - and our babies seem to sleep better too. I agree with other posters that you can transition your baby to a crib by having a bassinet or pack n play by your bed. That's what we did, and our son was in his crib in a few short weeks - we made the full transition when he was about 6-7 mos old. He still preferred to nap with me and that took a bit longer to break, but just remember they are only little for so long, and you'll miss these times when they are teenagers :) Good luck!

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Put a small crib in your bedroom and place it next to the bed. He'll be close and you both will sleep.

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H.S.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with everyone that said bring the crib in your room. I personally still could not get any sleep - so sensitive to her noises, so she was in her room very quickly, but each person is different. I also co-slept at times when DD woke up in the middle of the night and I didn't want to stay up with her. She's a healthy 5 yr old now. But try the crib or pack n play in your room and you will probably be much happier and the baby is better too hearing your breathing helps to keep his in rhythm.

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Totally agree with the below answer.

My son is 8 months and we had him in a bassinet, then a crib in our room until last week. Now he is in his own bedroom, and we have a video monitor that I keep on my nightstand.

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