I Feel like All I Do Is Tell Her 'No', Is This Normal?

She's doing exactly what she should be at this age. When gets into somewhere or something she shouldn't just distract her. Pick her up and move her to somewhere she is allowed to be, and give her toys she is allowed to play with. While you are moving her tell her she shouldn't play with the computer, but here are some great toys to play with. You might even have to get down on the floor and play with her to keep her there for a while. Eventually she'll learn what she is allowed to play with and what she isn't. It will be a long process though, so settle in for a while. :) And she'll go through it a few more times. My 21 month old is going through his second phase of testing what he is and isn't allowed to do.

Try to find something else for her to do. If you tell her no too much, it's not good for her self-esteem. Find some things that hold her interest for a while. Ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior with praise.

as the mom of an 18 month old I feel your "pain" at the word no. If he isnt climbing up to dance in the center of the coffee table hes trying to climb off the arm of the couch-if not something else dangerous (yesterday he tried to help unload the dishwasher and grabbed a butter knife i gave him a wooden spoon instead).

try to re-direct her attention it wont work every time but it should lessen the "no" factor. we also use positive
re-inforcement and timeout yes their young but i figure start now so then no call to super nanny later.

I hope this helps,
K.

What I did was not to say NO unless it was a really big deal (ie going to grab something that can hurt her, running towards the road, or doing something really bad like pulling the ears of the dog..) I mostly would say do not do that olivia and correct her. I never wanted to be that mom who is always saying no no no no so I adopted this approach. Sometimes my family would forget my tactic, and for instance if she was playing with her food or another minor naughty instance they would say NO to her and she would well up and cry because she knew NO meant she best stop and it was a huge deal to hear it. It gets her to respond immediately to the word incase she is in danger, like reaching for a pair of scissors.

Another thing I do/did was use the word WAIT when I wanted her to stop. I taught her this word by grabbing her arm to stop her and I said wait and she picked it up really fast. So if she is taking off and you do not think she is in danger or going to get hurt instead of using NO use the word WAIT! it really works and my toddler was responding to verbal commands very well before she was 14 months old.

We had the same problem with our son and still do at times but we found that if after the first No he doesnt stop then we count slowly and he knows he has till 5 or its time out...and time out for him is being held in our lap because he would never stay any where on his own and most of the time he did something that needs a sorry so we keep him on our lap until he says sorry and yes he fights and struggles until he realize he isnt going any where till he says sorry...its to the point that unless he is tired we dont get pass 3 when we start counting...he also have been telling us to count when the dog isnt listening Lol

Don't just tell her no, that's not a consequence. I would put her in time out for a few minutes. Not sure if she will stay there at that age, but it's worth a try. Just telling her no isn't punishing her, she needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions.

Just my thoughts.

K.,

At 17 months, children are exploring their world. They are by nature, as we all are, touching beings. They don't understand that there are certain things that are off limits to them. We learn what to touch and what not to touch through our parents, yet we continually attempt to see what the world is about even though we are told, "No." It's not easy to keep guidance over a toddler, but you might try a couple of different things.

The first would be the obvious one which is to remove any and all objects that you can from the area she plays in (room, main living area, etc.) that is not allowed.
The second would be to offer her other choices. If, for instance, she is going for the computer, you might say to her "The computer is not a choice right now, but we can play with this toy or that toy. Which would you most like to play with now?" Even children as young as 17 months understand choices and enjoy working with Mom or Dad because they like it when you are happy.

The third would be to put signs, such as a crossed out hand, on the things you most don't want touched. If you find you have too many signs, I again suggest you remove some items from your home or room she plays in for the time being. You can always bring them back when you feel she is older and ready.

As she gets older, she will learn to ask before she touches certain things that would will eventually approve of, such as playing on the computer. You may even set up computer time where you remove the sign when it's time to sit at the computer with Mom. When the sign goes back up, it's hands off.

You're doing a great job K.. You are blessed with a happy child, but you are clearly doing things right for her to be smiling everyday. Don't worry, we all wondered about better ways when we were raising our first child. I have 6, the last ones twins. I'm still learning.

W. P.

The best thing that you can do is wait it out as it is a very important learning process that she is going through right now. Just rephrase how you tell her "no" and use redirection. (Which means to lead her away from the thing that you don't want her to do and show her something else that she'll find interesting). Also, try adding a more positive slant to what you say. If she's playing with the computer, why not say, as you pick her up "Yes! The computer is fun. Let's find something else to play with for now." And leave it at that. If she goes to the computer again say "I can tell you like this computer! Lets read a book." Be creative about it. If she's standing on a chair or something like that you could say "That's not safe!" Instead of no. Or I've always like telling the little ones that "chairs are for sitting." Say this while sitting them down - gently. No yelling. It will not be long before you can say "Hey, you! What are chairs for?" And the child will sit right down.

Good luck!

I can totally sypathize with you. I also have a 17 month old daughter and am a stay at home mom. There is a reason they say it is the toughest job! My daughter does the same exact thing but she has a really bad temper and sometimes when I tell her no she screams at the top of her lungs. I also have a 3 year old son and he did the same thing at that age. Sorry to say that it stays around for a while and you just need to learn ways to deal with it. I am constantly praying for patience. I am not a single mother but almost. My husband runs his own business and is gone from 8AM to 10PM most nights so I am home with them from the time they get up till they go to bed. It is so tiring that I find myself losing my patience much more quickly than normal. But if you even show frustration they notice and can make it worse. My son picks up on it right away now at three and points it out to me. If I say no to my daughter for getting into something and she then cries, he tells me I am making his baby cry! haha It's funny but at the same time annoying. Especially if I am losing patience. But you must firmly tell her no and then remove her from the situation. If you are beginning to lose it then put her in her crib or playpen and go to another part of the house to calm down. You aren't perfect and being with a child who is discovering they have a mind of their own is exhausting. I wish I could say it will end soon but I can't. I just have to remind myself how wonderful my children are and it's just an annoying little thing that shows they are intelligent and have their own mind. Good Luck

I am pretty sure it is TOTALLY normal.
My son is 1, and not only do I tell him NO all the time, (same stuff like pushing buttons on the TV, opening the toilet lid...) now he says NO, whick is bad and cute all at once. He is too little and innocent to get a swat on the butt, so I just keep telling him. If I really raise my voice and yell his name with a NO on it, he gets all mad..
I know it's a phase, and it will get worse still before it gets better. Just keep on being consistent with her, and eventually she will stop, once she has tried and learned her/your boundaries.
To make life a little easier in the meantime, get a couple baby gates to block her in where you want her and lock up those cabinets too- put furniture in front of outlets in use etc.
Good luck

all i can say is that my son is 16 months old and i feel the same way with him...i think its the age...good luck!

It's a stretch, but you can try the crying method with her. When she touches the computer, you can just walk over, look at her touching it, the gasp, and tell her she broke it and start crying. Sit on the floor with her and tell her to give you a hug. Make her console you when you cry. Kids do not like to see their mother cry. They will do what ever they can to make it stop. Let me know if this works for you. It worked on all three of mine. :)

YUP! This is very normal. The trick is to tell her no only ONCE! If she does not listen there is a consequence. Maybe sitting in the corner or on the couch for 5 minute or maybe even 10 minutes, whatever you decide but make sure you follow through or it will only get worse! Best of Luck to you.

This is normal. My son hit his terrible two's early, and it seems I have only used 3 words for the past year; no, don't and stop. Come to think of it, that's what I say to my husband, too, LOL. Anyways, they are pushing their limits, finding out what is appropriate and what isn't. Remember this in the future, when you have told her no for the umteenth time that day: they are not miniature adults. Someone told me this, and it struck me, because I DO get frustrated with my son when he repeatedly does things he shouldn't. He doesn't know! That is what we are here for, and that is why all of OUR mothers have gray hair. Good luck and god bless.

She is absolutely testing you and will continue to do so in waves. :) Some friends and I have identified 3 different times of year with our oldests that are like clockwork. They are about to turn 7. LOL

The biggest advice I can give is to be consistent. Don't laugh when she does what she does or she will think you find it funny too. When they are that little, I usually tell them No in a firm voice and then redirect them someway.

While it isn't always easy, I try to maintain a firm but normal tone when correcting my children because I don't want to have to resort to yelling every time I want them to listen to me. So far it works...especially when I just don't say anything at all and look at them. I don't mean with a "mad" look either. I just have to look sometimes and they will say "oops...sorry!" and stop what they were doing but obviously that has come after years of doing what we do.

I will tell you, my oldest used to be horrible at touching plugs when he was about your daughter's age. I thought I had tried everything but nothing was working. He got shocked twice and would STILL touch them! I got so scared he was going to get hurt one day just like I am sure you worry about when your daughter is touching electronics. So when I read somewhere to incorporate a little flick on the top of the hand, I was ready to try it. It beat my son being electrocuted. Within a week of doing it, he stopped touching plugs!!

Like I said, I did not get upset. I used an even tone. When he touched a plug I would simply tell him No in a stern voice as I flicked the top of his hand. You don't have to do it hard...just enough to catch her attention. Then I would redirect him to something else, fun and safe.

Hope you find what works for you. It sounds like you are doing great so far though...you have the right ideas. :)

Hugs,
L.

Hi K. P,
I can totally relate to what your saying. I felt the same way when my 3 year was that age. I think he really thought his name was "NO". :) I got tired of listening to myself say no all the time and kind of switch gears. For instance when he tried to eat a piece of dog food, I would say "Yucky!" When he got too close to the Stove, I would say "Hot!" and so on. The stern tone of your voice will get the most important part of your message across. I also tried to focus on bringing to light what he could do. It's also important to have places at home where your baby is allowed to play safely so you don't have to be the "no" police all the time. It really is just a stage. It will pass...trust me.
I also wanted to mention a great stay at home opportunity that works great for a lot of single moms or stay at home moms. I don't pressure anyone if you'd like to check it out visit: www.successfulmoms.net
Good luck and be patient. :)

This is TOTALLY normal!! I have two boys, 2 yrs and 11 mos...and I say variations of the word "no" ALL day long, every day. (Although I am a teacher and reading one of the responses I was brought back to my schooling about positives instead of negatives - sooo easy to forget with your own children, but definitely great ideas!) I have tried two variations that I like, mainly because manners are so important to me. Instead of saying "no", we use "no thank you." The more stern the voice, the more serious the kids know we are - but it certainly doesn't always work. My two year old often just laughs or says "no" back...or sometimes even hits because he is angry with us. The 11 mo old just gets upset and cries or laughs, depending on what we are scolding him for. I was also totally frustrated at the young age your daughter is because I have always believed in time out, but I knew Alex wouldn't stay in it. We found a good solution to that too....a pack n play. We put the pack n play at the end of our staircase, out of the way of the normal traffic of the house. When he was under 2, we would put him in there when he was deliberately disobedient, hit, or threw toys (which he still does, so nothing totally cures them other than growing out of the stage!!) We have already started using the pack n play with my 1 yr old nephew. He may not totally understand the time out concept yet, but we set the timer for 1 minute, talk to him afterwards, and he usually stops the behavior when he gets out simply because he has forgotten about it. Eventually he will understand the meaning and get to where Alex is now that he can sit in a chair on his own for time out.

I hope that was a little bit helpful....just know that we all go through it and all we can do is vent to each other about how frustrating it is, and do our best to vary the ways we say no and be consistent with the consequences!! Good Luck!!