I Dont Trust Anyone to Watch My Daughter While I Work!

well, you just need to decide what's more important to you and what is best for the both of you. raising your daughter all on your own while living at your Mom's house (possibly having to bite your tongue and take her criticisms) or moving out, getting a job and have someone else look after her for a few hours. You have to look at both sides. I'm sure it is totally annoying that your Mom gets on you about things like your daughter's father coming around, BUT she is helping you out in a bind and she IS your mother and only wants what's best for you. If you feel that you need to go back to work and move out on your own, you'll have to come to terms with someone else watching her. if you think you won't be able to perform your job functions because you'll be worrying about your daughter so much, then maybe getting a job now isn't the right thing. Yes you are in a tough situation, but hey, at least you have 2 people offering you free childcare! LOTS of people don't even have that option. and they are family. yes, they may have their imperfections, but no one is perfect. I'm sure if you ask them to please not drink while watching the baby that they will gladly comply. I understand your worry. you are a single mom and she is your only child. Yes, maybe no one can watch her better than you. Yes, maybe they might make a mistake or two like not feeding her right at 8pm but at 8:20. is that so horrible? You never know, your daughter may benefit from having alone time with other family members. and you might benefit from being out in the workforce again. I think you should count your blessings and stop worrying so much. Make the choice that's best for you and your daughter. good luck!

I know it is very difficult to let go, especially when you are worried that her childcare isn't going to be as good as you could give. You are working nights, right? 5 to midnight. Your daughter will sleep for a lot of that time. Brush her teeth before you go, and take care of the important things. I have just gone back to work a few days a week. Every morning, before I go, there are certain things that I make sure are done, like fixing my sons' bedheads and cleaning their faces. I'm always afraid my hubby will forget. And when it's breezy out, I spend the whole day hoping he remembered to give them jackets to wear.

I know it is hard to relinquish that control, but you're going to have to trust them a little. She's your first and only and the most precious thing in your life. You are her mom, the most important person in her life, and spending a few hours in someone else's care isn't going to change that for her. I had a hard time coping with that myself, but trust me. A few hours a night isn't going to hurt her.

If the drinking gets in the way, you'll have to find another option, of course. But give them a chance. They aren't going to be perfect, but she'll still be okay. Really, if she eats a half an hour earlier or later once in a while, she'll be okay. Working will make you feel good, too, so you won't be so dependent on your baby to make you feel important. I'm saying that because I know!

Good luck!

Rose,
I have to laugh, not at you by any means but at both of us, cause I am totally the same way and I didn't even realize it till I read it as you wrote it. Well for me I was working grave yard so I could spend all the "awake" hours I could with my kids so they got everything I thought they should. What happened was two things:
1 at some point there has to be some one else watching them,
2 Because I was tired from trying to work opposite them I wasn't able to be the kind of Mom I needed to be and expected myself to be.

For me the solution was easy, work from home, for myself. It took quite a few tries to find something not only legitimate but something that I love and feel passionate about.

And don't get me wrong it's not always easy, but it's worth it, I have the best of both worlds, I can support my self and take care of my kids at the same time. For me it was the perfect solution.
Maybe there is something out there for you too.

H.

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I couldn't bear to leave my little baby girl with someone else either. Quit my job and searched for something to do from home. I found it and it has changed our lives. Check out http://kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com. It's a no risk, no selling, no stocking, no shipping opportunity. It's easy, it's fun and you'll love it! Give me a call today and I will give you all the details. You can get started for $1. YES, one dollar is your only investment. Don't pass this up, check out my website today.

Man...this is a tough one. I can only say that once we have a baby what we want is kinda put on the back burner for many moms. You may feel like you have to do this for yourself but as you said you will be concerned about your daughter.

I chose to go back to work because I love bfing. Plus I figured my son is old enough to tell me if something goes wrong. And he does but it doesnt make it any easier. I still worry about the same things. I didnt have to do it. My husband was supporting us but after 2 years I wanted to do something for myself.

Im not telling you to stay in your situation or to go back to your boyfriends house. I am saying that you should listen to what I call our "mommy heart" if your desire is to be there for her until she starts school. Working grave yard will not solve the problem. You'll want to sleep while she's excited to play. There are SO many milestones to encourage her in and you will be tired. Many single moms do it. And its because they have to. I know I made the choice and didnt have to and I feel bad all the time.

But if you have to put up with your moms voice as long as she isnt affecting your child I would say its worth it. If she can respect the babies father around the baby thats a fair rule. But only you know your situation.

All mothers need a support network. SAHM's have groups and when we are working we need some one to pick up our child from daycare when they are sick and to have a shoulder to cry on. Maybe the people around you are the wrong support group but you have to decide these things.

Its also okay to decide you've made a mistake if you choose to stay and later realize its wrong or get a night time job, move out, and realize its too much. It makes you a stronger mom. Its hard to admit a choice is not good for your family which is what your struggling with now.

Either way you are safe. Live and learn I say.

hi Rosie, I completly understand what you are saying. I had to go back to work and leave my son uin others care and it freaked me out to no end. I actually went through quite a few people before being content with who I found. Remeber you can make suprise visitis( linch breaks are great for this). I was so anal about everything from his schedule to his feedins. Now my son is 9 and I realize that that stuff is in no way as important as the safety issues. Prioritize your needs. Safety first, seeing eye to eye on important issues, and respecting your schedules and other things you find important.
It may not be that important that she get her mottle at exactly 9pm if she is being we loved and played with. Maybe 9:30 wont hurt her internal schedule.
You do not have to leave her with anyone you don't like and you can observe eveyone before leaving her with them. Remember you are her momma, but it takes a village to raise a child.
A.

Hi R.,

Have things gotten any easier for you with your daughter? I know it's been a while since your post.

Have you ever considered working from home? I'm not a pushy sales lady, so no pressure. I found a great opportunity that I'd love to chat with you about. Just let me know if you're interested.

Good luck!

~C. Smith
www.enhanceyourwayoflife.com

Hi Rose,
No one will ever do things as well as you do...you are mommy. However, you have to let go of some of that. There are some great in home licensed day cares, but you just have to look. Interview them all. Your gut will tell you what is best. Ask them all the questions you want.

You are right, it is important to do this on your own. From my very own experience, your mother will continue to throw things in your face until you are on your own...and then some.

My baby goes to an in home daycare and they are GREAT!!! At first I was nervous, but now they watch her even for a night out. She is like family to them and they are like family to her. She knows them better than she knows her own Grandparents and Aunts & Uncles. Honestly, I am more comfortable with her being with the sitter than with her own grandparents, including my own mother. When she stayed with my mother in law recently, I called 3 times to see if things were alright and they were. I understand your delema, but you do have to let go.

My suggestion, no commercial daycares, as I had a horrible experience. My little one will go to a preschool when she is old enough to express what has happened throughout her day.

Best of luck.
C.

Hi Rose.

I understand the situation you are dealing with - my daughters father and I split when I was five months pregnant, and I moved in with my mother and father who cared for me ad supported me throughout my entire pregnancy (though I was working full time up until the day I delivered and money was never an issue). Fortunately for me and my daughter, her father worked very hard to win us back - went to counseling, has been diagnosed with a mental disorder that is very common, and is on medication. While we moved back in with him a year ago, he still sees his mental health doctors and things are good, so I have the luxury of staying at home with my child. But before we reconciled, I had to go back to work when the baby was 3 months old. I found a friend to watch her part of the day and my mother the other part.
Now that I am home, for extra money, I am a nanny (I have a bachelors,masters, and state of ca teacher certification and all sorts of training, as I have worked with children my entire life. I understand that mental battle you are having - a mother should not have to make the decision between work and child. BUT - now that you have decided that you want to make it on your own, you are going to have to make some sacrifices: if you will no longer accept the help that mom and ex baby's daddy are extending, then it is now YOUR responsibility to provide everything for your child alone. She cannot grow up happy and healthy if all of her needs are not met, including a roof over her head, food in her mouth, clothes and shoes on her body. It is now your sole responsibility and with you having made that single mom choice, you are completely obligated to go back to work. I know its hard, but if this is the decision you have made, then you have to make some sacrifices - meaning, your daughter has to be in childcare if you want to do it on your own. You can get all sorts of help from the state who can place her in a local, certified childcare program where she will be safe, happy, and have the chance to socialize with others. The not spending as much time with her as usual will be far more difficult for you to handle than for your baby. Most, if not all, of these state certified and run care programs are really wonderful and provide your child with everything they could want or need, and other things that she would not normally get at home (socialization, a private play yard, painting, etc). You can get state subsidies in order to afford quality childcare. At this point, your decision is between working and sending you little one to childcare or continuing to live in a situation with people you dont wish to be around. Its a hard decision, but know that hundreds of thousands of children grow up in childcare perfectly happy, healthy, and "normal" in every way.

That's a very tough issue, Rose. I can understand your dilemma and as much as you want for someone to take care of your daughter the way you do. I chose to be most of the time to be a ____@____.com I'm a substitute teacher and my schedule is flexible. My son will be entering preschool this fall & he's 4 yo.

You may not like living with your mother, but it's the sacrifice you make for being a ____@____.com, she's gonna throw in your face and you two are gonna have arguments, but at least you're able to ____@____.com with your daughter.

If you want to be with your daughter and not have others care for her, then you have to be the one to make sacrifices for your child. Otherwise, you can work and have to deal with the other troubles you think you'll be facing.

When I started leaving my son with my father-in-law, it was really really difficult for me. I know that sometimes my father-in-law doesn't do things exactly the way I do and I have to realize that. All I knew was that my son was getting taken care of by someone I trusted. I don't think anyone is going to be providing the same kind of love & attention to our kids as we mothers are, but we do have to think about what's best for them and ourselves.

Staying at home was the best thing I could do for my son. Now I'm sad to see him go. Do you have any really good friends that you trust? Or what about other family members? Maybe you can find a job that will allow you stay at home, like a home based business. There are plenty out there, so do some research...