I Don't Have Many Friends Anymore...

Updated on June 14, 2013
J.C. asks from Bronxville, NY
15 answers

As our lives have moved into different directions, I've found that I don't have many friends anymore. I still have a BFF who is wonderful but I'd like to have more female friends who live close by and some couple friends that me and my hubby can hang out with. It makes me so sad. I work full time and don't have much time but I still need friends. Any suggestions on how to make some? It has me kind of depressed.

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answers from Baton Rouge on

What do you like to do for fun?
Do you craft something? A lot of craft stores hold classes or get-togethers. Go to one. You already have one thing in common with everyone else in the room.

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Columbus on

All the friends I have now, with the exception of 1 or 2, I made in the past 6 years by being active at my kids' school, taking classes, and joining local art organizations. Adults connect through work, hobbies, or other common interests. Before my kids started school, my closest friends were all in our playgroup and we met at a new mom's support group. Many of them moved away as their kids got to school age and we didn't, so we keep in touch on Facebook, but my new circle of friends is wonderful.

Just look for activities and clubs that revolve around your interests -- you'll find like minded people that way.

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answers from Jacksonville on

Have you thought about checking to see if there is a 'mommy 'grp in your area, or take a class, go to church, take your child to a near by park and hook up with some other moms, just a few suggestions ! Join some clubs,...
C. S.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

meetup.com is free to join. you put in your zip code and what interests you and groups of "meetups" will come up and you can ask to join. they have a group for literally everything on there. then after you join, you will get emails with scheduled "meetups" and you go. once you think you have some things in common with someone, then you make plans with them . you will either hit it off or not. if not, try again with someone else. my husband and I have done this at church. there are many that we just don't click with but a few we do and we see them often. it takes time but you have to make an effort. good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

A friend is someone I can call up to do something, or they call me up, whether its with just me or with my kids, make my family a meal if I'm in the hospital or someone I can swap childcare with.

For every good friend I have, I had to put myself out there with 9 others.

They aren't just going to come to you no matter how friendly, witty, smart, or rich you are. You have to invest yourself and your time in people and one day something will automatically click with one of them. Show interest in people, show interest in their kids, ask about them and things going on in their lives. That means facing alot of rejection on any level, but I just see that as the weeding out part. But in the end, you end up with a loyal and trustworthy friend.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I can relate to your question - when my oldest child was about 7 I realized i really missed my friends. Many of them lived 30+ minutes away or if they lived close their kids were at different ages or they didn't have kids, etc.

I began scouting out friends and prayed about it. One really nice mom (kids were similar ages) who began to get close to moved away when her husband's job moved - so frustrating! Another mom ended up being something of a flake. I finally found someone whose kids were the same age as mine. We met at church when we went to the same places to pick up our kids after activities and found dthem being friends with eachother. I offered to watch her kids one afternoon when she had a lot of things to do for an upcoming family event. She did the same for me when we were planning & packing for a big vacation the following week. That kind of broke the ice being at eachother's home for a short drop-off / pick-up. Then it progressed to trading off babysitting on school vacation, date nights, etc. Pretty soon she & I were going on day trips together when the kids were off school, chaperoning youth group retreats, etc. But I had to be deliberate and ask her if she wanted to do things with us. It was like asking someone out on a date as there's this risk of rejection.

It's been 7 years and we are great friends. We've been there for eachother through cancer, deaths in the family, auto accidents, etc. Our kids are now all in high school and are still very close. We have yet to take any family vacation together - but who knows - maybe one day yet! We frequently email eachother, and may go a month with hardly talking to eachother with out schedules. But it's great to have a BFF again. ;o)

Although I have 4 neighbors with kids at similar ages only one of them is someone I'd consider a friend (the other two are VERY different in thei child rearing views, etc.) although her kids go to a private school and we've drifted since then. So neighbors, although convenient - and you should try to get along with them - are often not a guarantee in the friend area. Just cuz you picked out a house on the same street doesn't mean you'll be compatible in any other way!

It's also tough in the NY area where people get rush their kids from one activity to another (so they're rarely home) and don't generally spend time outside on a front porch - but get inside and stay there.

Pray, watch for other moms who are waiting for their child after an activitiy, game, music lesson, etc. There will be false starts - just like dating. But eventually you'll find someone.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Huntington on

My advice would be to take the initiative. Don't be afraid to reach out to people, to say hi, ask them questions, invite them places. Even if you are working full time, you can do this. What about inviting someone with children (a neighbor, or the mother of one of your children's friends) to the park or pool with you and the kids? Ask someone to join you for an evening walk or to go get coffee. Strike up a conversation with someone at church, at a little league game, a fitness class, etc. You could also join a mom's group.
It won't result in an instant friendship every time. But I have found that by taking the initiative, I have met a lot more people and have made some good friends.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I find it's hard to make friends at this age because everyone like u is busy. I find a lot of people already have their established friends and don't seem interested in making more friends which I think is very close minded of them. That's why I'm on meetup so I can meet people who actually want friends and want to do things with kids. It's hard to establish the deep friendships but it's nice to have someone to meetup with that is social and likes to do things. Does your bff want to get together one good friend is golden and try reconnecting with your old friends too sometimes u can pick up where u left off people just get busy and lose touch with each other.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Do not limit youself to your own race, age, married women, etc. This question is asked a lot on the site.

I meet random women as potential friends by going to Half Price books and striking up conversations and exchanging cards, in thrift stores asking a potential friend if my butt looks fat in this... At church Wednesday night Bible Study rather than on busy Sundays, at the hairdresser, at library book clubs, etc. etc.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


Have you tried a "hobby"? Or Meetup.com?

If you live in a big neighborhood - try organizing a block party and getting to know your neighbors more.

Schedule a "girls night out" on a regular basis with your best friend. If you can't do that - find something you like - a hobby and start looking for a place holds meetings for people with the same hobby....start talking to people...

remember - it's QUALITY not quantity. I would rather have 3 GREAT friends than 10 mediocre friends.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Start a club. Do you still have children in school? Start a bookclub or a bunko group. You just need one or two people you like to invite and then they can invite one or two people they like. Before you know you have a little club, meet once a month and maybe you will connect with one or two of them.

Create a neighborhood dinner club where you rotate houses monthly. Invite neighbors to your house to get the ball rolling.

Or, join a club, take a class, volunteer at school....

Look, it's hard to make friends as an adult, but if you join SOMETHING you have an interest in chances are you will meet someone with common interests.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Make the first move.

If you are complaining about being left on the sideline, only you can move yourself off that sideline.

Ask somebody to lunch. It may not happen the first lunch - it may not happen with the first person you ask. But you don't get friends unless you ARE a friend. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

I have definitely felt as you do. In the past years, many of my friends have moved away and the ones remaining that I did hang out with didn't have kids and once I did, those friendships seem to drop away. This includes what was a close friendship of over 25 years.. In that case, I became the weekend day friend.. :( and my calls were never returned on the weekends...

However, most recently I have begun to attend my Buddhist Temple on a more regular basis..I am finding (this time around) that as I begin to immerse myself with people who have the same interests, friendships have slowly begun to develop.. I should also note that this time around when it comes to making friends, I am move selective and that could be why it's taking longer.. Whereas in the past, I think I was a bit of a doormat and allowed myself to be used.. I am going for quality not quantity..

Ally g. below is right.. you have to go through several friends before you get to the right one for you. it's like dating.. :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Join a group for something you are interested in.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

Is there anyone at work you like?...or at your husbands work? Invite them over for dinner on a Fri/Sat night. Is there any mom of one of your kid's friends that you like? Do you have some interest in common? Invite her to come hang out while the kids play. If it goes well invite them over for dinner one night. If you both like to run or bike or whatever invite her to join you. Invite them to go bowling with your family. Do you have a neighbor that you like? Just keep working at it. It takes work making friends now...it's not like we are all in college together with time to hang out. Everyone is busy. Well...good luck. It's hard but with effort you can do it!

1 mom found this helpful
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