I Desperately Need Advice on How to Move My Toddlers into There Own Room...

Updated on January 16, 2010
B.W. asks from Topanga, CA
6 answers

Our 1 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old are still sleeping in our bedroom. I got pregnant when my son was only 5 months old, so he stayed upstairs w/ us longer than we intended. Now we have two toddlers sleeping upstairs with us. When either baby would cry I would bring them into the bed w/ me so they didn't wake the other one... and in doing so created two little monsters (whom I adore)! It has gotten way out of hand. They were both sleeping in the bed w/ me for awhile, but that didn't work for obvious reasons. My husband now sleeps on the couch or in the guest room, my son sleeps in the bed w/ me (soundly) and my daughter sleeps in her crib next to me. I have finally stopped bringing my daughter into the bed, but every night she wakes up and needs to be comforted. I end up sleeping with my hand through the crib or hunched over the side of it. 2-3 hours of sleeplessness every night for months now. We finally just put her downstairs in her own crib/room two nights ago. It's pure torture on me! She goes right to sleep after a bottle but wakes up in the middle of the night complaining/crying for us. What should I do? What is the protocol on how long to let her cry? going in the room to comfort her? picking her up or not? Are we doing the right thing? ... And how do we get our son out of our bed? We want to get him a twin bed, but they have to share a room. We are in a serious bind! I KNOW we have created this... but how do we fix it? Any ideas? Please help!

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answers from Los Angeles on

Hi B.,
I have been a similar situation as you,but, I have only one child. She is almost 3 (in May) and has just recently (in the past few months) started to sleep from the time we put her down (7:30pm) all the way to the morning (6:30-6:45). This has been an absolute blessing!!! I finally got to the point where I was just DONE!!! It wasn't so bad when she was little, but as she got older, she became quite a bed hog and then wouldn't leave me alone. So, that was it.... I found a wonderful book called "Sleep Sense Program".
It's an on-line book so I can forward it to you if you would like. I can't express what this book did for my family. It takes alot of pacience and consistancy, but it worked! I could go on forever about the process I used to get my little girl to sleep through the night, but if you want to know details, we can talk through email.
My email is ____@____.com. (I'll send the book to who ever might need it) This book opened my eyes to all of the things I was doing to contribute to her horrible sleep habits, and even creating them for her. I understand about not wanting to wake anyone else up, but a few days (possibly a week) of crying really is no comparision to the peace of mind you get when they finally learn to fall asleep on their own. I also had issues with my daughter waking up in the middle of the night. That's how she ended up in my bed by morning.
You just need to sleep train your children. There is a lot that goes into it, but the end result is priceless!!!!
I hope to hear from you soon.
Take care,

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answers from Los Angeles on

We co-slept with all of our kids.

We moved #1 out of our bed at around 20 months, to a crib mattress on the floor, up against the foot of our bed and when he woke up, he stood up and we were right there. Don't get me wrong, he sometimes ended up in our bed...but it was rare. At 3, I explained that another baby was coming and it was only fair that this baby get the same mommy and daddy time as he got. No issues - he went right into his own bed, in his own room all night long, but made it clear that when he woke up, he could crawl into bed with us in the am....he did. Everyone was happy.

We co-slept with #2 until he was about 18 months. He never wanted to be alone, so we put him in the crib next to his brother's bed, where they heard each other breathing all night long.

Then #3 was born when #2 was 22 months old. We just got her out of our bed at about 19 months old....but she likes being with/touching something, so we have a big bolster at the edge of her bed with lots of bean bag type pillows next to the wall.

The 2 boys (now 7 and 3.5) sleep in a Queen size bed togther and have for almost a year. They have a double queen bunk, but they prefer to sleep together. Lately, our daughter who is 21 months says, "Nicky bed" when it's time for bed. I put her between her brothers and they all fall asleep and then we move her.

It's different for each one, but don't let them manipulate you. I never let them cry, but that's me. They all listen to what we expect of them and we have rules and we are consistant. They know our answers do not change, so there is little room for tantrums, etc. I also try to find a happy medium keeping in ming their needs as well. I personally prefer to sleep next to my husband...and when he's not around, I don't sleep as well. Why would it be any different for kids?

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Can you sleep with them in their own room for awhile? Get the kids in their room. Make it a fun secure place with a soothing night light and cuddly teddy bears and a white noise generator. Get them in their cribs/beds and you sleep on a cot with them in their room for awhile. Then slowly over several nights, move the cot a little closer to the door. Then out side the door. Eventually they should be use to their room with out you in it. Use a baby monitor so you can hear them when you are back into your own room. Resist bringing them to your room again. Their room is where they need to sleep.

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answers from San Diego on

There may be other moms that have had better experience with this - but I cannot bear the crying and sobbing, and having checked with other parents that have co-slept with their babies - it takes about 2 plus years before they happily transition into their own bed. Mine is 2 and 3 months and by clockwork has started to ask about sleeping in her own bed. She has co-slept with us since she was a baby due to severe eczema and sleeplessness as a result of itching. Until that age it will be a battle and you may need to have to wage it unless you are willing to wait. Best of luck!



answers from Reno on

Wow I am going through this right now! My youngest DD is 10 months and she has slept with mommy and daddy since she was little. I started comforting her to put her to sleep and nursing her in bed, it just became habit so we could all get some rest!
Well 2 weeks ago I started putting her in her crib. I am not a fan of letting them cry it out, but it was getting bad to the point she was waking about 4-5 times a night and wanting to comfort nurse. I let her cry the first night, I said I'll let her cry 15 minutes, she did and we went and consoled her, picked her up and rocked her and back down. We couldn't stay in the room because she would just cry more and stand up and reach for us. We said another 15 minutes and she only cried for 10 and fell asleep. It KILLED me hearing her cry but we had to let her. Then the second night I said 10 minutes, she cried about 8 and fell asleep. I didn't think this approach would work but IT DOES! Since then I say no more than a few minutes and she cried for maybe 1-2 minutes, maybe even seconds. Now I lay her down, she kind of frowns at me but then she rolls over and goes to sleep.
Now my second problem was her waking at night. She woke up 2 times for the first few nights and I did comfort her and lay her back down. All she wanted was to get into our bed so I let her, but only to nurse 1 time a night. After a few days I just let her be in her crib if she woke up again and she only whined for a few minutes. If she knew we weren't coming to get her, she would go back to sleep. For the past few nights *knock on wood LOL* she has slept 9 hrs straight and this is a HUGE milestone! Speaking of I should get the bed LOL
It does take time but in the end it's worth it. I hated the sound of her crying for me, it broke my heart. I don't know how long for a 17 month old, my oldest DD slept through the night from about 5 months (but she slept with us until she was over 2!!). It's so different with every one! We moved her into a toddler bed when I was almost due with our youngest. It was HARD but she would fall asleep in our bed and then we'd move her into her bed next to ours. She woke up and we made a HUGE deal about her waking up in her big girl bed and she eventually caught on that that is her bed. She still likes to snuggle and sometimes falls asleep with us, it's only natural. I thought it'd NEVER happen but it will :) Now we have to move the toddler bed into the room with the baby and crib since she's not howling anymore. LOL it's never ending!




answers from Los Angeles on

I had the same thing going on but with only one in my bed, and my husband was not getting the sleep he needed so he would be in a bad mood all day so I said that was it. My daughter is 23months and is in the room with my 10yr, so I could not let her CIO. She would go to sleep ok but she would get up around 1:30, so I would go in there put her back in her bed and sit nextto her untill she would go back to sleep. Sometimes it would take longer the others but it was the best thing I did. We also put a gate up in her door so she could not just some in bed with us and I think that has helped alot, cause some nights I hear her get up and she just goes by the gate and gose back to sleep on her own then I go put her back in her bed. This will take time you just have to be ready for it and getting up a lot at first. Or maby you can try to but then in different rooms untill they are sleeping better on there own. You could put your son in the guest room. Then when they are doing good you could put them back. Good luck sorry its so long

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