I Can't Be the Only One. Right?!

Mommy,

Your son is 3. He is just barely understanding "good choices" - you need to keep your commands to his level and what he can understand.

He is NOT acting like a teenager - I have one - he's acting like a baby. He's regressing, in other words.

What is going on in your world?
Are you and your husband fighting?
Has his routine or schedule changed?
Did this just start recently - if so - can you rewind your memory to when this started and see what changes happened - it might help figure it out and get him back on the right track.

Hitting is not acceptable - however - he's learning it from somewhere. Whether someone is hitting him or he's seeing it. However, hitting is also something used in "toddlers" (and to me - an almost 4 year old is NOT a toddler) when they don't have the words to express their feelings.

When he is in time out? IGNORE him...even if he's hitting the wall - ignore him. He KNOWS what will set you off. he knows what will get you to run to him and give him attention. It doesn't sound like time out is working. So I would take all the toys away - ALL of them - and have him EARN them back with good behavior. Keep it simple. If he throws a toy - he doesn't get it back. He can USE HIS WORDS to express his frustration or feelings - NOT by hitting or throwing things.

If this continues? I would STRONGLY suggest you taking him to his pediatrician - and talk with the pediatrician - maybe there's something else going on and he needs intervention or further help!

Good luck!

He's being 3. And that can be challenging for sure.
It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things, just keep consistent.
Here are some examples of what I do, and it sounds pretty similar to what you are already doing.

Throwing a toy means the toy goes in time out.
Not picking up toys means the toys go in time out.
Hitting/kicking a person means he goes to his bed for time out for 3 minutes, and then he comes out he has to apologize.
Talking back gets time out in his room until he's ready to talk nicely.
Doing what he's told but with an attitude or hitting/kicking the wall while in time out gets completely ignored - he's just trying to get a rise out of you and if it doesn't work, he'll stop.
I would also completely ignore that he was acting like a baby at daycare. Again, that's obviously to try to get attention from the teachers, and if they ignore it, he'll likely stop.

Stay strong and completely consistent, and you'll get through this.

your doing the right thing. but you need to move on to the next step. first off time out does not have to be in a corner / on a chair etc. put a throw rug on the floor in the middle of the kitchen floor. that is the new time out space. nothing he can reach to kick lol. each and every time he has a fit during time out the timer starts over. and have an actual timer going I used the one on the stove. as far as the hitting thing goes. you have to tell him its ok to be angry. everyone gets angry but if you need to hit something go and hit your pillow (my son was allowed to kick the end of the sofa if he was angry. no shoes lol so he didn't end up kicking it hard cause it hurt his foot which was actually a good thing because it helped to say thats how it feels when you hit someone) and if he wants to act like a baby then let him. but remind him other kids might not want to play with him if he acts like a baby.

something else that might help. You don't need to "explain" everything. don't go into the whole make good choices etc. he's 3 he won't get it and will tune you out after word 5. so say time to pick up thats 1 time to pick up thats 2 time to pick up now your in time out. end of the discussion and when he gets out of time out he still picks up. or he looses the toy til the next week. we had what was called the saturday box. anything that got taken away spent a week in the box.

I feel for you. It's a tough age. But it isn't at all like a teenager... just so you know what to expect down the road. When they are teens they don't tell you "No"... they sigh and nod and act offended that you even felt like you had to ask or point out whatever it was, because, well, they KNOOOOOOOWWWWWW. They know EVERYTHING. Before you say it. They were JUST ABOUT TO do whatever it was. Why oh whyyyyy did you feel like you had to stick your two cents in because they were taking care of it....

Ugh. So annoying.

Hang in there. The challenges change, but we still love 'em.

To start with, I would read "The Strong Willed Child".

If he is anything like my daughter, he will respond better to the carrot than the stick. Reward good behavior, pay extra attention to him when he is behaved, or point out that he cannot do something he wants to until he has done what he needs to (we can't go to the park until your toys are picked up).

When he throws a fit, make sure he isn't hurting himself, and then ignore him. Or tell him he must be tired to be acting that way and put him down for a nap and tell him he can get up when he is ready to behave (chances are he will nap half the time).

Good news, it will get better.

I would pick and choose battles. If he doesn't take well to "clean up your toys" then how about making a game? See who can get all the blocks, etc. Young kids often need tasks broken down. Tell him, "We don't throw toys." If he does it again, consider taking the toy and putting it in time out so he can't play with it. Stay calm, even if he doesn't.

The acting like a baby - is it disruptive or just odd? If he's just being a kid, then I would ignore it. If he wants something and uses baby talk tell him you only understand him when he uses his big boy voice and ignore him til he does. I have sometimes told DD that if she doesn't stop putting marks on my wall, she will have to start time out for that infraction. I haven't done time out in a long time, because now that she's 5 we have different things, but time out did work for us when she was 3. I have not used it, but many people talk highly of 123 Magic as a parenting tool.

IMO, you have a three year old. I felt that 3 was a worse age than 2. Remember he'll try to push your buttons. Try to ignore what really doesn't matter and focus on behaviors (like hitting) that do.

It's a challenging age. I also believe each kid is different. I am a fan of the positive discipline approach (love and logic type stuff). My daughter would act this way most often when she needed attention. I found by spending time with her at home and making a point to slow our lives down, she was much more able to cooperate. I also agree with the poster that said REMAIN CALM. It's so hard sometimes, but they do notice (even unconsciously) how you are reacting. If you remain calm they will too. I'd read some books on positive discipline or love and logic. They aren't a magic formula by any means, but may give you some ideas. You are so NOT alone in this :)

He is searching for ways to get a reaction. Keep calm, unless he is hurting himself ignore until the right action presents itself and give lots of postiive attention.

They are attn seekers and will trying things .. and then once they find something that works keep using it until it does not.

Good luck.

You need to understand the difference in a toddler and a teen. It doesn't appear that you do...

You've gotten some good advice here about ignoring tantrums. You also have to make him toe the line. If you allow him to get out of putting away his toys because he had a tantrum, he'll just keep tantruming in order to get out of doing what he doesn't want to do. Even if you have to repeat over and over, you have to show him that you are the boss of him. You keep working with him to get toys put away until he stops the tantruming and helps you with the toys. It might take all morning the first day. If you stay 100% consistent, he will accept it and do what he is supposed to do eventually. Just like everyone has suggested, ignore the tantrum. But when the tantrum is done, go BACK to having him help pick up the toys.

From the tone of your post, it seems that you don't know how to handle him. I think that may be part of WHY he acts like a baby. If he doesn't feel that you are in control of him, if he sees you feeling helpless, it actually can make him act like this.

As far as the hitting is concerned, grab his hands and hold on to them so that he can't pull them away. Say firmly to him "Hands are for helping, not hurting. NO HITTING." Every. Single. Time. If he kicks, he goes in a boring room where the door gets shut behind him and he NEVER gets what he wants when he does it. When you let him out of time out, you require for him to apologize.

You had better be johnny-on-the-spot with this because if you aren't, he will start hitting his teachers and other children.

Congratulations, you have a three year old. What you're doing isn't working. He needs a lot more than gentle words that guide him and then a time out if he gets rowdy. He needs the discipline of structure, house rules, manners, and expected consequences. He gets those things at school but not at home, so he acts out when you attempt to "discipline" and he acts out in school when he's actually disciplined.

I usually offer suggestions at this point on how to establish some structure and discipline methods, but I'm going to suggest parenting classes for you. If his father is in the picture, then he should be involved in the classes too.

And for what it's worth, I have a teenager. Just you wait. He's not acting anything at all "like a teenager."

Sounds like a three year old. I agree with Mynewnickname.

I have a three and a half year old too, and I totally get it! I would suggest, in addition to many of the great suggestions below, that you pay close attention to the language that gets through to him. For my younger son, I found that he really heard me when I said I was not happy with him. No idea why, but that was what got through. I could say I was mad, angry, frustrated, whatever until the cows come home, but if I say I am not happy with him, he listens. If I am stressed about something else and frowning, he will come up to me and ask "Mommy, are you happy with me?"
The acting like a baby sounds like normal 3.5 year old pretend play, I'm not sure why that bothered the daycare. Mine wants to be a dog sometimes!