I Asked Original Son with Bi Polar and NO ONE to HELP

Updated on March 22, 2013
A.A. asks from Columbia, SC
12 answers

I got my son admitted to the hospital. I feel horribla, its been three days and the hospital has not done there testing yet. This is crazy, I am out of my mind. I am trying to be there for him. (I am only allow to be there 30 minutes twice a day) and take care of his 4 dogs. I live 18 miles from his house and live 22 miles from the hospital. And I work full time. I have a partner, who just doesn't feel like she there for me. I feel like know I lost my mind. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I just DON'T KNOW~~!!!!

What can I do next?

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answers from Sacramento on

As difficult as things are right now, you did the right thing. You're a good mom. There are reasons hospitals do things the way they do, so don't stress about testing. He's in a safe place with people trained to help patients with his condition.

Hugs to you! Keep us posted on how he's doing.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Chicago on

You absolutely did the right thing. I went through the same thing myself. The second time (an eight day stay) my heart was broken, but he had been threatening suicide. He IS ALIVE. You need to know they have their best interests at heart, it us who hurt, and they who are to be admired for years of bravery with this very sad condition. I am wishing at times that someone would have helped me figure this out over years of lithargic behavior in school, fights to get him there for instance, ups and downs, and finally a personality and body actions there was no way I could take care of. Is life perfect? No. But, you can either hate me here or have hope. He has gone through jobs and failed. He went through treatment takes meds faithfully, got a personal trainer certification, works in a place he likes, attends college and is participating in plays all the time. The day he gets an associates degree I will give the best party on earth. He is my hero, I admire his courage so much. But I had to leave him alone, gulp, so he would get there and take those steps and it was a nightmare. I have an older son, so proud of him too, he was in the service, he finished college, and is in an MBA program. I think am I bragging? No, I am happy for them. But that little twinkle comes about with tears sometimes, he is ALIVE, and perhaps it would not be this way if it weren't for the same kind of program you have to be there for.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

The more you back off and let him experience the facility the better. If he gets mad they'll see his anger, if you placate him they won't see anything. If you are there all the time they only see a part of what he is going through. You need to go to work, go home and be with your partner. When my daughter was admitted as a youth they didn't let us visit the first month. They wanted to see her at her worst and if we were seeing her she would think she could convince us to take her home so she'd act differently.

That was the best advice we ever got, I threw a hissy fit too. But they told me I would understand when it was over. They were right. She didn't need me there, she needed me to let them push her and get her to react/over react. To see her at her worst. They were able to accurately diagnose her due to the no visiting policy.

So please, go to work, go home, visit him every other day if you must see him but he'll do better if you don't go as much.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

You did the right thing. Doing the right thing is sometimes very, very,very hard! Could you possibly stay over at your sons a few nights a week? You could walk the dogs, kick back, have a few minutes to yourself. You could tell him that on the days you are staying over with his dogs you wont be by for a visit. If he loves his dogs like I love mine, he will probably be more than fine with that! Perhaps your partner is as overwhelmed as you are. Sometimes when people dont know what to say or do, they just say or do nothing. My husband is not a very supportive guy, so when I need to I just flat out tell him, "I need a hug and for you to hold me for a moment. I've been overwhelmed today and just need to feel some love." He usually will. Good Luck, A., your a good mom for doing what was right!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Take deep breaths many, many times a day. Every time a negative thought comes to mind replace it with a positive thought. i.e. "I did the right thing." or "I'm OK." "My son will be OK." "My son is getting the help he needs." "This process will take time." "I'm OK." etc.

You're taking care of your son. It's also important to take care of yourself. Only visit as often as you're emotionally and physically able to visit. He will be OK if you don't see him every day or twice a day. Eat right. Exercise, whatever you usually do or start a new activity. I find walking helpful in reducing stress.

Perhaps you could board his dogs or find friends who could help you with them.

Talk with his doctor and the nurses about the process. Let them know you're stressed. Ask questions. The more you know the less stressful this will be.

Talk with your partner. Use I statements. Ask her to help you in specific ways. Perhaps she could take care of the dogs every once in awhile. Could she make you a lunch? Give you a hug? Do not accuse her of not being there for you. Make it easy for her to help you by telling her what you need and asking if she can provide it.

Getting your son in the hospital is a very good thing. Do not feel horrible about that. Trust the hospital to do what is best. They are the experts. Trust them.

Everything happens for a reason and everything works out for best in the long run. Treat this as a journey and take one step at a time. There is no right way to feel. Accept your feelings as they are.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on


You need to take a deep breath and calm down. The hospital is exactly where your son needs to be. Don't feel horrible - feel victorious. You got him in a hospital; he is being seen and treated by professionals. That's a GREAT thing! It's exactly what needs to happen.

I think you might find some spiritual peace if you turn this over to God or whatever higher power you believe in. You can't control your son or his issues. Only God (or higher power) can do that. You have to turn this over to that higher power, get out of the way (meaning don't try to control the situation - go with the flow) and see what happens. You will probably find that things will work out and be better in the long run.

Please breathe!!!!!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

You did the right thing. You did the right thing. You did the right thing.

There is no way around how hard this is, but just keep telling yourself that. It's true.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

He's where he can get some help now.
Get a pet sitter for the dogs or board them in a kennel - that will be one less thing for you to worry about.
Can you have his mail stopped while he's away?
Or maybe have it sent temporarily to your house if you are worried about bills coming in that won't get paid.
That way you don't have to visit his house as often to check on it.
Your partner isn't sounding like she's being very supportive.
Try to calm down and find a local support group so you have someone to talk to.
He's getting some help now and that has to be a good thing.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

A., know you did the right thing. I have a sister I wish my parents had sent to a hospital for evaluation when she was younger, (they lived together, I wasn't there to know what was happening.) Now in her 50's she's pretty much learned how to manipulate the system, collect disability, not take her medication or participate in therapy, group or otherwise, or learn to live with others amicably. She gets upset if we say anything when she flips out, (I don't mean this in a derogatory way) because she's been allowed to behave the way she has for soooooo many years, but we are close to insisting she move on her own to a group home. She finally has mental health professionals in her life who are being more responsible in not letting her slide, but she's resisting all the way and not cooperating.

And, having lived in a city and now living so close to it, that had a fatal encounter between police and a man who was bi-polar, my hope is that every single person with mental problems seeks or is offered options for help.
(There's a Wikipedia article that gives a more in-depth account of what happened I chose not to cite because of a graphic picture of Mr. Thomas in the hospital. So if you look for it and read it be warned.)

I know you believe the hospital isn't doing anything, they are, if only observing him, which is a big part of their assessment. You need to take care of yourself, you're no good to anyone if you don't. Visit once a day, recruit someone to help with the dogs. I'll be praying for your whole situation.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

First, take a breath. Bi Polar Disorder is a very hard thing to go through. Not only for the patient, but for the family. Take a deep breath, cry it out, scream into a pillow .......let it all out, because you are going to need your strength for whatever may come. Put it all into perspective and know that he is where he needs to be to regain his mental and physical health. You are crazy out of your mind because he is still your baby no matter what and perhaps you feel you have failed him somehow. YOU HAVE NOT! You did the best thing for him at this time. He is not in control of his thoughts and emotions and you needed to help him in the best way possible and that was to admit him into the hospital. Know fully, that this was right. Do not torture yourself by thinking less of yourself or be frightened. Be prepared to stand on your own because mental illness frightens most people. Find a support group to help you cope. Is there any way you can take the dogs to your house? If not, kennel them or perhaps it's time to think of adopting them out. Mail can be re-directed, ask his post office. Something that may help you, as offensive as it may sound, is don't go see him. Go to the hospital, speak to the Dr's., get a handle on the care and meds they will give, but don't see him. Let him get on the way to better health and then see him. Psyche meds usually take about 2 weeks to a month to get into the system at which point you will see a new person and be able to handle the situation alot better.
My best friend in the world, had to commit her mother and I was there every step of the way, so my advise is sincere, heartfelt and honest. I advised her the same....not to see her mom while she was in treatment. Every time she did, her mom would either be completely disconnected from the world or spewing horrible things at her. My friend thought it was her duty as her daughter to suffer WITH her, but that only weakened her spirit, mind and body. I advised her not to do that because she would need her strength for whatever was to come. It wasn't until her mom was on meds and balanced that she was able to reconnect and establish a relationship and because she stepped away when she did, to find the strength and fortitude, she did not collapse herself. Put it in perspective A., do things 1 at a time and handle things the way they need to be handled(the visits, the dogs, the mail..etc) for your own sanity. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Athens on

Don't feel bad about getting your son the help he needs, even if he is upset withyou about it. Hopefully, when he gets clarity he will see that you did it with love, not malice.

Maybe you don't need to go to the hospital everyday. You might think that is being supoortive, but if he is just complaining and trying to convince you that he doesn't need to be there, then you shouldn't go. It will just torment the both of you. If he needs to be there, let him get the help.

Call and check on him on the days you can't go. Hang out with your partner. I am sure your partner can help with the dogs while you deal with your son. You can't do everything. Just do what you can.

Wishing you and your son peace.



answers from Salt Lake City on

A., I have no experience with what you're going through, so can offer no advice. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here praying for you and your son. I can only imagine how hard this must be! ((HUG))

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