I Am the One Percent (Or at Least I Feel like It)

There is no right or wrong set rules for who does what in a home or at work.

The person that enjoys a certain task, or the person that is better, or the person that gets their first. There are different reasons why a family member may be the one to take over the task.

Families are all about everyone helping to get it done. No guilt no explanations needed. I think you are very

I love to cook. My husband is a good cook, but it is not his passion.

I used to cook a lot more when I was single. My hubby is a picky eater and doesn't usually like what I make. He will not eat veggies and most of the dishes I make have a lot in them. When we first moved in together he would cook and I would do the dishes. When he started working a lot more I took up doing everything, he will help if I ask him though.
You shouldn't feel bad, it sounds like you both share in everything else. Besides things are changing from the Leave it to Beaver days.

Chuck the guilt! You've got it good...be happy!
My daughter's husband does 90% of the cooking in their home
and she has NO guilt! You could ask him if there's anything
more you can do for HIM, if it would make you feel better. ;)

"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

If it works for your family then it's GREAT!!!! My husband and I have switched "roles" several times in our 21 years of marriage. As a couple, we work to our strengths, whatever they may be at a given point in time. Sounds like you and your hubby have done the same. Therefore, I emphatically (and loudly) advise you to let go of the guilt. It serves nothing but to give you a world-class headache and indigestion!

You rock!

I seldom cook either. I work around 50 hours a week and have a 35 mile (each way) commute to work. My husband is like yours, a gourmet cook, and my son & family live with us, he is a trained chef. They would much rather do the cooking...they just give me the grocery list and I bring it home on my way in from work. Suits us just fine. On the rare occasion that it's my turn, I throw something in the crock pot or bring home a baked chicken.

Don't feel guilty, you and I are lucky. hehe I'd treasure that good husband of yours, let him know what a good team the two of you make with the household work and raising your daughter.

You do more than enough - it sounds like you have found your groove. Role reversals are always difficult cause that "SHOULD" sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear. Maybe when you hear that whisper, you can pretend to flick the should-monster off your shoulder :)

Hugs!

I want a cook! I would totally enjoy it. And you do more than enough.

Up until my forced unpaid maternity leave BEFORE the birth of my child ( my job pushed me from leaving 2 months before I was planning on it) - my husband was the main cook and dishwasher. We both worked (plus I went to school also) and I was the main caregiver for my daughter. I never felt guilty. When I was forced home during the last 2 months of my pregnancy... I let my husband (recently had our 1 yr anniversary but have been together 4 years total) know that I actually COULD cook, I just don't really like to. Now after the baby (3.5 months now), I'll cook 3 days he'll cook 2 days and the other 2 days we'll eat left overs or frozen quick food.

I've never felt guilty for not being the main cook, maid or organizer... being a main caregiver for your family is a hard job, very intense and stressful. Working in addition to being the main caregiver... I think it negates ANY house work for that person!!

Cute title.

Yup, that's me too. I wouldn't call my husband a gourmand, but he likes to cook more than I do, so he does it more. I, on the other hand, do everything else, so I don't feel guilty.

And my husband is a back-seat cook also, and I really don't want to put myself through that.

I think of it this way: if he had never married and had kids, he would still go to work every day and cook for himself, so he doesn't do anything right now that he wouldn't have done anyway.

I'm sure you have other talents.

well, I do do all the cooking, but I would LOVE to not have to cook. It actually stresses me out, because I put so much thought and effort into it, and then the kids turn up their noses.

hubby cooking wouldn't work well in our household for the simple fact that he's not home at predictable hours, and the kids need to get fed & to bed.

Hubby is a better cook than I am--but he is like a tornado in the kitchen--spices everywhere, all over the floor, water dripped all across the floor--dirty dishes everywhere, the packaging from the food on the counters. Still, if I only had to clean, I'd LOVE it!

Don't worry about what roles you are "supposed" to be doing--do what works for your family.

You are NOT foolish. It's hard when you have had a routine and enjoyed it - your job - and now you don't have it. This is a change in routine - you feel funky about it...it's the holiday's too - that doesn't help.

There are some women who cannot boil water - no exaggeration - they would burn the pan!! One my neighbors husband is a chef - she gave up doing all the cooking because like your husband - he would stand behind or beside her giving her suggestions - he does all the cooking now and doesn't mind!!!

You do what works for you and your family!! Don't worry about what I or anyone else does - you can take bits and pieces from us and do what works for you - but in the end - it's all about you and what works for you!!! Sounds like you have a balanced home in my opinion - it doesn't sound like your husband is complaining about doing the cooking...

Talk with your husband to find out if he's happy with things...does he feel slighted or used and abused? (smiles) I doubt it! :) tell him how you are feeling!! If you want to continue to be a SAHM - then start talking about it and set a routine...

It will be fine and all work out!!

Not all of the 1% has a cook. And plenty of 99%'ers have help in the house. Do you really believe in such cut and dried spousal roles? You hubby is a good cook and likes cooking. You have other talents. If you went into the hospital tomorrow,there would be a huge hole in the family that has nothing to do with cooking.

Don't sell yourself short. And stop feeling guilty. I'm a terrible cook too - my husband is a terrific cook and I can't compete with him in that department. I am not going to beat myself up over it, and you shouldn't either.

Dawn

Updated

Not all of the 1% has a cook. And plenty of 99%'ers have help in the house. Do you really believe in such cut and dried spousal roles? You hubby is a good cook and likes cooking. You have other talents. If you went into the hospital tomorrow,there would be a huge hole in the family that has nothing to do with cooking.

Don't sell yourself short. And stop feeling guilty. I'm a terrible cook too - my husband is a terrific cook and I can't compete with him in that department. I am not going to beat myself up over it, and you shouldn't either.

Dawn

I am not fond of cooking LOL. We force through the dinners and don't do anything fancy. My whole thought is why cook for an hour when everyone eats it in 10 min and have an hour clean up. My in-laws eat out every single meal except breakfast and have been for about 25 years. I am not sure I can do that...but We did go to a Resort Buffet for Turkey day because it just works for them and I guess for me.............but love home cook meals if someone else does it.

I hate cooking, too. I'm a pretty good cook (my mom is a trained chef, hard not to pick up a few pointers along the way :) but I just don't enjoy it. Honestly if I lived by myself, I'd eat cold cereal for dinner every night. I just don't care enough about eating to want to make a huge effort cooking. The Martha Stewart gene totally skipped me! As it is, DH and I trade off nights, so at least I don't have to come up with dinner EVERY night.

My suggestion is that you could plan out the meals with DH at the beginning of the week, you can do the grocery shopping, and help prep the ingredients. Every chef loves to have a sous-chef! That way you are still participating in getting the meal on the table so you won't feel guilty, and your DH who loves to cook will have a more fun time of it, too. That's what I do when we visit my parents - my mom would rather die than have me cook in her kitchen (it just kills her to watch me bumble through cooking, I think), but she loves it when I measure out the ingredients, put them in little bowls, chop the veggies, etc etc. Then she can swoop in and do her thing stress-free. It works for us - maybe will work for you, too?

I'm totally a non-cooking, non-traditional SAHM. I prepare all the meals when my kids' dad is not around without any input from him, but he almost always makes dinner when he comes home from work. For various reasons, that is our routine. Like your husband, when I cook while he is around, he is always meddling, turning down the heat on the stove when I'm not looking or adding other ingredients into the pot. If he cares that much about what's going on in the kitchen that he won't let me do it myself, I'm more than happy to leave him to it.

OTOH, I am completely in charge of paying all the bills. So in that respect I'm fulfilling a more traditionally masculine role, which perhaps can balance out his cooking dinner?

Well, I strongly Disbelieve in traditional male/female roles (and so does my husband) and yet, here we are! I cook, clean, mop, scrub, make the beds, do everything for the kids, do all the laundry, do all the grocery shopping, pay the bills, keep the books.... And he works--- ALOT! Most nights he's gone past 8 or 9 and works weekends alot too.
I don't enjoy cooking and cleaning at all, but he doesn't enjoy working... so we both do what we need to do to keep our family running. Someday I hope we will both work in jobs we love (I MISS working full time --- right now I work occasionally), and share the childcare and the housework 50%/50%. Right now we cannot afford to do that so this is the set up we have come up with that works for us. My husband knew when he married me that I was neither a fantastic cook nor enjoyed it. Every night there is dinner waiting for him but sometimes it is something to microwave from Trader Joes or it is something I have "made" from trader joes (which really doesn't involve alot of work). I do alot of things like Bertolli meals and don't stress out about it. I make a mean salad, fantastic stir fry, and wonderful cakes from scratch but that's about all I cook from scratch (except for baby food). And everyone seems happy with it!
Don't beat yourself up for not doing it if someone else is willing!

I just want to tell you that if I had someone who took care of the dishes and housework, I'd gladly let them cook. Don't get down on yourself for it.

The only reason I am the sole cook in the house (he does Gardenburgers and pizza from a box) is because I took on that role purposely. I really need more sophistication and variety in my food than what he's able to do. All that to say, I understand the role your husband has created for himself would encourage you not to feel bad about it. He could be less particular, too, right? :)

I'm a cooker. I always have been, my mother raised us that way. But I do need to branch out, and try new recipes. I think that is OK, if your husband is the cook. If you feel guilty about it, maybe you could try something small, baby steps, like cupcakes with your DD. That might make you like it!! I only suggest that, because you said you felt guilty, not that I think you need to do that. I think that is nice if that is the way you've worked it out in your house. Mom's need a break from all the chores we have.

I know how to cook, cook well, but I hate having to cook, does that make me the other 1% - lol. I do it because we get hungry and we have to eat. My husband isn't the greatest cook, so that puts me in another forced position to do it. He also enjoys eating, which is not good for me as well, lol.

The point is you don't have to feel guilty for not preparing food for your husband to come home and eat as the womanly thing to do, but you should feel guilty that if perhaps he comes home from work tired and hungry that you are not able to prepare a meal for him to make it thru the night. So I would learn to cook as backup but not because it's your womanly job!

You have a jewel of a husband, men cook so well when they enjoy doing it. If it's not bothering him then it should not be bothering you. Maybe as a surprise now and then you can bake a cake or make a pie during the day so dessert is ready after dinner.... that might help you fill that little gap youre feeling? Don't call and ask for advice on how to make it, just find some recipes and try to have fun making the surprise. It would probably be a good thing to let your kids see you making things now and then, they love to help too. It can be a team effort from all of you to show dad how much you appreciate him being the chef on a regular basis.

You're not alone. I don't know how, or like to cook. DH is better at it & enjoys it more. I really am not very domestic, to be honest. I hate to clean, decorate, etc, etc.

I do not cook either! We just had Thanksgiving here for 25 people and he loved it - got ideas online and from the Food Network. Was very excited about it. I would have been extremely stressed if it was all on me, but instead I cleaned and organized everything. On a regular basis he will come home and get dinner ready - I clean up afterward since he doesn't like to do that. I also am home early enough to assist the kids with their homework and take them to their afterschool activities. In addition, I do the bills so that is our balance. Works well for us - don;t worry! You are not alone... =)

I was the cook for the first part of our marriage, when cooking would happen. I enjoyed it, the kids were older, and our commutes were somewhat equal. Now we have a young child and he works from home. He cooks much more often, and I pick her up from daycare on my way home. He's now learned that he likes to cook and takes pride in his new skill.

It sounds like you are actually feeling like your role should be more traditional right now because you are out of work. I had a similar reaction when I was jobless. Also, maybe you are feeling "if I could just do all the SAHM stuff, I could keep doing this forever!

Don't know, but know you should skip the guilt. If he likes cooking, why take his fun away from him?

Updated

I was the cook for the first part of our marriage, when cooking would happen. I enjoyed it, the kids were older, and our commutes were somewhat equal. Now we have a young child and he works from home. He cooks much more often, and I pick her up from daycare on my way home. He's now learned that he likes to cook and takes pride in his new skill.

It sounds like you are actually feeling like your role should be more traditional right now because you are out of work. I had a similar reaction when I was jobless. Also, maybe you are feeling "if I could just do all the SAHM stuff, I could keep doing this forever!

Don't know, but know you should skip the guilt. If he likes cooking, why take his fun away from him?

As long as you're all managing to eat and have nutritious meals, I can't imagine why it matters who cooks them, esp if hubby enjoys cooking and is better at it. I had no idea that we were expected to have a hot meal on the table for our husbands. I'm not a farm wife. I'm not an at-home wife at all. Early in our marriage, we shared more of the cooking but I ended up as the primary cook, not because I was a woman and expected to put a hot dinner on the table, but because it was apparent that I was a better cook, I enjoyed it more and most of the time, I've been home from work earlier. I would never feel guilty about not fitting into the role of a 1950's housewife. I don't aspire to be that and don't feel that it's expected of me. I hope that you can let go of these expectations of yourself and not measure yourself as a woman against some outdated tv shows.

You can choose to stop feeling guilty. It just takes time to change a feeling.

Stop feeling guilty! In today's world there are no more set rules of who does which chores in the home. Some husband cook, some do dishes, some mow the lawn, some do the grocery shopping, some do minor repairs. And some don't! Same with the wives. In my home, I do all the lawn care, DH does the dishes. I do the minor repairs, DH does the grocery shopping. I take care of the kids and grandkids. DH helps with the housework/cleaning. We do share cooking duties also. Not both at the same time though. One day he will cook and another day, I cook. We have been happily married for almost 43 years and our system of household chores has always worked for us. BTW I have always been a SAHM while DH has always worked a full time job.

If your system is working with no complaints and everyone is happy, then what's the problem?

My SIL is a SAHM (can I fit any more acronyms into that sentence? Geez!) and my brother does all the cooking. Like your husband, he loves to cook and is quite the food snob (I mean that lovingly). For him, its realxing to cook dinner after working all day.